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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22787467">A Cliché of Fictions</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LozisLaw/pseuds/LozisLaw'>LozisLaw</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>South Park</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Kinky as Kinky Boots, M/M, One Shot Collection, So I shortened it, too many tags</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:14:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>86,668</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22787467</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LozisLaw/pseuds/LozisLaw</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A library of fics from the...*drumroll*... IMAGINATION, each chapter featuring a new story, with new POV’s and storylines, all surrounding the wild world of South Park.</p><p>Also, it's kinda- uh (*cough* kinky? *cough*), so you've been warned...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bebe Stevens/Wendy Testaburger, Christophe "The Mole"/Gregory of Yardale, Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Eric Cartman/Kenny McCormick, Eric Cartman/Wendy Testaburger, Gary Harrison/Trent Boyett, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Phillip "Pip" Pirrip/Damien Thorn, Token Black/Clyde Donovan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>291</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Ike’s new years resolution (Stan x Kyle)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Style is a part of every one shot in this collection, it just may not be the centre focus or mentioned. It’s always present though, because I said so.</p><p>When I had these ideas and wrote them, I wasn't really considering that they would be so kinky, but reading them now, and seeing comments, I realise they seriously are. Ha, so I'm embracing it, and be warned. (It's not really traditional kinks either, so don't read expecting S&amp;M and shit (maybe later?), remember it's actual stories here, just weird ones ;p)<br/>Also, this is not a kink meme, so just keep that in mind. It's just my super wacked out imaginationland.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ike has had enough of Kyle’s shit, and decides to confront him. Not face to face of course.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His parents didn’t know it was happening, as far as Ike could tell, and no one from school seemed aware it was happening, not even Kenny, who was their closest friend, but Ike knew. 

Nearly every day for the past year, Stan and Kyle have been having sex with each other after school. He usually knew it was going on from his room, because he could hear very conspicuous moaning and Kyle’s bed knocking against the thin walls dividing his and Ike’s room. And he knew it was Stan and Kyle, because who else would it be? Kyle didn’t bring home any girls, only Stan went into his room in the afternoons for what their parents must have interpreted as best friend’s hanging out. They were always too busy to hear or see anything, or care seemed like, but Ike wasn’t. 

He gave up trying to compete with Kyle years ago with extra-curricular activities, so now he stayed home all the time and secretly got high, silently watching Stan and Kyle’s relationship and trying to decipher any subtle changes they might have outside Kyle’s bedroom, like subtle looks and gestures and such, like holding hands or other couple stuff. Nope, they act like they always have, and unless they’ve been dating since they were 8 years old and they naturally act like that, they’ve otherwise maintained the same relationship of best friends, with a side of graphic gay sex.</p><p> </p><p>At one point he got so sick of hearing these revealing sounds while he was trying to read in peace, that he decided he would go and knock on their door, tell them to buy a gag for Kyle or shut the fuck up. He lost his drive when he realised, he was only 11 years old, and as far as his family knew, he was completely oblivious and innocent to the world of fornication and gay fornication. His family had no idea he knew more than what most 16-year old’s know about sex, if his own experience was to count. 

If he told Kyle he knew what was going on, Kyle would definitely throw a wobbly, beg and cry for Ike to stay quiet, maybe scold him for knowing and not saying anything before, and probably end up coming out to his parents, or something equally dramatic. Ike wasn’t exactly sure if his mom and dad were cool with the idea of their son being gay, but arguably the worst way to find out is revealing said son as gay and waiting for their opinions. 

Kyle’s probably angst over it for years now, had thought of every possible outcome, like his OCD ass does, so Ike was not concerned he would panic and be caught off guard about it.</p><p>He did worry about Stan though, because his parents were famously known for overreacting over things, and their sons gayness would certainly be no exception. Randy was a loose cannon, a dodgy grenade that could either stay dormant even when the key is pulled or explode even if it isn’t removed. The guy seemed to always be sensitive towards Stan and Kyle’s relationship anyway, maybe because he could see their destiny to end up together in the future or something, Ike doesn’t know. As he said, Randy was a loose cannon.</p><p>Ike doesn’t really know why he hasn’t broke the news to them that they aren’t secret from the rest of the world, maybe he wanted to keep the idea that he was still an innocent little boy, but that ship sailed when he was 5 and had an affair with his kindergarten teacher. To Kyle at least, who knew about the affair and kept it hidden. He doesn’t ever talk about, so Ike suspects it was wilfully forgotten, like a lot of things that happened to Kyle in his childhood. Maybe that’s why he ended up with Stan. 

They dealt through the shit together and associate each other with safety and comfort. Or maybe they were just such lucky soulmates that they ended up in the same town and dealt with the shit anyway. He didn’t even know if they were in a relationship, he never heard I love yous or any words like that while they were doing it, just moans and occasion crys about Stan’s perfect dick. 

Kyle went on for what felt like hours that day, crying out a whole speech about how well Stan’s dick felt inside him. It was traumatic, to say the least. It did at least answer the question burning in Ike’s head about who the bottom was. 

He always suspected Kyle, but didn’t want to dismiss his brother like that, even if a bottom wasn’t necessarily subordinate, as he’s been told.</p><p>He always did wonder though, if Kenny knew about it, or anything. Kenny was always their tag along, third wheel, whatever, so he’d expectedly know more to the situation than Ike did. That’s why Ike decided to call Kenny up one day while he was in town, kind of high, and kind of sick of the Stan and Kyle bullshit. It felt like years was going by and nothing had changed with anything, so what the fuck! 

He called Kenny and told him he couldn’t find Kyle anywhere, that he was probably at home, and Ike needed a lift home to talk to Kyle about something urgent. Ike was calling them out, with this seemingly genius plan he came up with wandering the streets with glazed eyes and loving smiles. This way he could assume the identity of an innocent 11-year-old boy in the company of a seasoned whore, who would know what’s up as soon as he heard noises, and finally dig these closeted fuckers out of their little sex den.</p><p>‘’Hey Bro-loski, need a lift?’’ Kenny called from his pickup ute he owned, Ike was walking on the sidewalk. 

Ike smiled, hoping his eyes didn’t look too glazed or revealing. He needed his act to stay clean. He didn’t even know why he was going to the effort, he could just slam their door open and be done with it, but he was so bored, and this made an interesting social experiment while he waited for his child body to grow up.</p><p>‘’Thanks Kenny. I really need to talk to Kyle. It’s school related, but suuuper important to me,’’ Ike said melodramatically. Kenny laughed.</p><p>‘’Man, you really are Kyle’s brother,’’ Kenny said. 

Ike shouldn’t have felt grateful to hear that, they weren’t biological brothers, but he felt like it was a compliment that they did their best to pretend they were. Ike stayed silent for the rest of the trip, not trusting himself to say something to spoil his plan, he had to be as childlike and innocent as possible here.</p><p>‘’Kay, here we are. You want me to come in see Kyle anyway?’’ Kenny asked, which Ike had been aiming for.</p><p>‘’Oh, yes, please. I think he’s lonely,’’ Ike said, maybe being a bit of a smartass, because he knew very well Stan was currently nailing him right now. He chose this day on purpose.</p><p>‘’Well, where’s Stan? He should be keeping him company,’’ Kenny said as they walked inside the house. Ike shrugged; he wouldn’t break now they were so close.</p><p>Ike rushed up the stairs, making sure Kenny was close behind him, and slowed down enough for Kenny to understand the sounds before Ike opened the door. 

He watched in his peripheral vision as Kenny made the transition of understanding. Just as he was about to open his mouth and warn Ike to stop, Ike threw the door open, letting the both of them see what Ike has had to hear for over a year now:</p><p>Kyle on his back, stark naked as Stan, also naked, hovered over him, driving himself into him as Kyle cried out and threw his head back, clutching the bedspread. 

Ike watched Kenny as his eyes bugged out in horror, covering his mouth. Stan and Kyle didn’t notice the door open with the two of them standing there witnessing them, if their continued fucking was anything to go by. 

Ike decided to up the ante.</p><p>‘’What is Stan doing to Kyle?’’ Ike asked innocently, confusedly. Kenny promptly grabbed him and pulled the door shut, hurrying him away from the room. Ike watched as Kenny breathed hard, his eyes still wide. He was actually oblivious, all this time, he didn’t know this was happening. Huh, weird.</p><p>‘’Um, they were just wrestling. You do that again as you get older,’’ Kenny tried to excuse, and Ike had to admit, if he really had no idea what was happening, he might’ve bought that lie.</p><p>‘’But Kyle shouted like he was in pain. Was Stan hurting him?’’ Ike asked faux innocently, blinking his eyes at Kenny. 

Kenny seemed seriously at a loss, and Ike was concerned he’d broken Kenny when he suddenly burst out laughing, doubling over. Ike was legitimately worried Kenny had gone insane from seeing that, because he switched from that slightly scarred shocked look to absolute hilarity in a second flat.</p><p>‘’What’s the matter?’’ Ike asked seriously, and Kenny seemed to regain consciousness again, beaming at Ike, seeming to remember his presence.</p><p>‘’Jesus, dude. It’s uh, nothing. They’ve just been wanting to wrestle each other for a long time, and other people said it wasn’t cool for people their age, so they didn’t. But they defied these people anyway, because they’re fucking Stan and Kyle,’’ Kenny said, and Ike was honestly impressed by the euphemism, and looked at Kenny a little different afterwards, like he was more mature than anyone. </p><p>‘’Well, I hope they enjoy it,’’ Ike said. Kenny chuckled.</p><p>‘’Oh I bet they are. I should go and congratulate them on defying their classmates and wrestling for themselves.’’</p><p>‘’Can I come?’’ Ike asked, because he wanted to see this exchange. Kenny’s eyes widened.</p><p>‘’I don’t know if Kyle will want you there for that, I think Ike. Some things must be between friends,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’But I wanna be supportive of my brother,’’ Ike whined, kind of seriously. Kenny looked massively uncomfortable, which was rare for him, as nothing ever bothered him or made him not make some lewd comment dirtier than the porno magazines Filmore showed him hidden up in his room.</p><p>‘’I’ll let them know you support them,’’ Kenny assured him, patting Ike’s head, which admittedly had grown taller over the summer, now he was only a head shorter than Kenny, who was like a tall lanky stick figure. 

Ike grunted and pushed Kenny’s hand off annoyedly, irritated this didn’t go the way he imagined. He expected to bust them then and there, stop their shenanigans once and for all and finally let Ike have some goddamn sleep in the afternoon when being a kid was just too fucking stressful man.</p><p>‘’I may as well get it over with now, huh,’’ Kenny said, glimpsing up the stairs as though he could see their passionate fucking through the walls, still going. Ike’s ears were now fine tuned to hear the sex noises, and he couldn’t fucking wait for Kyle to leave for college, or better yet leave himself.</p><p>‘’May as well,’’ Ike shrugged, now bored of this test, as he has been taken out of the nucleus, and it no longer revolves with him kept in the loop of this weird thing. He’ll still hear the sex, sure. Maybe he’ll just listen in when Kenny crashes their little party, find out the end to this story. May as well, now.</p><p>Ike followed Kenny up the stairs, making a beeline for his room as Kenny turned towards Kyle’s, hesitating before walking closer and touching the doorknob. 

Ike felt Kenny glance back at him as he went back into his room, but he didn’t look back, knowing it would make things worse for his brother if he had to explain anal intercourse to his seemingly innocent 11 year old brother who was only being told because they weren’t careful enough to reduce their volume at the height of a screaming orgasm. 

Ike shivers just thinking about it, but the idea is always there in his head, because what else is there to think about when his brain is subconsciously listening in to his brother taking his best friend’s dick? All Ike cares about knowing now, is what’s going to happen once Kenny exposes them. Freak out, hit him, cry, come out to their parents, threesome? It was arrogant of a respecting scientist to reject any possible theories before a conclusion and legitimate testing is supplied to the experiment. Ike always imagined Kenny would be open to the idea anyway, so it wasn’t out of the question, though Kyle was a prude. How he even liked sex, considering the titchy germaphobe he was, baffled Ike, especially when it was so hardcore to begin with. 

Maybe Stan brought out his wild side, which in that case, good for them, especially Stan, considering the years he dedicated to his brother and opened him up in a way his own family had never managed. If part of Stan’s reward for this was fucking his hard work, that was his business. Ike was happy for them, but not enough to stop Kenny from bursting their bubble, that shit was overdue.</p><p>Ike stayed at his door and peeked through to see as Kenny opened the door of Kyle’s room. 

Oh Jesus, he was just walking on in there, not even a courtesy knock. Ballsy, considering how frantic their reactions would be now, compared to if they’d had time to dress or whatever. Ike listened in, preparing for…</p><p>A scream. Kyle’s scream. Ike wasn’t surprised, Kyle was an overdramatic bitch. Stan didn’t react overly about anything, though Ike still expected him to be flustered. He still couldn’t see what was going on, but he could hear everything clear as day. Ike kept listening.</p><p>‘’Kenny, what the fuck!’’ Kyle screeched. Ike winced, feeling bad for Kenny. Kyle was a shitstorm when he was angry, and right now he seemed to be taking his anger in priority over his embarrassment. Calculated move, Ike figured.</p><p>‘'Dude, what the hell!’’ Stan said loudly. Ike assumed they were scrambling into clothes, covering themselves, under covers maybe. Ike wondered what Kenny was like right now, maybe watching them awkwardly, or grinning triumphantly.</p><p>‘’You beautiful best friends of mine,‘’ Kenny said. Of course he’s proud of their gayness, that was so Kenny. Ike snickered to himself.</p><p>‘’Kenny! What the fuck, oh shit. What are you doing here?’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Irrelevant. What matters is that you homos are together and didn’t even tell me. What’s up with that, you know I’d kill to know something like this?’’ Kenny said. There was a pause. Ike strained to hear anything, like a rustling of sheets. There was nothing, so he assumed they were frozen or something.</p><p>‘’Look, Kenny. We didn’t want anyone to know about it because, you know this town. It’s bad enough that our parents would have to know, but people at school, and this is a small town, everyone would know,’’ Stan said. Ike couldn’t exactly relate, but he knew they wouldn’t be entirely discriminated against, they would have allies. Surely they knew that.</p><p>‘’You could have at least told me. I’m hurt, you guys,‘’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’You won’t tell anyone about this, right?’’ Kyle asked.</p><p>‘'I guess not, if you don’t want anyone to know.’’</p><p>‘’Thanks dude. Jesus Christ,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’You guys are gonna have to do better to keep your noise down,‘’ Kenny said, and Ike made out his whisper, ‘’Ike saw you guys.’’</p><p>Ike winced, he was hoping to stay out of it during the screaming Kyle portion of the evening. Ike knew what was coming now, and he sighed and left his spot on the wall.</p><p>‘’What!’’ Kyle yelled, and Ike mentally prepared himself.</p><p>‘’What are you doing?’’ Stan asked. There was no response, and a few seconds later, Kyle burst into Ike’s room. Ike widened his eyes at how frantic Kyle looked, his hair was a frizzed out wasteland, his face was red with a mix of embarrassment and rage, and he was wearing only boxers and a t-shirt. And it was Stan’s shirt at that, Ike noticed upon inspection. 

Kyle stared at Ike, at first with anger, then the rage bled from his face and he just looked afraid, anxious. He exhaled heavily and broke the silence.</p><p>‘’So you saw- that?’’ Kyle asked, looking queasy. Ike nodded, sitting on his bed as Kyle stayed in the doorway. Kyle looked down.</p><p>‘When did it start?’’ Ike asked, meaning the relationship, not the graphic sex, and hoping Kyle understood what he meant.</p><p>‘’3 years ago,‘’ Kyle said, and Ike jerked in surprise, not expecting it to have been this long. He was, at least, glad they held out the sex for 2 years.</p><p>‘’Why did you keep it a secret? From us at least?’’ Ike asked, actually caring about this. He had been hurt when he realised this was happening, and Kyle didn’t fill him in. They used to be close. Kyle looked sheepish.</p><p>‘’We just didn’t want to have to deal with our parents. We hoped we could just tell them when we leave for college or something, so it wouldn’t matter if they didn’t approve of us. I’m sorry Ike, that you had to find out this way. I wanted to tell you,‘’ Kyle said, softly.</p><p>‘’Do you know how hard it is for me to keep pretending I have no fucking idea what’s going on? I could hear you guys fucking through the walls for over a year now,’’ Ike admitted. 

Kyle widened his eyes, surprised, but Ike expected that. Nobody knew how much Ike was capable of, and what he knew already about the world. Except maybe Firkle, but he was just a pot-smoking buddy, they never had reservations when they were high. Firkle would just go on about how much he liked spiders anyway, though it was pretty entertaining while stoned, and sometimes while sober.</p><p>‘’Why didn’t you say anything?’’ Kyle asked, coming forward, and sitting on the bed beside him. Ike shrugged.</p><p>‘’It was kind of embarrassing, having to confess that I knew you were taking Stan’s dick in the afternoons, and how much I heard from it,’’ Ike said.</p><p>‘’Fuck, you heard all that?’’ Kyle asked, and Ike grinned, now finding this funny.</p><p>‘’Oh God Stan. You’re the perfect length, width, everything. Fuck me back in time, so I can suck your cock all over again,’’ Ike teased, making his voice higher to replicate Kyle’s. He’d never seen Kyle’s face redder than it was right now, he could actually feel the heat radiating off him. He felt bad for a second, then remembered his own face a similar shade when he had to hear this vibrated through the walls between their bedrooms. Yeah, this asshole deserved it.</p><p>‘’Oh god. You’re a little bastard aren’t you?’’ Kyle glowered, but it wasn’t effective, he was way too embarrassed to pull his glare off. Ike shrugged again, grinning now, glad Kyle had to endure some of the embarrassment now instead. It was about time.</p><p>‘’Hey, aren’t you a little young to be this knowledgeable about sex?’’ Kyle asked. Ike smiled thinly, wondering if Kyle remembered.</p><p>‘’You’re talking to the kid who lost his virginity 5 years before you,’’ Ike said.</p><p>‘’Shit, Ike, don’t remind me. That woman was a pedophile, just so you know. You were basically assaulted, and way too young to know what was going on, or even recognise how unhealthy that relationship was,’’ Kyle said, lecturing. Ike rolled his eyes.</p><p>‘’Yes, yes, I know. Trust me I know,’’ Ike assured him. He didn’t brag about it, it was actually kind of embarrassing, but it gave him knowledge, which has now come in handy. Who knows how he would have acted if he heard noises from Kyle’s bedroom without a clue about sex, probably as dumb as he was acting to Kenny.</p><p>‘’Will you tell mom?’’ Ike asked, and Kyle sighed, and brushed his hand through his wrecked curls. Sex hair, it did not flatter him.</p><p>‘‘I guess I have to now,’’ Kyle said, staring out into space. Ike patted his knee, feeling like he needed some comfort. He’d probably get it better from Stan, and Ike wondered where Stan was now. Awkwardly making chat with Kenny while they spoke? As though he’d been summoned, a knock came to the door. Stan popped his head in.</p><p>‘’Hey, are you guys okay?’’ Stan asked, glancing at Ike. It’s not that he didn’t like Stan, he loved Stan, but he worried that he would hurt Kyle at some point, though that fear was dwindling as he saw Stan’s eyes and the emotion reflected through them to Kyle. Yeah, that kid loved him, without a doubt. Kyle smiled at Stan, held his arms out.</p><p>‘’We’re fine. I told Ike everything,’’ Kyle said as Stan knelt down to hug Kyle’s shoulders.</p><p>‘’So, I guess everything has gone to shit,’’ Stan said, muffled against Kyle’s hair in his face. </p><p>‘'No, I’m glad. I think I need to tell my parents,’’ Kyle said. Stan moaned and held him tighter.</p><p>‘’Okay,’’ Stan said. Ike stared at them cuddle without reservation, wondering if he could watch somehow and be a part of this bonus experiment of actually coming out to their parents. That would be exciting. Stan released from the hug and smiled down at Kyle, holding his cheek fondly. They smiled tiredly at each other, no doubt exhausted. They seemed to forget Ike was there, and that this was his room, because they darted in for a soft kiss. Ike coughed to get their attention, and they broke apart quickly.</p><p>‘’Sorry,’’ Stan mumbled, and Kyle snorted.</p><p>‘’Where did Kenny go?’’ Kyle asked.</p><p>‘'He left. I told him we could talk tomorrow, after things settle a bit. Though if we’re really doing this, he might have to wait,’’ Stan said. 

The day full of conveniences, they all heard the large booming voice of their mother as she entered the house on the bottom level. Kyle looked at Stan, then Ike, then Stan again.</p><p>‘'I guess there’s no time like the present,’’ Kyle said, standing up. Stan took his hand, and they walked to the door. 

Before they left Ike alone in his room, Kyle turned to him and smiled sheepishly.</p><p>‘’Hey,’’ Kyle said, and Ike looked questionably at him. Kyle grinned.</p><p>‘’Wanna come watch?’’ Kyle said, and Ike guffawed, and grinned back evilly.</p><p>‘’Fuck yes,’’ Ike said, hopping up and following them down to the bottom floor. Maybe Kyle knew him better than he thought.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The GLBT (Kenny x Butters) (Greg x Christophe) (Gary x Trent)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The blondes of the school join together to unite when everyone starts suspecting Cartman’s rants of their ‘evilness’ to be true.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Butters they attacked first. At first it was just snide comments and remarks in the cafeteria, something other kids had long ago learnt to ignore, and he was certainly no exception. Then he started getting shoved as he walked through the hallways in-between class, and he was cornered by Clyde, Kevin and Red at the back of the school and beaten up until he sported purple bruises on his left eye and cheeks. Kenny was the one who found him the next day.</p><p>‘’Butters! What happened!’’ Kenny exclaimed, taking Butters’ shoulders and tentatively touching his bruises. Butters winced, and looked down, nervously rubbing his knuckles.</p><p>‘’Aww, uh, it’s nothin’. It doesn’t matter,’’ Butters sadly said, avoiding Kenny’s eyes.</p><p>‘’Bullshit! Butters, seriously who the fuck did this to you!’’ Kenny asked, shaking Butters.</p><p>‘’Ahh- Clyde! A-and Kevin and those guys! Kenny- what are you doing?’’ Butters asked, widening his eyes at Kenny’s manic expression. Kenny cursed and paced away from Butters, intending to find Clyde right now and beat the shit out of him. He didn’t think people would actually go through with this, that they fell for Cartman’s bullshit again. But they did, and now this shit was happening.</p><p>Kenny found Clyde at his locker that day and went straight up to him and punched him in the face. Clyde fell to the ground, crying out and holding his face.</p><p>‘’Dude!’’ Stan and Kyle exclaimed simultaneously, standing beside him in the halls. Clyde stayed on the ground, looking up at Kenny now with shock.</p><p>‘’Why did you beat up Butters!’’ Kenny yelled, holding his fists at his sides.</p><p>‘’Blondes are evil, they spawn evil offspring who control our actions to service their own whorish needs!’’ Clyde said, holding his face.</p><p>‘’Why the fuck do you believe Cartman when he says that crap! Are you fucking retarded?’’ Kenny shouted.</p><p>‘’Kenny, dude. Chill out,’’ Kyle said, taking Kenny’s arm. Kenny violently shook him off, pissed off about this whole thing.</p><p>One week ago, Cartman infamously decided that all blondes were hell-spawn, and rallied the students to victimise everyone with a hair colour lighter than his own. Kenny knew it was because Cartman had been dumped again, and he blamed it on Heidi’s new hair colour, after she’d dyed her hair blonde and decided to finally get her head out of Cartman’s ass. Butters was the first case of physical harassment, but not the first to get comments. People went up to Kenny and called him names, a demon whore, whatever. He knew he wasn’t the only one getting attention from this thing, just the other day Tweek had a panic attack and ripped apart his shirt, claiming the school was out to get him, and he needed to shave his head or something, GAH!</p><p>Kenny punched Clyde’s face again and walked away, ignoring Stan and Kyle’s attempts to get his explanation, and hoping but knowing this shit wouldn’t be over.</p><p>**</p><p>2 weeks later, Gregory was called a demon fag and thrown out of the cafeteria with a busted lip and bloody face. Gary found him stewing in the halls at break and sat down next to him. Before Gary could say an encouraging word, Gregory spat blood and spoke up.</p><p>‘’Assigned to the loser halls, for the minor act of fucking asses and being blonde at the same time,’’ Gregory snarled, crossing his arms rather effeminately. Gary sighed, and patted Gregory on the back sympathetically.</p><p>‘’I know how you feel, Greg. Hopefully the others will start being more sympathetic to our situation. Don’t worry, things will get better,’’ Gary said cheerfully, mostly for Gregory’s sake. He wasn’t so sure himself. A good Mormon stayed positive though.</p><p>‘’Pssh, everyone’s fucking given up on Ayran’s like us, even our friends, partners have given up. Fucking Christophe won’t fucking talk to me anymore, because he doesn’t want them to start directing the attacks onto him. Fucking hypocrite dickhole sellout,’’ Gregory spat, wiping his mouth with his sleeve, smearing his blood onto his finely tailored shirt. Gary patted Gregory again, knowing he could say nothing to make it better, but being here for him would make all the difference, surely.</p><p>‘’I’m here for you. I’m not giving up,’’ Gary said anyway.</p><p>‘’Yeah, well. You don’t have a choice, do you? You’re fucking hell-spawn just like the rest of us, apparently. Which go-lucky fucker decided they were done fucking you, now that your blondness is suddenly a disease?’’ Gregory asked. Gary sighed again.</p><p>‘’Nobody. I wasn’t having relations in this school to begin with,’’ Gary answered carefully. Gregory seems to have seen through him anyway, because he smirked incredulously.</p><p>‘’Oh, so someone’s nailing you from the outside world, eh?’’ Gregory mocked. Gary was saved from answering that when Gregory scoffed loudly when he looked across the hall. Gary leaned forward and saw it: Christophe, staring at them from down the walkway, blowing smoke from his cigarette and glaring at Gregory. Gregory looked away again, and Christophe walked towards him. Gary gave Gregory a wide-eyed look, unsure what was about to happen, but Gregory didn’t offer anything but an eye roll, huffing intentionally as Christophe stood above them, fixing his gaze on Gregory in a scary, possessive way.</p><p>‘’Gregory,’’ Christophe said, his accent crisp and French. Gary had always admired it, as well as Gregory’s smooth British one. He still loved himself though.</p><p>Gregory turned his head further away from him and tilted his head up in a kind of snobbish way. Gary watched in silence, awestruck to this performance by the two most intense and dramatic people he knew.</p><p>‘’Fucking talk to me, Gregory,’’ Christophe said. Gregory huffed again, and Christophe growled. Gary yelped in surprise as he watched Christophe grab Gregory and roughly pull him up on his feet, seething in his face. Gregory seethed too, and promptly punched Christophe in the face, making him double over and wipe his cheek, which started bleeding at the hard hit. Gregory breathed hard as Christophe spat his own blood onto the ground. Gregory must have quite a punch.</p><p>‘’Easy guys,’’ Gary warned, but they both seemed unconcerned as Christophe stood back up and grabbed Gregory hard, pulling him close. Gregory growled menacingly.</p><p>‘’You fucking ashamed of me, Christophe, eh? Does my fucking demon hair gross you out, huh, too much of a fucking pussy to tell me you don’t wanna risk your fucking reputation to keep talking to me, let alone fuck me!’’ Gregory yelled. Christophe pulled him closer, looking like he could rip Gregory’s throat out in anger, and Gary was about to warn him to calm down, but instead of hitting him, Christophe kissed him.</p><p>‘’You’re a fucking idiot. You really think I care about ‘ze cocksuckers in ‘zis school? That’s only you, fucking brit,’’ Christophe snarled. Gregory kissed him again, rather violently, Gary thought, before he realised, they were getting intense right now, and his stay was probably over welcome. Gary got up and walked away, hearing a crash of lockers, but instead of them fighting again when he looked around, they were making out against the lockers, Gregory was climbing Christophe and pulling his hair, hard it seemed. Gary kept walking, knowing it was none of his business, but he pulled out his phone and dialled a number.</p><p>‘’Hey, how are you doing?’’ Gary asked when the number picked up.</p><p>‘’Who cares. No one’s fucking with you, yeah?’’</p><p>‘’I’m fine, Trent. I’m more worried about the others right now, everyone is taking it pretty bad, I don’t know how to help more than just, moral support.’’</p><p>‘’You’re good at that. Ya helped me, anyways,’’ Trent said. Gary sighed.</p><p>‘’This thing hasn’t extended past South Park high, right? You don’t have any trouble with bullies?’’ Gary asked.</p><p>‘’Gary, I’m the bully. I don’t get bullied,’’ Trent said.</p><p>‘’You don’t try to be though. That’s what we’re working on, remember,’’ Gary reminded him.</p><p>‘’Yeah yeah, people don’t seem to think that though. They see me and think I’ll shank them for their lunch money, or I don’t know. Frame me for lighting a teacher on fire, because I so look like I’d do that,’’ Trent said sarcastically.</p><p>‘’We’ve talked about this. You need to find a better place than revenge. You get to come back to school soon if your good behaviour stays like it is now. It’s pretty exciting if you think about it optimistically!’’ Gary said, getting excited despite everything trying to kill his smile.</p><p>‘’I think I need another session of therapy. Can you come around?’’ Trent asked.</p><p>‘’Sure, Trent. I’ll see you soon,’’ Gary said.</p><p>‘’Bring the lube this time.’’ </p><p>‘’Trent!’’ Gary exclaimed, blushing. He heard snorts of laughter, then the phone hung up. Gary sighed again, just wondering how things might get better for the oppressed students at school. It’s true that Gary hasn’t been a direct victim of harassment yet, he’s had remarks anyway, but that’s nothing to involve Trent Boyett in. He wouldn’t want Trent to have another source of anxiety affiliated with this school, it was hard enough to coach him into not actively despising South Park as a town, but they’re getting there. Gary loves him enough to try anyway.</p><p>**</p><p>Pip, surprisingly, was the last holdout on the struggles the blonde boys of the school endured. Usually he was the first, but maybe they just needed to defeat the others first. The girls harassment was weirdly less serious than the boys, considering that this all started with Heidi and her dyed blonde hair. Oh, and breaking up with Cartman of course.</p><p>Unfortunately, his case was also the worst, to the point where everyone was believing Cartman’s spirited rants in assembly, and suddenly anyone with light hair was cast out of society, dumped into the halls during breaks to wander like ghosts. Pip noticed the boys more than the girls who were thrown in the halls, mostly because some of them were usually tough, but they looked defeated. Kenny was one of them, and Pip was the most surprised to see him here, because he was meant to be one of the popular ones, friends with Cartman and Stan and those lads, usually part of the rebellion to fight discrimination, there was no rebellion here, everyone had given up. Pip was giving up too, used to resignation to bullies. </p><p>Everyday now was sitting the halls, each group of friends forming splinter groups, sitting in designated spots. The girls pooled together, Bebe and Annie and those others, all quietly vengeful, quite mean to the boys out here, as though they were the ones who caused this rupture in the school. Which wasn’t very fair. Kenny and Butters sat together, huddled in the corner, seemingly lost into each other, which was quite sweet. Pip someday wished for something resembling that comfort. Gary usually made his rounds to every group, being quite supportive. At the moment he sat with Tweek, seeming to try talking to him as Tweek shook violently into his coffee cup. Gregory was lounging around the end of the hall with Christophe, who might be the only person who still speaks to the blondes, though he only talks to Gregory, and occasionally makes out with him where they sit. Pip can’t recall Christophe socialising with anyone else even before the segregation at school, so he supposed it made sense.</p><p>Pip sat by himself, but as he made his way to his deserted corner in the hall,  he observed everyone who’d been outcast like him. He was still an outcast here, even in these uncertain times, his status had not changed. It was a bit tiring, the one thing he’d hoped was that people would forget the social hierarchy for a moment and band together. He still believed they could- maybe.</p><p>‘’This is such bullshit!’’ Kenny yelled out to the hall, but no one was startled. Kenny had been saying this for almost a week now.</p><p>‘’Ken, it’s fine. I’ll bet people will come to their senses soon enough,’’ Butters said, tugging on Kenny’s ankle. He was resigned too, a sad kind of hope lost with him that was rare, Butters could usually be counted on as an unflappable optimist. Pip watched this with interest, though these sort of outbursts weren’t new. Nobody fought back anymore, the whole school hated them. All fooled by the horrible Eric Cartman. Even the ones who weren’t didn’t bother to fight him. He just had too much power now for it to make a difference.</p><p>Kenny gave Butters a pained look. Butters beatings were frequent and the worst out of everyone’s. his face was purple and busted up, and his arms were covered in bruises. Pip only had cuts on his lip from mean kids tripping him over, and a black eye. Bradley punched him for walking into their class on accident.</p><p>‘’Well, what do you propose we do?’’ Gary asked, turning to Kenny across from him.</p><p>‘’I don’t know. Go up to Cartman and punch his fucking lights out in front of everyone,‘’ Kenny said angrily. Gregory scoffed loudly, earning everyone’s attention. He was casually leaning against Christophe as Christophe looked out into nothing, smoking a cigarette.  They looked very cool and don’t-carish, which Pip had figured over the years was catamount to popularity. These two didn’t seem popular anyway, it’s just like they naturally did that. Gregory looked over to them, sneering openly.</p><p>‘’You really think attacking their leader is going to help our pathetic cases? Those dogs will gang up on us, and only think further that we are the animals they have painted us as,’’ Gregory said.</p><p>‘’So, what? We’re just gonna hang here for the rest of high school, rejected by people who were supposed to be our friends? Fuck that!’’ Kenny exclaimed, Butters flinched as he yelled. Pip felt for him.</p><p>‘’Oh Jesus. They’re coming for us aren’t they- AHH! This is so much pressure. I can’t take this,’’ Tweek said, chattering where he sat, and Gary had to take him in hand to stop him from attempting to rip his hair out again. There had been an incident. It was bloody, but Tweek managed to get half of his wild locks out before someone held him like a straight jacket until he was sedated. That day had been one of the worst, for the blondes. They all remembered vividly.</p><p>‘’Maybe we should be separated from them,’’ Pip piped in loud enough the make them all turn to him. He froze when he realised he’d spoken his thoughts just then, but no one was telling him to shut up- so maybe he could keep going?</p><p>‘‘I mean. The others don’t like us anymore. Maybe we should embrace that we’ve only got each other now, and I don’t know. Make the most out of it,’’ Pip said, shrugging as though he was just throwing out a random idea, though his heart was hammering. He’d thought about this a lot.</p><p>‘’What do you mean?’’ Gary asked, looking at him, curiously. Pip took that as a good sign.</p><p>‘Well, maybe we could show them we are fine on our own, with each other. Let them know that we can make the most of this situation, and turn it in our favour,’’ Pip suggested.</p><p>‘’I like it. We can show those pussies we’re not going to fucking take any more of ‘ze bullying,’’ Christophe said.</p><p>‘’What are you talking about? You’re not blonde, you aren’t being bullied,‘’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’Any pain Gregory endures, I endure also,’’ Christophe simply said, and Gregory smiled at him. Everyone looked away with mild disgust when they started tonguing again. It was getting old, and becoming the only thing to look at out here. That was another reason this should be done. They wouldn’t have to watch this showcase all the time. It was actually insulting, to those who were in a relationship before the events unfolded, and now no one else had contact with anyone but those with blonde hair. It was insulting that Christophe seemed to be the only person without their head up their ass, willing to still talk to the blondes. Not a single person spoke to the blondes now. Even the teachers were starting to ignore them. Things had to change, this sitting the hall was degrading. Pip was used to it, but it was humiliating that these others had sunk to his status over this ridiculousness.</p><p>‘’We should do it. Pip is right,’’ Gary said. Pip smiled at him, relieved, and he gave a warm nod back. It was so nice to be treated with respect.</p><p>‘’How though?’’ Butters asked. Kenny still looked like he wanted a fight, but eventually sighed and cuddling around butters again.</p><p>‘’Maybe we could start a club? For blondes or something,’’ Pip suggested.</p><p>‘’Ha, yeah. And while we’re at it we can suck each other’s cocks, since the idea of that is so gay, we should go all the way,’’ Gregory said, apparently not kissing Christophe anymore. Pip went red, his confidence squashed again. It made sense, they usually didn’t listen to him this long.</p><p>‘’Clubs are pretty gay,’’ Kenny pointed out.</p><p>'‘I really like that idea!’’ Butters said cheerfully. Pip cheered up, glad Butters supported him.</p><p>‘’Of course you would,’’ Gregory mocked. Kenny glared at him, pretty ironic, because he’d just agreed with him. Pip didn’t point this out.</p><p>‘’What would we do in this club?’’ Gary asked. Pip didn’t consider this, he just liked the idea of belonging somewhere with people of similar conditions. He just imagined them talking, like they were right now, but in a library or proper room where they could sit and face each other.</p><p>‘’Support each other,’’ Pip said in the end, because that was the basic idea he had in mind, it didn’t matter the activities in the meantime, because in the end it all meant this, and Pip was sure they could survive like this.</p><p>‘’I think we should do it. Groups always help people going through struggle, with like-minded individuals,’’ Gary said.</p><p>‘’Yeah! I think it’ll be great. I’m in,’’ Butters smiled. He turned to Kenny. ‘’How about it Ken? It’ll be fun,’’ Butters chirped, hugging Kenny’s shoulder. Kenny sighed.</p><p>‘’Ok fine. Let’s start a gay little club. What the fuck do we have to lose now?’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’Gah- I’m in too,’’ Tweek groaned out. Everyone turned to Gregory, because he’d become the last holdout. He looked scandalised, and Christophe nudged him.</p><p>‘’Do it. Give ‘ze Americans their little win,’’ Christophe said.</p><p>‘’Fine. I’m gay, what the fuck does it matter if they call us fags. All of you are gay too anyway. We may as well start a fruity little club to commemorate it,’’ Gregory said. The accusation wasn’t an uncommon thing, but everyone glanced at each other and realised he was right. Kenny, Butters, Tweek, Gregory. They were actually gay. Pip wasn’t sure about Gary, but Gregory seemed to know, so he must have some knowledge they didn’t.</p><p>**</p><p>They ended up making their official meeting place in the empty room at the back of the library. They were allowed to use it at the discretion of the librarian, who was another blonde, and sympathised their cause. They asked everyone who’d been sent out into the halls if they wanted in, and only Bradley accepted, the girls laughing at the notion, and the other blonde boys afraid of being associated with the gay boys.</p><p>A month had passed, and no improvement to the school situation, but it was easier to manage with the group, who empathised and had each other’s backs. They called themselves the ‘Gay Little Blonde Teens’, or GLBT, at Kenny’s suggestion and meet everyday instead of loitering the halls at breaks. The group had become something of friends, and Gary came out to them, introducing his boyfriend Trent, who had been able to come back to school. Both Kenny and Butters nearly pissed themselves when they recognised him, but to their surprise, he was completely chill about the whole thing, and Kenny widely suspected Gary playing a part in his sudden change of heart. Trent joined the club, returning to school at the worst possible time for him, so only had one option anyway as to where to go.</p><p>Christophe joined their meetings sometimes, not officially part of the group due to the specific qualifications required: being blonde and gay. But he hung out there anyway, mostly around Gregory, who had believe it or not become a dedicated member, with the most commitment to their cause.</p><p>School was still shit, and everyone thought of blondes as diseased and devil-spawn now, but they didn’t care anymore. In some ways, this epidemic had revealed to them who they could count on, which apparently wasn’t their so called friends. It was the gay blonde boys, as crazy as it sounded, they understood what everyone was going through, and supported everyone until the pettiness of the other students didn’t even reach them. This segregation might last for a long time, or a short time, but it won’t last forever. They know this, and they know they will have normal lives again, but for now, having each other is a nice substitute, and they know they will have each other after it’s over too.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. That slut who fucks the football team (Wendy x Cartman)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just another day in the lives of cheerleaders</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Red is fucking half the football team, again. She usually limits herself to one or two guys that are actually straight, but she recently got dumped, and she tends to act like a total slut when her heart gets broken. She’s a really attractive girl, Wendy knows the boys line up for her to use them like tissues, but she’s been bad recently. She and Bebe would discuss it together during cheerleading practise at break. Bebe has hypothesised Red’s inevitable pregnancy before senior year, and she’s probably right, but Wendy likes to think optimistically, kind of queasy with the possibility that it could happen, Red could have a kid at 17 just because she likes to torture herself by not demanding her long string of fuck buddies to wear condoms.</p><p>The team meets every Monday and Thursday break for practise, and Friday afternoon to rehearse on the field before the weekly football game. Cheerleading has become a large part in Wendy’s schedule, and she’s actually glad she’s not dating anyone, because then her studies might suffer in order to accommodate a boyfriend into her busy life. She’s already planning for Yale, and she knows that she has to give her complete concentration, participate as many extra-curricular’s as possible, and maintain a safe attitude towards sex and relationships. Meaning she’ll date in college, if she has time. She’s not concerned. She only ever had a serious relationship when she was young, with Stan, when she actually had free time in between school. And he’s long gone now, now in a predictable romance with Kyle, as if anyone didn’t see that coming years before. It burns Wendy’s ass still, if only for the fact that Stan left her for the only person who could compete with her intellect, and usually does compete with her in class, so ferociously sometimes that Wendy suspects it’s in vengeance or something. She’s over that drama anyway, and glad to dedicate her time to getting into her first choice school.</p><p>Nearly everyone on the cheerleading team seems to be in a steady relationship except Wendy, and sometimes it’s annoying, when what should be a serious practise it disrupted by boys watching them and flirting with their girls, ogling their asses when they stretch and warm up. It’s just like a huge pre-fucking fest, like peacocks flaunting their feathers, though it’s the females in this case. It’s sick, that this legitimate sport is fetishised, for the boys pleasure, but she tries to make it as respectable as possible. Very hard to achieve, as it turns out, because the cows uniform in itself is a skimpy top with a mini skirt that hikes up the girls thighs at a ridiculous length. Wendy can basically see the boys salivating when they perform, doing flips and splits that can be associated with stripper moves. She doesn’t completely hate cheerleading for it’s degradation, it can be empowering in some ways, but the whole thing recently just felt like it was taunting her for being single for a consecutive 5 years. It actually has pretty good extra-credit points to it for college applications, especially if you can say you’re the captain, which Wendy just happened to be since fourth grade.</p><p>They had their regular Thursday practise session in the gym at break. They usually started with routine stretches, which was orchestrated by Lola, who was the most flexible and their seasoned gymnast. After about 10 minutes of this, they started with their first chant, which featured introducing each of the girls to the audience with a personalised mini performance by each of them. Wendy recalls a similar routine from when she was young, and a lot of prejudice about girls introducing themselves that occurred. That was mostly gone now, though it would be a lie that some girls attracted more cheers than others. Poor Lisa was still being subjected to being singled out, the short lived success of photoshop failing as they grew up and the idiots of their grade finally realised how fake it was. Wendy still tried where she could, to give Lisa a little more confidence, but she was more of a long term project than something that could be immediately fixed, speaking from experience.</p><p>‘’Cheer squad roll call!’’ Wendy shouted in the rehearsal, waving her Pom poms to the first girl to speak in their formed line.</p><p>‘’Heidi!’’ A jump in the air.</p><p>‘’Nicole!’’ An arm shake.</p><p>‘’Bebe!’’ A spin in the air.</p><p>‘’Lola!’’ A back flip.</p><p>‘’Red!’’ A side pose with a kiss blown to the audience.</p><p>‘’Annie!’’ A mid air split.</p><p>‘’Lisa Burger’’ A modest wave of her Pom poms.</p><p>‘’And I’m your captain, Wendy!’’ Wendy cheered, doing a jump and wave mid air, shaking her Pom poms about.</p><p>They did this routine every event, to get the crowd going and encouraging them to cheer and be loud, especially at the infamous Friday football games. Wendy liked performing there, attending the game, it was a nice break from her study, and she made sure to take in as much as she could. She wasn’t worried about exerting herself, she was fine, great, so close to getting ready to apply for early entry at Yale. She needed no distractions from it. Of course the girls never made this easy. Every day there seemed to be a new drama going on, about Red and her endless hoard of boy toys, Nicole’s envied relationship with Token, Heidi’s empowering marches on domestic abuse, which Wendy attended whenever she could. Annie’s struggle with her parents, and an apparently fucked up father situation that no one has the balls to ask about, and Bebe’s recent hoarding problem. She buys shoes and stacks them up in her closet, never wearing any of them. She does get them for free though, so Wendy can’t say she’s going broke by wasting her money, as far as she knows, Bebe flirts with Clyde, cosies up with his dad, and gets a new pair, weekly. She’s not a whore, Wendy refuses to believe that, she just uses what she knows how to get what she wants. It’s not entirely her fault either, Bebe’s been put on a pedestal for her stunning looks since they were kids. Wendy still blushes when she thinks about her pathetic attempts to compete for the boys attention back then. Never has a plan of hers failed so spectacularly, even with the photoshop debacle.</p><p>So their practise that day goes over swimmingly enough, for that crew at least. Or maybe not. One of Red’s consorts came crying to her in the middle of their set, blubbering about how they found out she was cheating on them. It was very awkward, because apparently this boy was unaware of the situation, and Red had to explain it to him, in front of all the other girls, that they were nothing more than fuck buddies, maybe acquaintances with benefits. Not even the courtesy of friends, Wendy noticed as Red put it that way. The boy ended up slinking away in embarrassment, and Red promised to come talk to them later about it. Code for fucking, as Red let the girls know once the boy was out of hearing distance. Wendy had seen him around before, something like Toby, was his name. He mixed into the crowd easily enough to forget. Really though, he was lucky to even get with Red in the first place, she was a grade older. No matter that she was letting anyone right now use her as a come bucket. But yeah, other than that, the practise went pretty well.</p><p>Their next meet was the Friday of the big game, and their rehearsal was down on the field. They’d be spending the rest of the day here, to get the football team into high spirits in preparation, and for the early spectators who were obsessed enough to watch the team drill a good few hours before the game. It was a quite large amount that turned up early, though really, that wasn’t a surprise, this town survived on its love for manly sports. It was sick.</p><p>The football team trained beside the cheerleaders rehearsal, and Wendy grunted with annoyance every time a boy fumbled the ball or missed a tackle because they were staring at the cheerleaders. A few focused on Red, and she gave them seductive smirks and winks when she caught them staring. Wendy was tempted to bitch slap those boys into concentrating, or maybe Red herself. They were playing serious sports here, there was no time for this.</p><p>Class ended, as they heard the school bell ring, and Wendy knew kids would be streaming down to the field, preparing for the game, and bagging good seats to watch. Things got a bit hectic before game time when class ended, most of the cheerleaders seeming to think they could have a break to chat with the crowd. They’d just completed their next set when the football team took their break before the game started. Wendy nearly audibly growled when Bebe flirted with them as they passed, calling them hot boy meat.</p><p>Token walked past, stop in his tracks to give Nicole a kiss that all the girls groaned at. They rubbed their perfect relationship in everyone’s faces every moment they could squeeze in. Not everyone knew that they’d only gotten together in the beginning because of a racist plot by Cartman. And speaking of the lard of pitiful existence. Cartman loomed over Wendy from behind her, and Wendy bristled immediately, already seeing his sneering smile and potential sadistic comment about the cheerleaders being sluts or some shit.</p><p>‘’Well, well, Wendy. You’ve come down to cheer me on. Sick of using your own vibrator to get off anymore, so you came over to spread your legs to the whole school tonight?’’ Cartman said. Wendy turned around to defend herself, already seething. Cartman was in the football uniform, a defence man for the team. It was admittedly better looking than when he was younger, probably due to joining the team, and losing some of that flubber and turning it into thick muscle. Wendy was disgusted by it, and herself.</p><p>‘’Fuck off. I’m captain of the cheerleading squad, of course I’m supporting the team- except for you,‘’ Wendy snarled.</p><p>‘’Whatever ho- I carry the team on my shoulders. Without me, this would be a gay boy flower club, led by your hippy fag of an ex. Look at that- sick! That’s what the team would be if I wasn’t leading them,’’ Cartman said. He pointed to the distance, where Wendy turned to see Stan, in his football uniform, currently tonguing Kyle with ferocity. Kyle was red, but so obviously loving that attention. Wendy nearly gagged. She was so sick of them rubbing their relationship in her face too. Everyone seemed to be doing it right now, except for Cartman, because what 2 cents whore would sleep with him, let alone date him? Heidi did it once, when they were kids, and she lost her whole identity, now she focuses on charity and helping everyone else in the world. It’s respectable, how she improved herself after that debacle.</p><p>‘‘I wish they wouldn’t be so public about it,‘’ Wendy muttered, mostly to herself, but she wasn’t surprised when Cartman responded.</p><p>‘’See, that’s the kind of limp-wristed fags that are on the team. They’d probably be having regular orgy’s in the locker rooms if I didn’t forbid that nasty shit,’’ Cartman said, looking back over to Stan and Kyle. Wendy looked too, they were now whispering to each other, their foreheads knocked together, and they were honestly showing off more than Nicole and Token. Wendy didn’t know why Cartman was still in front of her, but weirdly she didn’t want him to leave right now either. He seemed like the only person here who shared her disgust for these lovey-dovey couples flaunting and making out in front of everyone.</p><p>‘’Don’t you wish they’d just get a room and leave us alone with their proclamations of gayness?’’ Wendy asked, mostly rhetorically. She hadn’t ranted to anyone about this, not even Bebe, who wouldn’t understand. The girl was dating Clyde, she didn’t exactly have an open mind.</p><p>‘’Does it get your panties in a twist that you turned your boyfriend gay- and for the Jew no less?’’ Cartman asked, and Wendy was about to punch him for that, turning what was beginning to resemble a decent conversation to more insults and accusations.</p><p>‘’You’ve probably got a boner for Kyle- that’s why you hate them so much,‘’ Wendy sneered, trying to fling his insults back, though she was missing some of her usual strength.</p><p>‘’Ha! Bitch, please, do you see me and think this mound of man likes nailing dudes? As fucking if- I’ve fucked more girls than even you dear Wendy,’’ Cartman said. Wendy huffed, still shocked about that possibility. That some younger girls were so stupid as to let Cartman bed them? He’d have to be obscenely good to get past that atrocious personality alone. It was the football, she knew, the girls who were more impressed with his football skill than his actual person.</p><p>‘’Whatever. You’re just way more engrossed in their relationship than I am,‘’ Wendy said, lying, because no one thought about it more than her, probably not even Stan and Kyle.</p><p>‘’Lying hurts jesus, Wendy,’’ Cartman said, disgustingly innocently. ‘’C’mon, you’ve lost the most out of this atrocity, don’t pretend it doesn’t bother you that Stan prefers fucking ginger asses than your gaping whore hole’’ Cartman said.</p><p>‘’You’re a fucking sicko dickhole. No one cares that you love tormenting gays, so fucking what? That makes you a small faction in a large number of groups who think the same discriminatory thing, and guess what? None of you are special, no one cares what you think about it. They aren’t stopping what they’re doing just because you throw a hissy fit over it and bawl your eyes out. So fucking leave me alone about it,‘’ Wendy shouted, shaking her Pom poms into Cartman’s face.</p><p>‘’Hey, I’m very supportive of gays being gays, for your information, bitch. But it’s still fucking gross when a couple tongues each other like they do. I’d have thought you would understand that, since you’re so sick of it yourself,’’ Cartman said.</p><p>‘’Then why are you always harassing Stan and Kyle with their relationship?’’ Wendy asked.</p><p>‘’Why are you so involved in their relationship, huh? You can’t say your intentions are any cleaner than mine,’’ Cartman said.</p><p>‘’Because it fucking sucks- okay? You don’t think it pisses me off that I wasn’t good enough to compete with the amazing Kyle Broflovski, both in school and in a relationship,‘’ Wendy admitted, yelling.</p><p>‘’Hey, I get it okay? I hate the Jew even more than you, trust me I know,’’ Cartman said.</p><p>‘’Just ugh. Go get ready for the game. I’ve got a fucking squad to lead here,‘’ Wendy said, pushing Cartman away.</p><p>‘’I’ll find you after the game. To resume our debate or course,’’ Cartman said, smirking. Wendy rolled her eyes, not thinking that would really happen. Cartman was just full of shit.</p><p>He walked away, back to the team, which was now heading back onto the the field for the start of the game. Wendy didn’t realise she’d been talking to him that whole time, and she wondered if he did.</p><p>The opposition of the night, North Park, South park’s sworn enemy, just like everyone else. The cheerleaders started their first cheer cry, the squad role call. The crowd was buzzing and cheering already, firstly distracted with the cheer squad before kick off. Red was the hit of the night, apparently she had a plethora of boy fans planted into the audience, and the kiss blown to them drove them all crazy. Granted it was good in a way, they were getting attention, but it wasn’t in the most ethical way. Wendy tried her best to stay on schedule with their plan anyway. The game began, people were less enthusiastic about watching them than the game. They were only there to encourage cheering after all. Wendy saw glimpses of the game, the boys running and catching the ball from down the field, though it was hard to see them clearly from Wendy’s position. They did a special cheer whenever South Park scores, and an encouraging cheer whenever the opposition scored. By the end of the game, everyone was drunk in the stands, the cheer squad was exhausted, and the game ended with South Park on top, 28-14. The stands exploded with cheers, the adults drunk off their asses. This game seemed to be just an excuse to get shit-faced. The team was surrounded by spectators, cheering them on and congratulating them. The cheer squad finished the night off with one last victory cheer, congratulating the team and the audience, and the girls proceeded to split up to find their respective boyfriends and do whatever obvious thing teenagers did on Friday night after football games.</p><p>Wendy went to get her bag, planning on heading home to get an early start on her homework, but she was pulled back by someone grabbing her arm. She turned, partly in surprise and annoyance to find it was Cartman, smiling evilly at her.</p><p>‘’Hey bitch. We won. You gonna suck my dick as a reward?’’ Cartman asked. Wendy ripped her arm out of his grip, and continued walking, trying to maintain her dignity. She was ready to start punching if he said anything like that to her again. She was so not in the mood right now.</p><p>‘’Wait!’’ Cartman said hurriedly, and Wendy turned back to him in surprise. She wasn’t used to him sounding so genuinely desperate.</p><p>‘’What?’’ Wendy said. Cartman looked sheepish.</p><p>‘’Wanna go for a ride? I got a new pick up truck, for my birthday,’’ Cartman said, sounding about six years old, especially ridiculous wearing a bulky football jersey. Just as ridiculously, she hadn’t immediately recoiled and walked away, was actually considering going with him. She sighed, resigned.</p><p>‘’Fine. Don’t put on any crappy gang music you like,’’ Wendy said, walking towards the car park. Cartman seemed at a loss, and Wendy had to look back around to see that he was seemingly frozen in place, staring after Wendy.</p><p>‘’Well? You coming?’’ Wendy asked, mildly amused by this change in behaviour. He shook out of his trance, and hurried next to her. They walked through the car park silently. Wendy looked around at everyone buzzing around, and Cartman looked down. Wendy laughed and nudged Cartman’s elbow when she saw Stan and Kyle making out against Stan’s car. Cartman seemed unfocused, and didn’t remark on them. Wendy was just getting unnerved with his weird behaviour. But it was kind of nice, if only he could act like this all the time.</p><p>‘’So…’’ Wendy started once they were in, and Cartman pulled away from the school parking lot. Cartman seemed weirdly quiet.</p><p>‘’Where to?’’ Wendy asked, starting to get freaked out by this. She vaguely wondered if he was about to murder her, and this was a weird last revenge kind of attitude he’d adopted.</p><p>‘’I was thinking we could go to KFC,’’ Cartman eventually said. Wendy verbalised her disgust.</p><p>‘’Maybe not a fast food restaurant,’’ Wendy said.</p><p>‘’Starks pond?’’ Cartman suggested.</p><p>‘’Alright. Just don’t murder me once we get there,’’ Wendy joked.</p><p>‘’Ha, yeah. Bitch,’’ Cartman said, but it was pathetic and unaffected. The rest of the trip was quiet, Wendy looking out into the mountain side as they passed through on the way to Starks pond. Cartman parked on the edge of the shore, and they didn’t get out.</p><p>‘’Hey, Wendy,’’ Cartman said slowly, uncertainly. Wendy was actually wondering why she got into this car, why she spoke to Cartman at all. This isn’t what enemies typically did. This wasn’t even what friends did.</p><p>‘’Yeah,’’ Wendy said warily, this whole thing dawning over her. Cartman turned to face her.</p><p>‘’Do you remember third grade?’’ Cartman asked.</p><p>‘’What kind of question is that- of course I do,’’ Wendy replied.</p><p>‘’Well um, you remember when you kissed me for that flag debate?’’ Cartman asked. Wendy laughed.</p><p>‘’Okay- what is this. Are you here to rub that in my face once more before you take over the world with my head on a pike,’’ Wendy asked.</p><p>‘’No. I just wanted to know why. You never explained it to me- and you ignored me afterwards. I’m still confused,’’ Cartman said. Wendy looked at him, and with no regard to anything at that moment, she touched his hand that was in his lap.</p><p>‘’Hey. I’m sorry, it was a bitch move. I get why you kept calling me that afterwards,’’ Wendy said. Cartman looked up, and his eyes were so cow like and brown, like chocolate.</p><p>‘’I don’t know. I just thought we’d start dating or something afterwards, and then you went back to Stan. God, that hippie asshole,’’ Cartman said, snarling. ‘’And then he just left you for the fucking Jew. Selfish prick- he didn’t know what he had.’’</p><p>‘’It’s fine- Eric, really,’’ Wendy realised that was the first time she’d called him by his name. Eric jerked to her gaze, also surprised she’d called him that.</p><p>‘’No one but my mom and Butters calls me by my name. And butters is a fucking whore for Kenny so he doesn’t count. In fact, neither does my mom. You’re the first person to actually call me by my name,’’ Eric said.</p><p>‘’I don’t know how you do it. You’ve been a mystery for years, I don’t even know sometimes if I want to murder you, beat your sadistic ass, or kiss you when you get like this. Vulnerable,‘’ Wendy admitted, holding her hands over her eyes. She was admitting this, actually admitting that she sometimes respected Eric enough to want him all over her, and a gross way that red would talk about with her many partners and no regard to sluttiness. Was Wendy slutty too? She wondered if the constant odd feelings she’d have towards this ransack of a person made her so whorish that she’d be attracted to a human garbage can. Right now he just reminded her of a lost little boy, before anything happened to make him such a bastard the rest of the time.</p><p>‘’You want to kiss me sometimes?’’ Eric said.</p><p>‘’When you’re like this, not horrible to everyone,’’ Wendy said.</p><p>‘’Maybe I should act like this more then?’’ Eric joked. Wendy laughed. Eric smiled nervously at her.</p><p>‘’Why do you seem like a different person right now? Who am I sitting in a car with?’’ Wendy asked.</p><p>‘’I just like you. I can’t come up with any clever retorts, you bitch- you happy?’’ Eric said. Wendy leaned over and kissed him to shut him up. When she moved back Eric’s face was frozen, staring at her. Wendy laughed.</p><p>‘’Keep being nice to me, and you’ll get more,‘’ Wendy said, slapping his cheek. Eric nodded, and stayed silent, so Wendy rewarded that with another kiss. Was she slutty? She didn’t care, it didn’t feel gross, it was soft, and slightly hungry, and her cheapness as a person was not considered at all as she slipped her tongue out and caught it in Eric’s mouth. She moved as close as she could in her seat, turning to get a better angle.</p><p>Maybe she was just like all the other cheerleaders, slutty and horny, ready to give out to anyone, just like Red. Maybe she was just following her guidelines as a woman by succumbing to a mans seduction and letting him have her. Maybe this was no different, and she wasn’t special for any reason but her looks.</p><p>Or maybe, that was all wrong. Maybe she used her skills to her advantage. Maybe this sport was empowering in a way that made people feel good about themselves. Maybe it wasn’t so wrong to be making out with Eric in his pickup truck on a late Friday night. Maybe she was in control, and she wanted him to kiss her, so softly like he was treasuring this as though it was his last time. She’d be okay with that, but she’s excited to know what’s next, and know that she was in control of her actions, and she wanted this in the end, no matter how crazy it felt, it also felt right. She was sick of hiding her feelings anyway.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. One way ticket to Penopolis (Kenny x Butters)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kenny cheeses again. It does not go to plan.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kenny couldn’t believe he actually found it. After that awesome patch of wild flowers that happened to be the exact formula of cheesing that cats were, Stan and Kyle burned the flowers to the ground, forbidding Kenny to ever cross them like that again. He’d already promised not to touch cats again, and he’d kept that promise, staying away from strays that landed in his backyard, no matter how tempting they were.</p><p>It seemed as though there was nothing left to use, no drugs compared to the cheese. Kenny’s tried them all, he can vouch that none of them compare. That beautiful world he lost himself inside. He never wanted to leave. His friends helped him escape, though not with his willingness. He wondered what would be of him now, at 16, if he’d stayed trapped in the world of major boobage. Kenny thought he’d be happy there, he still does. Never does he approach a cat though, he made a promise.</p><p>Stan and Kyle are together, obviously, and fucking each other’s brains out probably every night. Kenny can say he called it from the beginning, and still takes great pride to remind them of that. It cracks him up, that this actually happened in the end, after all those jokes. Kyle never had a girlfriend that lasted over a few days, and Stan never kissed his girlfriend without barfing all over her. It just made sense. And they were so obviously made for each other, Kenny is actually surprised they weren’t having a gross affair with each other when they were eight, given the way they acted around that time.</p><p>They don’t exactly know he used, and he wasn’t planning on telling them, but it made him sad sometimes that they were clueless, and they knew everything else about each other. Except Kenny’s curse of course, but that wasn’t their fault. That was god’s fucking fault, screwing up his make up while in the production line. It’s the only euphemism that explains his screwy curse. He didn’t think about it much now, it’s why he got high.</p><p>The one fantastic day sent from the heavens, made this searching all worth it. He was walking down the street, crossing into a little used alleyway that shortcut to his house without traffic. There was barely any to speak of in this town, but the little traffic there was still annoyed Kenny, but mostly frightened him. He trusted Cartman to keep a secret more than he trusted drivers to not run him over when he crossed the road.</p><p>He was walking through this abandoned alley when he spotted the flash of yellow. Usually he’d think nothing of it and keep walking, but he recognised it as something he’d seen before. His breath shortened when he crouched down to get a better look at the yellow. Hidden and growing bountifully behind a tire, was a full bloom of yellow flowers. And they weren’t just any flowers. They were the special cheesing flowers, the ones he’d thought had been destroyed when Stan and Kyle burned them before his heartbroken eyes at ten years old.</p><p>Kenny plucked one of them, and held it to his nose. He sniffed lightly, and grinned to himself when his suspicion was confirmed. They had a very distinct smell, that Kenny could snout out immediately, suddenly the memory of them was so strong again. The idea popped into his head before he thought about walking away and forgetting about them. And first come, first serve.</p><p>Kenny grabbed a large handful, making sure to get a strong hit to stay in heaven longer. He held it to his nose, and snorted it’s rich smell in one go. He grabbed more from the ground, kept snorting it until he felt his mind leave his body, and he knew he’d taken enough to get there, and the joy would start.</p><p>Kenny stumbled backwards, feeling dizzy, and paused in mid-stumble. He felt his eyes cross, his skin jump out and grab the air in little pinpricks. His brain fogged over, and he blacked out.</p><p>**</p><p>When Kenny awoke, he had no physical form, he only felt his mind. He heard faint whirring of noise, and they gradually got stronger, until he heard a familiar tune. A guitar strumming. Takin’ a ride. He grinned and felt himself compose a physical body, only to start driving a badass car in space. The music played loud between his ears, inhabiting the whole space like a theme. He drove the car, let it glide through space, pumping his head to the song. God, this was life. There was nothing better, and it only got better after this.</p><p>Kenny zoomed down into the planet that manifested before him in the soil of space, and started whooping when he broke the atmosphere of it, changing gears at the speed change. He crashed the car into the hard earth, and changed gears again, driving through the hard earth at staggering speeds. He knew where the car was taking him, though it fooled him to think he was in control. It was taking him to the girl. That awesome girl he had such a crush on when he was young. Maybe this time he’d be able to see her properly. He never got to, before.</p><p>Kenny whooped again when the car found her, and halted just in front of her. She was turned around, and looked smaller than he remembered, but it was probably because he’d grown a lot since last time. He got a view of her ass, held by a g-string the connected with the rest of her outfit, just as hot as he remembered. Kenny stiffened just thinking about it. Her hands were on her hips, and she finally turned around to face him. Kenny nearly died when he saw that it was not her, it was Butters.</p><p>Kenny coughed violently in his throat, his eyes wide and hyper focused on Butters, who shifted his hips and smirked at Kenny, just like the boob lady used to. Kenny draw his eyes down Butters body, the same as in real life, small and delicate looking. Only this time, he was wearing the outfit she always had on, leaving his chest bare and covering his crotch. He had a cowboy hat and boots on, just like her. But this was obviously not her.</p><p>‘’Butters?!’’ Kenny croaked, rolling down his window. His mouth wouldn’t close, but he was mostly confused. Where was boob lady? Why was he seeing Butters in a slutty cow girl costume- or cowboy?</p><p>Butters sauntered over to the car, leaning down to Kenny’s window and folding his arms over the open window, peering at Kenny with a smirk. He didn’t say a word, just grinned and opened the door. Kenny would usually take the cue to step out, but he was too confused about this weird switch to want to play along. Did he use bad flowers?</p><p>Butters gestured for him to move, so Kenny dazedly stepped out of the drivers side and watched as Butters got behind the wheel. He looked back at Kenny expectantly, and Kenny found himself walking over to the passenger side, getting in and letting Butters take off into the desert.</p><p>Kenny stared at Butters as he drove, usually this was the part where he danced in his seat, cheered, ogled boob lady’s titties. There wasn’t anything here to ogle, unless Butter’s dick counted, concealed in a ridiculously small patch that joined it’s the straps over his nipples and hips. So immodest, and nothing that Butters would ever feel comfortable wearing. It’s what made this even more baffling, because this person didn’t dress like Butters, but was him so exactly that Kenny wondered if he should stop taking drugs altogether, if it had messed him up enough to mistake boob lady with Butters when the flowers took effect.</p><p>Butters still said nothing. Boob lady didn’t either, so he knew talking wouldn’t get a response. Maybe he’d get Odin to explain it to him. That was the only person who actually talked to him in this world. That’s if Butters was even taking him to Nippopolis. This was so backwards, Kenny didn’t know what to expect.</p><p>One thing he thought he’d never see, or think to see, was when they arrived with the city appearing in the distance, was that there was no Nippopolis. The sacred temples and kingdom covered in boobies and nipples, was gone. Instead, Kenny found a city of dicks. A whole kingdom constructed with hard cocks and balls. Kenny dropped his jaw.</p><p>‘’You’ve got to be fucking with me,’’ Kenny said, looking at Butters for answers. Butters just kept his eyes on the road, doing that weird seductive smirk thing. Kenny groaned, and fell back in his seat as they made it through the gates of the city. Kenny avoided looking at the buildings, annoyed that he wasn’t seeing his promised boobs, but something- while not new to him, he’d drawn his fair share of dicks on bathroom doors, new to this environment. This world was supposed to turn him on, but it was this instead. Probably punishing him for sort of breaking his promise with Stan and Kyle.</p><p>They landed in the grand entrance, and Kenny actually felt himself go red for what felt like the first time when every door, window, floor tile and brick was shaped like a dick. The pillars of the entrance graced Kenny by being a giant set of balls. This was just overkill, really. The boobs were tasteful, at least. But this was ridiculous. Kenny slumped along, for the first time not excited as he was led through the interior halls of the great palace, Butters flicking his little hips around. Kenny found himself staring at his ass, just because it was so exposed, and shameless. Kenny wondered it Butters would even remotely consider wearing this string costume in real life. Who was he kidding? Butters would never wear that, ever. Kenny wasn’t that close to him anymore, but he knew what Butters was really like. This sex-infused slut version of him was not that. </p><p>Butter led him to the grand throne, where Odin sat. Kenny was distracted by the monster goblin dudes, who had dicks stuck to their chins instead of boobs. Of course, if god was going the distance here to fuck up Kenny’s cheesing experience, why not go all the way? He didn’t look at Odin until he arrived right at the front, facing him. Kenny sputtered when he saw who sat on the throne.</p><p>There sitting menacingly on the throne of cocks, frowning at Kenny menacingly, was none other than Steven Stotch.</p><p>Kenny widened his eyes, getting the joke immediately. Was Mr Stotch about to say he could fondle Butters’s dick in the fountain of varnoth? </p><p>‘’I see that you are enticed by my son’s rocking package,’’ Steven announced, pointing to Kenny with his staff and gesturing to Butters crotch. Which was wildly inappropriate, but whatever. This was supposed to be a bad parody of cheesing, according to those fucked flowers he found behind a tire. Kenny laughed.</p><p>‘’No, no, no! That is not what’s going on. I’m not gay dude,’’ Kenny said to Mr Stotch. Steven frowned.</p><p>‘’Well, too bad! You will not caress my son today! He is not a deviant!’’ Mr Stotch yelled, sitting back in his seat. Kenny glanced at Butters, who frowned and looked down, slumping his posture a little. Kenny wondered if this was something real going on. Was Butter gay and suppressed by his dad? Or was Kenny just super high?</p><p>‘’I don’t want to caress him, okay? I want to know why I’m seeing dicks instead of boobs,’’ Kenny said. Steven frowned, he looked perplexed.</p><p>‘’What do you mean? Boobs? What are these foretold items of topic?’’ Steven asked. Kenny guffawed, baffled that Butters dad didn’t know what boobs were in this world.</p><p>‘’Seriously? They’re breasts- it’s what women have, instead of dicks. It’s what I should be seeing right now. There is a boob lady here, and I’m missing bathing with her in that fountain right now,’’ Kenny said, pointing to the steaming inground pool across from the throne of cocks.</p><p>‘’There are no women here. You are deeply mistaken, child,‘’ Steven said, leaning back in his dick chair and assuming a smug posture at Kenny.</p><p>‘’What do you mean no women?’’ Does this gay ass world eliminate the gender entirely or something?’’ Kenny asked, laughing at that possibility. So dumb.</p><p>‘’Why don’t you tell me, you created this place,’’ Steven said.</p><p>‘’What?’’ Kenny asked. His brain was muddled out of the throne room, and his vision fogged over. His body was plucked from the air and grabbed by a supernatural force, splitting him apart. </p><p>‘’No, stop! Not yet! What do you mean? Butters!’’ Kenny yelled, fading out of the world. He saw Butters turn to face him before he left. Butters looked confused, then grim, and his face was on Kenny’s mind when he disappeared out of the world.</p><p>**</p><p>Kenny woke up with his face in the dirt, being shaken by someone. Kenny felt his chest, hammering away. His body was real now, he was back in the real world. Anger and confusion took him over before his rational mind could.</p><p>‘’You fucking bastard! What do you mean?’’ Kenny screamed into the ground, punching the grass. He heard voices, coming back to him in distorted waves, and he was turned over to face Stan, his face laced with concern. Kenny snarled, still agitated he was ripped out of the world yet again, at the most important part, yet again. He had no idea what Steven was talking about, but it felt world shatteringly important.</p><p>‘’Kenny, calm down! I’m here, you’re okay!’’ Stan said, holding Kenny’s wrists while he weighed on the ground, seething with anger.</p><p>‘’Fuck you Stan! You fucking woke me didn’t you?’’ Kenny shouted, twisting his arms out of Stan’s grip. Unfortunately, he had a strong grip. The bastard played football, of course he was stronger than a high Kenny coming down from drugs.</p><p>‘’Kenny, stop fighting me! It’s okay, I didn’t wake you. I just found you here, okay- jesus, stop squirming for gods sake,’’ Stan said. Kenny breathed hard, closing his eyes. He only saw Butters’ face, wearing a cowboy hat and smirking at him, then looking sad. He didn’t understand what was happening, why he was even seeing Butters after his high. He always saw Boob lady before- always.</p><p>‘’Stan?’’ Kenny said, opening his eyes again and looking Stan in the eye. Big concerned blue eyes looked back at him.</p><p>‘’Dude, are you okay?’’ Stan asked, releasing his grip and letting Kenny sit up on the ground. Kenny rubbed at his eyes, trying to get Butters’ face out of his head. It was taunting his every thought.</p><p>‘’I don’t understand,’’ Kenny said, fiddling his hands and looking at the ground. Stan sat down and faced him, frowning. Kenny knew what was coming, and he really couldn’t bear hearing the ‘get sober’ speech right now. Stan and Kyle were both fans of it. He knows he fucked up and betrayed their trust, but he was more concerned about the trip, what it meant.</p><p>‘’Kenny. You’ve been cheesing again, haven’t you?’’ Stan said, giving Kenny a heartbreaking look Kenny couldn’t lie to if he wanted to.</p><p>‘’It was just a patch of flowers I found. It wasn’t supposed to go so wrong,’’ Kenny said, groaning and putting his head into his knees pulled up to his chest.</p><p>‘’How did it go wrong? Did you kill your boob girl or something?’’ Stan asked. Kenny appreciated he wasn’t treating Kenny like a crack whore, high off his tits. He was glad Stan knew about the world, it was daunting to explain. Not that Stan’s actually been there, as far as Kenny knows. </p><p>‘’She wasn’t even there. Everything was reversed- I don’t understand it. I think I used a backwards bunch of flowers’’ Kenny said, shaking his head. Dicks and balls. Dicks and balls. He can’t get them out of his head.</p><p>‘’You wanna come back to my place? Rest up?’’ Stan offered. Kenny smiled greyly, feeling shit.</p><p>‘’Thanks dude, yeah,’’ Kenny said. Stan helped him up, and they headed towards his house. Kenny didn’t even know where he’d ended up, looked like storage facilities. U-stor-it. He was glad Stan found him. He actually thought maybe he could pick his brains, about the whole dicks thing, what it meant. Fucking god knew Kenny was clueless.</p><p>‘’Is Kyle at your house?’’ Kenny asked, dragging himself along, feeling suddenly tired as hell, like his legs had lead weights stabbed into them, pinning him to the spot.</p><p>‘’Yeah,’’ Stan said, shrugging. Kenny managed a smirk, despite his breakfast of hamless ham sandwich threatening to come back up.</p><p>‘’Because of course he is. I was hoping to not suffer through a bunch of lectures today, but why not make my headache worse?’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’He’s actually surprisingly maternal. If you tell him you feel like shit and you need aspirin or something, he’ll save the lectures until after he fixes you,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’You’re so in love it’s disgusting,’’ Kenny said. ‘’I’m just kidding dude,’’ Kenny added to be safe. Now was not the time to offend these fuckers, he needed help.</p><p>Stan and Kenny got to Stan’s house, and Stan led Kenny through to his room. Kyle was lying on the bed, and immediately shot up as expected when he saw Kenny, probably looking wasted.</p><p>‘’Kenny! What the fuck happened to you?’’ Kyle asked, coming over to get a closer look at him. Kenny looked away from his angry piercing gaze.</p><p>‘’Nothing much. I just got high, a little,’’ Kenny said, wincing at that lie. He knew Kyle could read him like a book, and he was frowning as though he knew Kenny was full of shit.</p><p>‘’Well fuck! Stan go and get aspirin, I’ll get a cold washcloth,‘’ Kyle said, ordering Stan downstairs. Kenny chuckled under his breath when Stan did exactly that, no questions asked. Like a trained puppy. Kyle was a fucking mastermind for making a devoted slave out of him. Kyle went to the bathroom to get the washcloth, laying Kenny down on the bed and telling him to stay, to not move. Kenny didn’t, too sick to deny that Kyle probably had him whipped too. Stan and Kyle came back with their mission items to heal him, Stan had water too. Suddenly Kenny was so thirsty, and reached to gulp down the glass in three seconds flat. Stan handed him the aspirin, and he washed it down. Kyle gave him the washcloth, holding it at his forehead.</p><p>‘’What the hell were you doing?’’ Kyle asked, sitting on the bed, facing Kenny while he held the washcloth on his head. He hated to admit this coddling was very comforting, probably why he accepted coming over. He wouldn’t have treated his hangover like this at his own house, probably just fall asleep and wake up next week. He saw a glimpse of cock world, and he felt like shit again.</p><p>‘’I cheesed, it’s these special flowers I found. They fucked me over. Nothing like what should’ve happened. It’s like when you have a dodgy batch of meth- you know?’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’No kenny, I have never had a dodgy batch of meth,’’ Kyle deadpanned.</p><p>‘’What did you see then- if not boob girl?’’ Stan asked, sitting in the desk chair beside the bed. Kenny stared out into the wall, saying nothing.</p><p>‘’I saw Butters,’’ Kenny said, looking down into his hands. He noticed they were shaking, and held them together to stop it. Kyle and Stan looked confused.</p><p>‘’Butters? You mean you could see him in the world while you were high, like you ran into him and actually saw him?’’ Kyle asked. Kenny shook his head, pinched his eyes shut. He only saw one image.</p><p>‘’I mean I saw him, standing there, instead of Boob lady. He was boob lady, only he wasn’t. He was wearing her clothes, playing her part, but it was him. There were no boobs, nothing like that to be found. There were...’’ Kenny paused there, rubbing his eyes and breathing out hard. Stan touched his back.</p><p>‘’There were what?’’ Stan asked. Kenny exhaled sharply.</p><p>‘’I saw dicks and balls instead of boobs. It was like some bizarro world crap where everything became the opposite. Butters was boob lady, Nippopolis was penopolis, Odin was fucking Stephen Stotch. The monsters had dicks on their chins. It was fucking weird,’’ Kenny said. He thought about what Mr Stotch was telling him when he fazed out. ‘’Mr Stotch, he said it was me. That I created that world’’ Kenny said. He looked up, and scowled when Kyle was struggling to contain himself.</p><p>‘’Thanks for being so fucking understanding Kyle!’’ Kenny said, punching his arm. Kyle stifled a laugh, holding his hands at his mouth. Stan turned to him, also confused, and Kyle exchanged a look with him. Kenny watched as Stan seemingly made the transition of understanding, and suddenly they were both stifling their mouths with their hands. Kenny glared, hitting them both.</p><p>‘’What the fuck is so funny that you dickholes can’t tell me?’’ Kenny said, huffing. Kyle held his hand out to Kenny.</p><p>‘’Just- oh fuck!’’ Kyle said, bursting out laughing and slapping Stan’s back. Stan collapsed with laughter, leaning on Kyle as their faces went red with lack of air. Kenny crosses his arms, waiting for this fucking hilarious joke to surface. It had to be good, if his friends were being such assholes right now because of it.</p><p>‘’Stan tell him!’’ Kyle shrieked, bouncing with giggles, holding Stan. Stan was hitting the bed, gasping for breath.</p><p>‘’K-Kenny, you see, Jesus I can’t!’’ Stan erupted with more laughter. Kenny punched them both, and it only made them laugh harder. Kenny waited in irritation as their laughing finally calmed down.</p><p>‘’Okay- okay. Kenny. When you say you’re seeing dicks and balls instead of boobs. And the last time you cheesed was what- six years ago? Don’t you think it’s for a reason?’’ Stan said, regaining his breathing, gripping Kyle’s shoulder. Kenny gave him a confused look.</p><p>‘’What do you mean?’’ Kenny asked, feeling like that was the tenth time today he’d asked that question.</p><p>‘’Kenny,’’ Kyle said, pausing and sucking in breath. ‘’You’re fucking gay. You’re fucking gay as fuck,’’ Kyle said. Kenny widened his eyes, then glared.</p><p>‘’Fucking hilarious guys, but seriously,’’ Kenny said, waiting for the punchline.</p><p>‘’We’re serious. This isn’t a joke. What would you call the fact that an erotic high you had, did not derive pleasure from seeing boobs like you used to, because you like guys. You like dick, you like balls. You like Butters, apparently. The one character you’d get boners for, had miraculously turned into a boy, that certain people could call, how you say. A twink,’’ Kyle said. Kenny opened his mouth to deny that, but this was making scarily good sense.</p><p>‘’What are you saying? That I’ve realised I prefer fucking asses while I was fucking high as shit?’’ Kenny said. Kyle shrugged.</p><p>‘’And you could be the one who likes getting fucked, don’t forget. Though if you like Butters as your subconscious seems to think, then you’d probably be giving,’’ Kyle said. Kenny huffed, not prepared to deal with this, whatever this was.</p><p>‘’It was just a fucked up high, from bad flowers that didn’t do what they were meant to. I’m not gay you guys,’’ Kenny said. Stan and Kyle exchanged a look. Kenny fucking hated it when they did that sometimes.</p><p>‘’Take it from us, dude. I think we’d be able to tell,’’ Stan said, putting his shoulder around Kyle.</p><p>‘’What- because you boners like fucking each other, makes you experts on spotting other gay people. As fucking if, you’re not the rulers of the gays, okay, so get off your high horse,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’Fine, be a bitch. We told it to you straight though, remember that when you’re sucking Butters off on his back porch,’’ Kyle said. 

Kenny scoffed and got up from the bed. He didn’t know why he thought their advice would help him. Usually it did, but this was just bullshit. They were probably bored with the lack of gay couples at school, and wanted more people for their fairy club. No, Kenny was not gay. He liked boobs, hadn’t he been excited to cheese to be able to see them? That meant he was straight, nothing else to it.</p><p>Kenny escaped their suffocating room, that house, and wandered home, looking for his bed. When he got home, he collapsed into it, making the crappy thing squeak and groan from the change in weight. It was bound to break any day now, but Kenny would take advantage of its purpose right now while he could. He needed to dream away all of this shit and bullshit, and dick and balls, and images of Butters’ face. It was haunting him every time he closed his eyes. Grossly, he imagined his g-string and saw its image in between Butters’ ass cheeks just as he passed into unconsciousness.</p><p>Kenny woke up two days later, tired as hell and carrying the worst migraine ever. He skipped school that day in favour of lying in bed reading magazines hidden under his bed, and the few strewn on the floor of his room. </p><p>When he did return to school, he avoided Stan and Kyle, still thinking them assholes for accusing him of being gay, and he avoided Butters, terrified of seeing him and imagining the image of him in g-string and cowboy boots that kept haunting his eyes. He opted for hanging out with The goths, because seeing their misery was slightly better than dealing with his own shit. Almost pitying, but he needed it badly, too frazzled to face the real world.</p><p>It was one of these days when he made the decision to test Stan and Kyle’s crackhead accusation. Not with real subjects, of course. That was be mortifying, to say the least. He wasn’t about to suck off a footballer or anything. He decided to return to cock world. It was the only way, really, because it was where everything started, and maybe he could dig Steven deeper for answers that weren’t given last time. He was still bleeding from that, that incompletion.</p><p>After school, Kenny went back to the alleyway where everything started, and searched meticulously for the tire. It had seemed to appear in mid-stride, last time he stumbled upon the flowers. Finally, hidden in the darkness, he found the tire, and praise heaven, the flowers were still there, enough left that Kenny didn’t grab last time and snort like a coke addict. He picked up the bunch, ripped them from the ground, and sniffed the strong smell in large wafts, letting it’s mixture infect his brain, and let it fog over. The high came quicker this time, and he paused in mid stumble again, only to feel his body leave his soul, extract it into the new existence. He blacked out again.</p><p>**</p><p>The sounds of heavy metal. One way ticket to midnight. The sound blared into him. He felt the trip fast forward, his brain fuzzing through the stars as he glided across the universe. This part was still good, at least he could count on that.</p><p>His manifested car drove through space, landing on the desert world again. The car led him to the one person he could honestly say he was looking forward to seeing again out of this place. Butters was the same as before, shifting his hips to smirk knowingly at Kenny, like he knew why he was here. Kenny sighed, and got out of the car. He decided he wasn’t going back to the cock palace. He’d have the test right here, it’s all he needed.</p><p>Butters watched him walk up, breaking the script of the high. Kenny knew this probably broke the rules of some shit, but he had to do this. He grabbed butters by the waist, and pulled him closer. He pulled Butters down, leaning over him, and landed one wet, passionate kiss right on his lips. Butters opened them in surprise, and Kenny dove his tongue into them, licking all through his mouth. Trying to find what he was looking for.</p><p>Fuck Stan and Kyle. They were the biggest assholes in the world. Kenny hated them so much for being so right all the time.</p><p>Kenny released from the kiss with a gasp, very out of breath and very hard, looking back at Butters’ surprised face. Butters touched his lips, looked at Kenny. Kenny glanced down, guffawing when he saw that Butters was hard too, his slutty outfit straining around his erection.</p><p>‘’Shit dude,’’ Kenny said, steadying himself, so overwhelmed with sudden emotion that he could fall onto his ass if this astral body was capable of fucking up. It could only perform acts of awesomeness, as experience had proven. Right now being a case in point, kissing drug Butters felt like the rightest thing in the world. He said it before, but fuck Stan and Kyle. Fuck their gay asses right into the ground.</p><p>Butters jumped onto Kenny, hoisting his legs around Kenny’s waist, and made out with him furiously, attacking his mouth with his tongue, demanding entry and getting it. Kenny staggered backwards, landing against his badass car, and kept kissing Butters, grabbing his ass and feeling Butters hump him, his hard cock poking Kenny’s stomach. It was the hottest thing ever. Kenny didn’t know why he thought he would be so against this, it was probably even hotter than boobs. Maybe his subconscious had a point. Kudos to him, if that was the case.</p><p>‘’God- fuck, Butters,’’ Kenny moaned, as Butters sucked his neck, licking it eagerly in wide swaths. If drugs had ever been more of a bastard to him, it didn’t beat right now, as he felt his body tingle and fade, beginning to be grabbed from the plane of existence again. Butters gasped, the first sound he’d ever heard from him, as he got down from Kenny’s hips and watched in awe as Kenny was pulled away. Kenny grabbed for his hands, and butters held them, staring at him with huge worried blue eyes.</p><p>‘’I’ll find you. The real you,’’ Kenny said, and he couldn’t get the next words out before he was sucked from the realm and spat out back onto earth.</p><p>**</p><p>Kenny sat up from the ground, groggy and unfocused on his surroundings. His head cleared a little, and he recognised the alley where the flowers were. He was still there. Kenny rubbed his eyes, shocked that he still had a boner, though he’d had one when he was young and got pulled out before the action. This was the first time he’d actually touched the dream girl, or dream Butters. It had a tingly feeling to it.</p><p>As Kenny dragged himself out of the alley, he vetoed the direction of his house, instead heading straight for the nicer suburb of town, to Butters’ house. He was having revelations, he would not waste his opportunity, still fresh in his memory.</p><p>Kenny stumbled through the side paths of the streets until he reached Butters’ and started running. It was dark, suddenly. Kenny hadn’t realised when he’d found the flowers again, what time it was. Everything still felt like a blur, but he was so certain about this that it reigned supreme in his mind, shutting him out from any other thought.</p><p>Kenny approached Butters’ house, and opted for the backyard, deciding that Steven Stotch was identical in real life to the drug version, and would forbid Kenny access to Butters. Kenny remembered where Butters room was, and climbed the large tree opposite his window. He shimmied up the tree as best he could, slipping in places due to his fuzzy brain mistaking air for branches to hold, but eventually he got to the top. He hoisted himself around to face the window, and popped it open as quietly as he could, drawing the curtains open. He jumped into the room to find Butters in bed, asleep. He hated that he came too late, didn’t want to wake him, but this was too important to just go home. He wouldn’t be able to sleep until he got this done.</p><p>‘’Butters,’’ Kenny whispered, gently shaking Butters’ shoulder. Butters moaned, and slowly opened his eyes. Kenny smiled when he did, seeing the same big blue eyes he always did. Butters’ eyes widened once they adjusted and saw Kenny crouching above him. He gasped and sat up.</p><p>‘’Kenny! What are you doing here?’’ Butters asked, his wide and frightened. Kenny shushed him.</p><p>‘’Shh- it’s okay. I just wanted to see you,’’ Kenny said, holding Butters’ arm. Butters still looked scared, but he glanced down at Kenny holding his arm, and he blushed. Kenny grinned. So cute.</p><p>‘’See me? What the heck for? Why? What is?’’ Butters’ asked. Kenny sighed.</p><p>‘’I’ve been using unconventional drugs recently. Weird flowers, that make me see this awesome world full of boobs, everything is boobs. Only I didn’t see boobs. I saw you,’’ Kenny said, looking Butters in the eyes. Butters’ eyes widened, and his mouth parted softly.</p><p>‘’I didn’t know what it meant. I ignored what Stan and Kyle said it meant. But I figured it out,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’What was it?’’ Butters asked, and Kenny kissed him. He held his face and stroked his cheeks softly as butters gasped and opened his mouth in surprise, just like drug Butters did. Just like what Kenny imagined he would. He slowly released his lips from Butters’ with a gasp, and looked at Butters again. Butters was staring at Kenny with an awestruck face, touching his lips like he couldn’t believe what they’d encountered.</p><p>‘’Kenny,’’ Butters said softly, his voice so small and innocent that Kenny’s heart broke,</p><p>‘’I figured out that I love you. Even if that is crazy, apparently I can’t deny that to myself. And I’m really bad at keeping it a secret, so I just want to tell you everything. I made out with you in my drug trip. And you were wearing a cowboy outfit,’’ Kenny said. Butters laughed, still so tiny and beautiful.</p><p>‘’Well now I just feel bad. Who’s this other fella that got to kiss you before I did?’’ Butters said, and Kenny laughed and held Butters face pressing kisses all over him. Butters laughed.</p><p>‘’It was you. Only you,’’ Kenny said, pushing Butters down into into his bed, hovering over him. Butters stared up at him, pleading with his eyes, and Kenny kissed him, both of them opening their mouths eagerly.</p><p>‘’I could wear a cowboy costume. If you wanted,’’ Butters said. Kenny guffawed.</p><p>‘’This one was a bit different. There were barely any clothes on,’’ Kenny said. Butters snorted, letting Kenny cover his neck with bites and kisses, making little shocked gasped and moans.</p><p>‘’Well I wouldn’t have clothes on in the end anyway, so it wouldn’t matter,’’ Butters said. Kenny gasped at him, laughing.</p><p>‘’Are you a secret sex addict too huh?’’ Kenny said. Butters gave him a smirk, and it looked so much like the one drug cowboy Butters gave that Kenny immediately ducked down to pull down Butters’ pyjama bottom and take the length of his dick in his mouth. Butters gasped and moaned loudly, and Kenny sucked with determination, loving the pleasured noises coming out of Butters’ innocently sinful mouth while his mouth stroked the underside of the cock with his tongue. Butters was coming with a whimper before long, and Kenny was swallowing with no regrets, surging back up to kiss Butters through his orgasm.</p><p>So Kenny absolutely loved dick, there was no doubt in his mind now.</p><p>They kissed for the rest of the night, whispering about things that had happened with each other that the other missed in between. Butters returned the favour from Kenny, and he could honestly say that he would die to be able to keep doing this, with Butters forever. It was magnificent.</p><p>Eventually Kenny had to leave through the window, lest he be caught with the dick master Steven Stotch, and he crawled through the window and landed back in the branch. He looked back at Butters who smiled nervously back at him.</p><p>‘’You wanna do this again tomorrow night?’’ Kenny asked, hanging from the branch.</p><p>‘’Gosh Kenny. I wanna do this again tomorrow at school,’’ Butters said. Kenny grinned.</p><p>‘’Slutty girl,’’ Kenny said. Butters smirked, and Kenny swore to god he put his hands on his hips and shifted his hip out, smirking out at Kenny. He looked identical to cowboy Butters, and Kenny fell out of the tree shock of seeing it. Branches snapped and didn’t break his fall to the hard ground any easier.</p><p>He might’ve died, it’d happened before. Because he ended up staring from his back up to the second level, with Butters peering down in shock, his eyes wide. Kenny took it as good luck for this thing when he survived.</p><p>‘’Kenny! Are you okay?’’ Butters shouted frantically. Kenny grinned up at him, and saluted him from his back. Butters gasped, but his smile came next, still shocked.</p><p>‘’All good baby-doll!’’ Kenny called out, grinning up at Butters. Butters sighed relief, and Kenny got back up, only sporting cuts and scrapes, to his amazement. Maybe Butters was good luck for him?</p><p>‘’See you at school!’’ Butters called out as Kenny walked back around to the front of the house. Kenny smiled smugly as he walked home.</p><p>He was so gay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is one of my favourites.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Cutting Board (Tweek x Craig)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tweek has ADD. Craig has cuts and scratches all over his body. The two are ‘not’ linked.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘’Craig what the fuck is up with your back?’’ Clyde asked. </p><p>The boys in the locker room turned to Craig, as he was changing from his gym clothes, turned away from everyone at his gym locker. His back was covered in red marks, some bleeding, and long sharp scratches. Craig muttered something inaudible, shrugging. Clyde didn’t give up though.</p><p>‘’Have you been itching your back with a knife or something? Shit, that looks bad,’’ Token said, coming up to them. Craig didn’t respond, putting his shirt and jumper back on. He walked away, ignoring them when they followed him, continuing to ask questions and guess why he got mauled. </p><p>He was not about to talk about it with them.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>Tweek was screaming, pounding his hands down erratically, while his legs trembled, spread apart wide as Craig connected in between them, pounding so hard and deep inside him. He grabbed Tweek’s arms, holding them down as he growled, snapping his hips in succession. Tweek screamed louder, his face so red and hot, Craig could feel it against his own face. Craig put his face closer to Tweek’s, breathing heavily against Tweek’s cheek. Tweek stared back at him, his eyes so wide, if that was even possible more than they always were, and his pupils were enlarged in a way that simultaneously freaked Craig out and turned him on like crazy. His hair was a pile of bright blonde hay, strewn out on the sheets and mussing it up even more than it already was.</p><p>‘’C...Craig, wha, you- ah!’’ Tweek cried out, whimpering as Craig held him down, pressing him into the blankets. They were in Craig’s room, on a snowy afternoon after school, where Tweek’s parents had gone out of town, not caring what Tweek did on his own for the week. The shittiest parents ever. Craig offered to have him stay over, afraid that Tweek would go insane or kill himself without any guidance at home for a week. This was certainly an improvement, and was not even part of the plan. Tweek just turned up, looking anxious as usual, and somehow they ended up with Craig fucking him to dust on his bed.</p><p>‘’It’s...so...much...pressur-ah!’’ Tweek cried, his arms twitching like he couldn’t bare being held down like this. Craig took Tweek’s face in his hands, kissing him deeply, and Tweek used that moment to grab Craig’s shoulders, clinging in deep into his skin. Craig hissed at the pain, but he felt how much less tense Tweek’s body became once he had that traction, so Craig let him claw into his shoulders. Tweek opened his mouth helpfully, and Craig devoured him. </p><p>He didn’t know why it was suddenly like this. It’s not as though he was burning with some kind of lust for fucking Tweek or kissing him or anything all this time. It just happened somehow, and as far as the signals went, Tweek felt the same. He was just as on board when Craig decided to kiss him, and even sat in his lap for awhile as they made out. Now the panic of the situation seemed to hit him again, making him tense and jittery. Craig was willing to fuck that stress out of him with his cock, and did so. Tweek went out with a performance though, as Craig pushed him against the headboard, and Tweek latched his little shaking fingers around his back. He started fucking him harder, growling at the feeling, and Tweek moaned like an anime at every jolting thrust into his ass. His merciless attacks onto Craig’s back though, was nothing like those demure anime girls, resembling something more of a psycho tearing out eyeballs and eating them. Craig humoured him, more distracted with the sight of Tweek’s worked over lips and blushing pained face, and the feeling of him around Craig’s dick, than the assault on his back. He could feel blood trickling down his skin, dripping down his spine and onto his bare ass. </p><p>Tweek dug his nails into the broken skin, cutting further with his surprisingly sharp nails until Craig’s back was stinging, screaming in pain. Craig didn’t speak up, kept driving into him until Tweek came all over Craig’s thighs in a spurting mess, and Craig came inside him with a low noise in his throat. As a punishment for fucking up his back, Craig grabbed Tweek’s neck, still dominant over him, and held it, tightening his grip as he took Tweek’s panting mouth into his own. Tweek’s hands finally gave mercy to Craig’s back, and loosened like a rag doll below him. Craig flattened himself on top of him, and kept kissing him until they both passed out for the rest of the night.</p><p>They seemed to act under the basis that it never happened afterwards, if both of their refusal to speak about it, bring it up, or acknowledge it even happened was anything to go by. They just went back to school the next morning, went their separate ways, under the agreement to walk home together for the rest of the week. In the end, the only evidence that anything even happened was the result of Craig’s bloodied, messed up back, that he’d inspected the next morning, and was slightly horrified by the damage. It was something calling to mind nuclear explosions and prison shanking and stabbing. Tweek was one fucked up specimen.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>Craig was willing to forget, if Tweek didn’t make any indication that it happened, so he was annoyed that Clyde and Token witnessed his back attack, because now the memories were flooding back, without his permission.</p><p>‘’Craig, dude. What the hell!’’ Clyde exclaimed, punching Craig’s shoulder at his locker. Craig didn’t respond, now a little pissed off. Stupid gym.</p><p>‘’I don’t have to answer you,’’ Craig said simply, collecting his books, and shutting his locker.</p><p>‘’Dude, if you want to tell us, I mean- it’s not like we’ll be unsupportive if you’ve been cutting or something,’’ Token said. Craig rolled his eyes. The idea of that was laughable.</p><p>‘’What, you think that I just stuck knives into the walls and scratched my back on them like a fucking cat?’’ Craig asked, giving Token an exasperated look. Sometimes Token headed into dramatic issues before his common sense caught up to him. Or maybe Craig did too, because the more he denied what happened, the less excuses he could make as to why his back was red and bloody. That was ridiculous though, because he didn’t have to tell shit to these guys, their concern was their own problem. It wasn’t even a problem for Craig, since the act had been so saturated in bliss that the actual pain was something of a token, if that’s the only thing he got out of fucking Tweek’s brains out.</p><p>‘’Craig, just tell us what happened. We’re worried about you.’’</p><p>‘’Well don’t worry so much, and we won’t have a problem,’’ Craig replied, walking away from them. He kept walking even as they followed behind him, ignoring their questions and stupid guesses. Craig stopped abruptly when he saw Tweek walking toward them. He noticed Craig and froze up, his face going red, jittering in place. Craig watched him impassively, continuing toward him. Token and Clyde followed, still talking at him. Craig didn’t listen, just stared at Tweek, who averted his eyes, panicked.</p><p>‘’Tweek! Did you see Craig’s fucked up back?’’ Clyde asked. Tweek gasped, looking up in fright.</p><p>‘’He- his back?’’ Tweek asked, turning his wide eyed expression to Craig. Craig didn’t change his expression.</p><p>‘’Yeah, dude! Do you know anything about it? This dick won’t share,’’ Clyde said, flicking Craig’s shoulder. Tweek opened his mouth, tugging some of his hair.</p><p>‘’Gah- ah, no!’’ Tweek answered, looking down with red cheeks.</p><p>‘’Well, shit! Did someone attack you? Why are you being a secretive prick? I mean, it’s not like you aren’t always one, but still!’’ Clyde said. Craig didn’t pay attention to them, just stared at Tweek. Tweek noticed this, and gave him a panicked, indignant look.</p><p>‘’W-what are you looking at me like that for?’’ Tweek asked, holding himself tightly with his arms. Craig shook his head.</p><p>‘’Nothing,’’ Craig answered. Tweek glanced at him, and quickly looked away again, staring at the ground.</p><p>‘’We’re not letting this go, Craig. This is serious. If I find out you’re harming yourself...’’ Token said, pointing at Craig.</p><p>‘’Stay out of my business,’’ Craig cut in. Token sighed, and nudged Clyde, and they walked away from them after giving him another exasperated look. </p><p>‘’Hey,’’ Craig said to Tweek once they were gone. Tweek jolted at attention to him.</p><p>‘’Is- is your back as bad as they say?’’ Tweek asked, his eyes wide. Craig glared, and Tweek winced.</p><p>‘’I mean, yeah, but I don’t care,’’ Craig shrugged.</p><p>‘’Jesus, I’m so sorry- Craig,’’ Tweek said, scratching at his knuckles tensely. Craig couldn’t help but notice, those fingers were murderous. </p><p>‘’Do you want to see it?’’ Craig asked. Tweek widened his eyes, if that was possible.</p><p>‘’Gah! Um- okay,’’ Tweek said. Craig led him through the hallway, beelining to a storage closet that was left unlocked. They went inside, and Craig shut the door behind him before taking off his jumper and t-shirt. Tweek stood across from him, twitching nervously, and gasped when Craig showed him his bare back.</p><p>‘’Oh, ju-jesus christ! It’s bleeding!’’ Tweek shrieked, his shaky hand gingerly touching it. Craig winced at the contact, only now feeling the pain of it. He’d been a bit distracted before to notice.</p><p>‘’Well, that’s what happens when you dig your nails into skin hard enough,’’ Craig said, turning back around, holding his shirt. He watched Tweek’s eyes rake down his bare chest, and he smirked. This didn’t really happen last time, it was more rushed and frantic.</p><p>‘’You know, I got something to remember yesterday, but you didn’t? Did you?’’ Craig asked. Tweek blushed.</p><p>‘’Gah! Well, I guess not, unless, m-maybe the come leaking out of my ass counts. It- it probably doesn’t though, I guess,’’ Tweek said, looking away. </p><p>Craig sighed. He guessed Tweek wasn’t gonna take the signs here. Craig rushed at Tweek and pushed him against the supply closet wall. Tweek shrieked in surprise and whimpered as Craig connected their lips. He released a sigh he realised he’d been holding since yesterday, and pressed himself closer to Tweek. He didn’t realise until now that he was actually feeling relieved about this, that it wasn’t being forgotten. He’d never wanted to anyway.</p><p>Tweek opened his mouth, giving Craig permission to delve deeper into his mouth, and he quickly captured his tongue, so wet already. Tweek moved his hands from Craig’s waist, inching them further up his back, and Craig could feel the cuts stinging, especially bad when Tweek started getting antsy and pressing further into them. He couldn’t let him fuck his back like he did last time. Who knows what would happen, cutting over the old ones. He shivered thinking about it, and jerked backwards when Tweek started pressing, apparently forgetting about it above his own tension. Craig released from his lips with a gasp, and Tweek regarded him with surprise, his face red and trembling.</p><p>‘’I think it’s your turn now,’’ Craig said.</p><p>‘’Huh?’’ Tweek asked. He let out a surprised hybrid of a gasp and moan when Craig ripped open his poorly buttoned shirt, unraveling it from his shoulders. He went in and licked a long line up Tweek’s neck, lingering at a spot between his neck and jaw and breathing in deeply, Tweek’s scent enveloping his nose. Pure black coffee.</p><p>Tweek moaned loudly in a high pitch, his breath wavering as Craig sucked his neck, pulling the skin between his teeth. He dragged his tongue lower, around Tweek’s shoulder, and bit down, hard. Tweek shouted in protest, and Craig ignored him. This was payback.</p><p>Craig essentially chewed on his shoulder, pressing down harder and inspecting his work, grunting in dissatisfaction when the worst it became was only a reddish mark. No where near as fucked over Tweek made his back, which probably won’t heal now for close to a month. He’ll have to sleep on his stomach for weeks. He didn’t have the problem last night, because he slept on top of Tweek.</p><p>After biting deeper into Tweek’s skin as he writhed against him, Craig bit hard enough to taste the coppery flavour of blood on his tongue. Observing his work again, Tweek’s skin was bruised from Craig’s hickeys, and bleeding lightly at spots where his teeth cut down.</p><p>‘’You’ve got sharp teeth,’’ Tweek muttered, holding Craig’s head close to his neck. Craig hummed, licking the wounds clean, and tracing his hand down lower Tweek’s front, until he was touching and massaging Tweek’s growing boner. Tweek whimpered, pulling Craig’s hair harder, making his scalp scream from the strain. He didn’t know why they were so violent about this. Craig didn’t really care in the end, and he was pretty sure Tweek didn’t have a torture kink or anything, he was just a stressed out little shit that took it out on his sexual partners in the heat of sex. Craig was okay with this, as long as he didn’t always take it out on the same spot. His back was currently out of service, hurting more than he’d admit to anyone, especially Tweek. He’d just be freaked out if he knew, probably too nervous to let go of his inhibitions like he did yesterday.</p><p>They jumped apart suddenly when the school bell jolted them out of their little fuzzy dream world in the closet. Tweek looked like a blushing mess, his shirt gone and shoulders abused, and trembling erratically where he stood against the wall. Craig helped him back into his shirt, certain he’d sooner die than be able to put it back on properly himself. Luckily, his appearance was typically haggard anyway, so attentions wouldn’t be drawn to him for looking like he’d consented getting molested in the hallway supply closet. </p><p>They left the supply closet, walking out into the halls and towards class again. Again, they didn’t discuss what happened. Again, Craig was left confused, and again, he was pissed off about it.</p><p>During class, Craig could only think about earlier events, sitting in the back of the room, watching Tweek as he shook like a bitch at the front, struggling to hold his pen. He wondered what Tweek thought about this whole thing. Like he said, they hadn’t discussed it. So Craig was in the dark about what Tweek wanted. Craig didn’t even know what he wanted. He only knew he didn’t want them to forget, even if it made things awkward.</p><p>After school, Craig met up with Tweek to walk home. They didn’t talk, Tweek just made twisted noises in his throat. Nothing out the ordinary. When they got to Craig’s house, it basically went unspoken, as they went upstairs. It was weird, but Craig couldn’t deny they both seemed to have it on their minds as soon as they got into his bedroom.</p><p>This time, Craig made sure Tweek couldn’t reach his back, so he fucked him from behind, and Tweek held the bedhead for support instead. Tweek still screamed, loud as ever, and Craig didn’t speak aside from occasional grunts in his throat. He pulled Tweek’s hair, tilting his head back as he roughly thrust inside him, making Tweek lose his grip and stumble back onto Craig’s dick. He moaned as this happened, as Tweek panted, turning his head towards Craig. The sight of that, Tweek’s ass on display with his head turned towards Craig with a dazed face, it threw him off. Craig growled and grabbed Tweek, turning him on his back, and drove himself into him hard. Tweek screamed, and surprisingly didn’t latch onto his back again, just kept his hands bent at his face. They twitched like crazy, as though he was resisting the temptation to tear up his back again. Craig watched, speeding up his pace, and Tweek didn’t do it, just arched his back up to meet Craig’s dick. </p><p>Tweek’s shirt was falling down on one shoulder, and Craig saw his bite marks, faintly bloodied lines in the shape of his teeth. In the future, he would blame Tweek for getting him into this shit, but for now, he just moaned and leaned down to sink his teeth into Tweek’s neck, finding a fresh new spot to mark. They may not keep doing this, Tweek might have other people later on, but those marks would still be there, and whoever gets to fuck Tweek then, they will have to live with the fact that Craig got him first, marked him first, and they can never have that.</p><p>Actually, fuck that, Craig was pretty sure no one else would get him. Tweek was his. They marked each other, and Craig’s mauled back wasn’t going to go away, so neither was Tweek.</p><p>Craig inspected his work while they moved back and forth in unison, licking Tweek’s wounds and tracing his tongue to his jaw, up his chin and delving into his mouth. Tweek moaned into the kiss, this time attacking Craig’s mouth and wrapping his arms around his head, pulling him closer on top of him and sliding his sharp nails through his scalp.</p><p>After they both came at the same time again, Craig inside Tweek, and Tweek all over the sheets, they kept kissing. Tweek sighed, so loose beneath Craig that it nearly freaked Craig out. He wasn’t even shaking, which was such a rare thing that Craig didn’t know what to do, or even how to react. It had been like this last night too, but that fact was somehow glossed over by Craig last time.</p><p>‘’Do you want something to eat?’’ Craig asked, moving his face back to look at Tweek. Tweek’s eyes were closed, his face was beet red, but his eyebrows were relaxed. He looked very zen. Craig could get used to that.</p><p>‘’Mmmm, okay,’’ Tweek said, blinking his eyes open at Craig. They got up and dressed again, and headed downstairs for food.</p><p>They spent the rest of the afternoon playing video games, up in Craig’s room on the floor.  Mostly Tweek talked while Craig played on his console, which seemed to suit both of them. When they went to sleep, Tweek shared the bed with Craig, and they kissed softly until they fell asleep. Nothing was discussed. It seemed as though nothing needed to be.</p><p>The next day at school, however, was essentially a repeat of the previous day, and Craig didn’t like it. He realised at some point that Tweek wasn’t going to step up to discuss what they were to each other, so Craig would have to take charge here. But on second thought, he didn’t want to talk about it, profess his feelings or anything like that. He just wanted an understanding that they could keep going, not act like nothing happened, and not be so awkward whenever they weren’t fucking.</p><p>Tweek was standing in the hallway at his locker, talking to Token and Clyde. Craig didn’t care, those guys were irrelevant. Craig walked up to the group, ignoring Clyde when he spoke to him.</p><p>‘’Dude, are you gonna explain why you have a fucked over back?’’ Clyde asked. Craig didn’t answer, staring at Tweek. Tweek’s eyes were still wide, and he was still shaking. Craig extended his hand to Tweek, emotionless. </p><p>‘’Dude- what?’’ Token said, watching. Tweek stared at his outstretched hand, back at Craig, and back at the hand. And then he grabbed it with his own, and held it firmly.</p><p>‘’What the hell,’’ Clyde said. Craig pulled Tweek forward by the hand, and led him away. He didn’t glance back at Token and Clyde, who asked questions after them, without any responses. They just walked away, hand in hand. It was a good compromise, they didn’t have to speak, but a basis of their relationship was formed, and now it could only grow into something better</p><p> </p><p>It’s just how their relationship worked.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Dumpster Wars (Gregory x Christophe)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gregory wants to be popular.</p><p>Christophe wants to live in trash.</p><p>They compromise.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the smell that got to him. Old fish carcasses, broken egg shells, wet paper towels and hygiene products, piles of grime they liked to call cafeteria food all stashed into bags, doing nothing to stop the smell from infiltrating his senses in an entirely distasteful way. He would crinkle his nose and sneer openly, but Christophe judged him harshly when his ‘pommie’ characteristics shone out too much. Gregory was determined to get rid of that, his 4.0 grade average was no point of pride in the battle zone he inhabited now. England was behind him, he still hated the damn place more than even America, but he needed to keep up with the Americans in order to infiltrate their status quo.</p><p>It was hard, a struggle, but ever was he determined to be one with the herd, no matter how crass and simple the herd was. 6 times this year, has he been harassed. 6 times, have the Americans tormented his miserable country of origin. 6 times, have the tortured rogues assaulted his sexual identity. 

He was determined for it to stop, and he figured the backwards apes would not take kindly to him skewering the oppressors for a much more suitable dinner cafeteria food option. So he had to enter into their domain by disguising himself as one of them, and as trite it was to pretend to lower his IQ to fit in, he knew he would be put at the bottom of the food chain after time passed if he did not, and that was horrifying. It was only a matter of time, and that’s probably what concerned him more than the continued physical abuse. And it wasn’t as though he couldn’t fight back, these pussies didn’t know what he was capable of, but he liked the intrigue and mystique of knowing what they didn’t, and that it would be their downfall once he revealed the rouse.</p><p>Regardless of knowing he had to fit into the social world of America, he had no idea how to act like a grease gorilla, so he would be screwed if he didn’t get help. Luckily Christophe was the most tactical stealth operative he knew, and he’d been studying the creatures ever since he moved from France. Now France was one place that Gregory loved, more than England, and America. He spoke French too, as his education dictated early in his life, but the culture and people interested him in a way unparalleled to any other ethnicity. Christophe’s accent was pretty mystifying anyway, enough to make Gregory want him to talk more than listen, which was unusual.</p><p>Christophe’s hands on simulation was strange, if not horrifying and gruesome. He did not argue more than necessary for him, but 5 seconds inside, with that smell, and Gregory got out and didn’t speak to Christophe until the next day. The next day, he came prepared.</p><p>So they were both crouched inside the small confined space, the interior walls were grimy and dank, and the place had a slightly misty atmosphere to it, but after a moment, Gregory realised it was the smoke from Christophe’s cigarette, clogging the air in the space. If Gregory wasn’t wearing a gas mask, he would be coughing and burning his lungs out with the second hand smoke. He just sat there, crouched directly across from Christophe, in the tiny space, staring at each other without a word between them, sucking the air for redistribution, trying to feel like they were in a bomb shelter during a war. Because that’s what this was; war prep, not helping Greg sort out the brutes into a hierarchy with him on top. 

He didn’t see how sitting in a garbage bin would increase his status anymore than turning him from the ‘British fag’ to the ‘British fag with a dirt fetish’. He told this to Christophe, while sitting inside the bin, watching him puff his smoke out in measured drags. Christophe responded by smirking darkly, his intense features shadowed by the lack of light.</p><p>‘’You care about your popularity more than your soul, now, eh? C’mon bitch, get into ‘ze mood again, you’re better ‘Zan ‘ze monkeys in there who sling sheet at ‘ze white walls,’’ Christophe said, hitting Greg’s shoulder. Gregory huffed, making it more dramatic due to the heavy inhalation of the mask. He refused to attempt the bin without cancelling the odour.</p><p>‘If I need to associate with these animals, I’d rather not do it with a black eye and a sticker on my back naming me as the punching bag. I need to be on top of them, ruling over their pitiful existence,‘’ Gregory said. Christophe gave him a long look, not saying anything, and puffed out another smoke.</p><p>‘’I’ve never cared about ‘ze social hierarchy you cocksuckers love to worship. I hoped you were above ‘ze sheet slinging zoo exhibits. It’s not too late, Gregory. I’d rather not pay admission to see you again,’’ Christophe said, muttering the last part. Gregory heard it, but he otherwise didn’t say anything. They stayed submerged in the garbage for the rest of the day, until the school bell rang.</p><p>So every day for the next month, they both sat inside the garbage bin and survived inside during the periods between dinner and the end of the school day. Gregory kept wearing the gas mask, and Christophe kept smoking, presumably to mask the odour in more familiar stench of smoke, but Gregory didn’t try to figure it out, he knew Christophe was always going to be a mystery. 

It was kind of hot, but that’s what happened when you spend the better part of the day shoved into a cramped space with another person, unable to look anywhere but at them, and study their face for secrets, only finding roguish handsomeness and smoke lines. The setting wasn’t ideal, but roses covered cafes were for ladies, and Gregory had known Christophe since they were young lads, and he knew any presentation of any kind, especially if flowers were involved, would be scoffed at, at the least, and burnt to cinders at worst.</p><p>Christophe was always covered in a layer of soot and grime, from his cigarettes and constant exposure to earth and dumpsters, and he never bothered to keep a clean cut appearance like Gregory did. After this trend of dumpster living during last period though, his cleanliness was declining quickly. He did what he could to prevent this, constant showers, using special soaps for the skin, properly laundered shirts, cologne, but it wasn’t enough to fight the grime of the dumpster. By the end of it, he’d have dirt marks on his face, just like Christophe, and his freshly cleaned orange button down shirt would be brown. 

Peculiarly, Gregory was resigned to it, still believing that there was a reason they kept doing this. It certainly wasn’t for popularity, because as little as Gregory had learned about the Americans, he knew that this kind of thing would not bode well with them. So it remained confidential between the two of them. Which wasn’t so hard, neither of them talked to anyone else. 

Gregory used to be friendly with Wendy, both enthusiastic about rights for women and immigrants, but she recently stopped talking to him, probably too upset that her long time boyfriend left her for a man. Gregory had heard about that, with some humour, because this boyfriend was the same one who’d cheated Gregory out a chance with Wendy when they were young, and to top it off, he’d left her for the boy who co-ran Viva la resistance with him, the same ones who had no idea what they were doing and nearly got Christophe killed with their incompetency. 

How was that for irony, that these two punks managed to fuck each other’s arse’s in the end. It was a fitting conclusion to their pitiful story.</p><p>They were sitting in the dumpster, just like every other day after lunch break, and recently they’d been passing the time by reviewing potential wars that could start between countries, and plotting out their battle plan on paper. They were both skilled in these aspects, both seasoned in the flames of war, so this acted as light practise, rejuvenating skills that had otherwise been unused for years. They were children of war, both exposed to its harsh reality very early in their lives, Christophe especially.</p><p>They were sitting cross legged, across from each other, sharing a large paper map, and plotting advantage points with pens on the diagram. Gregory still wore the gas mask, but it was getting annoying to have on, his face feeling like it was part of this mechanism now, he’d worn it so much recently. He wasn’t keen on being exposed to the smell of cigarettes masking garbage, but then he got an idea. 

Christophe had his cigarette clamped between his lips, marking points on the map with concentration. Gregory unfastened his mask and took it off, breathing in deep. He immediately crinkled his nose at the smell flooding into him, and took no time to swipe Christophe’s cigarette and take a drag from it himself, ignoring Christophe’s angry grunt of surprise, and enveloping his lungs with the hot smoke, letting the familiar smell of ash take over and provide a much better alternative to the garbage. 

Christophe watched him as he blew smoke out, unblinking, serious. Gregory got an idea from looking at his smoke lines around his mouth.</p><p>‘’You’ve been smoking since you were a lad, Oui?’’ Gregory asked, sucking in the sweet toxic nicotine.</p><p>‘’Oui,’’ Christophe said. His eye twitched as though he was already experiencing withdrawals from not having a cigarette tucked between his mouth. Gregory knew he had a whole pack on him, so right now he was just purposefully watching him smoke.</p><p>‘’So your lungs, your mouth has got to be completely filled with smoke, and the scent of ash. You’d be unable to get rid of that,‘’ Gregory deduced.</p><p>‘’Oui- what are you meaning Greg?’’ Christophe asked, and Gregory just went in and kissed him. 

And not a soft mushy kiss, a full breathtaking, tongue clashing, rough kiss. He was looking for the taste of the smoke, trying to find it so it would distract him from the smell of the dumpster, and he certainly did. Dragging his tongue over Christophe’s, tasting his scent, so toxic and sharp with the smoke. It was fuck tons better than the dumpster, and better than the smell of the smoke, it was the taste of it. 

He kept attacking Christophe, but he figured it was less attacking than desperately licking, since Christophe had not pushed him off, and he was moving his tongue against Gregory’s, and tugging his hair hard enough to make his eyes sting. 

He didn’t stop, and neither did Christophe, and then they were writhing against each other, Christophe on his back on top of the rubbish bags in the dumpster with Gregory over him, trying to push him further into it. His breath ran out, so he gasped away from him, panting above him as they just stared at each other. 

They didn’t speak, Gregory wouldn’t know what to say anyway, they just panted and stared at each other. Until they caught their breath again, then they were attacking again, teeth clashing and tongues ripping into each other with strong wet strokes.</p><p>At first it was just a better way to mask the scent of the trash with smoke, Gregory knowing Christophe’s mouth would be much stronger than the actual cigarette, he’d been smoking his entire life. The nicotine was embedded into him. 

It turned into desperate rutting, Gregory grinding his erection against Christophe’s. Christophe reacted by grabbing Gregory roughly and slamming him against the dumpster walls, and Gregory only felt disgusted by this for a second, before Christophe distracted him with his tongue, and Gregory no longer cared that the grimy walls were touching his shirt, getting germs imbedded into it. He would burn the shirt, obviously, he couldn’t keep something so contaminated. Maybe he’d keep Christophe though, he was plenty filthy, but on him it was some kind of sick attractive will to be covered in dirt. Gregory thought it was hot, if his continued willingness to rub himself on his filthy body inside a festering garbage can proved anything.</p><p>They released again, clutching each other’s hair and shirts hard. Christophe stared at Gregory, unspeaking, unblinking and Gregory did the same. His erection was still untended, but Gregory thought now might not be the best time to bring that up, after they’d spontaneously made out.</p><p>‘’Well, then,’’ Gregory said, not letting go of Christophe. Christophe scowled.</p><p>‘’Fuck you Gregory. ‘Ze fuck was 'zat?’’ Christophe spat. Gregory remained passive, unblinking at him. He really wasn’t sure.</p><p>‘’I wanted to taste the smoke in your lungs,’’ Gregory ended up saying, out of lack of anything clever to say to defuse tension. Why did he do it? It’s not as though he was burning with lust at the time. He just felt like he’d die if he didn’t feel Christophe tongue slither down his throat, mask the taste with bitter smoke and ash.</p><p>‘’Well you don’t need to choke me to get ‘zat. Just here,’’ Christophe said, leaning in again, and softly licking Gregory’s lips open. It was certainly lighter than last time, calmer, and he took the time to appreciate the feeling. It was nice, although teasing him, because he was bursting in his pants here, and Christophe got all decisive and shit, making it worse. Forcing him to take it slow. He couldn’t even smell the trash now. Why were they in the dumpster to begin with?</p><p>‘’Christophe-‘’ Gregory moaned, gripping Christophe’s shirt closer. Christophe grunted, sat himself in around Gregory’s legs, and continued to infiltrate his mouth and lick the growing saliva collection around his tongue. It was velvety, peaceful and calm. Gregory didn’t want that. He slid his arms down Christophe’s body, until he was kneading the growing bulge in Christophe’s army pants, his own erection reacting to the touch.</p><p>‘’Oui, dirty boy,’’ Christophe muttered darkly, smirking at Gregory. Gregory kissed his smug face, rubbing him more generously.</p><p>‘’I’m never getting in this rubbish bin again,’’ Gregory decided, getting closer, onto Christophe’s lap, humping his erection through his designer pants. Designer pants that were most definitely trashed now. 

He was slightly disgusted with himself, but mostly smug, because he got to kiss Christophe, after all this time. It made sense, Gregory had never fit in with these trash animals at school, had always defected to his fellow Europeans side. It was just purely instinctual, but he did like Christophe’s dark outlook on life. It was refreshingly real compared to the fake Americans attitudes, their enthusiasm to participate in the rat race of high school, when they were all going to fail once school had kicked them to the curb, realising their achievements meant absolutely nothing. Gregory was above their acceptance, he was beginning to remember.</p><p>‘’I like it’s darkness. ‘Ze principal won’t allow me to dig ‘ze football field any longer, so I must make do,’’ Christophe said, dragging his hips up to meet Gregory</p><p>‘’We could close the curtains and turn off the lights on my bedroom, and it would have the same effect. Only it would smell habitable,’’ Gregory said.</p><p>‘’Maybe I like the trash smell,’’ Christophe muttered, turning his head and allowing Gregory to bite into his neck. 

Gregory licked the bite marks, soothing them, and biting more. It tasted like the dirt on the football field after taking a hit to the head and falling into the grass. Real football, not the clownish attempt at tackling men in an orgy of a game Americans idealized. One of the things Gregory couldn’t stand about America, if he had to say one good thing about the UK, it was they knew how to play a bloody brilliant game of football.</p><p>‘’You can enjoy the properties of dirt in your own time, <em>Ouais</em>? I won’t be joining your crusade to become a mud monster,’’ Gregory said.</p><p>‘’<em>Pauvre petite chose</em>, <em>Tu aimes ça,</em>’’ Christophe mumbled in French. Gregory scowled.</p><p>‘<em>’Va te faire foutre</em>,’’ Gregory replied, sinking his teeth into Christophe’s neck again, not admitting Christophe was probably right. If he’d been willing up until now to basically fuck in a dumpster, it probably meant he was okay with dirt, as long as Christophe was involved. Christophe smirked, like he knew what Gregory was thinking anyway, and Gregory kissed that smirk right off him.</p><p>Getting from blindly humping their erections together to putting each other’s hands down their pants to grip their dicks was simple enough, but the act itself was just a precursor. It meant they were willing to do more, if the location was better. It was behind the school, after all, and students were currently eating in the zoo cage of a cafeteria. 

The chance of one of them coming out here to take a smoke and catch the two of them fucking in a dumpster was always present. So Gregory knew they wouldn’t be doing that. He was still willing to proceed with this though, Christophe’s rough, calloused hand, one that’s been digging holes and strengthening it from hard labour, sliding over Gregory’s cock and pumping him with reckless abandon, was so fucking hot that Gregory was ready to explode. 

Christophe’s cock was big, firm and hot to the touch on Gregory hand, and he used the most finesse he could conjure in such as compromised state, trying to keep a standard of himself to be the best at everything. There was no competition really, because Christophe was rough and big handed, turning Gregory’s usually refined composure into pudding, malleable and weak. 

He hated it. Hated Christophe for doing that to him, so he punished him by tearing Christophe’s pants down- purposefully not giving the bastard time to react, and took his cock right into his mouth, sucking like a maestro. Christophe groaned immediately, to his smug delight, falling back with a growling pant as Gregory took him deeper, trying hard to convey that he could destroy Christophe’s composure if he was dared, and Christophe dared him hard. 

He went all the way, choking his throat with the monster thickening on his tongue, but keeping himself calm and focused, determined to prove he was better. He was better. Better than all of these fucking people.</p><p>He kept bobbing his head, making the tip hit the back of his throat, and didn’t care about the sounds they could hear coming from outside the closed dumpster. Christophe seemed disinterested, pulling Gregory’s hair hard. They only placed the noise as voices when they could both hear them right outside the bin. 

And then a blinding light hit them, opening the lid and gasping in shock.</p><p>‘’Oh my god!’’ A boy exclaimed. Fucking Kenny McCormick.</p><p>Gregory sneered, but didn’t leave Christophe’s cock, kept sucking. Christophe kept his hair in a firm vice grip, as Kenny probably remained gaping at them from over the bin.</p><p>‘’What the hell,’’ Kenny said loudly. Gregory didn’t look up, just flipped Kenny off with his free hand, bobbing his head. Of course that prized whore had discovered them, it was so rich that he was shocked.</p><p>‘’Fuck off cocksucker,’’ Christophe growled, tightening his grip on Gregory’s cock. Gregory moaned in his throat, and kept at it. Kenny guffawed, still annoying present overhead.</p><p>‘’Wow, you guys. I’d always wondered with you two, you know. That’s awesome, though, don’t let me stop you. Good form,’’ Kenny said. Gregory growled in his throat, pissed off now. He would punch McCormick’s lights out right now if he didn’t leave. 

Thankfully, the asshole backed away without another word. Christophe grumbled a curse in French. Annoyingly, Kenny had left the lid open, so now the whole dumpster was illuminated with sunlight, and the mood was dramatically changed, in a bad way.</p><p>Regardless, Gregory finished, in Christophe’s hand, and pulled up enough from Christophe’s cock to slam his head back down, making Christophe spurt right down his throat. Like his treasured school taught him, Gregory swallowed every last drop like a good cadet, and pulled off Christophe’s mouth with a panting gasp. They took a few moments to regain their breath, Christophe was holding Gregory’s arms.</p><p>‘’Fucking McCormick,’’ Gregory said with a roll of his eyes. Christophe waved him off with a grunt, and took out another cigarette from his pant pocket, lighting it up. Gregory swiped his smoke before he could take a drag, inhaling it for himself, staring back at Christophe with narrowed eyes. Christophe scowled, and gestured Gregory to return it.</p><p>‘’I’m not doing that in a dumpster again if prostitutes are going to comment about it,’’ Gregory said. Christophe shrugged, eyeing the cigarette. Gregory returned it to Christophe, placing it between his pursed lips.</p><p>‘’They’re all shit-slinging zoo exhibits anyway. I’d relent your bedroom if you prefer <em>Mon amour,</em>’’ Christophe said, with a surprising softness. Gregory stared.</p><p>‘<em>’Mon amour</em>,’’ Gregory repeated back. He took Christophe’s hand that wasn’t holding the cigarette, and held it.</p><p>‘’Let’s get ‘ze fuck out of here,’’ Christophe said.

</p><p>‘’I just want to do one thing first,’’ Gregory said, deciding he no longer cared to climb the social ladder these pigs so desired. 

Maybe that’s what Christophe had meant when he said to climb into a dumpster and sit there for hours. It wasn’t even about popularity, and if Gregory had taken his head out of his arse for two seconds he’d have realised it’s just not worth it. He deals with people in a very specific way, and it always got the job done.</p><p>Gregory and Christophe left the dumpster, leaving the gas mask behind, Gregory deciding he didn’t need it anymore. He had ten more at home anyway. They headed back into the school, Gregory leading Christophe, looking for someone in specific. He didn’t care for his current appearance, completed ransacked and filthy, some of his come smeared on his pants, giving them an unfortunate shine. Maybe Christophe would accompany him to burn his clothes in his backyard. Make it monumental or something.</p><p>He scouted the halls, perking up when he found the bastard at his locker, talking to the very homosexual individuals that ditched Wendy. Perfect, they could watch.</p><p>Gregory approached Kenny with Christophe trailing close behind him, scowling. Kenny saw them, widening his eyes, then smirking. He bumped Stan and Kyle, towards Gregory. They turned to him, staring, and Gregory ignored them.</p><p>‘’McCormick,’’ Gregory stated, holding himself up. Kenny grinned.</p><p>‘’Did you lucky fuckers enjoy yourselves. I must say, Greg, you’ve got gusto sucking dick like that,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’What?’’ Kyle asked, widening his eyes at Gregory. Gregory sneered at him, didn’t bother a response.</p><p>‘’I’ve got something for you too,’’ Gregory replied. He stepped up to Kenny, who was still grinning like a dickless pig. Whatever that looked like. Gregory removed his black glove, stretched his fingers out, and promptly punched Kenny in the face, knocking him backwards and onto the ground. Whatever these feral creatures were like, they hadn’t attended military training and learnt how to properly punch. Gregory had.</p><p>‘’Dude! What the fuck!’’ Stan exclaimed, kneeling down to Kenny, who was out cold on the ground, his lip bleeding on the ground. Gregory wiped the blood from his knuckles on his shirt, and stood up straighter.</p><p>‘’Right, let’s go,’’ Gregory said, turning back to Christophe, who was smoking, peering at the scene where Kyle and Stan hovered around Kenny, trying to get him up and conscious.</p><p>‘’<em>Enculé</em>,’’ Christophe smirked, taking Gregory’s arm. Gregory scoffed, but he smiled too. Even with all the cocksuckers at their school, none of them were as good as Gregory.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just for those who can’t be bothered looking up the French in the dialogue exchange here’s the translation:</p><p>‘’Poor little thing, you love it,'' Christophe mumbled in French. Gregory scowled.</p><p>‘’Fuck you,’’ Gregory replied, sinking his teeth into Christophe’s neck again, not admitting Christophe was probably right.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. There’s no better place, than San Diego (Stan x Kyle)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Come, take a load off</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Stan can recall from a young age, having a talent for marketing. It’s not like he based his life around it, but there were those memorable moments, where he thought; <em>huh, I’m really good at this. I could do this, like, seriously. </em>And those presumptuous thoughts always led to the same thing. Jacking it in San Diego.</p><p> </p><p>It’s really a funny irony that Kyle was the first person who said it to him, because Stan can distinctly remember everything starting and ending with Kyle, even after the catastrophic childhood that really should’ve required therapy. 

They got away from that town, eventually, but it certainly took awhile to break free, being children, then teens. And it made sense that the only thing Stan brought with him from that psycho childhood was Kyle, because they were a pair. They dealt through it together, and even the town knew that Stan and Kyle were joined at the hip, and wouldn’t be accepted any way less. 

Stan would probably guess that many adults made assumptions about the two of them as they got older. He knew his dad had opinions about it. He even remembers his dad commenting that he couldn’t just hang out with his buddy Kyle, because people would think they were- you know, funny. Stan had no clue what he meant at the time, just thinking being funny was a bad thing, for some reason he kept thinking about even as he was locked in the basement with the Melvins during Mackey’s meteor shower. 

It took him so long to figure out what his father meant, eventually learning through eavesdropping an adults conversation, that it meant gay. And what a fantastic way to, really.</p><p> </p><p>Around about eighth grade, Stan pinpoints the moment they officially got together for the first time, but as far as sexual tension went, well. That shit had been going on years before. But in the end it was a fucking school project, of all clichés. 

They were partnered up for a biology project, about the human body. Yes, the human body, and if it couldn’t get worse, they were forced to discuss male genitalia- imagine that. Something about that day was particularly heavy anyway, but putting a sex infused project on top of it. No longer could they ignore it, and as though on que, they fell onto each other at the same time, kissing and humping their way into an oblivion of the next few years of high school navigating what they were to each other, since it was ludicrous to call themselves super best friends anymore. 

Kyle was the best in the business about agonising over something, so Stan let him take the reins, mostly happy with anything. Navigating involved a lot of in depth talks, and in between talks, involved a lot of dry humping and heavy make outs that inevitably led to Kyle pulling his legs open and giving Stan his virginity on a cold afternoon when they were snowed in Kyle’s bedroom. They seemed to figure it out after that, definably.</p><p> </p><p>The constant fog of bliss and joy they had with each other onto the rest of high school was good enough to distract them from the shitty place they lived, and the shitty lives they’d had dealing with everyone else’s crap, mostly adults. 

They became adults themselves, and quickly got the hell out of that blender box of suffering as soon as they graduated, taking with them only essentials to move to California, and love, he supposes. As if they could’ve left behind any, and it sounds tacky to say they ran away together, high school sweethearts, classic love story. Bleagh, even if it’s totally true.</p><p> </p><p>Stan took with him no aspirations, barely any money from odd weekend jobs, and a shitty car he’d bought when he turned sixteen. He knew Kyle had career goals, and he’d been accepted into UCLA with a scholarship for computer programming. 

He’d been a computer savant since he was a kid, so it made sense banking that skill on an industry that was only getting larger. Stan on the other hand, had no discernible skills that he could utilise by going to college, so he just attended a community college nearby while figuring out what the fuck he wanted to do in life other than be Kyle’s soulmate, which was most of it anyway. He needed money, at least. 

It had actually been a coincidence, getting asked to help sell a go for broke football team trying to make it big in the industry, while he was in college. He’d been playing for the team, in the community college, and the manager asked if the players knew anyone that had any experience in advertising. On a whim, Stan mentioned he’d done music videos and stuff as a kid. And apparently, when he stepped up to assume that role, he was so good that six months later, he was being offered a job for a real sports franchise in Los Angeles. 

And here he is now, one of the heads of marketing for the brand. And like every job he’d taken that could attribute to his growing success as a person, his own ego grew to rates that always led Kyle going off and telling him the same thing. <em>When you’re naked and jacking it in San Diego, don’t ask me for help.</em></p><p> </p><p>Stan had his own office in town, in the franchise’s building site that focused on PR. One of the benefits that Stan’s reaped the rewards to often is the freedom his job has at it’s level. If he wanted to go out for a few hours for lunch, he could, and no one would bat an eye. 

He doesn’t actually go out, he likes the comfort of his office, and the comfort of Kyle coming here for lunch every Monday to Wednesday. Thursday and Friday, Stan went to Kyle’s own work for lunch. But essentially, their day consisted most of each other even as they took essentially opposite careers.</p><p> </p><p>Kyle had made himself at home on Stan’s building level, and everyone knew him and otherwise treated him like a colleague, even if he was the boss’s boyfriend who met up for lunch. Another great thing about this city that was the opposite to South Park, being gay was widely accepted, and they didn’t have to hide or deal with fucking closets.

It was accepted in Stan’s department, which he appreciated, especially when Kyle made friends with his co-workers and tended to act above them in a way Stan couldn’t help interpret as; I have a successful boy in charge of you that sometimes fucks me in this very building office. 

They didn’t do it often, usually when Kyle was driving him crazy, in either way crazy can be interpreted. They fought sometimes when Stan’s head got too big, which usually always led to the same outcome, where he’d say that tagline phrase about San Diego and somehow, Stan would go and do it, again.</p><p> </p><p>Stan was working at his computer when Kyle knocked on his office, holding P.F Chang’s in his arms.</p><p>‘’Oh yay, Chinese food again,’’ Stan grinned, standing up and giving Kyle a kiss as he entered the room, closing the door behind him. Kyle set the bags down on Stan’s big glass desk, one he’d talked about priorly being one of the successful associate asshole desks that smug assholes sat in.</p><p>‘’That five thousand dollar voucher isn’t going to spend itself,’’ Kyle said, opening up the boxes of takeaway. Sometimes they ordered into the office, but usually found it easier for whoever was going to who’s office to pick it up beforehand. Stan took a seat at his desk, grabbing his usual Mongolian beef, and Kyle hoisted himself on the desk facing Stan, starting to pick at his noodles with prawn.</p><p>‘’Did you see Rachel when you came in this morning?’’ Kyle asked, as they picked their meals with chopsticks.</p><p>‘’No, I wasn’t scanning my employees for their presence in the office when I came in at seven in the morning,’’ Stan said, deadpanning. Kyle elbowed him.</p><p>‘’Well, if you’d look up from your own head for a few seconds, you’d find that one of your girls has come to work without wearing a bra. A bra, Stan. That girl has fucking double D’s, what was she thinking?’’ Kyle said, looking scandalised. Stan snorted, finding it amusing that Kyle seemed to care more about employees appearances, as though he was in charge.</p><p>‘’Maybe it’s laundry day for her. I’m not so harsh, I’ll forgive her for one day,’’ Stan said. Kyle scoffed.</p><p>‘’Well, I don’t know if you’ve seen what braless tits do in a thin white button shirt, but it’s not so forgivable,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’You’re trying to do my job again,’’ Stan reminded him with a smile. Kyle glared, and pat Stan’s cheek.</p><p>‘’Oh honey, you really need it,’’ Kyle said, putting a strain of his noodles in his mouth.</p><p>‘’If you want to go up to Rachel and say her tits are showing, be my guest,’’ Stan said. Kyle guffawed.</p><p>‘’I would, you know. But how tragic is a boss getting his boyfriend to tell off his employees about their appearance? I’m just saying what I saw when I came in,’’ Kyle said with a shrug.</p><p>‘’They all know you’re basically the boss anyway,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Yes I am,’’ Kyle said, leaning close to Stan with a grin. Stan bumped his nose, and fed him some Mongolian beef. Kyle’s cheeks were pink when he swallowed, and he gave Stan a moony smile. Just then, the office door opened, and Stan turned.</p><p>‘’Um, Mr Marsh we have- oh! Sorry!’’ one of the new employees on the level, Matt, widened his eyes at Stan and Kyle. Kyle turned over his shoulder to look at him, giving him an unimpressed look, as though he actually was the boss after all. Stan hid a smirk, and looked back at Matt.</p><p>‘’What is it?’’ Stan said, watching as Matt flushed at the door.</p><p>‘’I- um. It can wait, sorry!’’ Matt said, turning back to the door.</p><p>‘’Wait,’’ Kyle said. Matt turned back around, an anxious look on his face as he glanced between Stan and Kyle.</p><p>‘’I haven’t seen you around, are you new in the office?’’ Kyle asked.</p><p>‘’Uh, yeah. It’s my second week here,’’ Matt said uneasily.</p><p>‘’Do you know who I am?’’ Kyle asked. Matt opened his mouth, then shut it, glancing at Stan. Stan raised his eyebrows.</p><p>‘’Well?’’</p><p>‘’You’re, um, Mr Marsh’s-‘’ Matt left off there, gesturing his hands.</p><p>‘’Just say it,’’ Kyle said impatiently.</p><p>‘’Partner?’’ Matt said quietly, looking like he could sink into the ground and get swallowed. Kyle harrumphed.</p><p>‘’Right, and like everyone in this office is already aware, I am in Stan’s office at a very specific time every day. And this time, can usually be classified as a lunch break, correct? So you can take from this, to either knock and wait for a welcoming response if it’s urgent, or come back later. If you want to get anywhere where you are right now, you need to follow the rules, or you will fail. There’s nothing else to it, so fuck off and let us enjoy our lunch, please,’’ Kyle said, giving Matt an expectant stare. And just as commanded, Matt quickly fucked off out of the room, hastily shutting the door behind him. Stan huffed.</p><p>‘’And you say my ego’s getting too big,’’ Stan said, smirking despite the unprofessionalism.</p><p>‘’I just get pissed off, when they interrupt like that. I mean, what if we’d been fucking or something!’’ Kyle said. Stan snorted.</p><p>‘’Then I would’ve locked the door. Cut the guy some slack, he’s new,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Well why didn’t his co-workers warn him? They all know I come here at one in the afternoon, every Monday through Wednesday, in a fucking protocol. We make it easier for them. I mean, really, you’re being awfully lax with your department, Stan. My guys are much more respectful in IT,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’You mean the dorks that work for you. Those guys wouldn’t intrude without a written invitation, an email and verbal consent all at once,’’ Stan said. Kyle laughed, and put down his container of noodles, pulling Stan’s rollable chair in front of him.</p><p>‘’You know what I was thinking about before?’’ Stan said, holding Kyle’s arms while he leaned down close to Stan’s face.</p><p>‘’Hmm?’’</p><p>‘’San Diego,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Ha! Which one?’’ Kyle said, grinning.</p><p>‘’All of them, or maybe the last time most,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’I can’t believe you actually went to San Diego from that anti-bullying video. I was being metaphorical, because you suddenly thought you were hot shit, and were just as full of it as those assholes on television. And you actually went and jacked off in San Diego,’’ Kyle said, giggling.</p><p>‘’The first two times was just dancing, anyway. You know I’ll do anything you tell me to, goddamn you,’’ Stan said, pulling Kyle closer. Kyle smirked, and opened his mouth for Stan when he licked past his lips into his mouth, tasting the Chinese food. Stan remembered the first time wistfully, and how it all started.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>The aftermath of Butters going crazy and beating the hell out of Dr Oz on television made the whole school hate Stan’s guts. He was booed and shunned for being the director of the anti-bullying video that started it all, and even Kyle gave him a scoff and a look as though he told him so, before turning his back to him, which was essentially Stan’s breaking point. 

Recalling what Kyle said, and what others later quoted to him, he decided, fuck it! Taking a plane from South Park to San Diego to get naked and dance in the streets to the backdrop of a catchy finger clicking tune wouldn’t even crack top ten on the craziest things in Stan’s life, so he didn’t really think twice. The act itself wasn’t even that embarrassing, because he was a fucking kid, and it’s not like he was that attached to strangers opinions of him.</p><p>And when the dust cleared, the song ended, and the finger clacking stopped, Stan went home. And just like everything else, the earth felt like it reset, and everything went back to normal. He was liked slash tolerated at school, people ignored him just like before he became a big deal, and Butters came back to school, spouting off about how he’d finally dealt with his bully, his own way. Stan didn’t care, because everything went back to normal, as normal South Park could be classified as anyway. Kyle responded to Stan’s literal response to his warning by a look of utter disbelief. 

Stan was actually proud, that he’d managed to surprise Kyle like that, after him being so obnoxiously right, after Stan was obnoxiously self-righteous. And things went back to normal, as always. Except the memory, he supposes, and the knowledge that this was the way to purge his ego when it became too big. In the purely insane way that seemed to function for them for the foreseeable future.</p><p>The next time Stan was forced to go through that whole process again was quite recent after the first. After the catastrophic experience with ziplining, Stan made a vow to teach others to do anything else with their time, to drain the market and stop the whole travesty of an outdoor activity. And it worked. It worked so well, that the marketing campaign Stan did for his ziplining awareness videos was just a blinding call for him to feel exceedingly proud and satisfied with himself. 

He was just so impressed that he’d made it big on making a video yet again, and all by himself that time. Flukes like that didn’t happen twice, Stanley had a talent. And of course, like all times he would feel in awe of himself in a way that started affecting his life, Kyle got involved. And yet again, Kyle began an argument that inevitably ended with him blowing up and warning him again; <em>When you’re naked and jacking it in San Diego, don’t ask me for help! </em>

Kyle had just gotten out of hospital, after his nasal treatment, and he was testy already, the reliable hospital hater he was. Seeing Stan’s head get too big to fit through school hallways was just too much to endure again. 

Stan doesn’t blame him, and he’s been through this process enough times to know his head does easily inflate when given the chance, so it didn’t take the whole school hating him this time to just pack his shit, and go on back down to San Diego to dance that ridiculous number. When he returned, Kyle was impressed, conveying it behind a raised eyebrow and an incredulous smirk that Stan could decipher with his eyes closed.</p><p>He didn’t do anything remotely related to marketing, until a week later, when he started a movement to Stan for standing, to STANd ground. Supporting the farmers of Belarus.</p><p>Okay, after <em>that</em>, he didn’t do anything remotely related to marketing, until he was twenty two years old.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>Kyle pulled Stan in between his legs as they kissed on the desk, lapping at his mouth with a heavy breath, holding Stan’s shirt tightly. Stan was tracing lines up and down Kyle’s body, his thighs, inching closer to his crotch as Kyle made work of his mouth. 

It was never uncommon to end lunches like this, and something about Chinese food always made them like this, hungry and ready to attack, barely restraining themselves. Stan used to be very reckless with Kyle when he first earned this position in the company when he was twenty two, putting him against the desk, on the chair, against the frosted window separating his office from the rest of the department. 

This constant sexed up attitude was correspondent for both of them, but it was partly due to the sudden sense of success and accomplishment on Stan’s part when he sold his first campaign, earning the company a place on the cover of a big wig magazine. Fair to say, the company rewarding this with his promotion and stardom at such a young age, boosted his ego to disproportionate rates, as expected. 

And forever is Stan grateful, that Kyle nipped it in the bud as soon as he sensed Stan’s altered state of mind in the worst way. And the way he did it too, is to this day, at 30 years old, one of Stan’s favourite memories. Paying true homage to their second favourite seaside city.</p><p>Kyle held Stan’s head to his neck as he started pressing kisses there, sucking lightly, and growing harder, sweltering with irrational pride that Kyle will go back to his work with highly visibly hickeys, and everyone under his watch will know exactly who put it there. Kyle thread his fingers through Stan’s hair as he made little bites, and started humming in a tune. Like a beacon, Stan blasted into full blown leaking in his pants hardness at the way Kyle hummed, which was identical to the way he did that day. Kyle grinned, like he knew.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>Stan sat on the edge of the bed, holding the sheets in a vice grip, while trying not to lose his mind as he distracted himself with looking out the window that was mostly blocked out by the heavy curtain. In the hotel room, it was rather dark and funny smelling, and noticing things like certain stains on the ceiling, was helpful. How did stains even end up on the ceiling? Was it champagne corks of bachelor parties aimed callously, or late night hook ups that ended with ejaculation spurting in the weirdest place ever? Fuck, don’t think about ejaculation. He’s trying to last here.</p><p>Stan looked back out the window, seeing peeks of the city traffic, bustling by in a surprising rush for such a laid back city. Stan should’ve been used to it, seeing this city, and it’s interesting characters. That was why he was here now after all. He’d been bad again, and he was doing this necessary deed to clean his mind from pretentious self-righteousness. That’s why he was sitting on the edge of a smoky San Diego Hotel room bed, with all of his clothes off and a fully dressed Kyle sucking his cock.</p><p>He was trying so hard not to peek, because it felt so imperative not to come yet, even when the temptation of gazing lustfully at Kyle while his throat bobbed and his curls shook at every attempt to choke harder on dick, because so bad that he thought he might come from resisting. 

It was a penance, really, being here, like every other time in his childhood, but this was the first time that Kyle actually accompanied him to carry out the punishment for getting a too-big ego again. It was also the first time he could actually jack off while in San Diego. He’d only ever danced before, and come to think of it, he hadn’t actually jacked off at all since they arrived here this visit. Kyle just ordered him to strip naked and got right on his knees and put his mouth on Stan’s dick like he was praying to it. And now here Stan was, on the verge of both sobbing in relief and praying to Kyle like he was a deity. He may as well be.</p><p>It was funny how it happened this time. Stan was flying high in the company, landing what he’d probably consider the most successful campaigns of his career. On the front of a sporting magazine, that’s was the kind of stardom the company looked for, so of course they promoted Stan to be the head of his own office, because he was obvious going places. After that, he started wanting things in the other parts of his life. He wanted a better car, sick of the pile of crap he’d brought with him from South Park. He wanted expensive food, despite their budgets still teetering, with Kyle just getting a job in IT, fresh out of UCLA with a degree in computer programming. 

Money had always been tight, and they were used to that, so the strain of Stan suddenly wanting things based on his current advertising success, was jolting. It led to a blow up fight at their small apartment in the bustling centre of Los Angeles, which led to Kyle yelling that he wasn’t going to put up with this shit again, and pack your fucking bags, we’re going to fucking San Diego.</p><p>They talked a lot on the trip down, which they were able to drive down instead of fly, to be able to talk. And talk they did. Between the two hours of driving, their conversations ranged from shouting matches to sobbing breakdowns about their problems to intense, very rational need that eventually led to hastily getting a second rate hotel on the highway, and nearly kicking the door down in anticipation, kissing and rubbing against each other into the room in a flurry of emotions. 

And now this, and now Stan was looking, watching Kyle as he locked eyes with Stan, moaning around his cock and bobbing his head, his lips stretched around it. Kyle pulled off with a gasp, and licked a wide swath up the shaft, all while staring at Stan. Stan was just about ready to explode, and reached for Kyle. He pulled him up, connected with his mouth, locking tongues. 

Kyle shimmied out of his pants while kissing, trying to adjust while in Stan’s lap on the bed, switching hands as he held Stan’s face.</p><p>‘’You- ah, you need to follow the rules,’’ Kyle panted, throwing his pants on the ground, somewhere forgotten, Stan couldn’t care less.</p><p>‘’Wha? Rules?’’ Stan asked, distracted with Kyle’s fat debauched lips, from sucking dick for so long. He was bursting here, and wasn’t going to last much longer if Kyle kept rubbing his own erection down on him like he was, flicking his hips down. Kyle leaned close, fractions away from touching. Stan felt his heavy breath on his face.</p><p>‘’It’s like the song,’’ Kyle said, leaning over Stan as he fell back against the bed. ‘’Jackin’ it, jackin’ it, jackity jack,’’ Kyle sung. Stan widened his eyes, not even remembering the song until now.</p><p>‘’Are you gonna make me do it myself?’’ Stan asked. Kyle grinned, licking Stan’s bottom lip.</p><p>‘’Nah, baby. I always warned you, don’t ask me for help. You were good before, you did it yourself. So I’ll help you this time,’’ Kyle said, sliding his hand down and gripping Stan’s come slick cock. Stan whined in his throat, letting his head fall back on the bed. Kyle kissed around his mouth in little pecks, pumping him slowly and firmly, making Stan precome like crazy. 

Stan’s eyes fluttered open when he heard Kyle humming the San Diego song tune, seemingly distracted with jacking him off, while singing about it. Kyle glanced at Stan, smiling.</p><p>‘’There’s no better place for jackin’ it, than San Diego,’’ Kyle sung in a whisper, breaking off in a stuttered moan when Stan promptly started feeling Kyle’s own erection, now imagining the tune play overheard them as they took the metaphor hilariously literally. It wasn’t even a metaphor anymore, it had become a new meaning between them, like an inside joke they’d have away from the other kids back at school.</p><p>‘’Spankin' it, jackin' it, spankety-smack,’’ Stan sung back, pulling Kyle in for a sweltering kiss. Kyle gasped away again after a few seconds.</p><p>‘’Jackin’ for the lord!’’ Kyle sung in a higher pitch, darting back down for Stan’s mouth. Stan muffled a laugh in Kyle’s mouth, and that did it, he was coming a goddamn tsunami into Kyle’s hand, it felt like. Kyle was right along with him, and they kissed through their orgasms, tumbling around on the bed. After a while, Kyle pulled away, breathing and putting his head on Stan’s chest.</p><p>‘’I don’t know why I chose this city. This place fucking sucks. I wanna go home now, if you’re not gonna be a jerk anymore,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Yeah, no. I learnt my lesson. We can go, maybe just take a moment, to rest. You’ve been either screaming or crying for the past two days,’’ Stan said, holding Kyle close to him.</p><p>‘’Well can you blame me? You’ve been a class A dick, and you were doing that annoying self-righteous asshole thing. I didn’t know if you’d come out of it, and really, I don’t think I could live with you if you stayed like that, which is fucking scary to think about, because you’re like the only thing I brought with me from my childhood,’’ Kyle said, cosying into Stan’s embrace. Stan sighed, brushing hair out of Kyle’s face.</p><p>‘’I can’t believe you know that song,’’ Stan said, after it had been quiet for a while, listening to the cars from the highway through the shitty thin walls.</p><p>‘’Everyone knows that song, it was like, Stan’s song in elementary. I’d see people singing it as you passed by,’’ Kyle chuckled.</p><p>‘’Aww, shit. I didn’t even know,’’ Stan said, wondering how he’d never heard that.</p><p>‘’I thought you knew, and just ignored them, because you’re mister bullying-must-kill-itself. Brilliant contradiction, by the way,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’I was ten years old, give me a break,’’ Stan huffed, though he was hiding a smile in Kyle’s hair.</p><p>‘’Don’t give me that bullshit, Stanley. You were a very advanced kid, look at the shit we used to do,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’So now I was amazing? I thought I was supposed to practise being humble,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Only I can compliment you. Start complimenting yourself again and I’ll have no choice but to jack you off in San Diego,’’ Kyle said. Stan laughed.</p><p>‘’Sounds like precedent,’’ Stan said. Kyle smirked, titling his head to look at Stan.</p><p>‘’You won’t like it, because as long as we’re here, you can’t have any access to my ass. So it’ll be strictly teenage adolescence dick touching. That’s your punishment for letting yourself think you’re too amazing for offbrand toilet paper,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’That’s fair, but I won’t be doing it again. I promise,’’ Stan said, tugging Kyle into a spoon position. Kyle sighed, shifting himself back.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>‘’I did keep my promise, though. I’ve been pretty good I think, for running my own area in the company now,’’ Stan said, reminiscing that day.</p><p>‘’Don’t get cocky, Stan,’’ Kyle said, licking Stan’s bottom lip in a seductive way that was too successful, making Stan’s erection strain against his work pants.</p><p>‘’But I think, ah, it really won’t happen again. I’ve grown to learn how to control impulses and, ah, stuff,’’ Stan said, breathing heavier as Kyle started rubbing him through his pants, while teasing his mouth with his tongue.</p><p>‘’Even the impulse to take me and fuck me into the desk where you think about during the day all the other times you’ve fucked me against the desk?’’ Kyle asked.</p><p>‘’Don’t be mean,’’ Stan said, thinking about this now, and how during the end of the day, he’s always particularly anxious to get home to Kyle, when he’s not really concentrating on work as much as everywhere in this office they’ve done it. They’re not sex addicts, okay. They’re just horny teenagers that never grew up.</p><p>‘’I’m being mean to myself, if anything! I think about this all fucking day, even if we’ve fucked before work,’’ Kyle said. Stan grinned, knowing he was the same.</p><p>‘’San Diego was fun though, still. The last trip made it for me,’’ Stan, slightly changing the subject, trying not to think about those other things.</p><p>‘’That city was an atrocity, really. I’m glad we’re not going back,’’ Kyle said, giving Stan a look, as though not to contradict his statement by needing to go back at some point in the future. Stan tugged Kyle to him again.</p><p>‘’I know, we don’t need to anymore,’’ Stan assured him. Kyle kissed him, letting Stan know he believed him, trusted him to keep that promise. Stan had something better than self-importance anyway, and kissed his prize again, revelling in his eternal reward.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Classic cut before the office sex haha</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Knock Knees (Stan x Kyle)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There’s a good reason Stan has never gotten drunk with Kyle.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm usually writing past tense, so I though I'd shake it up and right present tense. I know right? Cara-azy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>There’s a good reason Stan has never gotten drunk with Kyle. Stan could blame the fact that Kyle is usually a prude who doesn’t condone his sometimes habits. And of course Kyle knows about them, because what the hell doesn’t he know? Stan can’t keep a goddamn secret from him if he tried. Though he does, very hard, and he feels like all his energy is dedicated to this one important secret, and just can’t preserve energy for any others. That would be nice, but he knows it’s just because the truth is frankly so gross that he wouldn’t survive Kyle knowing about it.</p><p>So why he thinks sharing a stolen bottle of vodka from his dad with Kyle is in any way a good idea, befuddles him when he calls Kyle and tells him to come over to drink it together. Maybe he’s bored and lonely, and would risk it to get Kyle drunk. He <em>is</em> sixteen, prime age to muck around, and jerking off just doesn’t make him comfortable, despite the rumours that this is the horniest age for boys. 

He feels horny- ugh that word, but he likes physical contact, can’t really get off imagining things. He’s never been good at it. And since he’s not getting anything physical either, it’s clear that sometimes he feels like a livewire with his spontaneous and very irritating arousal. Though that’s not related to Kyle, so bringing it up is misleading. Whoops.</p><p>Kyle tells him he doesn’t like drinking over the phone, and Stan blatantly begs him. Okay- he’s shameless with Kyle, so embarrassment is mostly out the window for them by now, and Kyle knows Stan well enough to hear that it’s not about actually drinking, though it is, but that Stan just wants some company. It’s hot right now, his room is dark and shady from the closed curtain, but the sweltering heat makes him sweat and long to take off his shirt. He won’t do it straight away. He doesn’t want Kyle to enter his room thinking he’s being propositioned or some shit. He’s not. It’s just hot. But Stan will relent until they’re drinking.</p><p>Stan is sitting up on his bed when Kyle arrives, the illicit bottle perched between his legs as he welcomes Kyle into his room, seeing Kyle’s taken his hat off for the summer occasion, which is different. It’s nice, Stan always liked Kyle’s hair, and he sometimes wanted to mindlessly spring his curls back and forth. If Kyle’s hair was straight, it would be past his shoulders, which would look super girly, and Stan guiltily would love to see it. He’d like to style it, actually, attempt the difficult looking braids he sees the girls doing at school to each other. Maybe he could do it today? If Kyle got relaxed enough to consent, maybe. That statement sounds oddly sexual, but Stan swears to himself that it’s just nerves, making him fuddle words in his head.</p><p>The idea makes Stan giddy that he could do that though, and he’s smiling as Kyle props himself up on the bed facing Stan and is pulling his bony knees up to his chest. He’s wearing a striped green t-shirt and some shorts that Stan might think are too short from a certain angle, but just look good now, corresponding to his skinny and lithe frame with the right amount of tightness and bagginess.</p><p>‘’What?’’ Kyle asks when Stan continues to smile at him.</p><p>‘’Nothing. Are you actually gonna join me in drinking?’’ he asks, a little skeptical that Kyle would actually do it, even if he’s here in physical body, staring at Stan like he’s annoyed Stan made him come here, and he listened to him anyway. Stan’s flattered mostly, though they follow each other with whatever they’re doing anyway, so he should stop being proud of that at some point. Not now though, he’ll ride out his pride a little longer, just ‘cause.</p><p>‘’I suppose I will. It’ll be good to get experience before high school parties start happening anyway, so I won’t look like a dork to people like you who know how to drink,’’ Kyle says, eyeing the bottle leaning against Stan’s thigh, as though it’ll make him inebriated by just staring at it. Stan chuckles.</p><p>‘’I don’t <em>really</em> know, and I haven’t had vodka before anyway,’’ Stan says. He’s tried whiskey and beer, and it’s nice and all, but it’s not the kind of drink he wants to introduce Kyle to, because of its less happy memories that always tag along. It wouldn’t feel like this, mid-afternoon, in the hazy dark bedroom, a nervous kind of energy buzzing between them as though they’re actually excited about what’s to come, even Kyle, and are just scared to proceed. He wants to make a good memory with booze, one like all the other good ones that involve Kyle. Yeah, that’s why he invited him over. Makes sense now.</p><p>‘’So are we just gonna stare at each other, or are we gonna start?’’ Kyle asks after a pause, waiting with an impassive expression. Stan briefly hesitates, though he’s got no reason to. He wants to, and he opens the bottle, making a pop with the lid. He hoists the clear sloshing liquid around in the square glass bottle, and lifts it to his lips, unable to stop himself from closing his eyes as he takes in a swig of the vodka.</p><p>And burn. Fire. Inferno of hot lava and chemical explosions in his mouth.</p><p>Stan coughs violently and sticks his tongue out, feeling it burn from the deceivingly tasteless liquid. It scratches down his throat like demons prying his oesophagus open with needle claws, and Stan has to pinch his eyes close for the feeling to settle.</p><p>‘’Is it that bad?’’ Kyle asks him after a moment, and Stan opens his eyes. Kyle looks scared, nervous to attempt it himself, though his eyes are growing braver and more curious seeing Stan. The fiery taste is still lingering in his mouth, but it’s actually turned to something akin to pleasure. That might be stretching it, maybe he’s just more used to it as he tastes more, like putting a finger in hot wax, at first it’s insufferably bad and painful, but then the pain turns prideful or something, and starts to feel numb with tingly niceness.</p><p>‘’Here,’’ Stan offers the bottle over, letting Kyle have his turn to feel the tingly too. Kyle sifts it in his hands for a while, staring at it, and glancing back at Stan with a red face when he realises he’s waiting. Not really, but Stan’s just looking forward to see if Kyle’s a lightweight, or if he’s a giggly drunk, or an angry drunk, or a flirty drunk, or a tired drunk. Anything will be exciting really. He watches Kyle finally puts the bottle to his lips, and takes a gulp, wincing and closing his eyes. He soon as he swallows he’s coughing just as bad as Stan, and scowling with a red face- aimed at Stan this time.</p><p>‘’Are you trying to fucking poison me?’’ Kyle asks bitterly, glaring and coughing.</p><p>‘’I think it just tastes bad.’’</p><p>‘’It tastes like hell.’’</p><p>Stan took the bottle back, taking another sip- carefully this time. Nope! Poison, that’s accurate.</p><p>‘’Ugh,’’ Stan groans, trying to avoid Kyle’s shit-eating know-it-all eyes.</p><p>‘’Maybe it needs something else in it,’’ Kyle suggests instead of gloating, and Stan’s thankful, and newly curious.</p><p>‘’Like what?’’</p><p>Kyle shrugs, staring at the bottle, ‘’Maybe something sweet to counter the bitter burning, or null it.’’</p><p>‘’We’ve got soft drink downstairs, I heard people add vodka to those sorts of things,’’ Stan says, trying to think of situations he’s actually seen that. Mostly in movies, he supposes. Kyle brightens anyway, seeming to like that idea.</p><p>‘’What kind to you have?’’ Kyle asks.</p><p>‘’Why does it matter?’’</p><p>‘’Because I don’t want gross orange flavoured shit mixed with fire,’’ Kyle says, glaring as if Stan should know this. And of course he does, Kyle hates Fanta and Dr Pepper, and loves sprite, mountain dew, and cola. It’s been the same forever, and of course Stan knows that.</p><p>‘’We’ve got sprite, if his majesty prefers?’’ Stan suggests. Kyle punches his shoulder, smirking.</p><p>‘’Sprite will do, I think,’’ Kyle says, taking the bottle back and seeming to consider another sip, and going against it. Stan hops up from the bed, suddenly feeling obligated to pat Kyle’s head or something equally affectionate as he leaves, and he writes it off as pre-emptive drunkenness, opening the door of his dark room and heading downstairs.</p><p>A few moments later, he’s quickly back, carrying a bottle of sprite and two cups, not wanting to miss out on anything. He hasn’t, Kyle is lying back against Stan’s bedhead, knees splayed out, reading the label on the vodka.</p><p>‘’This stuff is supposedly pretty strong in alcohol concentration,’’ Kyle says as Stan settles himself back on the other side of the twin bed, balancing the sprite and cups down, and opening the sprite. It fizzles with a light hiss, loud in the silent and eerie room, and Stan busies himself with pouring half the sprite into the cups, thinking that it’s enough to counter the flavour of vodka. They’ll experiment regardless. Kyle sits back up and opens the vodka bottle again, and proceeds to pour each cup until they’re nearly overflowing at the top.</p><p>‘’That’s probably too much,’’ Stan says when they each take a cup for a taste. Kyle shrugs and takes a big sip. Stan follows, immediately satisfied when he tastes bubbly sweetness only hinted with bitterness. It’s nice, and obviously Kyle agrees, who gulps down more.</p><p>‘’Nup, that’s good,’’ Kyle says with a grin. Stan wonders if he took any more sips of the vodka while he was getting the sprite. He doesn’t seem drunk or anything close to it though, or maybe that’s just Stan. He’s starting to feel a little flushed in his cheeks, but that might also be the heat, which is now making a steady drip trickle down Stan’s back. He’ll take off his shirt soon, maybe.</p><p>‘’I wouldn’t mind drinking this for the rest of the afternoon,’’ Kyle says after he’s finished his cup, and is pouring himself another. Stan finishes his too, not wanting to appear he can’t keep up. He just likes staring at Kyle more than doing his own thing. Kyle remains oblivious, busying himself on the bed where their makeshift bar balances on the sheets. Stan actually prefers it like this, a hidden dark world they get to try this, and not some pressure filled party with obnoxious onlookers that never gave a damn about Stan unless he proves himself. Who needs that shit? Kyle has everything he needs, even as he just pokes his tongue out as little as he hoists the vodka into the cup- maybe a little too enthusiastically, it sloshes a little out onto the sheets.</p><p>‘’Calm down dude. It’s not going anywhere,’’ Stan says with a grin, enjoying it. Kyle rolls his eyes, and takes his drink to his lips again, pacing himself this time. Stan takes the time to fill his own cup back up, sighing in what could probably be contentment, it certainly feels like it. They’re relaxed and taking their time, not rushing anything, and it’s disarmingly calming. This might tie for the best day he’s had this summer, competing with the time they went swimming in Starks pond one unbearably hot night, where they snuck out of their houses to meet with Cartman and Kenny. Cartman was annoying, but Stan was in such a good mood, laughing against Kyle as they wade through the refreshingly cool water, that he couldn’t be fazed. He wants to do that again, and he wonders if they could tonight. Probably not if they actually get drunk, which is the plan. His parents are out of town for date night, apparently a new theatre production is showing in Denver. His dad promised not to go overboard again, and Stan half trusts him to keep that promise, though he doesn’t care either way. But they’ll be gone for the night, staying in town to avoid driving late at night.</p><p>It actually only takes two more cups of the vodka infused sprite to actually start feeling buzzed, and Stan can tell that Kyle is starting to feel it too. They’re laughing about something that happened during the school year, about Butters embarrassing himself in front of the class again. They’re both sitting cross-legged across from each other, sprite and vodka balanced against their legs, and empty cups clutched haphazardly in their hands. Stan can tell because Kyle’s usual laugh is getting a little off kilter, more outrageous and freefalling. He loves it, actually, and wants to see what other mysteries his best friend could only open up with this miracle drink. He doesn’t actually think like that, really, he does know, but right now everything is so right with the world, mostly in this bedroom.</p><p>The sunset is fazing through the curtains, and Stan is so relaxed he wants to meditate, do something equally gay like that, just to elevate himself even more into this incredible feeling. Kyle is back to leaning against the headboard, smiling faintly at the last joke that’s now died off, peering slightly through his trembling strawberry eyelashes that catch glints of the dying sunlight. It’s pretty fucking magnificent, catching those rare peeks of a beauty that’s normally closed off to anyone who can’t see through Kyle’s normally short tempered demeanour. Stan stuck around because he can see through it, and he alone gets to reap the rewards of the particular treasure trove that revealed to people who stuck around and proved themselves long enough. No one else understood, because Kyle kept it locked away from everyone but Stan, hatefully baring his teeth to anyone who attempts to unlock the chest before they’ve earned it.</p><p>Stan watches as Kyle brings the cup back to his lips, sipping quietly while staring out into space, looking peaceful.</p><p>‘’Can I braid your hair?’’ Stan asks without thinking. Kyle darts his eyes back to him, now glinting with humour, as if disbelief of what he heard.</p><p>‘’What?’’</p><p>‘’Can I braid your hair?’’ Stan repeats, deciding he won’t be embarrassed if Kyle calls him a fag or anything. He won’t, Stan knows it. Kyle keeps staring in amusement, keeping his cup in front of his smile.</p><p>‘’You want to braid my hair, Stanley?’’ Kyle asks softly, surprising Stan with its gentleness, as if the question back is permission in itself. Stan nods slowly, not sure if he should make a grander request to balance it out. He just really wants to put his hands through that fucking hair, which is now catching the light and making it glimmer with shining gold copper.</p><p>‘’Why?’’ Kyle asks, putting the cup back down. The question is so mild that Stan has to suspect he’s not immediately offended by that idea, just curious. Stan shrugs.</p><p>‘’I like your hair, and I don’t get to see it often. I just want to touch it,’’ Stan admits, meeting Kyle’s blaring green eyes, which are sympathetic.</p><p>‘’I know you do. Every time I don’t have my hat on, you stare more than usual,’’ Kyle smiles, though his tone is slightly sad, as if there’s something wrong with that statement and saying it.</p><p>‘’I always wonder what it would look like if it was straightened out,’’ Stan says, smiling too. Kyle snorts, sitting back again. Stan didn’t notice they were both leaning forward to each other, staring. Well, the vodka’s working, is all Stan can say.</p><p>‘’You want to straighten my hair and braid it huh? What do I get in return?’’ Kyle asks with humour in his tone, and also something more subtle, though it knocks Stan back a little with the force of it.</p><p>‘’I’d let you braid mine, but it’s not long enough to do anything fun with it,’’ Stan says, brushing at his bangs hanging just above his eyebrows. He’s only got his hair just curling below his ears, but it’s certainly not long enough to do the kind of things Stan wants to with Kyle’s. Kyle seems to be thinking now, staring a little unfocused, absently clutching his hand around his empty cup.</p><p>‘’This will be a one time thing,’’ Kyle warns, holding his finger up, and Stan is so overtaken that he actually gets to do it that he’s nodding manically, leaning forward excitedly like he can get in there right now. Kyle looks weary of this development, but mostly amused by Stan, which Stan will fucking take. He practically prances out of bed, thinking of the hair straightener in Shelley’s room, nearly knocking over the sprite in his overzealousness. Would he risk getting beat up for the chance to play with Kyle’s hair?</p><p>Most fucking definitely.</p><p>So here Stan is, catapulting back into the bedroom after sneaking into her empty bedroom to take the straightener from her vanity mirror, and holding a handful of elastic bands in his other hand, while staring at Kyle with swaying vision. Kyle sits up again, now just drinking straight from the bottle of vodka, and grins when he sees Stan. Stan grins back, as though it’s an inside joke they’re sharing.</p><p>Kyle shifted himself facing the pillow, the back of his head toward Stan as Stan takes his spot back on the bed. He uses an outlet beside his bed to connect the hair straightener. He knows how to use it, vaguely, after seeing his mother use it on Shelley for her tenth grade formal. He’s confident enough to know he won’t ruin Kyle’s hair in the process. He can’t- it’s too precious. And here it is in front of him, offering itself up like naked trust, his bouncy curls dancing in the dim sunset like the party there is just getting started. And it is.</p><p>Stan can’t resist running his hands through his scalp first, feeling his dignified curls spring back after Stan musses them in teasing reassurance. He can hear in the otherwise silent room the measure puffs of Kyle’s breath, and the additional slosh of the bottle of vodka as he takes another sip.</p><p>‘’Not even masking it with sprite?’’ Stan asks when he feels like he’s getting too much at once from being able to molest his hair like this without protest. Kyle grunts.</p><p>‘’I can’t really taste it anymore. I guess that means it worked,’’ Kyle says. Stan holds his hand out to take it back, and Kyle passes it over. Stan tries a long gulp himself, and though the burning sensation is back, it’s much more diluted and faded than before. Stan realises he’s standing up on his knees, and buckles, feeling suddenly dizzy. He accidently leans down right into a face full of Kyle’s hair, and he can smell it now, breathing that shampoo that smells so much like Kyle and wildflowers. Stan realises he’s holding Kyle’s shoulders as he breathes in his hair, and Kyle has noticed, tensing his shoulders slightly and making his breathing more staggered.</p><p>‘’Sorry,’’ Stan says, feeling like he created that sudden awkwardness by being drunk, or just a creepy weirdo.</p><p>‘’It’s’kay,’’ Kyle says, slurring slightly, or was that mumbling? ‘’You can continue.’’</p><p>Stan sits back, reassessing his surroundings, what he’s supposed to be doing other than dreaming about eating red curls for dessert. Right, doing up Kyle’s hair like a girl, like Stan’s always wanted. Stan leans over Kyle to the outlet and plugs it in- or wait, he already did that. He takes the device and turns it on, reading on the tab stuck to it that you must wait for it to heat up first. Stan knew that, he was just testing it.</p><p>Taking Kyle’s voluminous springing girth of hair into a straightener bit by bit takes time, and they certainly have it. Stan sits back and hums as he strokes the hot rod through, clamping Kyle’s hair and forcing it into sleekness, Stan won’t let himself see the final view until it’s all done. Kyle sits in front of him with his back to him, sipping through the bottle that they pass back and forth, and sighing with more volume the longer Stan continues on.</p><p>He’s gotten a boner, weirdly, but he’s honestly surprised he didn’t get one with his face in Kyle’s hair before. It’s because of the way Kyle breathes, being the loudest sound in the room, in a tiredly needing way that makes Stan’s cock bead with precome in his underwear as he works. He doesn’t pay it attention, because what kind of fucking attention would he pay it huh? The way Kyle’s breathing makes him think Kyle wants him to deal with it then and there, but of course Stan’s just drunkenly interpreting it this way, out of stubborn hope.</p><p>He ignores it and continues, even as he starts to sweat under his shirt even more, making his whole body feel hot and limp, other than his cock, which is now painfully hard, because Kyle slightly moaned, barely aware he did it. Stan sits up on his knees and hovers over the sides of Kyle’s face to get the sides straightened, and his cock is suddenly at risk of bumping into Kyle’s back like a brandished sword. Stan pushes his hips back as far as they go, to get away from that possibility, made harder when Kyle slumps a little in his posture, sighing out louder than he dared before, and Stan notices his eyes are closed. Is he enjoying this?</p><p>He gets it out of his head best he can when the result of imagining such makes his gut pool with heat that goes straight you know where. He probably wouldn’t even have to be drunk to be this hard, because Kyle’s so irresistible already that Stan can barely believe all this time he hasn’t humiliated himself by getting hard in his company. When they went midnight swimming at Starks pond that time, Kyle accidently brushed their legs together at points in the water, and that made Stan hard. He had to stay in the water until it disappeared, and that took a while, because Kyle stayed in with him.</p><p>Facing Kyle right now would be painful, but Stan needs to get the front of his hair still, and he can’t reach it from here without hitting Kyle with his erection.</p><p>‘’Turn around,’’ Stan orders, waiting with the hot straightener in his hand as Kyle sighs and shifts until he’s facing Stan, still cross-legged. Stan sits down, hoping that he can distract Kyle by working on his hair so he won’t look down at his lap. Kyle’s focus is wholly on him though, watching him with lidded eyes and pink cheeks, which Stan gets the obscene desire to lick. He doesn’t, just hums and works on the front.</p><p>‘’You should be a stylist or something,’’ Kyle says after more silence. Stan laughs under his breath, relieved the nerve wrenching tension is slightly released.</p><p>‘’I’m not that gay, dude,’’ Stan jokes, getting a smirk in return.</p><p>‘’I’m pretty drunk,’’ Kyle says.</p><p>‘’I know. Me too,’’ Stan grins, though he’s pretty sure he’s discerned Kyle’s a lightweight, because he seems drunker. Maybe cos it’s his first time.</p><p>‘’You can tell I’m drunk because I’d never let you do this otherwise huh?’’ Kyle says.</p><p>‘’Uh huh,’’ Stan agrees, glad Kyle knows what’s going on, despite Stan thinking he doesn’t sometimes. He does, always, because he’s Kyle, obviously.</p><p>‘’Have you fucked anyone before?’’ Kyle asks, and the question is so out of place that Stan laughs.</p><p>‘’No, how ‘bout you?’’ Stan asks. Kyle shakes his head.</p><p>‘’We’re gonna be in college soon, and they all know how to fuck, so we better learn too or we’ll be embarrassed,’’ Kyle says all at once, following Stan’s eyes as he does the last few curls at the front of his head. He won’t look at the whole thing yet, has to be surprised. He can already see such a remarkable difference though, and though he’s seeing a secret side of Kyle he’d never even shown Stan before.</p><p>‘’We’re fifteen. We got time, I think,’’ Stan assures him.</p><p>‘’No, nuh, we don’t. I don’t know people I want to fuck. I don’t want to fuck anybody, but we’ll have to. It’ll be someone I don’t like I know it,’’ Kyle says, his features creasing into mild panic.</p><p>‘’I don’t know anybody either dude, you’re not alone,’’ Stan says, <em>‘cept you</em>, he thinks. Kyle seems to relax more after hearing this, loosening his posture like a rag doll, making Stan lose focus, though no. He’s done. Kyle’s hair is done, and straight, and longer.</p><p>‘’Kay, you can look now,’’ Stan says, unabashedly staring at him and the transformation. He doesn’t even want to braid it now, just keep it like this, sleek red waves falling to his shoulders, tousling there in a way that screams <em>girl! GIRL! Girl! Girl girl girl! Beautiful girl!</em></p><p>‘’I thought the point was for you to braid it,’’ Kyle says, staring at him, and not looking at himself yet. He seems disinterested in seeing his transformation at all.</p><p>‘’It looks better like this,’’ Stan says with finality. He won’t touch it again, though he can’t resist pulling his fingers through his scalp again, massaging it there and watching Kyle’s face contort into pleasure.</p><p>‘’I have a scalp like a dick,’’ Kyle says with his eyes closed.</p><p>‘’Huh?’’ Stan asks, confused. Kyle flutters his open again.</p><p>‘’I meant, as in, it feels good. To do that,’’ Kyle gestures to the fingers currently rubbing through his hair.</p><p>‘’Oh,’’ Stan isn’t sure how to take that. Should he stop?</p><p>He doesn’t, just rubs further, pulling the red locks back behind Kyle’s eyes like it’s an actual girl before him, and not his foul mouthed best friend. He sees no difference, though Kyle would get mad if Stan compared him to a girl. It’s his eyes or something, that made him comparable to one. He has very thick lashes, big eyes, and they just feel particularly feminine in a way that can’t be applied in any way. Anyway, Stan was very hard, as he’s established, and seeing Kyle’s face while he does this is adding fuel to flames that won’t die unless he runs out of the room right now. He can’t do that though, ‘cos Kyle is here, and Stan doesn’t want to be away from him. Kyle chuckles under his breath.</p><p>‘’Hmm?’’ Stan asks.</p><p>‘’Nothin,’’ Kyle grins, and he pulls Stan’s hands away from his head and kisses him, licking his lips open. Stan doesn’t pull away, or question him; is stupidly ready for him, just like this, open mouthed and panting, and he licks back into Kyle, humming his name.</p><p>Kyle blearily opens his eyes, watching Stan as they cling with their tongues and exchange saliva in a gloriously wet and hot fashion. He holds Stan’s face, caressing him there, and Stan skims his hands down to Kyle’s ass, which he’s been deciding the first thing he’d touch if they ever did this. Kyle’s response is immediate and extremely hot; Stan is bursting in his pants. He falls onto Stan and sloppily attacks his mouth with his tongue, flicking his hips back ever so casually and desperately that Stan is coming in his underwear like a goddamn child. Not that he is anything else. He’s fifteen, give him a break.</p><p>Kyle kisses him and rubs his own erection down until he’s also coming with a shudder, his whole body going limp atop Stan’s, to Stan’s pure delight. That delight would be more frantic if Stan wasn’t seeing the world so blearily right now, and wondering why they never did that before. It was frickin’ amazing, and nothing else compared, so what the hell. Kyle is licking his neck in tired pants as he catches his breath, legs clamped around Stan’s in a very suggestive fashion. Stan will freak out about this later, knowing him, but right now he’s just enjoying the afterglow, the last trickle of the sunlight pouring through the room before it’s swallowed by darkness.</p><p>‘’Fuck,’’ Kyle mutters, sitting back on his knees atop Stan, who stares. He wonders if the victory was short lived, though it’s hard to be negative with Kyle hovering over him with his new gorgeous hair, which is currently mussed up like a normal person’s, that way Stan’s own hair was probably doing.</p><p>‘’Were you doing that because you’re drunk?’’ Stan asks. Kyle doesn’t answer, just looks around the bed, still straddling Stan’s hips in a way that’s making his cock stir again slightly. As he said, livewire. He leans over and collects the sprite bottle, which has probably gone flat now, but Kyle drinks straight from it anyway. Stan waits from underneath, trying to believe Kyle didn’t hear him, because it would be easier. He also wondered if Kyle could read his mind.</p><p>‘’I did it because I want you to fuck me,’’ Kyle says, surprising Stan, and annoyingly, making him stir even more at the word <em>fuck</em>.</p><p>‘’Why?’’ Stan asks, for some dumbass reason that will become clear that he needs to punish himself for being a dumbass while drunk. It feels right to ask right now though, because reasons.</p><p>‘’Why?’’ Kyle scoffs, ‘’Because of course I love you, you selfish pissdrunk excuse of an dickhole.’’</p><p>Kyle stares for a while, trying to scowl but mostly waiting for Stan. Stan doesn’t know. He’s getting hard again.</p><p>‘’I may have gotten brave by getting drunk, but isn’t that what happens?’’ Kyle touches his hair now, eyes widening when he feels the difference, finally.</p><p>‘’I’ve turned you into a girl. I can’t fuck a girl, dude. Because I’m gay,’’ Stan says, admitting this as Kyle stares some more, touching his hair.</p><p>‘’Well I’m a boy. Do I need to prove it by flashing my dick? And I’m gay too, by the way,’’ Kyle says, frowning, ‘’I wasn’t gonna tell you, ‘cos it sucks ass being out. Fuckin’ closets dude, they suck ass.’’</p><p>‘’Yeah, I should’ve learnt from Tom Cruise that closets suck,’’ Stan says. It does seem pretty easy talking about it now, but he is also seeing blurs in his vision, and feels the inexplicable need to hug inanimate objects, so who knows. Stan looks for the vodka, which is mostly drank from already on the bed.</p><p>‘’Do you know what fucking a dude feels like?’’ Kyle asks. Stan shakes his head, certain that Kyle can feel his growing boner over this discussion.</p><p>‘’Do you want to?’’ Kyle asks quieter, softer. Stan nods, feeling like he’s in a trance.</p><p>‘’Me too. I mean no, I want to know what it feels like to get fucked, cos um. I’ve got this idea in my head that it feels pretty good,’’ Kyle says, his cheeks are red. True as ever, Stan wants to lick them. He relents, wanting to talk, but also wanting to tend to their erections, Kyle’s grew as soon as he started talking about getting fucked, Stan could feel it pressing into him like a cruel tease.</p><p>‘’I feel like we’re too drunk to be talking about this, but I want that other thing too. The fucking,’’ Stan is blushing as he says it, but he does mean it, and is already thinking about it. Kyle gets off his lap, finally, but a pure rush of stabbing ice cold panic sets in when he sees Kyle slide off the bed, swaying, as though he’s going to leave. He can’t leave, not ever, please.</p><p>‘’What are you doing?’’ Stan asks quickly, unable to wipe the pure look of horror on his face. Kyle stood properly, pointing at him, but still managing to wobble.</p><p>‘’I am getting some lube you dick, and then you’re gonna fuck me,’’ Kyle announces, still not quite managing that scowl in his current swaying state. Stan thought it was unfair that his cock got to do all the deciding, though its decisions have all been correct so far, so what the hell. Stan nods.</p><p>‘’Yeah, good. Good, okay’’ Stan says nodding, watching as Kyle spins around and stalks out of the room, presumably to the bathroom for a lotion of some sort. Stan should help him, it is his house after all, but Kyle knows the place better than even Stan sometimes, and Stan is currently tending to his exploding chest, which is only minorly being dulled by the alcohol. It’s probably not a good idea to drink anymore. Says Stan after he grabs the bottle and chugs more faintly burning vodka down his throat.</p><p>When Kyle returns he pitches the lotion straight at Stan, who fumbles it out of surprise, and has to pick it up off the ground. It’s hand cream.</p><p>‘’Why aren’t you naked?’’ Kyle asks, standing in the hallway, looking overly confused. Or maybe that’s Stan.</p><p>‘’I- uh. Dunno,’’ Stan says, lacking anything clever right now. Kyle is staring at him, narrowing his eyes, still looking ridiculously hot with that straightened hair, though Stan bets he’d look just as hot with curls. Or maybe Stan’s just a drunk asshole, maybe that’s it. He’s not stopping this, in any case. Kyle says they’re going to college; they need to prepare. People will make fun of them if they’re virgins. It’s known in like, every college movie ever made.</p><p>‘’Well get naked then!’’ Kyle says, and he comes back to the bed. Stan stares at him and takes off his shirt, feeling the sweat collected under there breathe relief in the cooler air. Kyle stares, and Stan tries not to cover himself.</p><p>‘’You now,’’ Stan says, because Kyle is here forcing him to do stuff, and he’s not even doing it himself. Kyle slowly strips of his shirt, revealing a bare stomach and chest with two pink buds pointing out. Stan wants to suck them. Lick his cheek, suck his nipples, fuck his brains out. Sounds like a good system. Kyle continues to undress, taking his shorts off and leaving him only in his boxers, with a tent. Stan feels pride, because that’s for him, that’s his. Yay.</p><p>Kyle stares at him as Stan stares down at his crotch, and Kyle’s voice snaps him back to attention.</p><p>‘’I wanna see your dick,’’ Kyle says, and the impatience of his voice would make Stan laugh, but he just fumbles to pull his pants down, showing his own again painfully hard erection through his boxers. He sits on the bed, and Kyle busies himself by clearing the hair straightener and bottle of vodka off the bed. Stan sits there, feeling terribly awkward and ill shaped, like some tentacled monster with splaying limbs everywhere.</p><p>‘’Underwear too dude,’’ Kyle says with his hands on his hips. He crawls onto the bed and sits on his legs facing Stan, waiting. Stan hurries and pulls them off, waiting for Kyle to do the same. He doesn’t, he just stares at Stan’s freed cock with a parted mouth and lagging eyes.</p><p>‘’Is it everything you dreamed?’’ Stan jokes, slightly amused by Kyle’s staring, which oddly doesn’t make him that uncomfortable. Kyle nods seriously.</p><p>‘’Yes. I knew it was big. I could tell because every time I ogled your crotch I’d see a bulge. Will that even fit in my ass?’’ Kyle asks, peering close as if to determine its dimensions and how it could logistically get in there. Stan tries not to think about it too much, making it harder as Kyle peers closer, and as little as his breath is making Stan leak from the head. Kyle leans forward and laps it up with his tongue, and Stan flails back in surprise, trying not to jerk by the sudden wet heat on his dick.</p><p>‘’Fuck,’’ Kyle moans, sloppily licking up and down the base, ‘’that tastes so fucking good.’’</p><p>‘’Kyle,’’ Stan says with a broken voice, reaching for him. Kyle darts back up to Stan, precome and spit slick on his chin, and he grins and bites Stan’s bottom lip. Stan goes in for his tongue despite all, and Kyle gives his heart and soul into kissing him again, seemingly forgetting about the other plan. He tastes like Stan’s come, slightly bleachy, which is peculiar. Stan only remembers the plan when Kyle’s naked ass fits over his dick as he humps himself into Stan. When did Kyle take his boxers off? Oh well, Stan grabs Kyle’s dick anyway, slicking his thumb through the precome producing at the tip.</p><p>‘’No foreskin,’’ Stan says, marvelling.</p><p>‘’Foreskin,’’ Kyle says dreamily, touching Stan’s. They laugh, and Kyle leans back again on his knees, blinking heavily at Stan.</p><p>‘’That monster is not gonna fit unless you fingerbang me,’’ Kyle says, and it takes a moment for Stan to comprehend what fingerbang means. Distantly he thinks of the band, and how both attempts were failures. Boy bands are just too gay to be successful, he decides. What is Kyle asking again? Oh.</p><p>‘’Oh, kay,’’ Stan says, watching as Kyle blatantly turns around on his hands and knees and boldly presents his naked ass for all of Stan to see.</p><p>‘’C’mon then, Stanley. Bang me,’’ Kyle says, the words shooting to Stan’s dick thunderbolt like. He kind of can’t believe how confident and shameless Kyle becomes from a little vodka, but he glances back down at the bottle, and it’s nearly empty. Whoops. What time is it? It’s dark outside now, fading light through the curtain makes the room appear even darker.</p><p>Stan crawls over to Kyle offering himself up like this, and hovers over him, unsure what next. Kyle’s bare ass is pale, but bouncy, ultimately freaking adorable. And pretty damn hot. Stan puts his hands over Kyle’s cheeks, feeling him, and Kyle arches his back lewdly, breathing heavier in the silent room. It feels like a dream, really, and Stan never wants to wake up. That means sobering up, but he doesn’t even feel drunk, just nervous and so curious he could die from it. He knows he’ll spend the rest of his life panicking about this when he sobers up, but right now it feels so right and perfect that of course he gives Kyle what he wants, what they both want.</p><p>‘’Stan, the lube,’’ Kyle says when Stan brings his hand down in between his ass, softly feeling him a little.</p><p>‘’Oh, yeah, sorry,’’ Stan says, sitting back and groping for the hand cream bottle on the bed. He slicks up his fingers, probably putting too much on, but judging by Kyle’s tightness when he probes him lightly, it’s needed. Kyle makes a repressed groan when Stan initially intrudes him with the tip of his pointer finger, marvelling at the tightness while Kyle adjusts and asks for more, but just slowly, okay?</p><p>So Stan ultimately spends the next hour fingering Kyle like an amateur while Kyle drools and moans into the sheets. He bends his ass up for more when Stan navigates him deeper, wondering how long he’s been at this, and not giving a damn. It was fucking glorious, feeling the tight heat of Kyle as he flutters around his fingers in spectacular little ass twitches, Kyle gnawing on Stan’s sheets to stop himself making embarrassing noises, and making them anyway. Stan is so hard that he’s afraid his dick would stop working completely once he comes, making insane precome production that drips all over his bed sheets while he pushes into a particular spot inside Kyle, now using two fingers. Kyle’s body feels like it completely tensed up and glitched, and then goes bonelessly relaxed after Stan finds it, crying out.</p><p>‘’Woah, what was that?’’ Stan asks, trying to find it again. Kyle pushes his hips back to meet Stan’s fingers, and looks back at him from over his shoulder. Stan goes insane seeing that, Kyle’s lubed up ass on display as his dazed face stares at Stan, his tongue hanging out. His straightened red hair is obscuring over his ears and making his face look redder.</p><p>‘’I wanna come when you’re inside me,’’ Kyle says, panting, his stomach heaving up and down from his position. ‘’Can you? Can we-‘’ Kyle stammers, still panting. Stan nods, wanting that so bad.</p><p>It’s kind of a shame that he’s such a livewire, because he doubts he could actually last long, once he’s slicked his dick with the hand cream and pushed into Kyle slowly, throbbing right down to his fingertips at the pressure. He holds Kyle’s skinny, sweaty hips, pushing in deeper as Kyle makes a mewling noise out loud, not bothering hiding it now. He feels soaked in sweat, not even from the weather as much as this act, which he’s pretty sure should be documented somehow, for its pure greatness.</p><p>‘’<em>Ungh</em>,’’ Kyle moans, folding his arms down like he’s praying, putting his head in the crook of his arm.</p><p>‘’Is it what you thought it would feel like?’’ Stan shakily asks, laughing a little when his voice sounds so wrecked by holding himself back.</p><p>‘’<em>Stan</em>,’’ Kyle cries, begging. Stan sloppily licks a long stripe up Kyle’s back and pauses at the crook of his neck, nibbling slightly there as Kyle sighs and arches, rolling his hips around like he’s getting a proper feel of Stan’s dick.</p><p>‘’Fuck me Stan. Fuck me so hard,’’ Kyle says.</p><p>Stan isn’t sure if he can hold on, but he wants to face Kyle if he does anything like that, so he flips him around, still inside him. Kyle throws his head back and latches his lanky legs around Stan’s waist, pulling his hands through his styled hair as he begs and moans. His ankles dig into Stan’s sweaty back, and Stan tries his best to fuck him as hard as he apparently wants.</p><p>‘Fucking hard’ ends up him losing function of his hips as he insanely pistons himself into Kyle as Kyle cries out encouragement, shaking around him in involuntary spasms, trying to hold him close with shaking thighs. He’s slobbery and overly wet when he kisses Kyle, kissing him with drunken sloppiness he’s only ever expected to see in movies, and Kyle responds even sloppier, licking his whole face, the sweat off his forehead in wide hungry swaths of his tongue. And soon enough, they’re tumbling around, Kyle is coming a goddamn tsunami, spraying all over Stan as he works himself at a lightspeed pace, unable to control when he does the same right into him. He comes with a scream, or something close enough, and nearly crushes Kyle when he collapses in sudden exhaustion.</p><p>He thinks he blacks out for a few moments from the intensity of his orgasm, or maybe dies, just like he predicted. His whole body is shaking, throbbing with satiated pleasure.</p><p>He feels like he’s been transported into a dream world when he opens his eyes again, but it’s just the dark bedroom, Kyle is licking his neck, and he feels stickier than if he bathed in melting marshmallows. He pulls out of Kyle when he realises he’s still inside him, his soft cock now throbbing almost painfully from oversensitivity. Kyle winces when he leaves, but keeps smothering his neck in saliva, almost like a calm buzzing radiating off him, in satisfaction.</p><p>Stan moves down to kiss him, and gets an open mouthed attack, Kyle is clinging to him like a monkey so hard he wonders if he’ll ever let go. Stan wouldn’t mind that, and hums into him, tasting sugary sprite, come and Stan’s sweat on his tongue. They eventually release for breath, and immediately dart back in when Kyle stares into Stan’s soul with his bright green eyes, asking him to take care of him forever now. Stan would like to think he can keep that promise. Of course he can, look what they’ve just done. That’s proof enough.</p><p>‘’We can go to college now,’’ Kyle says after a while of kissing, both of them yawning and blinking heavily with the need to sleep forever after this. Stan’s head is so dizzy, he can barely see, but he nods and falls asleep like a light switch, out cold. Kyle is still hugging him, already passed out, apparently, and Stan drifts into hazy darkness that beckons him.</p><p>He feels like he’s slept for years when he wakes up, but it wasn’t pleasant sleep, full of twisting and throbbing migraines that he just ignored and slept on again. He woke at bleary moments in the night, blinking and wondering where he was, but then he’d see Kyle passed out beside him, and he tugged him closer and fell back asleep.</p><p>He’s awake now, and shielding his eyes from the harsh sun beaming into the room from the window. The curtain is now open, and Stan wonders who opened it rather than acknowledging the painful tug of his brain trying to kill him. His destined hangover, finally making an appearance after taunting him all night. Stan blinks and stays lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling as his headache grows into a throbbing migraine. He needs water, he feels his throat as a dried up wasteland, and his breath is terrible, distantly tasting like his own come. When did that even happen?</p><p>Stan doesn’t know what time it is, and only remembers snippets of yesterday like a fever dream that happened with some other Stan, and he’s been put in his place afterwards. Kyle is gone, a missing shape in his bed that Stan is trying not to feel hurt by. He thinks of calling him, and decides to have a shower first, because as he throws the blanket off him, he finds he’s covered in dried up crusty come. The situation is so bizarre that he ignores it until he’s not thinking of bashing his head against the wall to rid his hangover headache.</p><p>It's one in the afternoon when he steps into the shower, standing still under it as he washes all trace of alcohol and jizz off him, and decides to wash his hair too, just to stay under the cold water longer. It’s hot, the weather is already sweltering like a bitch of a summer, and Stan doesn’t want to leave the relief of the ice cold water, but he eventually leaves the shower and towels off.</p><p>His headache lingers as he goes back into his room with the intention of sleeping for another few days at least, dropping back into bed in only boxers and a t-shirt. After a few minutes, he’s drifting again and holding his eyes pinched shut to stave off the throb in his head, and there’s a knock on his door.</p><p>‘’Stan, honey? Are you up?’’ Sharon asks, knocking.</p><p>‘’Yeah,’’ Stan mumbles, not sitting up. His mom enters the room and takes a seat by him on the bed, feeling his forehead.</p><p>‘’We got home this morning, and you looked very sick when I checked on you,’’ Sharon says, frowning with concern. Stan’s not about to tell her he stole Randy’s vodka, or any of the other stuff, though it’s irrelevant.</p><p>‘’I’ve just got a headache,’’ Stan says, keeping his eyes shut.</p><p>‘’Do you want me to get you some aspirin?’’ Sharon asks, brushing his hair out of his face.</p><p>‘’Yes, please,’’ Stan replies, grateful when she closes his curtain and brings the room back into darkness before leaving the room again to get it. While she’s gone, Stan thinks about what happened with a red face.</p><p>They were both so wasted, Stan’s surprised he remembers anything. But he remembers everything like a crystal clear faucet, and it makes his headache worse. He has to remind himself to never drink with or around Kyle ever again, that’s if Kyle ever speaks to him again after this. He was probably so drunk that he didn’t know what he was doing, and now feels burned with regret if he even remembers it. He’ll probably feel it, and that will be enough. Fuck.</p><p>He vetoes torturing himself any further above lying in pathetic sickness and waiting for his mom to bring him relief. He shrugs off her prodding when she returns with aspirin and water, asking questions about how he went last night. Of course she means staying home alone, but he can’t help be reminded of other things. He’s red in the face when he passes back the glass after swallowing the pills.</p><p>‘’Did you have any trouble with dinner?’’ Sharon asks. Stan didn’t eat anything but a bowl of cereal yesterday, maybe that’s why he got so wasted, his stomach was basically empty. It feels empty now, but threatening to gurgle up and ruin his lining regardless.</p><p>‘’No. I need to sleep, please,’’ Stan says, sighing out. Sharon feels his forehead once more, then gets up.</p><p>‘’Alright baby, call me if you need anything,’’ Sharon says, and then the door opens and closes again, and Stan is once again left in silence.</p><p>Stan sleeps for a while, startling awake at moments when his head gets bad again, and drifting off again. He gets up once to vomit in the toilet, then drops back down into bed and sleeps more, feeling a little better that some of it is purged, but overall gross again.</p><p>It’s late afternoon when he feels another knock on his door, and Stan is up now, trying to stay awake so he can sleep tonight. He needs to eat, and will probably go downstairs to shovel as much food as he can fit in his stomach.</p><p>‘’What mom?’’ Stan calls. Silence.</p><p>‘’It’s me,’’ Kyle says quietly, and Stan blood freezes, and then quickly speeds up faster. He looks around the room, realising he’s only in boxers. He throws on the pants he finds strewn on the ground and calls Kyle in, internally pumping all the blood into his head and chest. Kyle walks in, wearing his ushanka, and a different t-shirt and shorts, longer than yesterday. Stan sees his eyes, staring at him from the doorway, and he looks even worse than Stan feels, like a thing that died. His eyes have bags, and they’re drooped, which only makes Stan wonder what he’s doing here, looking like he’d rather curl up into the ground.</p><p>‘’Hey,’’ Kyle says when it’s silent.</p><p>‘’Hey,’’ Stan repeats back, ‘’how’s your hangover?’’</p><p>‘’I threw up twice in my waste basket, and I’ve had a migraine all day. So pretty shit,’’ Kyle says, staring at him. Stan averts his eyes, embarrassed.</p><p>‘’Sorry, I should’ve warned you of the consequences of getting wasted,’’ Stan says, feeling unbearably tense. Kyle huffs.</p><p>‘’Well, I knew that would happen, I know what drinking does,’’ Kyle says, folding his arms over his chest. Stan looks down, toeing the carpet, and wonders where all the mess from yesterday went. His bed is still gross and covered in spills of sprite and come, but the hair straightener is gone, as is the vodka and sprite bottles. And the hand cream. He doubts his mother would’ve cleared them without giving him a talking to about drinking first, or grounding him.</p><p>‘’Did you clear the stuff away from yesterday?’’ Stan asks after more silence.</p><p>‘’Yeah. I put the hair straightener in the bathroom, and the bottles are in your drawer, just in case your parents checked the bin or something,’’ Kyle says. Stan nods.</p><p>‘’Why did you leave?’’ Stan asks, unable to hold that in. Kyle looks startled for a moment, and blinks it away in a split second.</p><p>‘’I woke up in the morning, and your parents were coming home soon, they texted you. I don’t think they would think nothing of my sleeping in your bed with a hangover,’’ Kyle laughs weakly, and looks away.</p><p>‘’Why are you wearing your hat? You never wear it in summer,’’ Stan says, feeling like he could cry at this awkwardness that’s arisen with them. He’ll have to move, he can never look Kyle Broflovski in the face again after what happened. Kyle darts his eyes to him for a second, still red in the face.</p><p>‘’You’ve fucked up my hair for one, not that it was amenable to begin with,’’ Kyle says, rolling his eyes at himself.</p><p>‘’Can I see it?’’ Stan asks mildly. Kyle’s eyes harden, which Stan takes as a no.</p><p>‘’Look, Stan,’’ Kyle comes closer to him from the doorway. ‘’I know we were drunk beyond cognizance, and then all that stuff happened, but I came here to clear it up, because I don’t want you getting the wrong idea. I didn’t know what I was doing, and anything I said was just drunk bullshit, so it’s not real. I think, for our friendship’s sake, we should just forget any of it happened, because if we were hardly aware, it shouldn’t count anyway, yeah? So if we just agree it didn’t happen, and don’t bring it up, things will be fine with us.’’</p><p>Stan tries not to display any emotion on his face, at the risk of tears, although what Kyle is suggesting sounds pretty ideal if it were possible. Unfortunately, Stan will never forget.</p><p>‘’Do you regret it?’’ Stan asks. Kyle looks surprised again.</p><p>‘’Well, you do, obviously. I just want us to be able to move on without things being weird.’’</p><p>Stan laughs, ‘’well, it’s pretty weird, so I don’t think it’s working.’’</p><p>Kyle laughs too, just under his breath. ‘’Do you want me to go?’’ he asks.</p><p>‘’Are you sore?’’ Stan asks, saying what pops into his mind without thinking. Kyle’s eyes widen, and his blush creeps down his neck.</p><p>‘’I- uh,’’ Kyle rubs his eyes, ‘’a little.’’</p><p>‘’Sorry,’’ Stan says, wincing. Kyle glares at him, which is honestly preferable than unusual awkward terrain.</p><p>‘’Fuck you,’’ Kyle says quietly, turning away. Stan felt like they weren’t really getting anywhere, and he had the impression that one of them needed to cry to get stuff out, and Stan would probably be the first to crack.</p><p>‘’What do you remember?’’ Kyle asks, whirling back to face him. Stan opens his mouth.</p><p>‘’I- ah, everything,’’ Stan admits.</p><p>‘’Fuck,’’ Kyle curses, turning away again.</p><p>‘’Sorry,’’ Stan repeats, feeling useless. Kyle shakes his head.</p><p>‘’I think it was just a moment of weakness, for both of us. Maybe. But maybe we should just avoid each other for a little while and let things cool down,’’ Kyle suggests. Stan nods, though the idea is a little nauseating. He’s right though, of course. All Stan wants now is for things to go back to before, and to never make stupid ideas ever again.</p><p>‘’Okay, so. I’ll go,’’ Kyle says, looking at Stan for a few seconds, though Stan has nothing to say that would help them, just make things worse. Kyle then turns away and opens the door, glancing at Stan once more before closing the door.</p><p>As soon as it’s closed, Stan’s mind clicks, and he’s running back to the door, ready to run after him, but when he flung it open, Kyle is waiting outside the door, not moving. Of course he is, Stan’s a dumbass.</p><p>Stan grabs his arm and pulls him inside back into his room, closing the door and pinning Kyle to the wall, licking his lips open. Kissing him.</p><p>Then he feels hands coursing through his own hair, a leg hooked around his waist, kissing back with an eager tongue. It tastes like toothpaste, and Stan remembered he threw up earlier, twice. Immediately sympathetic, Stan makes it up to him now, and Kyle laughs against his mouth.</p><p>‘’It took you long enough,’’ Kyle beams, his eyes lowered and dazed. Stan licks his cheeks, finally feeling that pink heat.</p><p>‘’Sorry, I’m a useless drunk,’’ Stan says, beaming back. Kyle grins. He slips his hand up and takes off his ushanka, releasing longer hair that’s started to curl again already, making it look magically wavy.</p><p>‘’Yes you are.’’</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. A Pair of Long Socks From the Thrift Store (Stan x Kyle)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A dare is a dare. How Kyle wished it wasn't true. How glad Stan is that it is...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>UNDERAGE: I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm really not.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>The four boys were in Cartman’s basement, currently making work of Liane’s baked goods while smashing controllers at one of their regular sleepovers. It was their staple sleepover for every month, though they sometimes fit in an extra, just ‘cause. 

They all looked forward to them, finding this is the thing they needed when they lost that spark of friendship from fourth grade, when the group seemed to drift apart in a way none of them wanted. Even Cartman, Stan would admit he is a part of their group, despite him being a total asshole. He had his perks, like hosting the sleepovers that they officially lived for, Stan anyway, and providing food that they’d otherwise be eating takeaway pizza and soda. Liane gave them brownies and macaroni lasagne, actual good stuff, so it was a win-win. 

Kyle and Kenny were currently battling it out on Cartman’s Xbox one, Kenny cheating the game and beating Kyle’s character by whispering lewd shit in his ear at the last second. Kenny’s character won, and he whooped victoriously, while Kyle stewed with a bright red face.</p><p>‘’Fuck you Kenny, you cheated,’’ Kyle scowled, kicking Kenny as he continued to pump his fists. Stan laughed from behind them, sitting cross-legged on his sleeping bag. Cartman was lying across the couch behind him, shovelling a packet of chips in his mouth.</p><p>‘’Hey, I was just speaking my mind! I thought I might share my dreams with you,’’ Kenny cackled, sitting back up and getting kicked by Kyle again.</p><p>‘’You distracting the opposing player is cheating! That’s the rules,’’ Kyle said, crossing his arms.</p><p>‘’Kahl, stop being a bitch about losing,’’ Cartman said from the couch, wiping chips from his shirt. Kyle flipped him off, and moved back to Stan’s side with a huff.</p><p>‘’Whatever. It’s someone else’s turn. I’m sick of this game,’’ Kyle said, leaning back at the foot of the couch.</p><p>‘’Yeah, it’s getting boring. Let’s do something else,’’ Stan suggested, nudging Kyle, and getting a smile.</p><p>‘’Let’s look at porn!’’ Kenny exclaimed, bouncing.</p><p>‘’Sick, dude! No way,’’ Kyle said. Kenny pouted.</p><p>‘’Yeah, that’s gross,’’ Stan agreed. He’d recently started looking at it himself, but it was all weird and kind of sick, and didn’t really get him off other than make him ask himself questions about anatomy, which was the opposite of what he wanted. He guessed he was just inexperienced or something, and it would take a while to get used to. Suddenly Cartman sat up, throwing the empty packet of chips aside.</p><p>‘’I know what we should do! We should play truth or dare!’’ Cartman said excitedly, like it was the greatest idea since light bulbs.</p><p>‘’You’re supposed to play that with girls at a clubhouse, it’s how you kiss them,’’ Stan pointed out.</p><p>‘’I’ll volunteer to be the girl!’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’No, seriously you guys, we should play it. It’ll be sweet,’’ Cartman said.</p><p>‘’Truth or dare is like a ruse to get people making out and stripping clothes off, I’m not doing that shit, especially with us. That’s fucking gay,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’It’s not like that at all,’’ Cartman glared at Kyle. ‘’You ask kewl questions and dares, unless you had Frenching Stan as your dare,’’ Cartman said. Kyle scowled at him.</p><p>‘’Fuck you. Fine, I’ll play.’’</p><p>‘’Me too,’’ Stan said, thinking they’d have something better than devolving to Kyle and Cartman having another battle to the death.</p><p>‘’Okay, we’re in agreement. Whose first?’’ Kenny asked.</p><p>‘’I will! Okay, Stan. I dare you to make out with Kyle,’’ Cartman said with a grin. Kyle punched him.</p><p>‘’Retard, you’ve gotta ask truth or dare first!’’ Kyle said. Cartman rolled his eyes.</p><p>‘’Fine. Stan, truth or dare,’’ Cartman droned.</p><p>‘’Well I’m definitely not saying dare now. So truth,’’ Stan said. Cartman smiled evilly.</p><p>‘’Do you have a boner for Jew boy?’’ Cartman asked.</p><p>‘’Cartman, come the fuck on!’’ Kyle yelled.</p><p>‘’No,’’ Stan said confidently.</p><p>‘’You’re not allowed to lie, dude,’’ Kenny reminded him.</p><p>‘’I know,’’ Stan said, exchanging a look with Kyle. He rolled his eyes, laughing. The guys ripped on them without refrain, and now it was just water off a duck’s back. ‘’Okay, my turn. Kenny, truth or dare?’’</p><p>‘’Dare’s my game, son,’’ Kenny replied. Stan glanced at Kyle, and they shared a truly despicable conspiring grin.‘’I dare you to kiss Cartman!’’ Stan announced, making Kyle burst out laughing beside him.</p><p>‘’Real fuckin’ mature Stan,’’ Cartman said, rolling his eyes. Kenny stared, blinked, and stood up, approaching Cartman. Cartman’s eyes rapidly got huge.</p><p>‘’Oh fuck no! Piss off Kenny!’’ Cartman said, scrambling off the couch as Kenny invaded his space, looming over him with a grin.</p><p>‘’C’mon, dude. It’s a dare!’’ Kyle shouted to them when Cartman fell off the couch with a shriek and ran to the other side of the room. Stan and Kyle were snickering as Kenny chased after him, giving him a psycho smile as he outstretched his arms.</p><p>‘’I said no! I’m not getting gay kissed by no poor ass herpes boy!’’ Cartman said, using a broom to fight Kenny off.</p><p>‘’Just kiss him dude!’’ Stan called. He didn’t really care that this was part of the game they played with girls, because this was funny as shit. And payback. Kyle was bashing his head against Stan’s back, laughing hysterically.</p><p>‘’C’mon Eric. You know you want some!’’ Kenny teased, puckering his lips dramatically. Cartman looked like he was about to be taken to the slaughter.</p><p>‘’MyeeeMM!!’’ Cartman screamed in the highest pitch known to man. Kenny held his ears, cursing, and Cartman rushed away from him.</p><p>‘’What is it hun?’’ Liane called from the top of the stairs.</p><p>‘’Keeny’s trying to kiss me!’’ Cartman whined making his voice pathetic.</p><p>‘’Aww, that’s sweet,’’ Liane said, holding her chest.</p><p>‘’No, myem,’’ Cartman whined.</p><p>‘’Do you boys need any more snacks?’’ Liane asked sweetly. Cartman stared up the stairs at her angrily, about to bust one of his tits.</p><p>‘’No mom! Fuck off!’’ Cartman screamed, making Stan wince. He still wasn’t completely used to that, though he should be by now. Liane closed the door again without a word of complaint to her son. Weirdos man.</p><p>‘’Just kiss his cheek Kenny, or we’ll never regain our hearing,’’ Kyle said. Kenny once again enclosed towards Cartman, blocking him at the foot of the steps. Kenny made noises like Jaws, holding his grin like he’d rather take a bite than a smooch. Cartman squirmed, feebly holding Kenny back, but he overpowered him and landed a loud dramatic peck on his burning red cheek.</p><p>‘’Sick!’’ Cartman screeched, pushing Kenny away with an <em>ack</em> sound. Stan and Kyle were currently losing their shit on the ground, hyperventilating with laughter that spread everywhere. Kyle collapsed on Stan’s lap, pounding his fists on the sleeping bags while Stan slapped his back, unable to stifle his relentless amusement to Cartman’s reactions.</p><p>Kenny walked back to them with a confident breeze, holding the same proud kind of air in himself that a little boy would have after his first kiss. Cartman was melodramatically trying to vomit, though he hadn’t even been kissed on the lips. Stan didn’t even pose the dare to actually happen, he just wanted Cartman’s hilarious reaction. As payback for always assuming there was anything gay about his and Kyle’s relationship. 

This was even better, and he was stifling his last few chuckles in Kyle’s hair, who was trying to breath while continuing to explode with late laughter, leaning against Stan. In that delirious point where he was sure his brain was lacking function due to lack of air, he noticed Kyle’s hair smelt really nice. Like shampoo and cheesecake brownie. Did Kyle put the cheesecake brownie Liane gave them earlier in his hair somehow? Maybe Stan just imagined it. But there was also a tiny but lingering Kyle smell, something indescribable, but something that Stan could immediately recognise as his alone.</p><p>Leaning away again, slightly dizzy, Stan was glad his embarrassment was masked by the red of his laughter. Eventually Cartman rejoined them, wearing a beet red face of humiliated rage, but silently dark and moody as opposed to what Stan expected as throwback, which was unfiltered screeching and complaining. Kenny looked as proud as his first blowjob, patting Cartman’s back and getting violently shrugged off. Kyle apparently found that hilarious, according to his continuing giggles.</p><p>‘’A’ight, my turn,’’ Kenny said, clapping his hands together and smiling evilly out to all of them. ‘’Kyle! Truth or dare,’’ Kenny said, pointing at Kyle, who finally stopped giggling. Kyle narrowed his eyes, and thought about it.</p><p>‘’Hmm. I don’t trust you not to dare me to lick the carpet or something. So truth,’’ Kyle decided.</p><p>‘’When was the first time you looked at porn,’’ Kenny said, making Kyle guffaw.</p><p>‘’What’s with your fixation with porn?’’ Stan asked.</p><p>‘’I’m a passionate, horny fourteen year old, Stan,’’ Kenny said, giving him a look like; <em>really? You’re surprised?</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>‘’When I was eight,’’ Kyle answered casually. Everyone shot their eyes to Kyle, who looked surprised by their incredulity. Stan gaped at Kyle, marvelling if that could be real.</p><p>‘’Damn, Kyle. I didn’t pin you as bad as me,’’ Kenny said, looking impressed.</p><p>‘’You did not!’’ Cartman said.</p><p>‘’I did!’’ Kyle said defensively, glaring. ‘’In fact, you and Stan did too.’’</p><p>‘’Wha?’’ Stan said, with a locked open jaw. Kyle gave him a look.</p><p>‘’Dude, you guys seriously don’t remember? When we researched the clitoris, and accidently watched German fetish porn with Cartman’s mom in it,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’That did not happen!’’ Cartman denied fervently.</p><p>‘’Fuck, where was I?’’ Kenny asked. Stan actually couldn’t remember it well, just that Germans were fucked up beyond analysis.</p><p>‘’I don’t know, but that was the first time, so I answered honestly,’’ Kyle said, crossing his arms. Rather smugly, Stan gathered, still staring. Kyle caught his glance and smirked.</p><p>‘’Well, ah, I did not expect that. I should’ve specified looking at porn on purpose,’’ Kenny said. Kyle grinned.</p><p>‘’Guess you’ll never know,’’ Kyle taunted.</p><p>‘’I’m seriously though guys, that not true,’’ Cartman said.</p><p>‘’Who cares? My turn,’’ Kyle said. He turned to Stan with a threatening glint in his eye Stan knew immediately not to trust. ‘’Stan. Truth. Or. Dare.’’</p><p>Stan thought about this. Last time he played truth or dare, it was back at the clubhouse. His dad taught him to say truth a few times first, and then coolly say dare. He’d never managed to listen to that advice.</p><p>‘’Dare,’’ Stan said. Shit, Kyle wasn’t even holding back that was the answer he wanted in his increasingly satisfied face. Why would they ask truths to each other anyway? Kyle already knows everything there is to know about Stan. He fell into a trap here.</p><p>‘’Stan, I dare you to go upstairs. Into Cartman’s mom’s room. And steal one of her dildos,’’ Kyle said with a grin. Kenny started cackling, Cartman started yelling, and Stan dropped his jaw.</p><p>‘’Are you serious?’’ Stan asked.</p><p>‘’Totally,’’ Kyle said, raising his eyebrows expectantly. Stan stared, wondering if Kyle came up with that on the spot.</p><p>‘’Ay! Goddammit, no one is taking any dildos! Fuck you Kahl!’’ Cartman said, still clinging to the belief that his mother was an innocent flower and not the depraved whore everyone else in town knew.</p><p>‘’Do it Stan!’’ Kenny encouraged, clapping.</p><p>‘’Why has every dare and truth been so gay?’’ Stan asked, shaking his head and standing up, deciding to get this over with. Kyle and Kenny shouted encouragement, and Cartman continued to yell his annoyance on the topic. Stan ignored him and jumped up the stairs to complete his task. No way he was chickening out.</p><p>And a few minutes later, he returned physically smug and mentally scarred as he threw a giant fake cock in front of them on the open sleeping bags, reclaiming his seat beside Kyle as the three of them stared in silence for a few seconds.</p><p>‘’You do not want to know what else I found in there,’’ Stan said when no one else spoke. Then laughter. Everyone, including Stan, including Cartman, burst into an explosion of fitting cackles that bounced off the walls and reverberated back into their ears like symbols. 

Their faces were nearly like grapes in their shade, pointing at the huge flopping dildo resting before them, and nearly exploding lungs in full blown hilarity. Stan felt drunk, and couldn’t stop staring at it, chose it out of the big box full -- yes, box full – because it was the biggest, and would certainly give the best reaction out of the guys. It was coloured like a monstrous veiny flesh boner, probably nearly the length of Stan’s forearm, and nearly as thick.</p><p>‘’No- no fucking way!’’ Kyle cried out, tearing up from laughing so hard. Kenny picked it up and jiggled it around, making the silicone mould bounce a little.</p><p>‘’Fuck, I wanna keep this!’’ Kenny said, whacking it against his head and making them all laugh harder. Stan was about to die. Was dying laughing a real thing? Probably, because his chest was about to rip out from his flesh from shaking out too much breath.</p><p>‘’No -- ssh -- you guys, -- shh -- we gotta prank someone!’’ Cartman exclaimed, reaching for it. Kenny held it closer to his chest protectively.</p><p>‘’No! It’s mine!’’ Kenny yelled, pouting his head up.</p><p>‘’Fuck you Kenny, you’re just gonna shove it up your ass when you get home,’’ Cartman said, grabbing it away from Kenny. When Kenny defended it by biting Cartman’s hand, the next few minutes devolved into Cartman angrily chasing Kenny around the basement, then Kenny smugly chasing Cartman and trying to kiss him again, the flopping dildo jiggling in his outstretched hand. Stan and Kyle had died laughing a minute before, and now they were just breathing heavily and trying to regain brain function from nearly turning blue in the faces.</p><p>‘’Dude! You’re just gonna stick it to some old woman’s front door! That’s such a waste,’’ Kenny said, looming toward Cartman again with puckered lips.</p><p>‘’I would’ve got it back after! It can serve many purposes!’’ Cartman claimed, shirking away from him again.</p><p>‘’Are one of the purposes me shoving it up your ass?’’ Kenny asked, jiggling it again in Cartman’s face.</p><p>‘’No!’’ Cartman shouted, beet red.</p><p>‘’Well that’s what I’d be using it for,’’ Kenny said, looking deadly again, and making Cartman back up against the wall. He had the advantage of height in this, being a good few inches taller than Cartman, having had a growth spurt last summer that surpassed everyone else’s in the class.</p><p>Cartman held up his hands, ‘’how about a compromise?’’</p><p>‘’What?’’ Kenna asked curiously.</p><p>‘’You can a part of my next plot,’’ Cartman said.</p><p>‘’What plot? How much glue you’re gonna use to glue this sucker to a flagpole?’’ Kenny asked sceptically. Cartman grinned evilly.</p><p>‘’Listen,’’ Cartman said, and he leant in and whispered into Kenny’s ear. Stan and Kyle watched with interest, especially when Kenny widened his eyes and looked at Kyle, and grinned like a maniac.</p><p>‘’Oh damn. That’s genius. Here you go,’’ Kenny passed a gloating Cartman the dildo, and he calmly sauntered back to Stan and Kyle. Stan didn’t trust the glint in his eye.</p><p>‘’How about we resume our game of truth or dare?’’ Cartman said calmly. About a million alarm bells went off in Stan’s head, and Kyle seemed similarly wary.</p><p>‘’Yes, let’s,’’ Kenny responded, suppressing a smile.</p><p>‘’What are you guys planning?’’ Kyle asked suspiciously.</p><p>‘’Oh, nothin’,’’ Cartman said, way too calmly to be true. Kyle exchanged a glance with Stan.</p><p>‘’Fine,’’ Stan said, curious enough to go along with it for now.</p><p>‘’Who’s turn was it?’’ Kenny asked.</p><p>‘’It was mine,’’ Stan said. He looked at Cartman, then Kenny. Deciding out of which would be more honest, Stan turned to Kenny.</p><p>‘’Kenny, truth or dare.’’</p><p>‘’Dare bitch,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’I dare you to tell me what Cartman whispered to you,’’ Stan said, getting elbowed smugly by Kyle.</p><p>‘’That’s not fair buttlicker! That’s basically a truth!’’ Cartman whined.</p><p>‘’Dares a dare,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Alright, I’ll tell.’’</p><p>‘’No, don’t, Kenny you cheap ass,’’ Cartman said, hitting Kenny’s arm. Kenny swatted him off.</p><p>‘’Okay, so Cartman told me-‘’</p><p>‘’Balalahah! You’re not saying it!’’ Cartman screeched, trying to tackle Kenny.</p><p>‘’He told me that- ugh, dude, stop it! He told me he’s gonna dare you guys to make out, and if you don’t, he’ll plot revenge. Cartman-- fucking, happy now?’’ Kenny batted Cartman off with a glare, and he finally sat back, red-faced.</p><p>‘’Are you a homo dude? What the fuck is up with that?’’ Stan said, getting sick of all the accusations about him and Kyle.</p><p>‘’Kenny, you asshole,’’ Cartman said- grinning? What the fuck.</p><p>‘’Well, that’s not happening,’’ Kyle said with a scoff, folding his arms.</p><p>‘’See? It’s over, a dares a dare,’’ Kenny said. ‘’My turn.’’</p><p>He turned to Cartman, and Stan knew it wasn’t over.</p><p>‘’Cartman, truth or dare.’’</p><p>‘’Truth,’’ Cartman said.</p><p>‘’How many people have you killed?’’ Kenny asked.</p><p>‘’Dude,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Hmm,’’ Cartman said, stroking his chin. ‘’Directly or indirectly?’’</p><p>‘’Both, or either,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’We know what the answer will be,’’ Kyle scoffed, exchanging a glance with Stan.</p><p>‘’Well, let’s see,’’ Cartman said, his voice getting higher as he thought out loud. ‘’There’s Jack Tenorman’s parents-‘’</p><p>‘’Ya dad,’’ Kenny snickered. Cartman glared.</p><p>‘’Asshole. So them, those hippies that came to South Park, those retards who got in my way in that nascar race, the entire of San Francisco, the Jews, those people in the plane who died in the rockies… aand Justin Bieber. Wait how many is that?’’</p><p>‘’Fuck me,’’ Kenny said when all else was silent, reminded of a lot of shit that had been buried. Stan hadn’t even remembered half of that shit, and it was jolting to be reminded in such a gruesome way.</p><p>Cartman seemed alarmingly less concerned about his answer than the others, and he coughed loudly to get the attention back on him.</p><p>‘’Okay buttholes, it’s my turn,’’ Cartman said, rubbing his hands together.</p><p>‘’You’re not daring me and Stan to make out, that’s fucking sick,’’ Kyle warned, jabbing a finger at Cartman. Cartman grunted.</p><p>‘’Fine,’’ Cartman said, crossing his arms. For some reason, Stan didn’t trust that was actually his dare. And he was proved right. ‘’Kyel. Truth. Or dare.’’</p><p>Kyle sat there for a while, thinking. Stan had no idea what he should do, because it was obvious Cartman’s plot wasn’t over, and Kyle would know this better than anyone.</p><p>‘’Hmm,’’ Kyle glanced at Stan worriedly, who shrugged, not sure what to do. ‘’Um- dare.’’</p><p>Stan knew it was the wrong answer when Kenny started snickering behind his hands. Cartman grinned like he’d won the lottery, and gave Kyle an evil look. Kyle shifted anxiously, looking at Stan again, fear in his eyes.</p><p>‘’Kyle,’’ Cartman said calmly. He paused and smiled at Kyle, who breathed heavier. ‘’I dare you…’’</p><p>He paused again, and Kyle huffed.</p><p>‘’Just say it fatass,’’ Stan urged, annoyed with his threatrics.</p><p>‘’I dare you, to grow your Jew mane out over the next year and come to school dressed as the girl you are.’’</p><p>Silence.</p><p> </p><p>‘’Are you fucking kidding me?’’</p><p>**</p><p>Stan didn’t think it would actually happen, the off chance Kyle actually agree to do it, he didn’t think he’d go through with the whole thing, actually turn up at school and do what he was dared so many months ago. There weren’t exactly many things to do in this shitty town, so it kind of made since the bet would be a long term thing, something that would take time to actually achieve. Cartman wasn’t a stranger to long term plots, and he seemed confident that this would be easy to pull off. Kyle was extremely sceptical and pushed back on the idea as soon as it was pitched, claiming Cartman to be a homo for thinking of such a gay thing. Stan agreed, of course, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t curious about the outcome.</p><p>Kyle ended up agreeing, mostly accused of being a chicken, when he was adamant to prove he wasn’t, nor was he scared of what people might think. The deal was he had to grow his hair out over the next year. But that was just the beginning. Cartman seemed to plan a whole game around this simple act, and it was that Kyle would have to grow his hair for a year, never cutting it besides from trims, and turn up to school dressed as a girl, with his grown out hair straightened to appear feminine. 

The idea behind the dare was supposed to be that Kyle was already so girly that people wouldn’t recognise him, and think he was a new girl at school, according to Cartman. It was a dumbass idea, doomed to fail, because who could see Kyle, even with longer hair, and see anyone else but the hot-headed genius of the class with the biggest heart for the undervalued. Stan couldn’t really imagine Kyle as a girl- he was Kyle, enough said. But it only made this bet more interesting, because what might it end up like, how different might Kyle look without his classic Jew-fro? Stan wanted to know everything about Kyle, and this only expanded the borders of what was possible for them before.</p><p>Stan never got to see Kyle’s hair in progress, because even before the dare, Kyle meticulously hid his hair in his ushanka, never letting anyone glimpse it. It was certainly no different now, and it even worked in the bet’s favour, because no one would see it coming the day he turned up with long straight hair. Kyle refused to discuss the dare with Stan over the year, and sometimes Stan would wonder if he remembered at all, or was even doing his part. No one was able to tell, but that was Kyle’s part of the bargain, that they wouldn’t be allowed to see until the day. They made it the first day of the school term, so his story for being a new girl would be feasible.</p><p>Stan and Kyle were having a sleepover one night, and while Kyle tossed in his sleep, startling Stan awake beside him, he couldn’t help but stare. In his groggy state, he just took in every inch of Kyle’s nose, the slight freckles that would get darker if South Park wasn’t an icebox year round. He kept staring, not really focusing on what he was doing as the dimmed moon shine illuminated the room.</p><p>He tried to think of Kyle as a she, if his face was at all girly enough to picture it clearly. He didn’t even know what he was looking for, it was Kyle, and in this day and age what constituted girly anyway? It was too confusing for Stan to go into it at this time at night, and he was about to go back to sleep, but his eyes drifted up to his hair, or more accurately his green ushanka covering his hair. It was slightly skewed from the pillow, and Stan could barely make out a rusty red hairline, hiding his signature curls. It was sad, Stan really loved his natural hair, and he’d barely ever seen it out of its protective case. 

He had a vested interest in seeing the end of the dare. He could barely remember how long ago Cartman had posed the idea, how Kyle had adamantly denied doing it until Cartman overpowered him to concede. Stan probably could’ve tried harder to stop it from happening, but he was a little too curious to pass off the opportunity. Kyle can never know that though.</p><p>Stan turned over in the bed, trying not to bloom enough curiosity to attempt reaching under his hat and seeing what’s been growing under there. Which sounds grosser than he intended. He closed his eyes and thought about anything else; dancing puppies, screaming babies, alien landings, dead cows, satellites coming out of Cartman’s ass. Ugh, that happened.</p><p>The time came by so quickly that Stan went to school that first day having completely forgotten about any dumb dares. He stood by the bus stop as always, he greeted Kenny and flipped off Cartman as always, and he waited for Kyle to turn up as always.</p><p>Hol-y shit.</p><p>It was the distance at first. He only saw a blur, and figuring it was Kyle, Stan smiled and waited for him to get closer and wait by his side for the bus. Then the blur got closer.</p><p>When a full figure made vision through his eyes, Stan’s jaw was on the ground, lost for good. His eyes had left him too, boggled out beyond repair. He would probably never stop looking shocked.</p><p>But there it was. There he was. Or she?</p><p>Hol-y Shit.</p><p>Cartman and Kenny turned to look when Stan made a choking sound of disbelief, and followed with their own.</p><p>Light in the day, real and right there in front of them, was a red faced scowling girl. A girl with long flowing red hair, down past her shoulders. His- what the hell. With a white little tank top, Kyle’s usual orange jacket, and a green pleated skirt. Which was short as fuck, showing off her- his slim pale legs- which had... Oh lord, knee high socks and sneakers.</p><p>She glared at the three of them, including Stan, but mostly Cartman, who was now making choked up attempts at a laugh. Stan blinked a million times make sure what he was seeing was fucking real.</p><p>‘’I hope you fucking assholes are happy,’’ Kyle simply said, his face growing redder, if it was possible. He adjusted the short as fuck skirt, and touched his now long hair lightly, before pulling his arms around himself. Herself. Hermself.</p><p>‘’Kyle,’’ Stan said softly, he didn’t know how to say that Kyle looked so goddamn vulnerable right now, and he felt the need to protect him from others gaze, hide him under his jacket or something, just- close. Kyle looked at him, his green eyes softening a little to him, looking apologetic. That was laughable, that Kyle felt sorry that what? Stan was seeing this? Stan wanted to say sorry to him for even witnessing it, it felt too scared or something to be made fun or by assholes at school like Cartman. Suddenly the whole idea of this dare felt so wrong and fucking stupid. Kyle tried to tell them, he did.</p><p>Kyle gaze hardens again when Cartman and Kenny finally explode with laughter, which had been delayed probably due to shock of what they were seeing.</p><p>‘’No! No fucking way!!’’ Cartman bellows, close to falling over in the snow, his face turning purple with laughter. Stan scowls at him, now just not finding it funny. He never really did.</p><p>‘’Kyle! Oh my god, you’re so fucking hot! Let me fuck you dude!’’ Kenny cackles, him actually in the snow, trying to grab something for traction, and just rolling around and laughing instead.</p><p>Kyle glared at them, then just turned away, looking out to the road. Stan just stared, his mouth still stuck open. He never even noticed. Kyle just breathed the essence of fitting those clothes, while still looking himself. What the fuck did that mean?</p><p>His little skirt was ridiculously short, Stan worried what he was wearing underneath, hoping he’d thought of shorts or something to protect himself from pervs who would definitely try to assault him at school. Stan won’t let that happen, he’ll protect Kyle all day, he has to.</p><p>He just looks so goddamn vulnerable, Stan can’t stop thinking it.</p><p>‘’I wish you’d stop looking at me like that,’’ Kyle said, cheeks pink, while Stan stared like a dumbass.</p><p>‘’Sorry- I just, dude. You- Kyle-‘’ Stan gets lost for words, raking it eyes down his body again, trying to gather what he missed before, not realising how feminine Kyle’s lithe body actually was- now that he was dressed like someone with only that body could ever pull off.</p><p>‘’You knew what the dare was. I’ve delivered, so you guys can stop fucking thinking about it, and leave me alone,’’ Kyle said, curling into himself tighter. Stan didn’t think he’d ever stop thinking about it ever again.</p><p>‘’Dude,’’ Stan said. Kyle glanced at him again, widening his eyes at Stan’s expression, which was so desperate- for what, he had no fucking clue, just felt so lost, like he’d missed an episode and needed to catch up to understand.</p><p>‘’Kahl!’’ Cartman laughed, and Stan remembered those two were still here, laughing their balls off.</p><p>‘’Fuck off Cartman, you got what you wanted. Now you leave me alone forever,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Where did you get those clothes?’’ Kenny asked, wiping tears from his eyes.</p><p>‘’From Butters,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’What?!’’ Stan, Kenny and Cartman all say at once. Kyle smirks and looks away.</p><p>‘’Calm your tits dudes, I got them second hand,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Honestly, I would not be surprised if Butters had dresses and skirts up for offer,’’ Cartman said, snorting.</p><p>‘’Says the guy who just acted surprised that he might have,’’ Stan said. Cartman glared.</p><p>‘’Fuck you Stan. Okay, Kyle- seriouslah, we need to prank the class- it’ll be perfect. You need to pretend to be a girl who just moved here, we’ll need a new name-‘’</p><p>‘’Fuck off,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Wasn’t that part of the deal though? That you pretend you’re a girl to show that you’re actually super girly, that they’ll think you actually are one,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’Fuck. You. I’m not girly you dick!’’ Kyle scowled. Stan gave him another look over, then looked away, not wanting to get on Kyle’s bad side by agreeing.</p><p>‘’Dude- C’mon. Look at you, you’re like a sexy teenage girl, you’ve gotta act like it. At least click your fingers when you snap at someone,’’ Kenny said. Kyle growled, and chased after Kenny, who yelped and ran away from him as he approached like an angry steamroller.</p><p>Stan watched at Kyle caught Kenny and repeatedly punched him in the face, busting his lip. Say what you want, despite looking like a girl, Kyle was fucking strong. Cartman stared after them, his eyes unfocused, like he was plotting.</p><p>‘’Dude- don’t go around showcasing Kyle like a fucking exhibit. He did his part, just leave him be,’’ Stan tried, pretty much knowing it was pointless, once Cartman got an idea in his head. Cartman gave Stan an amused stare.</p><p>‘’Really Stan? You think I didn’t see your mouth watering for him just before. You’ve fucking got it bad, don’t tell me to stop when you love it so much you’ll come in your pants if the wind picks up his skirt,’’ Cartman preened. Stan kind of felt like punching him in the face now, but he didn’t want to take any of Kyle’s thunder, since this was technically his anger. Plus it would acknowledge that Cartman was right. Which he wasn’t.</p><p>Stan wouldn’t come in his pants if he saw that. Would he be hard? Well. That’s another matter.</p><p>When the bus arrived, Kenny had picked himself back up, and Kyle was back to stewing next to Stan. Stan heard him hesitate before he got on the bus, but then he was getting on, facing it all.</p><p>Cartman barely contained himself when they realised no one actually recognised Kyle. Stan was shocked no one could actually tell who it was, but he supposed the difference was so shocking that if they hadn’t been expecting it to some extent, they wouldn’t have either.</p><p>Kyle seemed just as surprised when Clyde asked his name, as though he was a girl to be picked up. Cartman cracked up under his breath when it happened. Kenny muffled a laugh into his parka, and Stan growled at Clyde defensively like a fucking guard dog. He was kind of surprised at himself, but the sight of seeing Kyle actually being hit on like a girl, the vulnerability was like times ten. He realised that it would only get worse at school if no one recognised him there either. Stan wouldn’t be able to leave his side all day.</p><p>Stan was pretty confident Kyle could take care of himself, but he felt instinctively protective of him like this, and he wouldn’t leave him to deal with that shit all alone. He couldn’t.</p><p>‘’Jesus Christ dude,’’ Kyle said on the bus when Clyde turned back around, grumbling at Stan’s outburst. Cartman and Kenny were behind them, stifling into their hands like little children who couldn’t contain themselves. ‘’Am I seriously unrecognisable? I assumed everyone would immediately know about it and make fun of me forever,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’They wouldn’t if they knew Cartman was behind it. But I think this works in your case- if no one knows, that means you can pretend to be someone else for a day, then you won’t be made fun of, and no one will know. Though I wouldn’t anyway,’’ Stan assured him.</p><p>‘’Oh, so you’re okay with me in a fucking mini skirt?’’ Kyle asked sceptically. Stan dared a glance down Kyle’s lap, his knees knocked together and covered by his socks, the skirt hiked up high on his thighs. Stan had to swallow a lump in his throat, and realised Kyle was staring at him still.</p><p>‘’No- dude. It’s just the dare, it’s fine. You look fine- good even,’’ Stan said, looking away, wanting to cut off his tongue for being a dumbass. Kyle frowned and huffed.</p><p>‘’This hair has been a pain in the ass to hide, I can’t wait to cut it all off,’’ Kyle said, changing the subject. Stan expressed a dumb second of panic at the idea that his precious hair would be cut. Seeing it fully now, and longer than Wendy’s, was like dying and going to heaven.</p><p>‘’You don’t want to cut it all off,’’ Stan said, hoping he’d keep a good few inches at least.</p><p>‘’Yes I do, it’s all getting chopped off, so shit like this can never be proposed to me in the first place,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’You better come up with a fake name,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’What?’’ Kyle laughed.</p><p>‘’Well,’’ Stan flushed. ‘’If you’re gonna go undercover as a girl, you better pick a name that isn’t related to Kyle.’’</p><p>‘’Oh,’’ Kyle thought about this. ‘’I don’t know any girl name that aren’t taken by people I know. You got any ideas?’’</p><p>Stan couldn’t begin to imagine a name that suited him that wasn’t Kyle. Even Kylie sounded wrong, and too similar his own to work effectively.</p><p>‘’Umm…’’</p><p>‘’How about Cathy- short for catheter,’’ Kenny suggested from behind them.</p><p>‘’Fuck you!’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Or a stripper name, like Ruby or Sapphire. Or Krystal,’’ Kenny offered again, unperturbed.</p><p>‘’How about something simple, like… Anne,’’ Kyle said. Stan and Kenny groaned, and Kyle shot them looks. Stan shrugged, smirking. That name was just not worthy of Kyle- too simple and boring.</p><p>‘’Well I can’t think of shit,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Just go with Penny or something.’’</p><p>‘’Sick, no. I’m not a coin,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Stop being a fussy bitch and it won’t be so hard,’’ Cartman said.</p><p>‘’Fuck you! You guys are the ones who dissed my ideas, and can’t come up with your own.’’</p><p>‘’How about Violet?’’ Stan suggested. Kyle scrunched his nose at the idea.</p><p>‘’Told you guys, fussy bitch,’’ Cartman said.</p><p>‘’Isabelle?’’</p><p>‘’No,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’Why not?’’ Stan asked.</p><p>‘’Just because you guys- just because.’’</p><p>‘’How about Cleo after my grandma?’’ Kyle suggested.</p><p>‘’That wrinkly old corpse we used for Halloween? Ha, I don’t think so,’’ Cartman said.</p><p>‘’Seriously Cartman. I don’t say it enough. I fucking hate you,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Likewise douchebag, likewise,’’ Cartman responded.</p><p>‘’Guys! Let’s just pick one and leave it, it’s only one day,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’I can’t think of anything,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Maybe you be called fucking Barbara,’’ Cartman muttered.</p><p>‘’Yuck,’’ they all cringed at this name.</p><p>‘’Let’s just go with Emily or something and leave it at that,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’I like that one,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’It’s not hot enough,’’ Kenny pouted.</p><p>‘’Go to a gay bar and find a hotter nickname for your dick then,’’ Kyle said, swatting Kenny away and sighing back in his seat.</p><p>Stan just stared, subtly, while Kyle didn’t look.</p><p>His face was surprisingly delicate. Stan wondered how he’d never noticed that before.</p><p>‘’Okay, so you’ll go with Emily. And you can’t break character Kahl- you have to be a girl all day,’’ Cartman said. Kyle groaned and slouched down his seat, hiding his face.</p><p>‘’I can’t believe I agreed to this,’’ Kyle muttered to himself.</p><p>‘’It’s fine dude, you’ll do great,’’ Stan assured him. Kyle peeked at him through his fingers, reddening in the face.</p><p>‘’Mhm,’’ Kyle moaned, turning to the window.</p><p>Stan realised when they got to school that they should have tested on someone other than Clyde- who was not the brightest fucking apple in the basket, but he realised it didn’t even matter. When they walked into school, no one recognised him either. They gave him looks like they’d give any new kid- especially a new girl, slight curiosity and intrigue. Stan saw hungry eyes from at least four different boys, and he stuck to Kyle’s side fiercely for it. He never realised these reactions new girls got were so damn predatory, he wondered if any of them had had trouble before. Then he felt guilty he hadn’t noticed before.</p><p>Regardless, he’d stay close to Kyle all damn day to make sure he didn’t get raped or assaulted.</p><p>Kyle reacted to each introduction made by a boy as though he was the new girl with varying degrees of shock, followed by a quick angry mutter of the fake name they chose. And that would be followed by Stan telling them to fuck off, giving them angry looks to back the hell off or he would crack them in half.</p><p>‘’Dude, you’ve gotta let Emily flirt, you’re chasing off her game,’’ Kenny said, him and Cartman tagging along and giggling into themselves like fucking kindergarteners at every introduction.</p><p>‘’He’s doing me a favour if anything,’’ Kyle grumbled, flipping off the two of them behind him while they walked. Cartman rolled his eyes.</p><p>‘’Oh, I’m sorry Kahl. I didn’t know Stan forgot to suck you off earlier, no wonder you’re cranky.’’</p><p>Stan turned back at him. ‘’I’m this fucking close to breaking your nose dude. Fuck. Off.’’</p><p>‘’Well why <em>are</em> you protecting Kyle from her suitors huh?’’ Kenny asked.</p><p>‘’Just! It’s like they’re about to pounce on him! You guys won’t fucking do anything, so I have to,’’ Stan defended himself.</p><p>‘’I can take care of myself guys,’’ Kyle scoffed, and he glanced at Stan mildly. Stan stared at him, just seeing that fucking vulnerability- it was breaking his heart if anything. Kyle turned back and kept walking, his long luxurious hair swishing along with him. What Stan would fucking give just to put his fingers through that hair.</p><p>In class might have been the most shocking, because the teacher asked for Kyle’s name, they didn’t recognise him either. He was even wearing his own jacket- same kind he’d been wearing for years, and they didn’t even notice or care. The class all looked like they just wanted to get into Kyle’s pants- skirt, whatever. Stan was stiff with protective anger, wanting to get Kyle safe under his jacket away from perving eyes.</p><p>He didn’t even know why he was feeling so on edge about it. It was just seeing Kyle like that, his super best friend, have to go through the humiliation. It set off every alarm bell within Stan’s core, and he just wanted to dress Kyle more comfortably. Though it was obvious at first that Kyle was massively uncomfortable with his clothes, that fucking mini skirt, his bare legs only protected by lewd looking socks. Even his tank top made him look girly. It reminded Stan of the tank tops Wendy sometimes wore, just kind of tight fitting and loose shouldered, little straps holding it up. Stan couldn’t deny Kyle had a bit of a soft chest- feminine. How the hell had he never noticed before.</p><p>But as the day went on and everyone knew Kyle- Emily, was the new girl at school, and had made their lame attempts of introducing themselves- all met with scoffs and eye rolls from Kyle, Stan noticed that he started walking with a different kind of air, holding himself up a little different. With- confidence? Maybe calmness, sort of. Regardless, Stan was a little impressed how Kyle had made peace with the day and gone along with it. To Cartman and Kenny’s glee, who couldn’t stop snickering and grinning their faces off every time Kyle was hit on.</p><p>Stan was sure they were bursting with the knowledge that all the boys were being gay, and they’d surely get their laugh the next day when the rouse is revealed. Stan was still in disbelief that not a single fucking person recognised him. It was insane.</p><p>At lunch everything went to shit.</p><p>Kyle fought off Cartman’s urge to sit with the girls, and he took his normal spot next to Stan, either ignoring or oblivious to the rest of the boys at the table staring at him, working up the nerve to speak.</p><p>‘’So, Emily. Um, where are you from?’’ Cartman asked behind his hands, hiding a smile. Kyle glared at him, and backed down when he saw everyone staring at him- her. Stan was glaring back at the boys at the table, conveying to back off or he’d go apeshit.</p><p>‘’Um, yeah. From, uh, New York,’’ Kyle answered, avoiding everyone’s eyes.</p><p>‘’That’s so cool! Wow,’’ the boys said. Stan scoffed under his breath, hearing the bullshit everyone was spouting. Kyle must have seen it too, because he exchanged a look with Stan as if- <em>can you believe them?</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Stan hid a smirk, and the boys continued their merciless empty praises. Stan went close to Kyle’s ear, and whispered to him.</p><p>‘’Just play along dude. Turn the humiliation back on them,’’ Stan said, grinning as he leant back. Kyle raised his eyebrows, smirking at him. Then he looked back at the table, and straightened a little, glancing at Stan.</p><p>‘’Yeah, so I guess I’m living here in this small town now, with no boyfriend, no friends, all alone. I’m hoping that’ll change soon though,’’ Kyle said, affecting his voice and twisting a curl of his hair around his finger. Stan was surprised how well Kyle could take to it, then he was just grinning along, watching the table basically drool all over themselves, not even aware of what they were drooling over.</p><p>‘’I’ll be your friend Emily!’’</p><p>‘’Yeah, me too!’’</p><p>‘’I’ll be your best friend!’’</p><p>Then Stan realised that was a mistake, and acting like a girl just made it worse. More importantly, he was more on edge than ever, and now glaring at all of them, not realising that this kind of attention was what he was trying to stop. He was such a dumbass.</p><p>Kyle seemed surprised by that outburst of attention too, because he recoiled away and glanced at Stan worriedly, coughing in his throat.</p><p>‘’Oh wow, thanks guys. That’s super nice,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’You guys notice how cool Emily is?’’ Kenny exclaimed, riffing the table and grinning at Kyle. If Kyle wasn’t being stared at by everyone right now, he would have flipped Kenny off.</p><p>‘’Yeah, she totally is. I noticed that too.’’</p><p>‘’Yeah, yeah.’’</p><p>‘’You guys, we should invite Emily to hang out with us more often,’’ Cartman suggested evilly, making his voice more innocent.</p><p>‘’Ha, that’s so nice you guys. Sorry, excuse me,’’ Kyle said, standing up from the table. Everyone watched as he quickly walked away and out of the cafeteria. Stan stared in surprise, and listened for about two seconds when the boys started the perving behind his back. Then he just got up and followed out the direction Kyle went, not deigning the horrible horny animals he called his classmates, who would certainly be spurred on by Cartman and Kenny.</p><p>Stan found Kyle out in the hallway of the cafeteria, sitting on the ground with his hands covering his face. Stan hurried over to him and fell to the ground beside him, wanting to absorb him and his problems so he wouldn’t have them. Kyle peeked at him and groaned, banging his head back on the lockers behind him.</p><p>‘’I can’t do it. I can’t pretend to be some slutty girl looking for boyfriends. I’m not a good actor dude. I just wish this dare never happened,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’You were doing pretty good out there, I thought so anyway. But I don’t like it either, the guys flirting with you like that,’’ Stan admitted.</p><p>‘’It’s humiliating. Cartman will never let me forget this. If I know anything about him, he’ll have fucking filmed this to blackmail me later,’’ Kyle said, pulling on his hair. Stan couldn’t help fluster at it, at that fucking luxurious hair that was not only finally free, but now long as fuck, and framed alongside an admittedly adorable little outfit sported really, really well by Kyle. It was crazy, but Stan couldn’t help like it.</p><p>‘’I won’t let him do anything else. I promise,’’ Stan said, grabbing Kyle’s arm and holding it to assure him. Kyle just huffed and curled his knees up to his chest, his skirt hiking up. In an embarrassing moment of staring, the skirt came up and the question of whether Kyle had anything underneath was answered. Thankfully, he had on a pair of little black shorts that Stan had never seen Kyle wear before- he must have bought them along with the other clothes. But he was red in the face nonetheless, and quickly darting his eyes away.</p><p>‘’I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. You least of all,’’ Kyle said, hiding his face again.</p><p>‘’Me?’’ Stan felt hurt. ‘’Why couldn’t I see it?’’</p><p>‘’Because uh!’’ Kyle gave Stan a panicked look, his whole face and neck stained pink. ‘’You’re the one who matters most! I mean, look at me! I’m wearing a fucking skirt. How can you even stand to be near me like this, I’m just embarrassing you.’’</p><p>‘’How could you even say that?’’ Stan asked, grabbed Kyle’s wrists and forcing him to look at him. Kyle moaned and feebly pulled away, looking pathetically into Stan’s eyes when Stan held his grip. ‘’Dude, I love you, I could never fucking be embarrassed of you. You’re my best friend- fuck!’’</p><p>‘’I know that!’’ Kyle shouts, recoiling meekly when Stan glared at him. ‘’But- just. What do you see when you look at me, huh? Cartman already knew it, I’m just some girl, it only took this fucking dare to prove it. No one recognises me because I’m just a dumb slut!’’</p><p>‘’You’re talking out of your ass Kyle. I know never to believe you when you agree with Cartman,’’ Stan said sternly. His heart was breaking at this sight, that this stupid dare had actually broken Kyle’s spirit like this, and made him lose confidence so easily. He’d beat up Cartman so brutally for this- he vowed to himself right now.</p><p>‘’Ah- you’re wrong,’’ Kyle said, shaking his head softly. Stan sighed and rubbed Kyle’s back, trying to convey how much he needed him to be okay, and that he’d stay right here for him the rest of the day if that’s what he needed.</p><p>‘’It’s okay dude,’’ Stan said when Kyle was silent, curling in on himself more tightly. ‘’I’m still here.’’</p><p>They sat there in the hallway quietly for a while, Stan rubbing Kyle’s back and Kyle taking deep breaths, relaxing his legs again at some point and crossing them on the ground. The sight of it only gave Stan more of a view of his pale little thighs- but that was the last thing he needed to concentrate on.</p><p>‘’Stan?’’</p><p>‘’Yeah?’’ Stan said when Kyle stayed silent.</p><p>‘’I really liked that- before. When you protected me from the other boys,’’ Kyle said softly, making Stan turn to look at him in surprise. Kyle blushed, but he didn’t avert his eyes.</p><p>‘’They’re disgusting,’’ Stan said. ‘’What kind of super best friend would I be if I didn’t defend you from potential rapists?’’</p><p>Kyle laughed under his breath. ‘’I don’t even really see why they’re suddenly attracted to me- despite thinking I’m a girl. I’m nothing special compared to others,’’ Kyle said, looking down on himself.</p><p>‘’You’re so wrong,’’ Stan breathed out, feeling like he’d been holding that in like a dying breath, and it took weight off his chest immediately. Kyle boggled at him, and he shook his head. ‘’You’re gorgeous dude, I’m not surprised at all they want you- fuck. Your hair.’’</p><p>‘’My hair?’’ Kyle asked curiously, touching a curly strand. Stan nodded.</p><p>‘’It looks so fucking good. I missed it,’’ Stan professed, deciding it was now or never, and touched it. It was like a river of autumn gold, fucking pureness. Kyle stared at him with wide eyes.</p><p>‘’Stan?’’</p><p>‘’Huh?’’</p><p>Kyle quickly leant in and kissed him.</p><p>He pulled backwards in shock- but Stan had seen this happen wrong too many times in movies- he pulled Kyle back to him quickly and kissed him back. Not missing a beat- he couldn’t waste his chance this time. Kyle stuttered a breath into Stan’s mouth, and Stan just welcomed it and licked into him like a meal he’d been waiting for forever. Which he had.</p><p>He hadn’t realised it until recently- but now that he had, his whole life suddenly made a lot more sense. Especially now that Kyle hummed his lips against him desperately like he was getting a meal he’d been wanting so much for ages- and just stopped himself every time. This time he was greedy, and let himself take it all, and Stan loved it so much his eyes watered.</p><p>‘’Ah- Stan,’’ Kyle said against his lips. Stan opened his eyes to see Kyle’s fattened pupils begging him for something, holding his arms tightly in a vice grip.</p><p>‘’Wha?’’</p><p>Kyle parted his lips, just frozen in place, so Stan softly licked him, and slowly he came back to life.</p><p>‘’Oh fuck it,’’ Kyle muttered, pulling away. Stan was confused- fat lipped and hard in his pants where he sat, and watched as Kyle stumbled to stand up, his hands and pinkened knees shaking.</p><p>‘’Dude?’’ Stan asked.</p><p>Kyle held his hand out to Stan, ‘’come with me.’’</p><p>Stan gulped when he noticed a similar tent in Kyle’s ridiculously short skirt, and stood up with him, feeling like he was in a trance.</p><p>Kyle took Stan to the nearest boys bathroom. He locked the door once they were inside, and turned back to a now very confused and unfortunately very aroused Stan. Kyle’s whole body had been stained pink with a flush, but he approached Stan strongly anyways, his eyes darkening. Stan instinctively backed away as he got closer, unsure what the hell could happen out of this. He felt the sink press against him from behind, and still Kyle came up to him, breathing heavily and hypnotising in his stare.</p><p>‘’Were you serious?’’ Kyle asked softly, his breath hot against Stan’s lips.</p><p>‘’About what?’’</p><p>‘’You like me like this?’’ Kyle asked, touching his hair, his hands gliding down to his skirt, and then his thighs. Stan blinked, his mouth wet. If Kyle came any closer he’d bump into Stan’s massive boner, and Stan wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing or not.</p><p>Stan nodded, and Kyle’s eyes got darker, boring into Stan’s ravenously.</p><p>‘’You fucking hyprocrite Stan,’’ Kyle said, hissing this close to Stan’s lips. ‘’You just want a girl.’’</p><p>‘’No,’’ Stan breathed, shaking his head. ‘’I want you dude- so so much.’’</p><p>Kyle leaned up- supporting himself on Stan’s chest, and bit his bottom lip, then soothed it with his tongue. Stan whined in his throat, feeling heady and weak in the legs. He would have already fallen on his ass if he wasn’t being held up by the sink behind him. Kyle grabbed his face and kissed him deeply, exploring his tongue through Stan’s mouth like he was trying to find treasure, exchanging saliva as Stan timidly pressed back- quickly getting stronger.</p><p>Then just like that, Stan nearly yelped when Kyle suddenly grabbed his crotch and felt him up as they kissed, suddenly touching him bravely and fearlessly, as though it belonged to him. Stan’s brain was a mess of heat and lust and confusion, tipped with a little wild reckless need that he could barely keep from pouncing onto Kyle like he actually was an attack dog- claiming what’s his.</p><p>‘’Dude,’’ Stan panted, his voice dying as Kyle rubbed him harder, biting his lip and giving Stan a hungry stern look.</p><p>‘’Shh,’’ Kyle commanded against his lips, guiding Stan’s hand down his chest, over his stomach, down to his skirt. He let Stan lift it up, and touch him underneath it. Stan’s hands felt like they were shaking, being allowed- encouraged even, to touch Kyle there, to feel the wet heat from between his legs, where Stan felt his trapped dick strain against those little black shorts, and thicken when Stan summoned the courage to feel him harder. That’s a lie- the temptation to touch him where he’d been curious about ever since he realised Kyle was hard too.</p><p>Kyle’s lips were fat and worked on when he panted raggedly at the touches they gave each other, timidly at first- then growing harder and more confident. Stan felt dazed, but he kept going, his heart doing scary palpitations every time Kyle dared to grip him harder, nearly succeeding in wrapping his hand around Stan’s trapped dick. Time felt lost to him too, he couldn’t even remember what fucking year they were in.</p><p>‘’What are we doing?’’ Stan asked, mostly talking to himself, multitudes of unanswered questions at the tip of his tongue. Kyle kept kissing his lips every few seconds, like he couldn’t bear be apart from them too long.</p><p>‘’I’m about to suck your cock if you keep doing this to me,’’ Kyle said, leaning closer. Stan felt his face burn like a match caught alight at the mere idea, and it sparked light into Kyle’s eyes- like a devious twinkle. Stan was tempted to just surrender his body and let Kyle do whatever the fuck he wanted to it.</p><p>‘’Kyle,’’ Stan begged him, not even sure what he was pleading. Just not to tease him like that by saying such attractive things while holding his cock so possessively. Kyle laughed under his breath.</p><p>‘’Show me,’’ Kyle whispered, tracing a line down Stan’s neck, making him shiver.</p><p>‘’Wha?’’</p><p>‘’Whip it out. Your dick. I wanna suck it. I want you to come down my fucking throat,’’ Kyle said. Stan may have croaked pathetically, but Kyle didn’t even wait for him- just ripped open his fly like he’d been restraining himself all this time and had finally had enough of dicking around.</p><p>When Kyle released his throbbing dick out into the open, Stan felt a simultaneous sigh of relief, and whimper of how fucking hard he was, dripping precome down himself while Kyle stared with a lagging jaw, unblinking. Then he was quickly on his knees, while Stan’s own buckled, overwhelmed by Kyle’s display, and the look on his face. Like he was so close to taking a bite of Stan and happily swallowing it down inside him. Maybe that would actually happen.</p><p>Stan moaned like a goddamn prostitute when Kyle went forward and licked the head of his leaking cock, the feeling of Kyle’s hot wet tongue making him feel dizzy with pleasure. Kyle didn’t stop there, kept forward softly licking him like he was an ice cream, tasting him.</p><p>‘’K-Kyle- god fuck,’’ Stan stuttered, gripping the sides of the sink for traction before he collapsed to the ground with good feelings.</p><p>‘’Do you like that?’’ Kyle whispered to the head of his dick, as though he was talking to it. If so, the hot breath on it made it react by throbbing almost painfully, so full. Stan was watching him with a awe-struck open mouth, his ears getting hot when Kyle dived back in and starting coating the shaft with his tongue, soothing it before retreating like a tease. Kyle looked up at him while he did this, and Stan realised the whole situation around him:</p><p>Kyle was blowing him in the boys bathroom at school during lunch, on his knees, hands on the floor, in a wrinkled up mini skirt- and his tongue worshipfully lathering his throbbing cock with affection. Stan was going to explode.</p><p>Stan involuntarily grabbed Kyle’s hair when he finally went all the way, putting Stan’s dick fully in his hot soaking wet mouth. Kyle moaned- seemingly also involuntarily, when Stan grabbed it, and he only pulled off, panting up at Stan with glittering green worshipping eyes.</p><p>‘’Pull my hair,’’ Kyle begged, his voice affected and needy in a way that made Stan fluster even more, and also obey him and pull harder. Kyle reacted by taking him all in again, going even harder at it, starting to bob his head.</p><p>Stan tangled his fingers through his glorious red hair, now also a little dishevelled, while Kyle grabbed Stan’s hips and pushed his cock even further into his mouth, like a dare.</p><p>‘’How long have you wanted to do this?’’ Stan asked, his breath run out just from this, feeling hot all over and close to bursting. Kyle muffled a laugh, which made Stan tickle there, and whine at the feeling of his tongue resting under his dick while his throat took more of him. ‘’Huh? How long have you wanted my dick in your mouth?’’ Stan asked, teasing him a little.</p><p>Kyle pulled off, breathless, and quickly made Stan bend down for a air-taking kiss, pulling him close. ‘’Forever asshole. Now do you want me to keep answering stupid questions? Or do you want me to continue?’’</p><p>Stan was lost for words, and Kyle raised his eyebrows and grinned, precome slick all over his chin. Which was so fucking hot. ‘’Just- continue, please.’’</p><p>Kyle had already bent back down and taken in his dick again before Stan finished talking, greedily stuffing his mouth full again. Stan had to hold Kyle’s hair again when he couldn’t hold in embarrassing noises at the tenacity Kyle sucked dick, like it was a fucking delicacy.</p><p>‘’You don’t know how much I thought about you like this,’’ Stan said, staring entranced as Kyle kept bobbing his head up and down, tilting his head to look at Stan while he did it. Kyle blinked, his lips straining around Stan’s hard dick, spit dribbling out and shiny around his pink fat lips. Stan used his thumb to clean the sides of Kyle’s mouth dribbling out and watched Kyle’s eyes fatten when he made a show to lick it up himself, dragging his tongue over his fingers. 

Kyle moaned wantonly, shoving his face into Stan’s crotch, his dick now fully down his throat. Stan groaned, feebly holding himself back just to see this display longer. He couldn’t remember Kyle ever looking at him like that, and he wanted to take a fucking picture of it for it’s pure greatness.</p><p>‘’I’ve been wondering if you’d even remembered the dare,’’ Stan said, needing to distract himself from coming yet. Kyle kept bobbing his head and staring at him worshipfully, and Stan had to glance away. He didn’t let go of his hair, that was too great a delicacy to pass up. For all he knew it was gonna be chopped off tomorrow. He’d try and stop that, hopefully. ‘’I never thought you’d actually follow through. Secretly I was hoping you would. I really wanted to see what you’d look like in a dress- fucking, short-ass skirt, your soft fucking thighs exposed, all blushy and red,’’ Stan rambled, watching Kyle lose composure.</p><p>Kyle moaned and scrambled his hand under his skirt, pumping himself shamelessly at Stan’s words. Stan was shocked for a second, then just watched in bursting awe of it, Kyle’s taunting little noises while he choked full of dick, thickening on his tongue, stimulating himself from it. Stan tugged Kyle’s hair again every time he moaned, which only made him moan more, and touch himself more enthusiastically. Stan would replace his hand if he could reach, but he was struggling to even hold himself up at the pure heaven Kyle was giving him solely with his mouth. Stan would return the favour, of course. How could he not for Kyle giving this priceless thing to him? He felt himself coming close.</p><p>And suddenly, the door handle jiggled. Someone was trying to come in. Stan didn’t even notice it at first, and Kyle certainly didn’t, and if he did, he just kept sucking dick like nothing else mattered, his eyes lowering like he’d fall asleep with Stan’s cock down his throat. Stan only placed the noise when knocks and more jiggles came from the door.</p><p>‘’Kyle! Someone-‘’ Stan warned, bracing his hands on Kyle’s shoulders. Kyle pulled of him panting and breathless, his lips all shiny with precome and spit. Stan didn’t have time to go insane over the sight, because they both turned to the door in a panic, realising where they were, and what the fuck was going on outside of the bubble they’d created outside of time in here.</p><p>‘’Hello? Who locked the door?’’ the voice said, getting louder. Stan turned to Kyle with wide eyes, who was getting off the ground, his face going redder instantly.</p><p>‘’What do we do?’’ Kyle whispered hurriedly, grabbing Stan’s shoulders. Stan felt trapped between panic and a lost sense of arousal that was currently failing to retreat now that it had to. His dick was still out, aching and ready to burst, but the chances of it happening were rapidly thinning. He zipped his fly up quickly, wincing at the feeling of his trapped erection getting pushed back in his pants again. Kyle brushed himself off, pressing his little skirt down straighter, which was a failing mission. Kyle’s whole body screamed being readied for sex, like he’d just blown someone in the boys bathroom. Which- yeah.</p><p>‘’Hide in one of the stalls. They can’t see you in here,’’ Stan quickly said, hurrying to the locked door. Kyle breathed heavily and quickly scurried into the stall, locking it shut. Once he was out of sight, Stan pressed his hair down so it didn’t scream what was happening, and unlocked the door, bracing himself.</p><p>Fucking Kenny. He should have known.</p><p>‘’Dude? Why was the door locked?’’ Kenny asked, coming into the bathroom as Stan stood there, trying to will his erection to disappear fast, before Kenny noticed. That guy was a hawk at noticing shit like that, and he’d probably guess without even needing to see Kyle.</p><p>‘’Uh, I just needed a second alone,’’ Stan excused, avoiding Kenny’s eyes. Kenny snorted and headed to one of the urinals, perfectly immodest in unzipping there and taking a piss.</p><p>‘’What’s troubling you that you had to be alone?’’ Kenny asked, without looking back at Stan. Stan took the opportunity to wash his hands, wetting his hair down while the opportunity presented itself, trying to look busy so he didn’t look like he’d priorly been given the blowjob of his life by his best friend.</p><p>‘’Nothing. Don’t worry about it,’’ Stan muttered.</p><p>‘’Is it about Kyle? I saw the way you were looking at him today. Has his sprouting girlhood given you epiphanies?’’ Kenny chuckled. Stan scowled- because yes. But fuck him.</p><p>‘’Fuck off. You guys should leave him alone, he’s done his part,’’ Stan said. He realised Kyle was listening to all of this from the stall.</p><p>‘’Fuck that, this has been the funnest day this whole shitty year, you should have heard the guys cracking on about how hot Emily is once you guys left. I encouraged them, naturally."</p><p>‘’What? What did they say?’’ Stan asked, wanting names so he could punch their lights in later. He realised he’d been planning to beat up a lot of people from today. He’d have to stagger it lest they gang up on him.</p><p>‘’Oh just Clyde and Bradley and those guys saying that redhead chick has got an ass that could kill, and putting bets on who would bed her first. A few of them betted on you, lucky duck. They must have noticed you growling like a bear at anyone who spoke to him,’’ Kenny said, finishing up and zipping his fly again. Stan stayed at the sink, trying to look casual, and hoping Kenny would get the message to leave.</p><p>‘’Well, you guys are encouraging our class to rape him, so someone has to prevent it,’’ Stan defended himself. Kenny snorted.</p><p>‘’Like you wouldn’t rape him if he let you,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>Then it’s not raping is it? That’s called fucking,’’ Stan corrected.</p><p>‘’Touché,’’ Kenny said, going to the door, and pausing and turning back to him. Stan internally groaned, willing Kenny to just fucking go away. ‘’What are you actually doing in here? Contemplating your boner?’’</p><p>‘’What?’’ Stan laughed, nervous Kenny had spotted it.</p><p>‘’C’mon. Don’t fuck around. Just give it straight. Tell Kyle how you feel. I’m positive he will reciprocate, I’m telling you dude, the amount of times I’ve caught him ogling your crotch. Just give the kid what you both want-‘’</p><p>‘’Okay that’s enough!’’ Kyle shouted, crashing the door open from the stall, his face burning red and glaring at Kenny. Kenny flinched in surprise, eyes wide.</p><p>‘’Kyle!? What-‘’ Kenny stared at him in shock, and slowly, a smile sprouted on his face, turning into a shit-faced grin. ‘’Oh- no. Don’t tell me- you guys,’’ Kenny said, turning back and forth between the two of them, grinning wider and wider. Stan had his jaw dropped, lacking anything to say, just looking at Kyle. His skirt and socks were messed up a little, and someone would assume he’d just been running from a bear in the forest, or he’d just given an orgasmic experience with his mouth. That’s all Stan could think of anyway.</p><p>‘’Fuck. Off. Kenny. Fuck off out of this bathroom. Fuck off out of this town. And fucking fuck off with this dumbass dare!’’ Kyle said, walking forward, fire in his eyes. Kenny didn’t stop grinning, just raised his eyebrows with amusement.</p><p>‘’Oh- you guys,’’ Kenny said sweetly, holding his chest. ‘’I didn’t realise what I was interrupting. I’m so sorry.’’</p><p>‘’Get out of here fucker!’’ Kyle yelled, raising his fist angrily. Kenny just yelped and opened the door, not bothering hiding the glee from his smug face.</p><p>‘’I’ll see you dudes later. Better finish him off Kyle. Give ‘em that good dick-sucking lovin’!’’</p><p>Kyle looked ready to kill when Kenny finally left the bathroom, shutting the door and leaving them with silence apart from Kyle’s angry heavy breathing. Stan just stood there awkwardly, his chaffing erection finally going down, and leaving the bathroom with a heavy air. Kyle shyly turned back to him, cheeks pink and eyes lowered.</p><p>‘’I’ll kill that fucker,’’ Kyle said, holding his hands over his face.</p><p>‘’How did he tell so easily?’’ Stan wondered. Kyle groaned.</p><p>‘’He probably just saw how fucking wrecked I look and connected the dots- fuck!’’ Kyle rubbed his eyes, looking tired and angry. Stan sighed, looking back at Kyle. To think where they were just a few minutes earlier, just seems like a dream. It didn’t seem like it could actually happen, and it didn’t- technically.</p><p>‘’Sorry,’’ Stan muttered, lacking a response that would make this less weird. He thought it would be easily afterwards, but he didn’t account for the fact that it would only take an interruption to get them back to square one.</p><p>‘’Don’t fucking apologise to me,’’ Kyle mumbled, going to the sink and splashing his face with water. While he dried it off with a paper towel, Stan considered the ways this could end. One; they pretend it didn’t ever happen and awkwardly continue like before. Two; they immediately resume and forget Kenny interrupted and gave them heart attacks like a giant dick, and pretend the moment was just on pause. Three; Stan can kiss Kyle right now and just go from there, putting all caution the wind.</p><p>Stan chose three, of course. Nothing else felt right, and wouldn’t really ever be. Kyle sighed like it’s all he wanted anyway when Stan slid his tongue back into his mouth, tasting his precome there, holding him against the sink.</p><p>‘’You’re staying over tonight,’’ Stan decided, saying this against Kyle’s quivering lips. Kyle nodded slowly, and held Stan’s cheeks close. ‘’And I’m returning the favour for you,’’ Stan added. Kyle’s eyes fattened as soon as he said so, and he just nodded again.</p><p>‘’Thank you,’’ Kyle said quietly, though Stan understood it wasn’t about returning the favour or anything like that. It was for today, or everything, for looking after him and treating him like someone worth having no matter what. Stan nodded, and kissed him again. He doubted it would be the last time anyway. It was only the beginning, really.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Prostitute with a Project (Kenny x Butters)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Pharmacist is a gossip, the senior class is gay, and they need condoms without alerting their 'homophobic' parents.</p><p>It just takes a prostitute with a purpose, to provide them.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>‘’Howdy there, Lizzy. Are you here for the usual?’’ Pharmacist Grey asked from behind the counter, facing an impish looking girl twirling her long blonde hair between her fingers. She giggled childishly and batted her eyelashes intentionally.</p><p>‘’Of course, Mister Grey. You know what happens when I don’t have them,’’ the blonde teenage girl cooed to him. Dr Grey smiled his typical withered sunny smile, reaching from behind the counter to a storage of boxes in many varieties. The girl waited patiently, humming to herself and swaying where she stood as though she had a song in her head. The pharmacist rang up the items, one by one, though they were all the same.</p><p>‘’Alright, so that’s 4 packs of big mamba deluxe condoms. Coming to a total of $56.50. Will that be all, miss?’’ Dr Grey asked.</p><p>‘’That should be fine, thanks hun,’’ Lizzy giggled, handing the pharmacist the crumpled up money from she dug from her pocket.</p><p>‘’It’s good you stay safe, darlin’. Remember to wrap every time. You know what kind of problems occur if you don’t,’’ Dr Grey called to her as she walked to the exit of the pharmacy. She waved to him as she left, carrying her bag full of condoms. She kept walking, smiling and humming to herself, and nodding to people with a cheery face when they walked past. As though she was carrying a box of kittens going to a good home. She rounded a corner, where she walked through an alleyway in the main street, private and unseen. She checked over her shoulder, making sure no-one followed her, and waited in the alley.</p><p>Lizzie dug out a loose cigarette from her other pocket and her lighter, flicking up her smoke and taking a drag while she waited in the dank dark alley void of all light. She checked the baggie full of condoms, making sure she collected the right ones for the order.</p><p>A few minutes later, two people walked into the alley, side by side, checking over their shoulders just as she did.</p><p>‘’You really shouldn’t come here together. People will be suspicious,’’ Lizzy said to them, walking over with her lingering haze of smoke. Tweek and Craig walked closer, Craig looking down with his hands in his pockets, Tweek looking around him wildly, shaking. They both looked like newbies at best with this thing, but that’s just what it was. Quick and quiet like a drug exchange.</p><p>‘’Yeah whatever. Did you bring the stuff?’’ Craig asked. Lizzy scrounged through her bag, using bargaining methods to make them wait. Craig glared while she screwed around pretending to look for their right order, as though she forgot it. Liz basically had them by the balls, really. She pulled out one of the packs of condoms, subtly sliding it over to them. Craig accepted it just as quickly, smoothly tucking it into his jacket.</p><p>‘’Did you want to order the next delivery in advance? Last time you went through them before the half-month was up,’’ Lizzy said. Craig scowled at her.</p><p>‘’How much more is it?’’ Craig asked.</p><p>‘’Five in interest,’’ Lizzy said. Craig glanced at Tweek, who nodded, his eyes still wide and worried.</p><p>‘’Fine, here,’’ Craig said, handing her twenty bucks in total. Lizzy smiled sweetly at them, a knowing smirk lingering on her face.</p><p>‘’We getting frisky are we?’’ Lizzy said. Craig flipped her off. They heard voices from the street just outside back in the light, and Tweek spasmed, shrinking in fear. Lizzie gave them a look to hurry along before they became royally screwed.</p><p>‘’See you next time,’’ Craig said, turning away with Tweek and walking out of the alley, further apart than before. Lizzy watched them leave, walking out of eyesight.</p><p>She had two other deliveries to make, but the others were spoilt, and required to be met at specific locations for their orders. No matter, she liked the service, it gave her a few extra bucks. Very useful bucks, she had to admit, that went somewhere that made all the effort worth it. She butted out her cigarette on the ground before walking out of the alley, leaving the dirtiness of the ash in the darkness where it belonged.</p><p>It was the easy part first, the next one took place in the park, nearly in plain sight, which was also at Lizzie’s urging to avoid suspicion. Drug deals happened all the time at parks, because it was too easy and quick for cops to ever notice, so of course it was a perfect destination. The bitch of the job was the number of orders that begged for different places for collection, because people would catch on. It wasn’t illegal, per say. But to these poor fucker’s parents, it meant the end of the world.</p><p>Lizzie took a seat on the swingset at the park when she got there, checking the time. The day was sunny. Lizzie’s head itched, and she sighed, trying not to scratch it, watching the kids running and chasing each other in the sandpit area, leaping from the octopus equipment. </p><p>She was startled when a presence took a seat beside her on the other swing, only to find it was just Token, avoiding her eyes and staring out at the same kids playing.</p><p>‘’Goodness me. I thought for a second a big black dick was propositioning me,’’ Lizzie grinned, unfazed to cover her fright. She was always a little on edge about these deals.</p><p>‘’What?’’ Token glanced at her, looking guilty as fuck. ‘’Have you- uh?’’</p><p>‘’Chill out big man,’’ she brushed off his nervousness. ‘’Lizzie has what you need.’’</p><p>At that moment, Lizzie noticed some parents staring from above their kids on the other side of the park. Thinking quickly, Liz realised she might not be able to play it ‘Kum and go’ this time.</p><p>‘’Umm- Token. Can you do me a favour and kiss me,’’ Lizzie said, watching the parents from the corner of her eye. Token sputtered.</p><p>‘’What! No- that’s-‘’</p><p>‘’Token!’’ Lizzie exclaimed, then laughed, regaining her cool. She smiled at him. ‘’Adults are watching us- and they aren’t going to let it go if you take something mysterious from me in a bag- okay? You have to kiss me- so they think we’re on a date. Or did you want those people to tell your mom and dad that you took drugs from a girl in a park, only for you to have to reveal what’s actually going on.’’</p><p>Token stared at her with an adorably perplexed expression, then looked down again, finally getting what the fuck she was talking about. Lizzie made the first move, taking his hand closest to hers and holding it as they started swinging lightly on the swingset.</p><p>Lizzie could feel their stares like burns, and deciding to give them the show they obviously wanted, Lizzie leaned towards Token, smiling like a lovesick little girl.</p><p>‘’You don’t have to tell Clyde,’’ Lizzie said, bumping his nose. Token glared.</p><p>‘’Fuck you,’’ and he kissed Lizzie’s cheek quickly, and looked down again. Lizzie beamed and held her cheek, making a tiny squeal.</p><p>‘’You’re so cute!’’ Lizzie said, squeezing his hand tighter. Token refused to look up at her again, until Lizzie intentionally coughed and made him force a smile back.</p><p>‘’Can I just get the stuff now?’’ Token asked.</p><p>‘’Jeez, I would have thought it was you guys more worried about getting caught than me- but I guess you just don’t mind your parent’s disappointment.’’</p><p>‘’They might not be!’’ Token argued. ‘’They could be cool about it.’’</p><p>‘’Right- so why am I buying condoms for you? Huh? Or you trying it bareback nowadays?’’</p><p>‘’Okay, okay!’’ Token said, holding his hands up. ‘’Please, keep it up. Thank you.’’</p><p>‘’I want a pay raise,’’ Lizzie decided then, bowling for the risk.</p><p>‘’I’m already giving you more than those condom’s cost!’’</p><p>‘’Okay, then get them yourself. Get them yourself and watch the old tattletale pharmacist tell your parents you’re having sex. Watch them figure out none of the girls are dating boys in our class, and that one chubby brunette who walks home with you every afternoon is the one you’re actually fucking.’’</p><p>‘’He’s not chubby!’’ Token claimed.</p><p>‘’Missing the point, dear,’’ Lizzie rolled her eyes.</p><p>‘’Okay- fine. You can have ten extra,’’ Token said, grumbling. He reached into his pocket and put the cash in the hand that he held Lizzie with. He smiled at her and leaned in again, only now playing his part. Lizzie took the opportunity while he was close and grabbed his order out of the bag, swiping it behind her back and exchanging it with him from behind while the parents watched and were none the wiser.</p><p>‘’Thanks sweetheart!’’ Lizzie chirped, and she gave him a freebie kiss on the cheek she knew he’d groan about the whole way home. He just smiled through his lying teeth and gave her hand a final squeeze before standing up. He pulled her up with him.</p><p>‘’Let them think we’re leaving together,’’ Token said quietly. Lizzie nodded, a little impressed, and kept hold of his hand until they broke apart at the edge of the park away from the nosy parents.</p><p>After waving Token off and watching him walk off likely to make use of the orders with his brunette, Lizzie turned for the residential streets of town, her second last delivery.</p><p>Lizzie was extremely used to these houses in this side of the tracks, though they always came with a bittersweet edge at their harsh reality. She didn’t like to think about it. Only when she was feeling low enough.</p><p>The last delivery was probably the most spoilt, a direct home delivery, but Liz had to admit she would probably do Stan and Kyle this favour anyway. Plus it was all too close to her final delivery destination.</p><p>Lizzie knocked on the door, praying with all the hymns she bothered to remember from church that Sheila not answer the door. It would definitely only do badly if she knew the known slutty girl came to see her son.</p><p>With great relief, it was Kyle himself who answered the door, widening his eyes at her. Lizzie grinned sheepishly.</p><p>‘’Seriously Kenny? You have to keep that on?’’ Kyle said, looking her up and down.</p><p>‘’It’s empowering, really,’’ Lizzie said. ‘’Is Stan here?’’</p><p>‘’Get in here dude,’’ Kyle groaned, pulling her in with a huff like she was inconveniencing them- not like they’d obviously been waiting tensely for this delivery so they could resume their fuck session. Stan was on the couch and quickly hopped up when she walked through.</p><p>‘’Are your parents home?’’ Lizzie asked.</p><p>‘’No- mom took Ike out to the park for the day, and dad had a meeting in town,’’ Kyle said, Stan joining him expectantly like they were waiting for their hand out. It was extremely satisfying, since for years it had always been the other way around.</p><p>With a relieving sigh, Kenny unhooked the wig from his skull and let his head breath, shaking his real locks free. He flipped his head back, and Kyle gave him an unamused stare. He’d always been the least charmed by Kenny’s extremely awesome and creative ways to obtain their ‘drugs’. It was obviously genius, he was just a prudish prick stuck in his hateful closet state.</p><p>Well, technically they all were. </p><p>‘’So you’ve been delivering today?’’ Stan asked.</p><p>‘’Yeah dude, I do them all at once so I don’t have to bother again. You guys fucking skim through these packs like horny dogs,’’ Kenny laughed, reminiscing Craig’s embarrassed scowl when he wanted extra. He didn’t look embarrassed, but Kenny knew him better than that. ‘’Craig totally asked for extra.’’</p><p>‘’Those two have no freaking shame, seriously,’’ Kyle scoffed. ‘’I caught them fucking in the bathroom at Bebe’s party last Saturday. If anyone else had walked in. They’re gonna get us caught.’’</p><p>‘’Well. I’d say those two could get away with being out if they were caught. They’re hiding for selfish reasons,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Yeah- they just don’t want the attention on them that the town gave them in fourth grade. They flaunt that in our faces,’’ Kyle frowned.  ‘’Dude I would fucking be grateful having a spotlight on us, if it meant my ma not going apeshit. It’s unfair.’’</p><p>‘’I know dude,’’ Stan said. Kenny raised his eyebrows.</p><p>He knew Kyle’s mom was a bag of wet cats on a good day, but honestly the worst he would ever get is a slap on the wrist, and some condescending lectures about gayness that Kyle would ignore. Kenny knew people who would be in serious life ending shit if they got caught by their parents. Kenny did this whole buy and delivery service for the sake of solidarity with the ridiculous numbers of gay guys at school nowadays, but their excuses for hiding were bullshit compared to others.</p><p>‘’Weeell…anyways,’’ Kenny said. ‘’I’ve got my fabulous besties’ special order right here,’’ Kenny said, handing over the last of the condoms from the pharmacy. Kyle took them and inspected them, and Kenny tried not to convey his discomfort. He wouldn’t object to seeing Stan and Kyle fuck, but he’d feel pretty weird the whole time. He wondered if Kyle was trying to subtly convey he was the top by taking the condoms himself, as though he was the one wearing them. Acting like Kenny didn’t know him well enough to know Kyle was taking Stan’s dick, and loved every second of it. It was written all over his face. Right now it was blushing red.</p><p>‘’Well, okay. You can go now,’’ Kyle said. Kenny smirked at him knowingly, and glanced at Stan. Stan grinned.</p><p>‘’Fuck you, fucking assholes,’’ Kyle said, shoving Stan when he caught their grins. Kenny was getting pretty ready to leave anyways, titchy with anticipation for his very last delivery, like always. It made putting up with all these closeted assholes worth it.</p><p>‘’I do have to go actually,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’Do you have any more deliveries today?’’ Stan asked. ‘’Did you deliver to Token and Clyde too?’’</p><p>‘’Yeah dude. I’ve only got one to go,’’ Kenny smiled smugly.</p><p>‘’Who?’’ Kyle asked. ‘’Wait- oh. Sick dude- don’t tell us that shit.’’</p><p>‘’I didn’t say anything!’’ Kenny laughed. ‘’And talk about sick. I just delivered you guys condoms for god knows what- you’ll probably start banging before I shut the front door.’’</p><p>‘’Fuck you!’’ Kyle said, face red in an instant.</p><p>‘’I believe it’s fuck you Kyle- and that’s Stan’s job.’’</p><p>‘’Fuck who?’’ Stan said in confusion.</p><p>‘’Wait- fuck me?’’ Kyle asked.</p><p>‘’Well, if you say so,’’ Kenny grinned.</p><p>‘’Oh goddammit,’’ Kyle said in annoyance, shoving Kenny towards the door. Kenny didn’t rebuke, giddy for the next delivery and glad to have talked to these two. It got lonely in the summer break sometimes, and it’s not like he had a permanent second home like Stan did at Kyle’s house, with an obvious and willing love to go down on whenever they felt like it- or had condoms available from Lizzie’s services. Sometimes he wondered if Lizzie was just a prostitute- getting this contraband for the queer boys of the class. She wasn’t so pure herself, but Kenny didn’t know how he felt about her being used.</p><p>Then he remembered that this was bigger than herself, and fuck her own insecurities. Other people mattered more.</p><p>‘’You didn’t get any protection for yourself?’’ Stan asked when they were at the door.</p><p>‘’Nup- what for?’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’Dude! You’ve got to wear condoms- you could die!’’ Kyle exclaimed, grabbing Kenny’s shoulder. Kenny scoffed.</p><p>‘’Yeah dude- there’s like a thousand new STD’s nowadays, didn’t you listen to sex ED?’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’I remember looking at the anatomy of our junk,’’ Kenny said, recalling those classes. ‘’But calm the fuck down dudes- I’m clean.’’</p><p>His regeneration ensured that.</p><p>‘’How are you so sure he is?’’ Kyle asked. Kenny deadpanned him.</p><p>‘’I’m serious! Maybe he’s fucked Cartman and picked up syphilis,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’You guys have fun with that supply now. Don’t spill your jizz on the carpet,’’ Kenny said instead of answering that repulsive scenario. He walked down the front lawn and back to the sidewalk. Stan and Kyle watched him from the front door. Kyle took Stan’s arm, and started pulling him back inside.</p><p>‘’Say hi to Butters for us,’’ Kyle shouted from the door. Kenny flipped them off as he walked away, wig in his hand. They slammed the door shut, and Kenny predicted they were on each other like that before the lock clicked.</p><p>Kenny spent the walk over to Butters’ house reattaching the clips of the wig back onto his head, using his touch to make sure it was fitting into place as he waltzed through the neighbourhood in a peppy step- not unlike Lizzie’s.</p><p>It was like he was an actual booty caller. The last delivery- right? Offering herself to him- not with a box of condoms, but for a momentary freedom from the prison cells he’d been hiding behind all summer. Kenny was dying for it too.</p><p>Lizzie hurried to the Stotch residence as quickly as she could, unable to resist any longer, thinking about this last visit since this morning when Kenny woke knowing it was D-day. The ground was soft and mushy, the last of the year round snow melted for a few glorious weeks in these hottest parts.</p><p>It was a wonder Stan or even Kyle didn’t remark upon the flowy sundress being expertly sported by him. It was one of his favourites- out of the less than shameful small collection he wore on occasion when it suited him. He wasn’t trying to look super fucking fem, okay? He just found it really fun, and through this he found a mutual love of them with Butters. In fact- it was one of the first ways they bonded.</p><p>But right now, it was very necessary for his next con. Typically he would parkour himself like Mysterion through Butters window, but today was special out of all the days Kenny saw Butters. Today he was Lizzie.</p><p>Stephen Stotch answered the front door, just as expected. Butters wasn’t allowed to do it himself anymore. Mr Stotch hated Kenny, hated his poor deviant guts right into the ground, and there was no doubt he always would.</p><p>But oh- did he love Lizzie.</p><p>‘’Oh- Liz. It’s been a while! Butters’ is just upstairs doing homework,’’ Stephen said, gesturing up with his mug of coffee. Typical- make the boy do homework during Summer break. Fucking typical.</p><p>‘’Hii Mr Stotch! It’s great to see you again! How’s work going?’’ He could literally care less.</p><p>‘’Oh another day, each one the same. Working hard for the machine- grinding at it, as you say. Is you dad still overseas on that business trip?’’ Stephen Stotch asked, still blocking the doorway from anything slipping through without enduring this small talk bullshit. It happened everytime.</p><p>‘’Yep- still overseas. I miss him soo much,’’ Lizzie said emphatically. Her ‘dad’ had been overseas on that business trip about 7 months now, as far as Stotch was concerned. ‘’I was wondering if Butters’ isn’t too busy that I could hang out with him this afternoon?’’ Lizzie said innocently, batting her eyes.</p><p>‘’Well I don’t see why not!’’ Stephen said proudly, as though it was an honour to get such a pretty girl chasing after his son. Lizzie smiled childishly, hiding an impish grin at this fucking game. The hell did he know.</p><p>Lizzie followed Mr Stotch to Butters’ door upstairs, spouting off about how Butters got in trouble last night with the dishes, and he’s no supposed to see anyone, but that he could make an exception for her. Lizzie had to bite her lip to stop herself at making a noise when she imagined Stotch being blissfully unaware of the ass pounding his son was destined to receive this afternoon. Like a true little deviant.</p><p>‘’Butters?’’ Stephen knocked on Butters’ door. ‘’Your little girlfriend is here to see you.’’</p><p>He was so proud of his son having a girlfriend. So fucking proud. Kenny was going to shove it back in his face someday- one goddamn day. But not yet- he wouldn’t do that to Butters.</p><p>‘’Girlfriend? What- oh! O-okay dad,’’ Butters called out. Stotch opened the door and let Lizzie in, standing there watching over them.</p><p>Butters kept his wide eyes expression on Kenny as Stotch said something about behaving themselves.</p><p>‘’You can stay for dinner Elizabeth- if your mother allows it,’’ Mr Stotch said, annoyingly lingering. Kenny stopped himself from eye fucking Butters for a second. </p><p>‘’Sure thing Mr Stotch, she says it’s okay,’’ Lizzie said, whirling back to him to give him one last convincing cutie pie smile. She twirled a lock of her wig to seal the deal, and Stephen smiled uncertainly and closed the door.</p><p>Kenny ran to lock it quickly, and whirled back to Butters, breathing like a ravenous animal waiting for his goddamn deserved dessert.</p><p>Butters was begging Kenny with his eyes so fucking desperately that Kenny didn’t know how to walk for a second. Then he remembered, and he fucking attacked him. Attacked him like a panther did an antelope, kissing and biting and just falling together like easy.</p><p>Kenny’s zest outweighed Butter’s failing strength, and he nearly fell down before Kenny kept him up. They stumbled backwards in a daze, collapsed onto the bed, rubbing and kissing, kissing and rubbing, not breathing.</p><p>‘’Oh Kenny,’’ Butters panted. ‘’ You’re lookin’ real pretty.’’</p><p>‘’Just for you,’’ Kenny breathed back in answer. He inhaled the sweet smell of Butters’ neck like an addict, not having felt his divine softness for long enough.</p><p>‘’But let me see your real hair. Your real hair is even prettier,’’ Butters said, pulling back to unclip the wig. Kenny sucked on his neck while he did it, licking the marks better before they could leave a purple bruise. He wanted to mark Butters with a permanent Kenny branded tattoo- claiming him for good so everyone could see. But in reality, the worst he could do was almost hickeys and claiming him on the inside, filling him up. He couldn’t do that with a condom- and besides the cost they really couldn’t afford, that was truly why they didn’t use STD preventing condoms like the other gay asses in town.</p><p>Once the wig was removed and discarded to the floor for the remainder of the afternoon, Kenny moved back to Butter’s soft wet delicious mouth, fucking it open with his tongue swiftly while he dragged his seriously huge boner up and down Butters’ little thigh. Butters whimpered like a kitten mewing for its milk. It was Kenny’s favourite sound in the world. Other than Butter’s orgasm cry- which was more like that kitten taking sinful pleasure in being stepped on. Thinking about it prematurely resulted in Kenny leaking precome all through his underwear, freaking soaking them.</p><p>‘’Ung- I need you, please Ken. Please, please. I’ve been waiting all year,’’ Butters whispered, putting his hands up in surrender.</p><p>‘’I fucked you here two days ago- right in this spot- ah, here. Muffling those cries with your secret Hello kitty pillow- member that?’’ Kenny teased, returning Butter’s hot breath, pushing his erection down more decisively, down onto Butters’ own needful one.</p><p>‘’You know what I mean!’’ Butters said, grabbing a fistful of Kenny’s dress. ‘’Every day without you- is- is like a couple ‘a months. So it’s like it’s been a whole year!’’</p><p>‘’I know baby. Gonne give you what you need now- yeah? You want- fuck- want my big throbbing cock inside your innocent little ass?’’ Kenny said, hips twitching erratically with fucking desperation. He didn’t even jerk off this morning, wanting to save it all for right now, and to do it again, again. As many times they can this afternoon before he’s forced to go. So he was a walking boner all morning, thinking about this.</p><p>‘’It’s not so innocent!’’ Butters claimed, blushing pink across his nose. Kenny kissed it, then sucked the tip of it softly, hoping to absorb its cuteness so he could feel and taste it on his tongue. ‘’But- but, yes. Gosh Kenny- I- I was thinking about this all morning.’’</p><p>‘’Did you touch yourself?’’ Kenny asked, wrapping a hand around Butters’ dick. Butters whimpered, batting his eyes unintentionally.</p><p>‘’N-no, I- oh geez. I wanted to wait for you,’’ Butters said, blasting his precious blue eyes open like naked quivering trust. Kenny was left pretty blown apart, pausing in mid-breath and gaping at him, before he was lathering- no, drowning his face in kisses. Because they were the same. It felt like sometimes that Kenny didn’t deserve Butters, well of course he didn’t. But then again, no one else did either, but the longer he convinced himself he was allowed to play with Butters outside of the perfect undamaged package, the more he believed he might be allowed to love him, that he fucking deserved to.</p><p>Sex with Butters was like that feeling times a thousand. Like nobody else could even come close to taking the perfect boy out of his perfect box, and here Kenny was, rightfully taking him out, playing with him- fucking ruining him like a chewed up damaged thing, and Butters looking back at him like he had been waiting for someone to do that all along, and thank you so much for ruining me, so now I can’t go back into the perfect box, because I won’t fit.</p><p>Kenny had a habit of drowning his worries and problems into the overwhelming weight of fucking this boy. It flooded his brain and pushed out the problems like no fricking trouble, and it was the only thing that worked nowadays. Nothing else made him feel so connected to a soul, like stuck together permanently for a few pure minutes. Not even dying got him that close to that euphoric sense. He wondered if Butters became this intensely spiritual during sex like Kenny did. Though he really had to get it through his head that nobody could truly relate to Kenny and his experience, so of course they wouldn’t be contemplating death during intensely orgasmic and passionate fucks.</p><p>Butters seemed like he was as blown apart as any mortal could get anyway, eyes wide and dazed, mouth open and whimpering while Kenny fucked him. That pink dusting on his nose was now a full body blush. They’d torn each other’s clothes off, both completely naked now, hot and sweaty skin rubbing and chaffing together, and neither them giving a fuck. Kenny was bigger than Butters, and they both loved trying all sorts of positions, but both of their favourites was facing each other- Kenny on top. They both liked it because they got to look at each other the whole time, kiss each other’s sex faces and watch their unfiltered orgasm expression once they came. As well as life, the future and the universe, they were big post-sex talkers.</p><p>Kenny was so in love it was fucking insane. Just how easily he would die over and over for this boy, without even thinking about it.</p><p>He fucked him with the strength he could muster after a long day of being a cute little girl, reminding himself of his manhood while he mercilessly took Butters’ and turned him into the pleading begging one. He covered Butter’s mouth with his hand when he started squeaking too loud- groaning at how hot it was that if Stephen Stotch heard that- he’d think Lizzie was the one making the sounds. But no, Kenny was fucking those sounds into his son, turning him into the depraved desperate little fucktoy Kenny was ecstatic to find he could be when he was brave enough. He tended to be brave enough during the highest point of his pleasure.</p><p>So Kenny made it his goal to turn him into that as often as he could. He felt alive- actually fucking alive. His true purpose revealed for this short time so everything could become so clear and easy- and just good. It was good. Butters came all over himself during Kenny’s merciless thrusting, spurting onto Kenny too. His orgasm face was enough to be unable to resist kissing, and the noise he made- oh the fucking cute noise. Kenny panted and groaned and tried to hold back, feeling insanely good when Butter’s ass tightened around his cock with his pleasure accordingly.</p><p>Kenny used the last of his hold-back from orgasm to make Butters’ scream. It was stupid- pointless and dangerous to risk such a noise being heard, what with the strictest fucking parents in the world downstairs hearing- and the biggest most important secret to hide in their lives. And yet here he was, roughly thrusting deeper into Butters while he trembled, moaned, whimpered, cried, cried harder, and finally screamed.</p><p>He just sounded like such a wailing girl that Kenny had to come, rocking his hips like a bumper cart and shooting a fucking avalanche of his white hot pleasure inside Butters. </p><p>For a few free glorious seconds, Kenny was completely in peace, in love, done with shit and just entirely done in general. No more problems, no more secrets, no more fucking homophobia. And ha, no more parents.</p><p>He was sucking and eating Butters’ hair when he finally came down, dropping his shaking weight down on the poor thing, who made another adorably pathetic sound at the feeling of Kenny’s dick leaving his body, and the imprint of its stay remaining there, along with the wet dripping evidence. Kenny was sated with calm- like after every time they fucked, and just wanting to stick himself to Butters permanently with sex sweat.</p><p>It wouldn’t last, he would start thinking again with a hard edge of disappointment, because of course in the real world it wasn’t so easy. Many, many shitty complications. But he let himself be free of these thoughts for just a fucking few minutes of post-sex bliss basked with Butters, who was petting him adoringly, dazed stars in his pinked eyes. Kenny kissed his lips softly in extreme appreciation, like they didn’t need this just as much as each other, so so much.</p><p>Butters looked like he was falling asleep at one point, and time seemed fuzzy, but he blinked back awake and jerked when they heard voices downstairs.</p><p>‘’You’re so freaked out by them,’’ Kenny said in sad observation, stroking his soft wispy blonde hair. Butters fell back against Kenny in a huff once it was confirmed they weren’t coming upstairs to break up the party.</p><p>‘’Well of course I am! They don’t understand you- and how good you are- they just see the dirt poor kid,’’ Butters said. Kenny harrumphed and looked away, hurt by those words- despite their trueness. ‘’But you’re not Ken! You’re the best boyfriend I could ask for! You did all this for us- why I feel right rotten sitting here- doin’ nothing. When I could be out there working so we can leave with some cash on us.’’</p><p>‘’You’re gonna be making fucking loads more than me once you’re out of their leash. I should be doing more, it’s- not enough!’’ Kenny argued, bliss fading and reality settling in like usual. It didn’t take long to end. Butters must have sensed this too, because his eyes dimmed in their brightness a little, and Kenny felt terrible all over again for doing that.</p><p>‘’Well- enough of that for today. How did Lizzie go with the orders?’’ Butters said, changing the subject and replacing the grimness with an easy smile.</p><p>‘’I got some extra cash from Craig and Token. So we made about a hundred bucks today,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’Really?’’ Butters beamed. ‘’Well isn’t that swell! We’re on our way already!’’</p><p>Kenny couldn’t resist the easy temptation, Butters’ was just fucking contagious. Kissing him erased some of the guilt constantly sitting in his gut.</p><p>‘’How far have we got now? We’ve got a few thousand waiting for the big day,’’ Kenny said, hugging Butters to his chest and tucking his legs under Butters’.</p><p>‘’Why- that sounds like quite heaps already! I’ve never had that much before. I’m certain we can get to Hawaii at least,’’ Butters said, tracing Kenny’s chest.</p><p>‘’So we’re deciding on Hawaii?’’ Kenny asked, smiling moonily and closing his eyes. It wasn’t fair to feel this happy- because he wasn’t allowed to feel it any other time but right here with Butters safe in his arms. They’d talked about Hawaii before, but Kenny wasn’t sure if they were allowed to have luck there again like the first time. He’d never seen the beach before- and being on it in the sunset, holding Butters’ hand after an adventure where he didn’t die for once. It was one of the first clue’s Kenny got in the complicated puzzle of his love life and what the fuck he actually wanted to do with it, which now started and ended with Butters.</p><p>‘’Well- see I was just thinkin’, my folks are already down there- so we could stay with them while we looked for jobs. I was hoping to do some cooking- I’ve always wanted to give the native dishes a crack! A-and I thinking you could get one as a lifeguard- cos you’re just so strong and good and protecting folks. Or anything- if- if you want,’’ Butters said nervously, obviously having thought about this harder than he was suggesting.</p><p>‘’Butters- you’re so perfect. That sounds good- let’s do it,’’ Kenny grinned.</p><p>‘’Really?’’ Butters said nervously, pulling back to check his face for tricks. Kenny gave him the most serious face he could muster- which was pretty goddamn serious if he was being honest. Butter let himself smile slowly, a growing beam.</p><p>‘’Oh gosh- it just knocks me over sometimes how much I love you Ken,’’ Butters said, kissing him. They slid tongues together, and the hotter it became, the more Kenny could feel Butters’ wet boner bumping into him. Kenny made sure to drag it in line with his own growing one.</p><p>They had sex again, and it was hard to beat that first intense ravenous fuck, but they managed to make it even more intense with each other, clinging and kissing and sweating like marathon runners. Butters’ cried out even more than usual, like he was rewarding himself for this spark of good luck infecting them both, probably still sore from the last time.</p><p>Kenny had to stop himself from sobbing in gratitude after he came, slick all over and holding Butter’s face while he licked him desperately for the love that Butters’ returned without even trying. They were both jittery afterwards, shaking around each other and sighing like they could both hardly believe they were even allowed something so great. They could only do this kind of visit once a week, and it was the most special. Maybe because it was the physical day Kenny made the action that they both relied on to get the fuck out of South Park, away from parents and rules, and just finally free. Free like Kenny felt in Hawaii, all those years ago, holding Butters’ hand like the shimmering sunset might swallow him up- though he got the impression at the time that Butters thought Kenny was holding it to protect him from that devouring sun. Somehow, it was both.</p><p>One thing he wished he could feel more often, was the feeling of being totally wasted like he’d smoked ten bongs afterwards, completely high and calm and ridiculously good and happy. He giggled with Butters, and they just spoke whatever the fuck came into their minds- just to get it out there.</p><p>‘’Sometimes I wish I could dress up and come with you to do those deliveries,’’ Butters said, lying across the pillow from Kenny, now officially too hot to cuddle.</p><p>‘’We should try it the very last delivery before we leave. These other homos will still be banking on Lizzie’s fix by graduation,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’I wish you could be there with us when we graduation though,’’ Butters sighed. Kenny had dropped out in the middle of last year, and now he worked two jobs in town.</p><p>‘’I know- but the money I make will do us better than any high school diploma hanging on my wall,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’I suppose you’re right. It just don’t feel right with you not being there. I want you to,’’ Butters said sadly.</p><p>‘’Fuck- I wish I could. I would just kiss you right there in front of everybody for them all to see,’’ Kenny said, smiling dopily at the thought. He’d probably damn the other boys- but he’d be packing Butters along to a one way trip to Hawaii by then. They were all pussies anyway. Their parents were good and decent, they loved their kids no matter who they chose to fuck.</p><p>The monsters downstairs- Kenny knew for a fact, didn’t. And that’s why they were getting the fuck out once Butters graduated high school.</p><p>‘’Oh jeez- Kenny. I want that more than anything- but you know we can’t,’’ Butters said.</p><p>‘’Well- why not?’’ Kenny said suddenly. Butters startled.</p><p>‘’Well- because my parents- they’d be there. And- we can’t let them know.’’</p><p>‘’What if we just packed off right after graduation- just plan to leave right afterwards- we could organise it and everything,’’ Kenny said. He wasn’t sure why he was talking himself into this- it was a stupid dangerous idea. But he was just so desperate to show everyone they belonged to each other. Everyone had been wondering about Butters for years- betting and banking on him. Admittedly- Kenny did it himself, but only to sway suspicion off himself. As far as people besides Stan and Kyle knew, Butters was hooking up with Annie in secret.</p><p>He hated it and wanted to show who was really calling the shots to this boy, who belonged to him. Kenny, only ever Kenny.</p><p>Butters gave him that heart throbbing hopeful look, like he was begging for this to be true and for it not to be ruined like so many others things they’ve hoped for. Kenny thought maybe he could keep this promise- just this one.</p><p>**</p><p>On graduation day, Lizzie waited in the stands while the senior class cheered and raised their hats- whatever those fancy things were called. The crowd descended on them in celebration at the end, and Lizzie already knew where she was heading.</p><p>The car was packed, a ratty rental thing that would carry them to the airport, and then lead forever beyond this town- for good, hopefully. Lizzie looked around everywhere for him.</p><p>She found him hugging the classmates. She caught Stan and Kyle kissing. They’d come out a month ago, and Kyle continued to express his shock at his mother’s acceptance, and apparently claims that she knew all along. Good for them anyway. Kenny wouldn’t be saying goodbye completely to them- he knew it already, he wasn’t seeing the last of them.</p><p>Butters was talking to Tweek, hugging his spazzy ass in a cheerful embrace, which Tweek oddly reciprocated. Craig was likely nearby.</p><p>When Lizzie caught Butters’ eyes, he widened them and did that full blush instantly. Kenny never told him that he’d planned to be Lizzie today. That was on purpose.</p><p>The world felt like a ticking clock with the annoyingly long time it took for them to crash together around all the crowds.</p><p>Kenny felt the heat of Butters’ gown as they kissed in front of everyone. Kenny knew nobody was staring until he slipped off his wig for everyone to see. He could hear the gasps, and then he felt Butters giggle against his lips. He’d always loved the raw chaos of the causing a scene, Kenny knew. It was probably why he was just as excited for this as Kenny had been since those months ago they planned it.</p><p>Butters was positively alight with sunshine once they released, holding each other’s arms so hard. Kenny glanced around to see the crowd staring at them, but Butters was only looking at him.</p><p>Kenny turned to them as they boggled, smiling harder than he had in months when not in Butters’ bed.</p><p>‘’Au revoir South Park! We’re off to get gay married and adopt 3 Pomeranians!’’ Kenny announced out the crowd, curtsying in the dress he chose for the special occasion.</p><p>He grabbed Butters without pause and dragged him away from the frozen in shock crowd.</p><p>‘’How’s that for coming out, Stan and Kyle!’’ Kenny added with a grin, unable to resist, hurrying Butters along to the rental car which would take them away to the next adventure.</p><p>He didn’t even need to look at the Stotch’s faces to feel the satisfaction of it as they left. He just kept holding Butters’ hand. Just like the fucked up universe intended.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It was business doing pleasure with you ;P</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Don’t take it too seriously (Cartman x Kenny) (Cartman x Wendy) (Kenny x Butters)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>‘’Now that I think about it. I don’t think that was weed.’’</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This started out as a crack ship fic. But the more I wrote, the more I shipped them- oops.</p><p>I had way too much fun writing this. Which means you should probably be warned.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Snow fucking sucks. It’s such a lame ass cold weather conspiracy that piles down on this town like God spanking off, and it just makes life harder. Its constant pour on South Park is like a depressing sheen of mediocrity, and the one day the douchebag upstairs decides to leave his poor balls alone, is one that is also unbearably hot. It’s like a sweaty homeless man’s ballsack on the one day the sun does what it’s fucking supposed to. The layers of jumpers and mittens and hats and whatever fuck all else, have to be shucked off, and it’s a time of the year that everyone’s hair is exposed. Some people gave up wearing hats years ago, when they were but little froglings passing life in a calm haze of childish bliss.</p><p>Everyone was super old now, like hair in the ears old. Or teenagers. Eric didn’t fucking see a difference, and everyone at school was a self-entitled retard anyway. Especially his douchebags asshole friends, Stan and Kenny and those guys. And even more especially, Wendy, the hateful, important bitch. She was the dictator leader of the school, or student body president, whatever her bitch-ass liked to call herself. She had the other guys gripped by the balls, doing her evil bidding, probably forcing her crones to suck her balls in meetings. And it’s like no one even cared! Eric would prove she was a greedy vile whore, one day he would find something against her. One goddamn day.</p><p>Anyway.</p><p>During the summer, he didn’t have to go to school, thank the frickin’ lord, but in this bitch-ass heat he couldn’t actually have any fun without dying of sweaty balls syndrome. They were currently hanging out by starks pond, him and the guys, which was kind of weak, but they obviously needed him, or they’d go insane, or start having buttsex with each other. And would you look at that, his faggy friends were having buttsex with each other anyway. Not Kenny, though he probably would if given the chance, the horny bastard, but Eric’s fruity lesbian fags, Stan and Kahl. They were currently molesting each other on the grass where the four of them sat next to the pond, under the shady tree. Eric was about to hurl at their display, and Kenny was grinning with a shit-faced grin. He was probably high. Cartman was considering some, just to put up with this sick image they were forcing into his head.</p><p>‘’God, you guys. Can you spare my eyes by not being fags for two seconds,’’ Eric suggested, sneering at their grossness. Stan and Kyle stared at him with identical looks of disdain.</p><p>‘’What the hell, we’re not even doing anything!’’ Kyle said with a scowl, giving him a dirty look. They were sitting next to each other, legs splayed out in the grass, and Kyle was leaning into Stan. Eric knew they were giving each other wicked filthy fag thoughts, and by ideas of them slipping past Eric’s defences and appearing in his imagination, they need to be disciplined.</p><p>‘’Goddammit Kyle, you’re always pleasuring yourself in public, get over it. Just get a fucking room for once, seriouslah,’’ Eric said, rolling his eyes. Goddamn Jew still felt like a pain he needed to squish under his boot, but he has to admit the bitch has mellowed out. Probably because he’s getting nailed nine ways to Sunday by Stan, like a true Jew on the crucifix. Cartman will have to thank Stan, someday, maybe. But then again, now he has to witness this sick gay shit, which Eric is still considering whether it’s better or worse. If he decides it’s worse, he’ll have to plot out a breakup. He vaguely thinks about ways to do it, maybe stealing girls underwear from somewhere, most likely Wendy’s, just because planting it in Stan’s drawers would bring out Kyle’s insecure hysterics, and he’ll think Stan’s cheating for Wendy, which Eric would assume is Kyle’s biggest fear, that he still likes Wendy, even if the last time they were together was fifth grade. The result would be fucking hilarious, and likely split a chasm in the whole school system by the depth of it. But it would solve the problem, so it’s always an option, if they piss him off too much one day.</p><p>They still don’t know what he’s capable of, even as they glare and flip Eric off as though he’s just a fat piece of shit. Sure, yeah, they say that, but the fuckers have gone blind by jerking off too much, because Eric is not fat. He’s fuckin’ buff, and, yeah, okay, he’s said that before, but he is actually pretty hot now. Wendy obviously wants him, given her whorish devotion to fight with him whenever possible. The eyes she gives him when she yells cannot be taken any other way that; <em>I fucking want you Eric, I want you to fit your thirteen inch dick in my hungry vagina like it was made for it.</em> He’s just waiting for her to crack, any day now.</p><p>‘’Don’t you guys ever wanna get high?’’ Kenny asked Stan and Kyle, who’d resumed their initial finger banging positions. They may as well fuck right in front of them, for all they care to have some decency.</p><p>‘’They’re not poor Kenny, they don’t need to forget where they live,’’ Eric reminded him. Kenny flipped him off.</p><p>‘’My mom would smell it on me, so never,’’ Kyle said seriously. Eric had said it before, he’s warned them. Kyle’s mom’s a bitch, it doesn’t even have to be said, and he would bet a million dollars that every single one of them, including Kyle, were thinking the same thing.</p><p>‘’Stan?’’ Kenny asked, hopefully. He obviously wanted to smoke, and didn’t want to do it alone, pathetic poor asshole. Stan shook his head.</p><p>‘’I swore off marijuana when my dad murdered Winnie the pooh,’’ Stan said, completely reasonably. Still a fag though. Kenny sighed, pulling out the grass they were sitting on that only came out a few days a year.</p><p>‘’Is it any point asking you Cartman? Know that I’m at my last straw, I can’t get fucked up on my own, it’s too depressing,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’You know what, I will. Because I’m not a lesbian like Kahl,’’ Eric said with a preening smile. Kyle barked a laugh.</p><p>‘’Says the guy who tried the hardest to lick carpet for Ms Ellen,’’ Kyle said, pointing at him. Eric scowled, but Kenny spoke before he could retort that Kyle was the self-proclaimed ‘king lesbian’ of school.</p><p>‘’So just us, huh? Or are you gonna wuss out like these girls?’’ Kenny asked, sceptically.</p><p>‘’I’m not jewing out, Kenny, gimme some,’’ Eric said, holding his hand out to prove those assholes he was leagues ahead of them. Kenny rummaged through the pocket of his old parka, which the dirt cheap bastard still had. It was so much smaller on him now, after he finally had his growth spurt. Eric’s proud to say his was one of the first, and just as promised and foretold, his pubes came first. When he said so the second time, they barked with laughter, and asked who he’d bought them off this time, and Eric proudly showed them, smug as they screamed and looked away, their eyes on fire from the pure manliness. Because Eric’s dick was too big for their mortal eyes, probably.</p><p>Kenny finally pulled out a small bag, took a lighter and papers, and rolled one out. Eric waited impatiently as he took his sweet-ass time making it a perfect roll. Eric didn’t care, he’d get high, what was the worst that could happen? Kenny passed it to him as Stan and Kyle warily watched beside them, and Eric took it as Kenny lit the fucker up. Eric watched as Kenny rolled up his own, not smoking it yet.</p><p>‘’What’s wrong, are you afraid?’’ Kyle asked, the smug bastard. Eric reddened.</p><p>‘’Shut your Jew mouth!’’ Eric yelled, pointing the joint in Kyle’s direction. ‘’It’s not kewl to smoke alone, so once Kenny stops taking his bitch-ass time-’’ Eric hesitated as Kenny finished up, holding it up before Eric and lighting it up, breathing it in with one deep inhale.</p><p>‘’Your turn d-bag,’’ Kenny breathed, puffing out his first inhale. Eric narrowed his eyes, putting the handmade roll to his mouth, and sucking in the smoke down into his lungs. It reminded him of the first time the four of them smoked cigarettes as kids, and that time sucked, his breath was on fire, like an itch in his throat that wouldn’t come out no matter how hard they coughed. He coughed now, and Stan and Kyle laughed, making him more determined to show them up. He took another inhale, defiantly, and kept it down without coughing, nearly.</p><p>‘’Dude, don’t kill yourself to prove your better than us, that’ll never be true,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Yeah,’’ Stan agreed.</p><p>‘’Fuck you guys,’’ Eric coughed, losing circulation in his head from lack of oxygen. Such assholes, thanks for the support. Kenny kept smoking, leaning back in the grass. Eric edged away from the fags, rathered being in the company of the fellow smoker than those evil gay assholes. Kenny turned over to him.</p><p>‘’Feeling it yet?’’ Kenny asked, smiling. Eric narrowed his eyes, trying to feel high. He had no idea what to be looking for. Last time he got high from cough medicine, he just saw heaps of frogs, and went to catch one. Was it supposed to be raining frogs to work? Was Kenny seeing raining frogs? Was anyone? Was he a frog?</p><p>Eric looked down on himself, checking his hands to make sure they didn’t turn into webbed frog hands. They were normal. That’s right, Eric was super buff, they were better than normal. He turned back to Kenny.</p><p>‘’No,’’ Eric said, surprised he wasn’t high yet, like it was a conspiracy.</p><p>‘’How many fingers am I holding up?’’ Kyle asked, averting Eric’s attention back to him. Eric held his chin, squinting to see thirteen fingers being held up.</p><p>‘’You’re a dirty jew,’’ Eric said, wondering why he wasn’t high yet. Maybe he didn’t have enough. He took the joint that was in his hand again, and smoked it again, for a long time. He didn’t cough this time, or did he? He couldn’t remember.</p><p>‘’It isn’t working Kenny,’’ Eric complained, looking back at him. Stan and Kyle laughed.</p><p>‘’You’re talking to a rock,’’ Stan pointed out. No.</p><p>‘’Kenny?’’ Eric asked, shaking the rock. He felt a bump on his shoulder, human Kenny was poking him.</p><p>‘’I’m here,’’ Kenny said, grinning tiredly. Eric was relieved, rock Kenny was an asshole.</p><p>‘’Dude, what did you give him? He’s off his tits already,’’ Kyle asked.</p><p>‘’It’s just his first time, it’s always heavier if you’ve never done it,’’ Kenny said, blowing out smoke from his mouth. Eric stared, wondering where that smoke went inside him. It was a conspiracy.</p><p>‘’I’m okay. It’s not even working. What second hand weed did you use?’’ Eric said angrily, yawning. He didn’t like the joint, and he threw it at Kyle, getting a yell in return. Something political, something moral crap. That’s all that asshole ever said.</p><p>‘’Don’t throw shit at Kyle!’’ Stan said. Eric blinked at him.</p><p>‘’Remember that time with cough medicine?’’ Eric asked.</p><p>‘’That was awesome, Butters ended up naked,’’ Kenny chuckled.</p><p>‘’Are you ever gonna ask him out or what?’’ Kyle asked Kenny.</p><p>‘’This feels similar,’’ Eric said, ignoring their petty ass whining over Butters, the asshole.</p><p>‘’He’s too good for me. He deserves someone rich as fuck,’’ Kenny pouted like a bitch, and took another smoke of his joint. Eric watched him, remembering has own that was smoking in his hand. He took another deep inhale himself, that time actually experiencing a wave of relaxed haziness when it absorbed down his airways.</p><p>Fuckin’ hippies.</p><p>He wasn’t like them. There was a difference between cool smoking and lame ass hippie smoking. He was physically incapable of being a hippie, and he took comfort in that on the grass, and laid down on his back, so he was looking up at the tree hanging above them ominously.</p><p>Wait, he threw his joint at Kyle before. He didn’t smoke just then.</p><p>‘’Dude, I seriously doubt Butters is going to find someone ‘rich as fuck’, who won’t take advantage of him. Remember Paris Hilton? He doesn’t need that, just ask him out, what’s the worst that could happen.’’</p><p>Kenny eats him, maybe. They don’t know the future.</p><p>‘’Yeah, and he’s totally crushing on you anyways,’’ Stan pointed out.</p><p>‘’Fuck you guys. Don’t act like he’s some hapless retriever. That kid has morals, he’s smart, and good. He knows better than to cross the train tracks’’ Kenny said defensively.</p><p>‘’And yet you call him ‘that kid’,’’ Kyle scoffed.</p><p>‘’You tell me you don’t see an innocent kid when you look at him,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’No, we see a blonde seventeen year old boy, who is hopelessly devoted to a certain other kid over the tracks.’’</p><p>‘’He’s into Karen?’’ Kenny asked, panic cutting through his voice. Stan and Kyle laughed.</p><p>‘’Dumbass! How high are you? He’s into you!’’ Kyle said, chuckling. Eric groaned, getting pretty sick of hearing this, actually. Not that it was any better sober. Heh, he’s basically drunk.</p><p>‘’How the fuck would you boners know? Did he tell you?’’ Kenny asked warily.</p><p>‘’Dude. Just pay attention to the way he talks to you-‘’</p><p>‘’He talks to everyone like that,’’ Kenny pointed out.</p><p>‘’-And the way he looks at you, more than anyone else. Don’t sweat it, he’s totally into you,’’ Stan assured him.</p><p>‘’That’s not true,’’ Kenny said uncertainly. It was starting to hurt opening his eyes.</p><p>‘’I swear to god, you guys. If you don’t shut up about Butters. I’mma kill you all,’’ Eric announced to them, so he’d stop hearing all this Butters bullshit. What was so fucking special about Butters anyway? He was an asshole, the amount of times he’d double crossed him, the amount of times he’d failed. It was a wonder he hadn’t been beaten up so bad by now by other people he’s pissed off that his legs stopped working.</p><p>‘’Fuck you, Cartman. Butters is fucking precious- he’s better than everybody. Especially you!’’ Kenny shouted, sitting forward to point at Cartman dramatically. He’s probably seeing the frogs now.</p><p>‘’Butters is a Jew,’’ Eric muttered in disinterest.</p><p>‘’You guys are so wasted,’’ Stan snorted.</p><p>‘’Hey, let’s talk about Cartman’s obvious crush!’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’I don’t crush. Fuck you guys,’’ Cartman said, frowning. He feels weird. Their conversation feel like they’re there, but not there. He’s can almost touch them. He can touch things now, especially words. Is that why lyrics touch hearts? That’s true.</p><p>‘’Ha, yeah! Little old fatass loves Wendy!’’ Kenny exclaimed, throwing what Eric considers his soul right out into the grass. Because he’s currently dead now, for saying that. Fuck him, fuck the world. And fuck Kyle!</p><p>‘’No I don’t! Kenny you son of a bitch!’’ Eric shouts, trying to reach him so he can murder him. His fat ass is in the way, permanently plonked down into the grass. Wait no! He’s buff. And don’t fucking forget it.</p><p>‘’He does! Look at him, Cartman likes Wendy’’ Stan laughed, probably getting the biggest kick out of this. Eric didn’t fucking love her, god. That sappy shit was reserved for hippie’s like Stan, god. Such assholes.</p><p>Maybe he wanted to fuck her.</p><p>As if! She wants him more.</p><p>Totally.</p><p>‘’Aww, fatass is getting all red!’’ Kenny cackled, hitting the grass. Eric twitched with something. Planning Kenny’s murder, most likely. Yeah. Kenny is so dead.</p><p>‘’Calm down dude! We’re just riffing! God, look at him, he’s about to pop!’’ Stan laughed.</p><p>‘’I swear to god,’’ Eric muttered quietly, vowing to himself. ‘’I am going to kill all of you so painfully.’’</p><p>This apparently only made them laugh harder, and Eric actually half-concocts a plan for their soon to be deaths. It does involve the frogs forecast to rain from the sky. Minor details like that.</p><p>‘’And why don’t you ask her out?’’ Stan asked.</p><p>‘’She’d puke!’’ Kyle says gleefully, making Eric want to chop his balls off and feed them to Mr Kitty.</p><p>‘’Up yours Kahl!’’ Eric shouts, scowling. She fucking wants this. ‘’She fucking wants this.’’</p><p>‘’Now <em>I’m</em> gonna puke,’’ Kenny said. Eric shoved him, remembering he was right next to him anyway. He’s getting tired now though.</p><p>‘’We should set them up, imagine how hilarious that would be,’’ Kyle cackled.</p><p>‘’Fuck you Kahl,’’ Eric sneered, not at all surprised the pathetic Jew was snivelling for attention with plots to humiliate him. That’s all Kyle’s ever done to him.</p><p>‘’Aww man, my high’s going down,’’ Kenny complained.</p><p>‘’Already?’’ Stan asked, sounding sceptical.</p><p>‘’Yeah man, my high. I need something stronger,’’ Kenny said.</p><p>‘’You should probably stop smoking,’’ Kyle suggested warily. Eric scoffed.</p><p>‘’Kyle’s just a pussy,’’ Eric said. He remembered his tossed joint, and realised the world was tilting dangerously, and he needed to fix it. ‘’Keeny, we need more, go find some more.’’</p><p>‘’I’m all out dude,’’ Kenny shrugged. ‘’I only brought what we had.’’</p><p>‘’You guys would’ve got into so much trouble if you had any more,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Only you would’ve, because you’ve got a fat bitch of a mom,’’ Cartman said. Cartman? Eric! No, Eric, said.</p><p>‘’Don’t call his mom a bitch dude,’’ Stan said. Kyle huffed. Eric didn’t find it hard at all to believe that Kyle had whipped Stan into fighting his battles for him, so he could sit on his lazy Jew ass and do nothing. Selfish fucking asswipe. Jesus Christ.</p><p>‘’I’ll call his bitch ass mom whatever I bitch ass like, you pussy ass bitch,’’ Eric said. Stan scoffed and rolled his eyes, and Kyle gave him a look that made Eric want to puke all over them. Maybe he would anyway. God, they were such fags, he couldn’t even put up with them some days. He didn’t understand why people liked them, they were horrible assholes, and they got away with it for being gay, because nowadays the gays got away with murder for wanting to fuck dudes. Tweek and Craig got away with it, the assholes, and they’d been doing it for years longer than fucking Stan and Kyle. Or maybe not, those two had been fags long before they wore it proudly on their foreheads and had it branded on their asses.</p><p>‘’Keeny I need more, this stuff is fucked,’’ Eric complained, groping for the joint that probably burnt through Kyle’s vagina by now.</p><p>‘’Actually dude- I have some extra stuff at home. But I’ve gotta warn you- it’s the serious shit. I’ve only tried it once, and I don’t even remember a goddamn thing it was that strong. It felt awesome though. I don’t know if I’m convincing you out of this or convincing myself into it but let’s fucking go right now.’’</p><p>‘’Fucking, yes. See Kahl, this is why Kenny isn’t a Jew,’’ Eric said, wobbling as he tried to get up, feeling his brain shake for a few seconds there.</p><p>‘’That’s correct. I’m not a Jew,’’ Kenny stated scientifically. Kyle scoffed and flipped them both off.</p><p>‘’Have fun getting grounded for the rest of your lives, I’ll just be here enjoying myself,’’ Kyle pouted.</p><p>‘’Enjoying Stan’s dick more like,’’ Kenny muttered, making Eric cackle loudly.</p><p>‘’Fuck you guys, seriously,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Bye bye, we’ll see you buttfuckers at school, to tell you what amazing highness you missed,’’ Kenny announced. They didn’t respond, and Eric walked away from the lake with Kenny dazedly, glancing back just in time to watch in disgust as they actually started kissing. Fucking sick, yuck ugh.</p><p>‘’Those two are so gay. I’m so proud, seriously,’’ Kenny said gleefully as they walked through town back to Kenny’s house.</p><p>‘’They’re gross fucking buttpirates you mean,’’ Eric snarled.</p><p>‘’Why are you so against homosexuality huh?’’ Kenny asked.</p><p>‘’Oh please, bitch. I don’t give a crap if two guys wanna stick their dicks up each other’s asses and jizz all over themselves and shit. But keep that depravity outside my goddamn visibility so I don’t have to look at it.’’</p><p>Kenny snickered, ‘’you’re funny.’’</p><p>Eric gave him a scandalised look. ‘’Yeah I know, I’m fucking hilarious.’’</p><p>‘’Just sayin’, but you know I’m gonna get all up on Butters dick now just to show in front of you, just for you dude.’’</p><p>‘’If you do that, I’ll cut your fucking dick off and feed it to my pig,’’ Eric warned, which made Kenny laugh even louder. Soon Cartman snickered, and eventually joined in his hilarity, all the way to the bad neighbourhood.</p><p>When they arrived past the train tracks, Eric remembered what an actual crack den Kenny’s house really was, and he kicked himself for not remembering, for actually willingly going to this place, where his mom would freak if she knew. He wasn’t fuckin gonna tell her, he didn’t tell her shit, but still.</p><p>‘’Goddamn your neighbourhood is depressing,’’ Eric snarled, looking with disgust at the houses surrounding this side of the ghetto.</p><p>‘’You’d be living here too if your mom didn’t blow fifty dudes for that house of yours,’’ Kenny quipped.</p><p>‘’Aye!-‘’</p><p>‘’Oh, look we’re here! Get your drugs before I change my mind,’’ Kenny warned, giving Eric one of his serious faces. Eric made sure to shove him as he passed through, taking the lead up the path to the door.</p><p>‘’I’m not touching that doorhandle, meth-users touched that shit, I’ll get infected.’’</p><p>‘’You’re such a pussy,’’ Kenny said, easily opening the door and letting him through.</p><p>Eric tried not to snarl when they entered the old crack den, but he was never good at hiding his disgust for that place. He gave himself a pass to avoid looking at the gross shit all over the place, looking uncleaned for literally decades.</p><p>‘’Ugh, Kenny. Do you guys just leave your heroin needles lying on the floor?’’ Eric said and Kenny led him to his bedroom.</p><p>‘’Dude, fuck you,’’ Kenny said. ‘’You say one more thing about being poor, and I’ll kick your virgin ass outta here.’’</p><p>‘’I’m not a virgin,’’ Cartman grumbled.</p><p>‘’Whatever you say Sheldon,’’ Kenny snickered.</p><p>Kenny’s bedroom was a complete eyesore, filthy stained carpet, peeling walls, broken window and the same bitch of a bed that looked way to fucking small for tall Kenny. He wondered if Kenny actually brought his hookups to this place, or stuck to ghetto cars. At least there was space in the cars to fuck. This was an atrocity.</p><p>Kenny went over to his cupboard, pulling out drawers and digging through them.</p><p>‘’I’ve had to hide these extra good. People around here snuff this good shit out like it’s nobody’s business,’’ Kenny explained.</p><p>‘’Ackem- <em>crack house</em>- akem,’’ Cartman coughed. Kenny shot him a glare, apparently hearing it.</p><p>‘’Just sit your ass somewhere,’’ Kenny ordered, grabbing a baggy with prerolled smokes in it. Eric glanced around the room for a decent place to sit. Finding fuck all that wouldn’t give him aids.</p><p>‘’<em>Keeny</em>, this place is too gross to sit,’’ Eric sneered.</p><p>‘’Sit on the bed then.’’</p><p>‘’No way dude. Literally 5000 people have jizzed there.’’</p><p>‘’Fine, you big baby,’’ Kenny groaned. He dug around his closet, and pulled out and oversized sweater. He threw it down in the centre of the room on the floor, and pointed to it. ‘’Sit your fat ass down, it’s clean.’’</p><p>‘’Poor piece of crap,’’ Eric muttered, disgusted, but still too fuzzy in the brain to wanna go back home just yet. He’d agreed to try this strong stuff. He couldn’t go back on his manly deal.</p><p>After they were both seated opposite each other on the stained carpet, Kenny lighting just one of them. Apparently too much of a cheapskate to have their own separate ones. Eric must have been too high to complain that sharing the bong might give him Kenny’s herpes. That he was 95% sure Kenny had it.</p><p>‘’You want it first?’’ Kenny asked once it was lit, the flame singing away the tip into embers that dropped to the filthy carpet.</p><p>‘’You go first,’’ Eric said. He wasn’t fucking nervous, okay. Kenny was!</p><p>‘’Pussy,’’ Kenny smirked, putting the cigarette to his lips, and taking the first inhale. He took a very deep one, and blew the smoke back into Cartman’s face.</p><p>‘’Ay!’’ he coughed, waving the smoke away.</p><p>‘’Don’t waste it! Suck it in,’’ Kenny said, already smiling. ‘’Ah, fuck yeah. This is the shit.’’</p><p>‘’You seem to be enjoying it more- maybe. I’ll just watch,’’ Eric said, losing nerve at the confident way Kenny smoked, like he had real shit to deal with and couldn’t care less about life.</p><p>‘’<em>Ah ah</em>, no- you’re joining in,’’ Kenny shook his head, and crawled over into Cartman’s space- holding the joint teasingly to his lips. ‘’Go on.’’</p><p>Eric watched Kenny’s eyes suspiciously- though they were only dazed and calm, internally smirking- making fun of Eric. Eric scowled and opened his mouth for the approaching joint Kenny landed in like an aeroplane- even making the noise.</p><p>‘’Take it in slowly,’’ Kenny urged when Eric’s attempt at a deep inhale ended in violent coughing.</p><p>‘’Ugh- it’s even worse than before,’’ Eric complained.</p><p>‘’You’ll get better at it. Don’t you wanna show off to Stan and Kyle? They couldn’t smoke if their gay asses depended on it.’’</p><p>‘’Fuck those guys,’’ Cartman scowled, and Kenny grinned.</p><p>‘’Then try again.’’</p><p>This time- wasn’t much better. But Eric managed to keep the coughing down long enough to inhale properly. It was different earlier- weird.</p><p>Kind of dizzy- in a. Way. Weird. Way.</p><p>‘’You feeling it?’’ Kenny apparently had been watching him get through the first hit.</p><p>‘’You some kind of stalker? More,’’ Eric grabbed for the joint, deciding it was weird. But that was okay. Kenny held him off and took another drag himself, this time directing Cartman to open his mouth. To his disappointment, Kenny didn’t aeroplane the joint to his lips again. That was fun.</p><p>He just breathed his used smoke into Eric’s mouth.</p><p>‘’Gross- imma get air herpes now,’’ Eric said noncommittally. ‘’This is weird man.’’</p><p>‘’Just wait a bit- apparently it takes awhile before you really trip balls,’’ Kenny snickered. ‘’I can’t wait to see what you do. Maybe you’ll try chasing frogs again.’’</p><p>‘’Fuck you,’’ Eric said tiredly. ‘’Hey- hey, where did you get this crap? They don’t sell weed in the supermarket.’’</p><p>‘’No- but they do in the dollar store!’’ Kenny cackled. ‘’Hey- member that meme? Hey dad- it’s the good kush!’’</p><p>‘’This is the dollar store- how good could it be,’’ Cartman replied, sleepily. Everyone knew that old fucking thing. Kenny laughed like it was a boy’s balls being strangled. Sadistic fuck.</p><p>‘’Hey- hey Keeny. What’s the grossest sex thing you’ve done to your jizz buddies on this bed?’’ Cartman asked, he was so clever. He asked questions the people were thinking.</p><p>‘’Man, I don’t know. I’m usually high as fuck by then,’’ Kenny said. He put the joint to his lips again.</p><p>‘’Don’t air herpes me again,’’ Eric warned, jabbing his finger up.</p><p>‘’Jus tryin’ not to waste bro,’’ Kenny replied. He inhaled more miracle marijuana. Or whatever Kenny decided to call the stuff. ‘’Here, have more fatman.’’</p><p>‘’Aeroplane me,’’ Eric demanded. Kenny giggled and flew the cigarette like a jet to Cartman’s lips again, making the flying sound effects. They both cackled before it could get to Eric’s mouth.</p><p>‘’I feel like a mama,’’ Kenny heaved, laughing himself bright red. He shakily brought the smoke back up, only for them to start cackling like maniacs again.</p><p>‘’Bbvrrooom,’’ Kenny flapped his lips in effect. ‘’Stay still boy!’’</p><p>‘’Feed me!’’ Cartman whined.</p><p>‘’I’m feedin’ ya boy,’’ they exploded with laughter again.</p><p>‘’I’ve had like only one hit- I’m so dead,’’ Eric shook Kenny when he wouldn’t get off the ground giggling. ‘’Gimme more! I haven’t tripped balls yet.’’</p><p>‘’I wonder what Stan and Kyle are doing right now,’’ Kenny said, laughing stopped. He was just a lump on the ground. The earth felt- spinny. That could be its new name. Because it spun!</p><p>He’s such a fucking genius.</p><p>‘’They’re fucking each other in the ass right now,’’ Eric said matter-of-factly. ‘’And I’ll bet you a million dollars it’s Stan’s dick up Kyle’s Jew ass.’’</p><p>‘’I’ve had dicks up my ass before,’’ Kenny cackled more. ‘’It’s a lot cooler than it sounds.’’</p><p>‘’I will never- ever! Let a dick go up my ass,’’ Cartman shouted, announcing this wide and clear for the audience. That was there, they just couldn’t see them.</p><p>‘’You’re gay for Weeendy,’’ Kenny used a singsong voice.</p><p>‘’Noo- she’s gay for me!’’</p><p>‘’You’re gay for Weendieee,’’ Kenny continued. He finally put more delicious fucking smoke up Eric’s snouthole. Mouth. Same fucking thing.</p><p>‘’You wanna fuck Butterss!’’ Cartman retaliated, sucking up the smoke and letting it fuzz his brain accordingly. Ahh, asses. Yes.</p><p>‘’I doo!’’ Kenny whisper shouted. ‘’I really really dooo. He’s got like- a sheep’s ass.’’</p><p>‘’Sheep piss me off,’’ Cartman yawned.</p><p>‘’It’s like- all soft and little like a lamb. Mary had a little lambbb. Dude- I’m tripping so fucking hard. Why are you like- fat so much? Can’t you stop?’’</p><p>‘’I born born- was born. I was born buff,’’ Eric said. ‘’My head’s all dizzy. Fucking- Keenyy. You put cat piss in here didn’t you?’’</p><p>‘’Noo- I don’t do that anymore,’’ Kenny whined, lying himself down on Eric’s lap. Ehh, fucker was heavier than he looked.</p><p>‘’You’re too skinny- fucker.’’</p><p>‘’You love it. You wanna fuck this hot slutty ass allll day long,’’ Kenny sung. ‘’don’t’cha, don’tcha?’’</p><p>‘’You’re drunk.’’</p><p>‘’You’re drunk. Motherfucker. Fuck me,’’ Kenny said, rolling over to face Cartman.</p><p>‘’No fuck me. Fuck you! Why are like- bees so evil. They sting us and die- but it hurts!’’</p><p>‘’Put your stinger in my ass,’’ Kenny mumbled incoherently.</p><p>‘’Put your stinger in your own ass. Why’s your name so dumb anyway? Keeeenyyy.’’</p><p>‘’Cartmannnna. Your name is dumb.’’</p><p>‘’Yours is. Get off me,’’ Cartman grumbled and pushed a loose limbed Kenny onto the floor that looked like it was made out of cake. Yummy, carpet-licking chocolate and caramel cake. ‘’I’m so hungry. I need cake- like with caramel, and lesbians. And doritos lining the lesbians, dipped in mountain dew.’’</p><p>‘’Lesbians inside a cake, yummm,’’ Kenny dralled.</p><p>‘’Your house is so dumb. You’ve got nothing to eat,’’ Eric cried out, punching Kenny’s back.</p><p>‘’Mm, yes daddy. Hit me harder,’’ Kenny purred, kicking his legs.</p><p>‘’Ewww,’’ Cartman scowled, hitting him again.</p><p>‘’Harder- I’m so close!’’ Kenny cried out, losing it inbetween- both of them losing it. They collapsed to the floor again and laughed so hard they dry-heaved.</p><p>‘’Oh the joint!’’ Kenny exclaimed. ‘’It’ll start a fucking fire. Then I’ll be homeless, and forced to have sex with your mom to survive,’’ Kenny grabbed for the joint, which had made its journey to the floor, and failed to escape its slavery. Heh.</p><p>‘’Erhh, she’s a fuckin’ whore,’’ Eric admitted. ‘’I’m gonna die if we don’t eat.’’</p><p>‘’We’ve got like- some artichoke hearts, and green beans in the pantry.’’</p><p>‘’If I don’t eat cake I’m gonna have to eat something,’’ Cartman said, looking around the foodless room.</p><p>‘’Eat my dick, that’ll satisfy you,’ Kenny said, taking another deep smoke. The joint was nearly burnt out.</p><p>‘’Gimme,’’ Cartman made grabby hands for it.</p><p>‘’Aeroplane,’’ Kenny said severely, and started vrooming towards him. Cartman waited expectantly for it, opening his mouth.</p><p>‘’I’m gonna fuck you so hard,’’ Kenny whispered in his ear once he was close, and finally put it to his lips. Cartman coughed his batch of smoke at what he said.</p><p>‘’Fuck! Keeny!’’ Cartman admonished, coughing at the impact.</p><p>‘’Whaat?’’ Kenny smirked innocently. Was that even possible for a smirk?</p><p>‘’Don’t be a fag,’’ Eric scowled.</p><p>‘’Oh sorry. I was just saying- <em>I’m gonna fuck you so hard your ass will sting for days. And I might do it today</em>,’’ Kenny said heavily, leaning close again. ‘’I can’t believe I got you high.’’</p><p>‘’Fucking asshole. You’re not getting near- me,’’ the earth was spinny again, his eyes hurt.</p><p>‘’Mmm, Butters. You’re not gonna leave me hanging this time are you? My balls are aching dude,’’ Kenny said, hovering over Eric, and proceeding to lick his ear seductively. Somehow, something changed. Kenny wasn’t the one licking his ear anymore.</p><p>‘’WH- Wendy,’’ Eric mumbled. He couldn’t believe she was here. When did she get here? Why is such a respectable lady in Kenny’s trash bedroom. And licking his ear no less. ‘’<em>Yes</em>- Wendy.’’</p><p>‘’Does that feel good baby?’’ Wendy said. ‘’You’re so cute Butters- I can’t- stand it. I want you now.’’</p><p>‘’I’m not Butters- woman,’’ Eric said drowsily, slowly obsessed with this licking treatment. His whole body went lukewarm, heating gradually.</p><p>‘’You are- you’re the Buttery-est Butters I know,’’ Wendy moaned. Ahh, fuck. Right in his ear.</p><p>‘’What the fuck- why are you- licking me,’’ Eric was vaguely confused, and vaguely hard.</p><p>‘’I want you cupcake. Let me fuck you baby,’’ Wendy purred.</p><p>‘’I do the fucking! You’re the girl,’’ Eric claimed.</p><p>‘’You’re so cute. I do the fucking. I’m gonna fuck that tight little ass until you scream,’’ Wendy grinned, now straddling him. Her legs were different to what he remembered when she was at cheerleader practise. They were longer, and lankier, and had blonde hair on them. These fucking girls and their beauty habits.</p><p>‘’What- you’ve got a dick or something now?’’ Eric snorted. Wendy kissed him, licked his lips open. Eric opened them for her soft- weirdly smokey tongue. Huh, she hadn’t been smoking with them. Kenny had gone somewhere else probably- or was maybe watching. Cartman couldn’t give a crap, as long as he didn’t speak again.</p><p>‘’Yeah- I got a dick. A big fucking dick,’’ Wendy said, obviously talking about a dildo.</p><p>‘’I don’t put things up my ass woman,’’ Eric scowled.</p><p>‘’You’ll love it baby- won’t you? We’ve done it before,’’ Wendy said.</p><p>‘’What- no we fucking haven’t,’’ Eric said. ‘’Why- ugh. My head fucking hurts.’’ And why was Wendy blonde? Fucking girls. Dyed blonde hair looked trash. The world was off kilter, swaying like a violinist.</p><p>‘’So we doing this or what mister?’’ Wendy purred again- and since when was she good at that? Eric had known her only to squawk at him. He’d loved those squawks- but still.</p><p>‘’Well- fine. But shouldn’t I fuck you? I’ve got the real dick,’’ Cartman tried again. His fucking ass was a sanctum, not a anal probe. He was over that shit.</p><p>‘’You’ve never seen a better dick than mine baby,’’ Wendy grinned, sitting back and unbuttoning her jeans. Eric followed, a little more excited now than before. Maybe the weed wore off completely. And it would just be normal sex. HAH! Wendy was still here, yay. He’d been silently wanting it since middle school- but it was happening right? So he didn’t have to deny it anymore. Wendy wanted him too.</p><p>Eric slid off his pants, surprised to find Wendy had already strapped on, and was sitting on her knees. A big fucking monster was attached to where her vagina should be. Weird.</p><p>‘’You got a skin coloured one,’’ Eric said. ‘’With veins? Eww.’’</p><p>‘’More for you to feel inside,’’ Wendy kept purring and hovered over him.</p><p>‘’I still- I have to fuck you,’’ Eric tried.</p><p>‘’We can try that later- but it’s my turn first,’’ Wendy said, pushing Cartman down into the lesbian coloured floor. ‘’Need some help getting those pants off?’’</p><p>‘’Take your shirt off,’’ Eric said guiltily. He’d been wanting to see her tits forever. Fuck it, he’s wanted her forever. A dream come true was happening right now. Fine, he’ll let her fuck him, it’s the same dream still. Who cares that she looked suspiciously like Kenny.</p><p>‘’You wanna see my man titties huh?’’ Wendy smirked, lifting her shirt slowly.</p><p>‘’Man titties- you’re a chick dammit. Why are you being weird?’’</p><p>‘’Ohh- I see. You wanna play princess do ya?’’ Wendy said. ‘’I’ll play princess with you- my darling paladin.’’</p><p>‘’I was a wizard king,’’ Cartman mumbled, letting Wendy slide his pants off.</p><p>‘’You wanted to be wizard king too? Cartman wouldn’t let you though, the bastard.’’</p><p>‘’I am Cartman woman!’’ Cartman scowled.</p><p>‘’Shh, baby, c’mon,’’ Wendy finally got them off, and actually pressed her hand down into his dick- and started rubbing it.</p><p>‘’Fuck,’’ Eric panted already, shaken by the mere action.</p><p>‘’Mm, I love it when you curse,’’ Wendy whispered. ‘’You tight little ass can’t handle my monster alone can it? You want something to make it easier?’’</p><p>‘’My ass isn’t little you bitch,’’ Cartman said. The premise of laying down on the lesbian floor with a tall blonde Wendy hovering over him with an exposed strapon dildo pointing his way- could maybe contend as one of the weird days in this town. Whatever, they were bred to handle weird.</p><p>‘’No, I supposed it’s not,’’ Wendy said, looking him up and down. ‘’Has Butters been stealing cookies from the kitchen at night again? Putting on a bit more weight? Man, that time they fattened you up, you were so cute and squishy- I wanted to eat you up.’’</p><p>‘’Nghh- are you gonna fuck me or what ho?’’ Cartman said, finally impatient. The rubbing was only making him more impatient, and the walls were crying dirt. What the fuck was in that weed?</p><p>They must have smoked so much that Wendy got some of it herself in the air when she came around for some reason. Wait-</p><p>‘’You- you didn’t come here to let Keeny fuck you right?’’ Eric panicked, not sure he could handle if that jizz rag got his woman before he had a chance.</p><p>‘’No- <em>you</em> came here to let Kenny fuck you,’’ Wendy said. ‘’Lemme get some lube.’’</p><p>‘’Did I?’’ The memory of the afternoon was a bit hazy, but surely he didn’t willingly come back to the crack house just to get a taste of Kenny’s gay ass cock. He didn’t- right? Right?</p><p>Wendy didn’t answer, apparently standing up and wobbling across the room with a hard pointed looking erection to Kenny’s bedside table. Like a conspiracy. ‘’Ooh, you’re in luck butterscotch. I’ve got <em>flavoured</em> lube!’’</p><p>‘’Butterscotch is sweet,’’ fuck he was still freaking starving, the lesbian carpet wasn’t tasty enough. At the same time realising he was still lying on the floor with his pants halfway down and a rock hard boner begging him to be put inside Wendy, and yet he didn’t. Like he was waiting for her to stick her massive dildo inside him. Because opposite day was apparently today. Tapdancing Christ- he wasn’t complaining that much. Wendy was here- willing to kiss him, and willing to have sex (albeit the twisted way she was insisting). <em>Haahh.</em></p><p>Before his thoughts could make linear progress, Wendy was back to hovering above him, pre-pushing in stage, and slicking the dildo in the flavoured lube. He wondered if it was edible. Then he wondered if she used it so he could eat the plastic like a lesbian. So fucking hungry.</p><p>He’d never done this before. Wendy was staring at him heavily like she was just gonna gracelessly push in to such a virgin fucking hole that hadn’t been probed since third grade. Maybe he should mention to not jam foot long subs up his ass first go?</p><p>She must have noticed this holy fear, ‘’Don’t worry baby, I’m not a monster.’’</p><p>‘’You sure like to pretend you are,’’ Eric muttered.</p><p>‘’Hmm?’’ Wendy got up close, distracting him with her suddenly sunny blonde face, that he didn’t even place when a cold, slick finger smoothly glided inside him and expertly pushed him open.</p><p>Ayy-ah!’’ Eric shivered at the weird change in pressure, unprepared for that uncomfortable feeling he had been quite used to as a kid. Giving people Hitler moustaches, getting probed by aliens, sucking up satellites, putting food up his ass to crap out of his mouth.</p><p>Ha, okay. The first one was funny. It was worth sticking a finger up his ass. But this- was weird in a different way.</p><p>‘’You like that don’t you?’’ Wendy goated, expertly curling it deeper- shit in hell wow!</p><p>‘’Wuh- Wendy,’’ Cartman pathetically groaned- manfully of course.</p><p>‘’Why do you keep calling me that?’’ Wendy asked. ‘’It makes me think you’ve been sleeping with Wendy all this time or something- but you haven’t right?’’</p><p>‘’No- but,’’ would he spout out his feelings right now, fingers squirming in his ass on Kenny’s dirt poor floor? ‘’I want to?’’</p><p>‘’You just call me Kenny baby okay?’’ Wendy said, pausing. Wah-</p><p>‘’Huh? Why?’’ Eric was starting to get weirded the fuck out by what Wendy was starting to suggest. It was bad enough she looked a lot like the fucker right now- and now this?</p><p>‘’It suits me better than Wendy don’tcha think?’’ Wendy suddenly thrust another long finger up there without warning- <em>holy shit! Fucking babies burning!</em></p><p>‘’K-kEnny!’’ Cartman whined. Wendy grinned.</p><p>‘’Mm, that’s better.’’ Wendy started decidingly putting more effort into the finger fucking, grinning over him like a seductive maniac and pacing speed in a fucking <em>AWESOME</em> way. He could fucking well move right now, but fuck it, this was pretty hella good right where he was.</p><p>‘’H-hng. <em>Keeny</em>- put,’’ he had no idea what he was asking, things felt dizzy in the brain, but if Wendy wanted Eric to call her Kenny then why the fuck not. He was doing everything she wanted- she would love him for this. Love him so much forever and ever and ever.</p><p>‘’Haha, greedy little marshmallow- you want the big fucking monster now huh?’’ Wendy preened, and was she fucking making fun of him?</p><p>‘’Fuckin’ bitch- yes, do it.’’</p><p>‘’You’re so cocky,’’ Kenny- <em>Wendy</em>, smirked, and <em>WAHHYHTYHFGBCVSDFCESRVRB!!!</em></p><p>She just went right ahead and pushed in- and <em>-YHJKJHKJHKJHKJHK!!!</em></p><p>
  <em>KUYKWEYYKUSEFKUYK!!!!</em>
</p><p>Cartman wailed. The big fucking monster monster huge fucking COCK was pushing inside him like a fucking solid pole heated up in the microwave- shitfuckshitffuclfcukl</p><p>‘’<em>Die in Hell</em>!’’ Cartman screamed- <em>fuck manfully</em>, it was a fucking squeal. Wendy laughed like a maniac and started pushing more <em>more</em>- oh <em>oh</em> SHIT! Ah, holy shit in Satan’s asscrack fuck!</p><p>‘’You make me crazy when you talk like that dude,’’ Wendy grinned, slick bodies slamming together like children dying- on crosses, anywhere- <em>fuck</em>! ‘’You don’t even realise the fucking truth of it.’’</p><p>‘’Truth- wha. <em>Keeny</em>,’’ he made sure to remember to call her that. If he did it right she’d go and do that awesome thing again, because right now she was slowing down, and nooo. He wanted more- so much fucking more. Screw subtlety, he wanted to get ruined on this masterpiece. Whatever evil demon powers that dildo had- kudos to it, it won him over.</p><p>It was really easy to say Kenny’s name when it was Kenny anyway.</p><p>Kenny had him on a loose sloping slide with this masterful fucking abilities acquired from the devil himself, the end of the slide was what was feeling so fucking good that it might be the best fucking jizz of his life. Not even Cupid me did that good. Cupid me had been a little sloppy- maybe because he was nervous to impress Eric. He did- but this-</p><p>-Was better. Haha, it was <em>sooooo</em> much better. Cupid me had a thing or two to learn.</p><p>‘’Fucking- <em>fatass</em>,’’ Kenny muttered under his breath, smirking like he finally got the joke. ‘’That’s where I know you from.’’</p><p>‘’Poor son of a bitch,’’ Cartman tried to mutter too- it turned into a pathetic baby ass whine. Whateva.</p><p>‘’Are we fucking?’’ Kenny murmured, pumping him from the inside like a jackhammer.</p><p>‘’No- this is a figment of your imagination,’’ Eric- Cartman? Cartman scoffed back as best he could with a subway sandwich length cock up his ass. ‘’I’m the tooth fairy.’’</p><p>‘’I’ve been wanted to fuck your fat ass tooth fairy- it looked so roomy,’’ Kenny smirked tiredly, sweating badly- oh they both were. It felt like a fucking furnace in the room, on the lesbian carpet. ‘’Or have I?’’</p><p>‘’Lucky you’re poor. I resisted the temptation for that reason,’’ Eric confessed. Confessed? HA, as if! Nothing had to be said, wasn’t a big deal obviously.</p><p>‘’Lucky you’re so nasty that I’m literally the only one willing to fuck you,’’ Kenny chuckled back, and thrust! Cartman shouted in complaint. Okay- he posed it as complaint. It was more like bliss (but that’s minor details).</p><p>‘’Fuck is that ‘sposed to mean?’’ he grunted. ‘’I’m fucking buff.’’</p><p>‘’Let me be the buff one please- it’s all I’ve got going for me.’’</p><p>Smaller thrust, fuck is he getting tired? HELL NAW.</p><p>‘’Keep it going bitch,’’ Eric complained, whinier than he intended.</p><p>‘’Oh you’re not that bad,’’ Kenny murmured again- and what was up with the murmuring? He was meant to focus on the superior fucking please! ‘’You’ve got that vile brute attractiveness bitches like.’’</p><p>‘’Oh, so you’re a bitch?’’ Eric taunted. Shifting around the floor, Kenny got the idea and pressed him down by the shoulder for the final position- supposedly. It looked like a good angle at least.</p><p>‘’You literally just called me one,’’ Kenny grinned.</p><p>‘’Yeah but- but- ngghh-‘’</p><p>Before Eric could retort, the whorish bastard didn’t let him, started pushing deeply- DEEPLY, and tittyfucking woah wow, that’s more like it. Words turned into drool in his mouth, and the eating could wait- this was grand enough to distract with even what the hell his name is.</p><p>Like- was it Cartman? Or Eric? What the fuck was it! Nobody but his mom called him Eric- but. Ugh, fuckk- yes, fuckinghellbabiesburninginagrillughh</p><p>Maybe like- demons actually coincided with angels sometimes and made babies and shit- and that was like the creation of the best thing in the universe or orgasms of something. Why would frogs have anything to do with it? Who knows- maybe they officiated the wedding. But fuck off, the demon and angel didn’t bone just to marry. They had a quick hasty fuck, up against a star while God was distracted with making a new galaxy, and the demon had a baby- because demons are ALWAYS bottoms. Why? Satan is a bottom, and they loved to emulate him whenever they could. And their baby got thrown out into an old milky way into a planet where humans weren’t having good sex, and introduced them to orgasms to give them a reason to have more babies- because the demon/angel baby wanted friends, or more babies to be abandoned like them when they’re parents realise they don’t want stupid kids.</p><p>The demon/angel baby successfully gave its blessing over their orgasm- shared of course because it’s not good sex unless they jizz at the exact same time- that’s known in every book ever. It was probably pegging Eric to get pregnant with Kenny’s warm-ass cock milk. Eric kind of wishes he could get pregnant right at this moment- he wouldn’t let Kenny near his triplets (they were triplets of course, duh) lest they get infected with his poorness. Then when they’re old enough to talk and start being annoying, the demon/angel baby could kick their worthless asses out into the cold like Cartman’s dad did to him. Well, sort of.</p><p>Maybe he’d put them with Fluffy for a while- to keep her company.</p><p>Kenny was talking about how copious Eric’s come was, it splashed over them both- and what can you do? The searing sting on his ass was starting to make its fucking appearance, sadly. He’d been vaguely considering if they could play that game again, but not now. He felt like a bee stung his asshole, when Kenny’s fucking huge dick slid out with the magnitudes of come dripping out with it. Eric had to groan or he’d spontaneously combust, so suddenly horribly empty that is felt like he’d been missing the giant cock inside him all along. Huh, maybe that was- it was a conspiracy theory.</p><p>The floor was definitely just as sloshed with cold growing jizz as they were, and it only got colder. Remembering there’s fuck all heating options at Kenny’s house ugh, he’s-</p><p>The floor was so tired, Kenny too. He laughed for awhile, sitting back on his knees. Eric didn’t even think he had the energy for that, he’ll just- rest awhile-</p><p>Oh and Kenny’s joining him- he’ll just sleep- now</p><p>**</p><p>Frogs chirping in and out. Time is a lie told to us by Nasa actors. They control the weather. Elon Tusk- the one with horns, he is the weather overlord of them all. He probably knows the demon/angel baby. Maybe they get coffee on Alpha Centauri on Tuesdays. Baby gets decaf- because it’s a fucking baby. Be realistic, he’s not gonna have caffeine at his age.</p><p>The walk through snow is controlled by Elon Tusk and the baby, because why else would it be so hard to walk through? It’s hard to keep track of time, or the weather, or walking. He’s probably floating, flying, crawling. Yeah.</p><p>He lands in his bed. Fluffy is around here somewhere. Maybe she needs a hug. She can hug Liane if he wants it so fucking bad.</p><p>**</p><p>His mouth tastes like ass. He never did get that lesbian carpet as an entrée.</p><p>**</p><p>The bed feels so gross now. No- that’s a wet coldness from under him. His eyes feel like lead weights. They stung so bad, like someone had been whipping them only to pour salt on the wounds.</p><p>The coldness is come, Eric realised, and it was nearly covering him, both front and back. He didn’t even wanna know who’s it was. He’ll take the trauma to his grave if someone molested him in his sleep. They couldn’t have though. He had Windowblocker5000, nothing was getting through that to take his stuff- or him.</p><p>Sitting up is a painful effort too, and what the fuck happened? They smoked- he remembers- then -Blank-</p><p>And he wakes up with a crappy headache and come covering him- it’s even inside his pants eww. What kind of sick monster would go to the effort to come there in particular. Face is enough thanks. This fucking stuff will never come out of his clothes- he knows. Good going molester, making laundry a fucking effort for his mother like this.</p><p>Eric was pissed off that morning- he realised it was morning. But thank the <em>blessed </em>lord it was summer! No school to bust a tit over. Plus, he had this intriguing afternoon yesterday to figure out what the fuck happened.</p><p>But before deciding what the fuck to do, he had to take an hour or four cleaning this jizz off him and ridding the shitty hazy migraine. In the shower, it was quite the shock to discover bruises around his ass- like goddamn. Did they screw him with a jackhammer?? They’re really bad at molesting if they’re leaving this kind of evidence. He could take this shit to the police if he was in the mood to deal with the useless patronising cops in this town.</p><p>Eric checked over every priceless item of his twice over in his room, confirming they did not steal his stuff- they just wanted his ass.</p><p>Fuck he was starving. Smoking weed makes people hungry right? When why the fuck didn’t he eat a ton of shit with his munchies at the time? Things were just getting weirder.</p><p>He eschewed asking his mother- who would have no idea what happened if it fucked her in the ass. Which- Eric wouldn’t put it out of mind for the molester to fuck his mom while they were at it. Greedy dirtbag- Eric’s ass wasn’t enough for them?</p><p>So he made a smorgasbord of selections from the fridge, crap from the cupboard- because he was literally fucking starving. He’d eat a tyre right now if it was coated in pop tarts.</p><p>Eric sat himself in front of the TV, piles of sustenance around him ready for consumption, and television was switched, changing to the- ugh-</p><p>The fucking Jewellery Shopping Network.</p><p>
  <em>‘Here we’ve got some fine panso-craponite jewelled earrings- selling out-‘</em>
</p><p>Ugh, just change-</p><p>-Wait…</p><p>Eric remembered.</p><p>**</p><p>The doorbell rung noisily- they should get that changed to a less bleeding tune. Waiting patiently out on the porch was difficult, but this was important.</p><p>Eric had put on his best sweater, and even gelled back his hair.</p><p>It had been a very hasty job. The Jewellery Shopping Network was still playing, its only company was piles of food.</p><p>Thank the fucking lord and all the babies in the sky she answered.</p><p>‘’Cartman?’’ Wendy asked in slight surprise, raising her eyebrows where she stood at the door.</p><p>‘’Hello <em>Weendy</em>,’’ Eric smiled, trying not to preen and launch into a taunt. That’s not what this is.</p><p>‘’What the hell do you want?’’ Wendy crossed her arms.</p><p>‘’Well, um. What did you do yesterday?’’ Eric asked, hoping she’d confess first. It was always better that way.</p><p>‘’Nothing that concerns you,’’ Wendy answered primly.</p><p>‘’Well- I’d beg to differ,’’ Eric said, deciding no- he wouldn’t just out and spout she fucked him in the ass with a dildo. Make her say it, so he can see her blush. Heh.</p><p>‘’Why are you here?’’ Wendy narrowed her eyes.</p><p>‘’You’re not gonna admit it ho?’’ Cartman said, mildly disappointed. No matter, he’d take it anyway.</p><p>‘’Admit what? What the fuck are you-‘’</p><p>Eric leaned forward and kissed Wendy passionately, grabbing her shoulders as she kissed back- wait oh-</p><p>She wasn’t kissing back. She was pushing him away with a disgusted scream.</p><p>He was so shocked he didn’t even see the fist that punched him down the porch stairs into the snow.</p><p>**</p><p>Eric ran away from the Testaburger house with a bloody nose and a nice sweater perfectly ruined.</p><p>He escaped to the park- needing a rest before going back home with his painfully busted nose and trodden pride.</p><p>**</p><p>In the park, it was with a mix of disgust and humiliation that he found Stan and Kyle sitting on a table, holding the shoulder of a sad looking Kenny. He was hoping to back away without them looking- but of course they caught him, and waved him over. Fuck.</p><p>Eric pulled himself up with the most pride he could muster with a bloody nose and red face, but they still registered shock at the sight of him.</p><p>‘’Dude!’’ Stan exclaimed. ‘’What the hell happened?’’</p><p>‘’Oh nothin’ much, ‘sup with you guys?’’ Eric replied faux calmly, hiding his burning eyes. Kenny was sighing like a kid who’s dog just died, and Kyle was rubbing his back.</p><p>‘’Um- we’re just making Kenny feel better,’’ Stan said, looking back at Kenny, who pouted.</p><p>‘’Why?’’ Eric scoffed.</p><p>‘’He confessed to Butters this morning,’’ Kyle said gently, with an edge of threat not to make fun of him. But- uh! It was prime material! Fuck.</p><p>Cartman didn’t say anything.</p><p>‘’I just- I don’t understand,’’ Kenny said, the first words he’d said. He was shaking his head at the ground. ‘’I thought we had something- like, we hung out yesterday- and-‘’</p><p>‘’Butters- he’s, a bit of a bitch Ken,’’ Kyle said, rubbing his back more. ‘’He probably didn’t see your time spent together as anything more than platonic.’’</p><p>‘’But he had to!’’ Kenny said. ‘’We fucked!’’</p><p>‘’What?!’’ Stan and Kyle exclaimed. What a coincidence huh, both get rejected by their true loves after fucking. Fuckin’ minx’s- the lot of them.</p><p>‘’Yeah he- he came around my place yesterday- I, it’s a bit fuzzy. I’d been smoking. But he was there! We had sex, I remember it.’’</p><p>‘’Did you go home before then?’’ Stan asked Eric.</p><p>‘’Huh?’’ Eric asked in confusion.</p><p>‘’Kenny’s place. You two went to Kenny’s after Stark’s pond to try that stronger stuff.’’</p><p>‘’I- I did?’’ He did? But- that’s- doesn’t make any sense.</p><p>‘’I was really high at that point,’’ Kenny admitted, rubbing his eyes.</p><p>‘’I thought I fucked Wendy last night,’’ Eric confessed when they were quiet and confused.</p><p>‘’You what!’’ Stan exclaimed, eyes wide.</p><p>‘’You’re lying,’’ Kyle waved him off.</p><p>‘’I did! And I tried to like- continue it this morning, and the bitch punched me in the face,’’ Eric said, touching his nose. The bleeding had stopped at least.</p><p>‘’Dude, that’s so fucked. I remember like- Butters called me Wendy on accident yesterday,’’ Kenny said, brows furrowing in intense confusion.</p><p>‘’Fuck off,’’ Eric said in surprise. ‘’Wendy called me Butters a few times too.’’</p><p>‘’Dude,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’What the fuck does that mean?’’ Kenny said, eyes widening. ‘’Is Wendy fucking Butters?’’</p><p>‘’Oh come on,’’ Stan hit Kyle’s shoulder to shut him up.</p><p>‘’What?’’ Kenny asked them.</p><p>‘’Nothing. We’ll let you figure this out,’’ Stan stifled a coy little smirk. Kyle chuckled under his breath to Stan. Eric didn’t trust them.</p><p>‘’I don’t understand. So you came to my place to get that special weed- then- what?’’ Kenny wondered.</p><p>‘’I don’t- really remember where Wendy fucked me,’’ Eric said in thought.</p><p>‘’What was that?’’</p><p>‘’Huh?’’</p><p>‘’Wendy fucked you?’’ Kenny asked.</p><p>‘’Oh- nono, I meant I fucked Wendy!’' Eric hurried out, cursing himself at the fatal error. Kenny stared at him- searching his eyes.</p><p>‘’Um, how big was that dildo then fatass?’’ Kyle had the fucking nerve to spill out, giggling against Stan like a proud little bitch.</p><p>‘’Was it- big?’’ Kenny asked him, weirdly serious.</p><p>‘’Fuck I dunno!’’ it was fucking HUGE. The image haunts his eyelids.</p><p>‘’You guys really won’t figure it out?’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Figure what out? What the fuck happened!’’</p><p>...</p><p>‘’Dude, you fucked each other.’’</p><p>UM.</p><p>WHAT.</p><p>‘’What the fuck man,’’ Kenny glared at Stan and Kyle.</p><p>‘’Think about it. You guys got so outrageously high that you couldn’t remember anything- so instead of fucking your crushes, you just imagined them as each other. Imagine that.’’</p><p>‘’What the fuck did you even smoke?’’ Kyle asked, clearly enjoying this.</p><p>‘’Did we actually-‘’ Kenny looked at Cartman, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>‘’Uhh-‘’</p><p>‘’Oh my god I remember,’’ Kenny said, holding his face.</p><p>Fucking huge. Wendy had blonde hair- that’s right. And- and-</p><p>HOLY TITTY FUCKING BALLS</p><p>‘’Oh shit,’’ Eric said out loud, looking back at Kenny. They covered their mouths, and the fucking embarrassment blasted through their heads. Eric could tell Kenny was sorting through it just as much as him, varying levels of shock.</p><p>And-</p><p>A snort.</p><p>A small sound of chuckle was heard from under Kenny’s hand. Eric made one too. They grew slowly, but then they were giggling under their breath. Then they were chuckling into their hands. Then they were laughing out loud, hands removing.</p><p>Then they were fucking belting out with red faces, slapping each other’s backs. Holy fucking shit- that’s the goldest thing-</p><p>‘’What the hell is wrong with you two?’’ Kyle asked. They continued their barrage of laughter, and Kenny had to put his face on Eric’s shoulder or he’d die- their lack of oxygen was starting to spread purple. But still they laughed like hyenas.</p><p>‘’Kyle! Dude!’’ Kenny cackled. ‘’You have no idea- you buttholes wouldn’t find this funny if your gay asses depended on it.’’</p><p>‘’Why the hell is you two having sex so damn funny?’’</p><p>The exploded all over again at the words- but they had to calm down. ‘’I’m about to bust a fucking testicle dude!’’</p><p>Kenny burst out at that again, and slapped Cartman’s back to hard there would definitely be marks. Holy shit the bruises! Kenny’s forceful ass cock made them- <em>bwhahaha!</em></p><p>Stan and Kyle were stupid drama queen assholes. They’d have made a fucking thirty chapter novel about their angst if this had happened to them. Lucky for Kenny and Eric, they were not burdened with that fucking mess, thank the fucking lord. It’s kind of why Eric respected Kenny despite his poorness. He could stop taking things so damn seriously in life sometimes, and so what that they fucked. And so what that Eric- pfft, lost his virginity to his best friend forever, who thought he was fucking a blonde little twink asshole at the time. So what that it felt like heaven touching Hell and creating triplets. Shit man. Demon/Angel baby made orgasms for a fuckin’ reason.</p><p>‘’Hey- hey,’’ Eric shouldered Kenny. ‘’I’ve got like- a shit ton of snacks at my place. Let’s go watch Nascar.’’</p><p>‘’Fuck you man,’’ Kenny laughed. ‘’I’m in.’’</p><p>And it was as fucking simple as that.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Cartman’s POV is fucking hard (especially high- what have I done XD), but I tried. Be kind to my poor bastardly soul.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Smoking in Church- What fuck do I give? (Stan x Kyle)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>But Stan’s been staring at this high domineering ceiling for twenty two years, and he misses the sky. Columns and angel paintings can’t move. Clouds can, and they do, liquid and majestic and tell better stories.</p><p>This exact monologue is the one he used on Kyle earlier this week, which had sounded better in his head than out loud. It sounded very gay out loud.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wonder, I wonder</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘’Stan- c’mon. We shouldn’t be doing this.’’</p><p>Honestly? They probably shouldn’t. The stained windows are like wise old eyes shunning them under their discriminating gaze, completely judgemental. Completely unforgiving.</p><p>The structure of a church has always been beautiful. Not as beautiful as nature- have you seen nature? Be real. Regardless, Stan could still appreciate manmade beauty where due.</p><p>But he’s been staring at the high domineering ceiling for twenty two years, and he misses the sky. Columns and angel paintings can’t move. Clouds can, and they do, liquid and majestic and tell better stories.</p><p>This exact monologue is the one he used on Kyle earlier this week, which had sounded better in his head than out loud. It sounded very gay out loud.</p><p>Which is no problem- gay? Pfft- totally fine, nothing wrong with it. A-okay to be gay. But Kyle is sensitive about that stuff, for whatever reason remains baffling. Stan blames their home-fucking-town. It’s an easy target pin on their relentlessly long list of fuck ups in life.</p><p>What? Moving away and creating a life for himself wasn’t enough? You needed to go to college? Well he’ll go to college. What- Not enough? you need a high salary job right away while you pay off student loans? Well he’ll get a job with this college degree he murdered his youthful spirit to obtain. No problem at all parents, want anything more? Right, now a fucking family. Well he’s got a fucking family, good enough for you??</p><p>Although, Stan’s parents wouldn’t consider Kyle a decent answer to that question. Oh no, they talk about a sensible wife, a little on the plain side but at Stan’s tempo; who will bear him adorable children with a gross likeness to Randy. Kyle doesn’t fit the profile, not one bit.</p><p>Which, not to split reasoning, is partly exactly why Stan subconsciously picked him. That big fuck you revenge to the parents- ha! Your son is gay, and he’s fucking his childhood best friend. The greatest fuck you they could think of, and Stan continues to provide those fun heart attacks on thanksgiving dinners when he leans over to tease Kyle’s ear with his mouth in front of everyone. So Kyle gets sensitive about it, which only gives reason for Stan to lay it on thicker, just for the hell of it.</p><p>But oh- he is definitely going to hell for this. Which is exactly why he now drags Kyle by the wrist into their old town church, shit-scared but determined. Twenty two years of sitting through boring communion, through boring sermons and choirs, through boring priests and nuns and wafer crackers and angels judging him from below.</p><p>The idea hit him back in high school, forced to dress up on Sundays when he could have saved that valuable time playing videogames. What else was he to think about? It was only a fantasy then, too terrifying to even consider, and it’s not like it was even possible then. But now, they’d grown up, they’d moved away, and they’re back here for the holidays. Well. What beautiful justice, in holy holiday spirit to make the lord blush in his own fucking house.</p><p>Kyle has never been on board with the idea. Back in college together a few years back, Stan mentioned it, drunk and failing to sound seductive with the kick of liquor in his side. Kyle had just laughed it off. The more he continued to bring it up, the more obsessed he became with the idea, and eventually became, and remains, his top fantasy. He’s not even really certain why, besides wanting to have some fun in a place where all joy had always been sucked from him. And to make insult to injury that little bit sweeter, doing it with the boy Catholics would gasp and pray for his ‘recovery’ in the future.</p><p>Kyle to this day, doesn’t share his humour, ironically. Considering Stan is the recovering Catholic, and Kyle is the Jew, their opinions about this should be reversed. ‘Should’ is maybe the wrong word, but even that Stan finds funny.</p><p>Kyle never tried very hard to talk him out of this, and this time one week ago, Stan resolved to finally grow a pair and do it while they were in town. <em>Really</em>, it’s Kyle’s fault for not fighting hard enough, but despite literally being dragged by Stan through the open corridors up to the podium he’d always imagined it would happen, Stan doesn’t truly believe Kyle doesn’t want to be here. They’ve both got a giddy, guilty exhilaration pumping them forward, but Kyle’s just carefully masked with caution.</p><p>Stan feels like he’s been hiding a secret boner for this guilty desire since he was fifteen. He’s definitely thrown caution out the goading stained glass window.</p><p>Stan takes Kyle up to the elevated podium front of the room the sermons were always spoken by father Maxi before he died three years ago. A new guy has apparently replaced him, but Stan hasn’t actually set foot in this church lining Starks pond since he was eighteen.</p><p>‘’You sure no one is gonna come in here? It’s pretty open,’’ Kyle says anxiously, glancing at the doors.</p><p>‘’I made sure we picked a day staff don’t loiter around here- unless the new priest decided to change that.’’</p><p>‘’Wonderful reassurance,’’ sarcastic as ever, Stan knows him too well to believe he’s <em>really</em> annoyed.</p><p>‘’You okay?’’ they aren’t doing anything yet- Stan is already titchy with anticipation, but if Kyle isn’t okay with it he’d never follow through, obviously. Kyle apparently notices this in his eyes. The fuck how? Has remained a mystery to Stan since the dawn of wanting him.</p><p>‘’I’m just- you know. I’m Jewish dude, I have hangups about desecrating sacred sites and temples for a religion that doesn’t like us to begin with.’’</p><p>‘’But that’s the fun part. And we won’t <em>really</em> be desecrating-‘’ Desecrating is precisely Stan wants to do, that exact word. Desecrate the podium, desecrate the stands, desecrate all over the sacred floor. Until they’ve sufficiently flipped god off for making them be born here, to those parents, to this world.</p><p>‘’Fucking in a church Stan, it’s pretty goddamn severe isn’t it?’’ Kyle deadpans him, which he doesn’t appreciate, like he doesn’t understand all this already.</p><p>‘’That’s the point dude- we’re basically irredeemable in the eyes of god anyway- so let’s just go all out!’’</p><p>‘’You’re so dumb,’’ Kyle grins. ‘’You’re lucky you’re handsome, or I’d have left you for Troy.’’</p><p>*Troy, is the college mascot for CSU, a brown and white miniature cow that is usually worn in costume by very short people who couldn’t cut the cheerleading group at football games. Stan and Kyle attended these football games- but never played in them. Stan’s best football years were in high school, and he left them there where they belonged.</p><p>‘’Troy wouldn’t complain,’’ Stan sighs. ‘’Troy would be bending over that podium right now for me, no questions asked.’’</p><p>‘’Asshole,’’ Kyle laughs, looming closer, exactly what Stan wants. ‘’Troy wishes he had an ass like me.’’</p><p>‘’I don’t know, looks pretty average from here. Maybe you should give me a better look to change my mind,’’ Stan teases, leaning forward to bump Kyle’s nose both as fluff and a threat to be ready. Kyle looked ready, finally showing the wildness in his eyes Stan had been waiting for, like; <em>come wreck me if you can fucker. Go ahead and try.</em></p><p>Stan does love a challenge.</p><p>It’s not like it’s any different than at home. Nobody is here, or anywhere near the church grounds. The only eyes watching are god’s- and maybe those angels on the ceiling. Though if the whole thing really is to be believed, god has been watching them every other time they <em>desecrated</em>.</p><p>Stan stopped practising his family’s faith back in college, at first just because he couldn’t fathom getting out of bed on Sundays (one of the only free days in a week full of gruelling school) to go to church. Kyle wasn’t attending synagogue anymore either- also out of laziness. Eventually he found enough sense to stop dedicating so much brain power to the whole thing at all. Stopped doing things with the afterthought- was that very catholic of him? Would god approve? And maybe most damning; do you actually hate gays? Or was the bible misinterpreting something?</p><p>He really didn’t have time to question the ethics of his existence, not with people like Kyle in his life openly disregarding the beliefs that stumped Stan from being himself for so many years. All that self-doubt in high school- thrown away opportunities. It was Kyle who made the initial move on him by the end- he didn’t even fathom the concept that it might be wrong to cross that line. And it’s Kyle now who crosses over again, pulling Stan forward by the collar and kissing him up on the stage.</p><p>If the angels were watching, they’d be flipping over the clouds in shock.</p><p>It takes them barely any time to get into it, the first hand jitters dissipating instantly once they find each other’s touch again. Stan licks into Kyle’s mouth like he’s done a thousand times, Kyle returns it in generous laps of his tongue.</p><p>Stan is physically unable to stop groping Kyle long enough to haphazardly undo his fly, so Kyle helps him out. Clumsily, but they’ve never been able to be anything else in this town. They revert to teenagers every time- fucking like inexperienced losers and always titchy about getting caught- like after 5 years they could still get called out.</p><p>Stan supposes they could right now, in the most incriminating location that would involve more than a slap on the wrist. Stan is so fucking turned on about the idea, feeling like maybe he is 15 again- daydreaming about something terribly sinful right behind where father Maxi is reciting a line about the glory of the divine. ‘Sinful’ in Stan’s mind at that point, was maybe rubbing cocks together and kissing. But it had always been Kyle in the image, from the very start. Finally getting it here, as they close in on each other and gracelessly start grinding- he’s achieving his dreams.</p><p>Other kids wished for cars and money at that point in their life. Fucking South Park.</p><p>Kyle doesn’t waste time- probably still nervous and wanting to get out before they get caught. Stan’s feeling the exact opposite. If he knew Kyle was up for it (he usually isn’t) Stan would have laid out roses and candles in preparation and spend hours making sweet slow love, the most painful slow burn to god. But alas, Kyle loves hard, powerful, efficient fucks. Stan quite likes them too.</p><p>Stan decides to make his universe at Kyle’s suckable neck while Kyle does the chore of yanking down their pants. Or giving his best effort trying to- easily distracted by the tongue nibbling up his neck. His eyes at the back of his head are on high alert despite his assurance they won’t be interrupted. He’s like sixty percent sure nobody will come.</p><p>‘’You’re no fair,’’ Kyle sighs in exasperation, already melting to Stan’s loving sabotage, lost to completing his task. Stan finishes the job for him, freeing the almost painful hardness he’s been struggling with all day for this. He just shoves his jeans all the way down, takes them off along with shoes to avoid tripping. It’s also a risk, if that despaired churchgoer or unexpected nun arrive, they’ll be caught out in the worst way.</p><p>But today is about desecrating, not cutting corners. So he goes ahead and shoves down Kyle’s too, and follows to rush off his shirt. The chill in the air gives them goosebumps, and Kyle clings to him for warmth once they’re fully naked. Right down to the fucking socks.</p><p>‘’Oho, going all out today are we?’’ Kyle smirks with lowered eyes once they’ve been ceremonially undressed, keeping Stan’s mouth on him.</p><p>‘’You didn’t really think I’d let you get away with a quick safe one did you?’’ Stan turns to suck at his jaw, bites it. Kyle hitches his breath. ‘’You’re here to get wrecked before God’s very eyes.’’</p><p>‘’You quite belong in hell don’t you Stanley?’’ Kyle grins. ‘’That’s positively <em>sinful</em>.’’</p><p>‘’You have no idea.’’</p><p>That’s a lie, because he is quite confident that fact is quite literally hammered into Kyle while Stan nails him on the podium. Kyle supported up on the peculiar block used for sermons, legs twisting lewdly around Stan’s hips while they sweat, moan and crash together like wave meets rock. If that wave was Stan’s rock hard cock.</p><p>They remain teenaged amateurs, and it’s even like they think like ones. Stan is suddenly immensely proud of himself for disobeying and breaking something very sacred, doing the deeds of Satan. Who is he kidding, him and Satan are buddies at this point. He tries to use his Kyle-mind reading powers- but can’t focus on anything but his body and the shapes of his whining moans at every heavy handed shove of their hips.</p><p>They must sound ridiculous, but there’s nobody around to make fun of their goofy-ass sex voices, and unlike his old bedroom him and Kyle share when they visit, here they can be as loud as they please. And they do not take it for granted.</p><p>Where once the church choir filled the height of the room with synchronised melodic harmony, now Kyle’s depraved filthy sweet cries of pleasure replace it.</p><p>Where once Sermons were drily recited and lectured quite literally like school, now the non-existent audience gets a full shot view of Stan pounding ass- as best as his teenage mind can think to do. Since that’s apparently the theme.</p><p>‘’Ughh,’’ Kyle groans from up at the ceiling, mouth stuck open and panting. Stan wipes his bangs from his face and speeds his pace. ‘’Dude- aah, dude I can’t- it’s like they’re looking at me.’’</p><p>It takes Stan a moment to understand, as Kyle stares up at the suddenly imposing decorated ceiling flooded with painted angels. ‘’Oh- well they’re not really there. Just paint.’’ He tries to assure him.</p><p>‘’Yeah but- ung,’’ Kyle whines in his throat at a particular angle Stan manages to find. ‘’It’s like god is judging me- he knows we’re doing bad. I’m cursed enough dude- I couldn’t handle a lightning strike to the face.’’</p><p>‘’He wouldn’t do that,’’ Stan frowns, pretending to be completely certain. ‘’It’s not a big deal.’’</p><p>‘’Yes it is!’’ Kyle says. ‘’Oh god we’re actually fucking in church, my mother would kill me.’’</p><p>So apparently Kyle is taking this adolescence act very seriously. Back in the city, he never gives two shits what his mom would say. Stan decides to play along. He pulls Kyle up and lands close to his ear, dick snug inside. Kyle huffs out a wibble at the movement.</p><p>‘’She never has to know. In fact she’ll never know. You can ride home easy with the pride that you’ve defied them in the most devious way possible. Don’t you wanna own it?’’</p><p>‘’How would <em>your</em> parents feel,’’ Kyle tries, not certain yet. He remains clinging to Stan’s back as he’s propped onto the podium.</p><p>‘’They’re never gonna find out,’’ Stan sings into his ear. ‘’And your mom will never know her son was fucked hard all over the local church one morning, until the place was dripping in steam. Won’t she?’’</p><p>Kyle’s eyes are closed again, and his tooth is snagging on his kiss-fattened lip to prevent an embarrassing moan. Stan knows him, that’s all he’s holding now. He wants it, hard, and Stan can tell he’ll ask with his eyes before they even open.</p><p>But he still can’t replace the immeasurable thrill in his chest when they do.</p><p>So, to make good with his deepest desire culminated driving up to Stark’s pond here, Stan manages to quite literally, how you say? Make a Jackson Pollock out of the church.</p><p>They crash the podium over in their haste at one point- and just continue sprawled out onto the floor, likely bruised but so engrossed in each other that they couldn’t care less if the rapture happened above their heads. Kyle tries and fails to find a grip with the floor at the ruthless speed Stan masters on him, and just melts and moans and mumbles desperate little pleas to go <em>faster, faster, god won’t forgive me but please just harder faster faster.</em></p><p>Stan can’t help completely adore him when he starts to get like that, unable to keep a cool act as he lathers his infatuated kisses all over Kyle’s neck and lips and hair, all the while keeping up the punishing pace. Kyle goes abso-fucking-lutely insane for it.</p><p>High above the ceiling, while the Church is echoed with Kyle’s shouts riddled with ecstasy, the sound of angels writing complaint forms to the almighty thickens in the air. It shouldn’t make it even harder to last, but Kyle is sabotaging his ability by being irresistibly- uncharacteristically slutty.</p><p>He’s proud of himself for resisting release for a few seconds, tested to the brink by the swelling heat boiling close to explosion, but Kyle apparently can’t manage the same and comes all over Stan’s chest as he babbles incoherent appreciation, clinging to Stan’s neck and breathing hard through it. Stan hasn’t lasted as long as he’d planned but can’t hold back anymore, releases inside Kyle with a heavy groan and final shove that seal the deal and effectively shuts him down into pure white hot bliss.</p><p>They’re both breathing like marathon runners coming down, sweaty and breathless and inseparable on the floor. They likely look like a pair of wounded chimps huddling at a gunshot from god’s view. Stan wants to flip him off while they’re in the high.</p><p>The floor is a mighty fine place to recover anyway, and Kyle is, and has always been Stan’s favourite partner for this part. Not to mention only partner.</p><p>Kyle doesn’t hesitate to kiss the vulnerability of their connection, assures him every time they were in it together and will always stay that way. Kyle’s hasn’t so much said it in words before, but Stan couldn’t imagine a life without him.</p><p>‘’We should do this again sometime,’’ Stan says, lazily tickling the back of his neck. Kyle comically reels back as he says it, and grins devilishly.</p><p>‘’Oho no. You got me this far. We’re desecrating now, all the way.’’</p><p>‘’What happened to Mister Righteous?’’ Stan taunts.</p><p>‘’You fucked it out of me genius. In a goddamn church. Now suffer asshole,’’ Kyle announces, sitting up quickly and straddling Stan. Stan is surprised, but more interested, and his cock agrees.</p><p>Jackson Pollock was a bad example. The next half hour is spent like the making of the Starry Night, pure timeless art, irreplaceable and glorious. They make the angels weep in pain, forced by the properties of paint to sit there in horror and watch as the two of them ravish each other all over the goddamn house.</p><p>The nervous energy has been quenched and demolished, forklifted out and a dump truck of sudden shameless lust and drive crashed into them instead. No longer do they even care for what they’re doing, just that it’s fucking wrong and incredible all at once and this is definitely one of Stan’s better ideas.</p><p>Kyle is losing his religion.</p><p>Stan is creating a new one in his mind. It involves a lot more god flipping.</p><p>At one point, Kyle makes an innocent rosary his bitch, holding the cross out from his mouth to prevent any more screams neither of them cares about being heard. He bites down hard on it when he rides Stan, making a show out of it. Stan wishes he brought a camera. He wasn’t expecting Kyle to get into it <em>that</em> much.</p><p>But because he has, without warning, Stan punishes the lack of notice by utterly destroying him. He suspects he’ll be out of service for a week, and Stan is primitively proud of himself, like an rabid wolf.</p><p>‘’Aah, fuck! Shit- keep going!’ Kyle cries out, words shaking around his sudden harsh movements back and forth, driven by Stan’s dick and loving it so much his tongue sticks out like he can’t manage to even swallow. Stan sees it all and makes his own embarrassing sounds to match, better songs coming from them than any gay-ass choir on Sundays. Kyle spits out the rosary nearly cracked in two with his teeth, and lunges forward to attack Stan’s mouth, the jolting action surprising Stan enough to release all the continued pent up heat, spurting everywhere as he pulls out to make art, blinding him black and blue for seconds or maybe months of otherworldly sensation.</p><p>Maybe the angels are getting revenge. He might actually go blind for this.</p><p>He doesn’t even notice that Kyle comes too, right after him. He finally wakes up from the eighth dimension to feel Kyle panting and laying his head over Stan’s heart.</p><p>‘’Your chest is beating so fucking fast dude,’’ Kyle mutters in awe, breathless. Stan can’t refute that, but so many wheels are churning in his head that he doesn’t want to miss his epiphanies. Kind of like that utmost clarity before a seizure.</p><p>They only just appear that second, but already dominate his brain and his ribs only crack harder at the idea. Kyle, fortunately (or maybe not), remains oblivious.</p><p>‘’Too bad they lock away the Jesus blood wine huh?’’ Kyle jokes, idly fiddling with Stan’s navel, ear still pressed to heart while they lie there on the cold wooden floor. It’s starting to get uncomfortable. Kyle’s knees must be sore, amongst other things. Stan releases a big pent up breath he was inadvertently holding.</p><p>‘’Wouldn’t it be funny if like- we pretended to get married. But actually got married. And stayed that way,’’ Stan blurts, failing to make it sound like a fun casual joke. Shit in hell the angels are already paying him back for the sacrilege.</p><p>‘’What?’’ Kyle laughs, tilting his head up to grin in confusion at Stan. Stan sits up, feeling too dizzy to have this conversation lying down in his own come. Kyle follows and keeps his stare trained on him. ‘’What the hell are you talking about?’’</p><p>‘’You’ve never like- thought about it?’’ Stan asks, trying to not feel hurt Kyle doesn’t burst into tears at the mere suggestion they could- like he’d been dying without it and waiting so long for Stan to ask. No- nothing like that though. Stan wouldn’t even want that reaction. Not really.</p><p>‘’I’ve thought about doing some tacky Las Vegas certificate to give my mom a heart attack like a year ago?’’ Kyle says.</p><p>‘’Oh- well, nevermind,’’ Stan sighs, starts to stand up.</p><p>‘’Woah hang on!’’ Kyle bursts out, quickly standing too. They both look like sex-wrecked messes, like a jizz candied hooker mattress in LA. ‘’Fuck you! You can’t just say that then go ‘nevermind’. You’re such bullshit Stan!’’</p><p>‘’Wha?’’</p><p>‘’How long have you been thinking about this? Be honest with me,’’ Kyle says with a scowl.</p><p>‘’Well- I- uh-‘’ Stan stutters like a bitch right when he can’t afford to, rendered mush on the tongue. These goddamn angels will not relent. The sex wasn’t that bad guys?? At least Stan didn’t whip Kyle with the rosary. Like maybe he’d strongly considered doing at the time.</p><p>‘’Last month? Last year? College? High school?’’ Kyle suggests.</p><p>‘’Um- uh, well. Uh- middle school?’’ Stan winces as Kyle’s eyes go huge, but it’s not like lying would do him any fucking good at this point. He’s been completely, punishingly in love with this boy since he was fourteen years old.</p><p>‘’Why the hell did you wait that long dude?’’ Kyle asks, not venomous like before- sad-eyed. Regretful.</p><p>‘’This church mostly,’’ Stan mutters.</p><p>‘’Huh?’’</p><p>‘’Well, like Father Maxi was teaching us this whole time that gays were evil and going to hell, and I took it seriously for so long. So- you know. I thought if I made any move on you I’d be doomed.’’</p><p>‘’I hate this place,’’ Kyle sniffs after a few seconds in staring silence. ‘’I never liked how it stole you on Sunday’s and brought you back with this god-fearing complex. Like you couldn’t step on a leaf without his wrath falling down on you.’’</p><p>‘’I wanted you that whole time dude,’’ Stan says honestly. ‘’I just wasn’t brave enough to walk over and take you. You’re braver than me.’’</p><p>‘’What’s this about marriage?’’ Kyle says instead of answering. Suddenly standing on a stage of a church next to a busted podium and chewed up rosary, while naked and covered in your boyfriends come while discussing marriage, is weird.</p><p>‘’Would you even want to marry a Judas like me if I asked?’’ Stan asks, half-joking. He’s not Judas- but something pretty bad. The angels mock his dumb hopeful face, so Stan wipes it off.</p><p>‘’Oh- is that your definition of asking is it?’’ Kyle asks sarcastically.</p><p>‘’I just don’t wanna look like a dumbass if I’m wrong here.’’</p><p>‘’You’re about a few years too late dude. And that’s the point of asking, to find out. So ask me motherfucker,’’ Kyle threatens, leaning into Stan’s face angrily. ‘’Ask me.’’ There’s not much steam behind the anger, but it kick starts Stan’s right gear, thank freaking Satan.</p><p>Those angels may as well be committing suicide at this point, for what Stan ends up doing.</p><p>‘’Shit,’’ Kyle utters under his breath, eyes huge again. Stan is kneeling on the ground, completely vulnerable and probably looking stupider than ever. But ah- to hell with it. It really is a nice looking church anyway.</p><p>‘’Kyle-‘’ Stan starts.</p><p>‘’Wait!’’ Kyle blurts out, no longer cool and collected. He joins Stan on the ground where he kneels, and grabs his shoulders, eyes reeling wildly. ‘’Shit- I mean. Fuck- Stan, don’t stop, but I kind of had something planned.’’</p><p>‘’You did?’’ his voice is fucked, shaking. He was never shaking when he rehearsed in his mind, all those maybe moments he could have done it but chickened out. Kyle laughs, his voice is trashed too.</p><p>‘’Well- something more like discussing it over fucking dinner or something- but no this this better. Wait- if you. You’re asking right?’’</p><p>‘’Sh’yeah,’’ Stan chuckles awkwardly, chest pumping in his throat. It makes the next few words feel impossible to utter, but Kyle is looking at him, waiting. Hopefully.</p><p>‘’K-kyle. Do- you wanna get married? To me?’’ Stan asks. Kyle’s grim expression is immediately lifted. He grins.</p><p>‘’Of course I do dumbass,’’ Kyle leaps forward and kisses him, the strength of it pushing them back. Kyle falls on top of him, and they’re not romantically kissing. At all. They’re desperately flailing about and groping and tonguing, and Stan can’t believe he didn’t feel this building up before, how ready they both were- and just waited for each other.</p><p>He’ll always associate this church with boredom and longing, but now he can add this perfect thing to it. Sucking it to the angels shaking their heads in disapproval. They can never have what they do, no matter how hard the paint dries. It can only crack and fade now.</p><p>So Stan’s pretty okay with it- now that he’s applied this fresh everlasting coat to him and Kyle. It will only get stronger, and he can’t fucking wait for it.</p><p>He and Kyle leave the church eventually, strewn about in a damning way and clothes crumpled and dishevelled like the day after a hangover. They drive home to Stan’s parents, and talk the whole way back about how they’re going to break the news. Kyle rules out discussing what they were doing before, and Stan agrees, but he’ll always remember it and the general appealing absurdity of it.</p><p>Fucking South Park. He couldn’t have imagined it any other way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos to you if you make the connection :p</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Ride your Dragon into my Dungeon (Stan x Kyle)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kyle attends a Board Game Tournament supporting his friend Nichole, who competes regularly. There, he meets her board game rival, a worthy adversary who goes by the name of Raven.</p><p>And Kyle is- in many senses, fucked.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Attention, this is an older story I had stored on ao3. I'm just putting it here because I'm OCD, and oneshots belong in the oneshot bin thank you~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Kyle got out of the driver seat of the car, and followed Nicole from the carpark to the rec centre. There were quite a few more people than Kyle expected to see here, and upon inspection, he realised that many of them were girls.</p><p>‘’I wouldn’t have guessed board games championships were dominated by girls,’’ Kyle said in surprise, at Nicole’s side.</p><p>‘’Yeah, isn’t it great! We’ve actually got enough members for a full club to rent the centre out on Thursday. The whole place!’’ Nicole exclaimed, bouncing in her step, taking Kyle’s hand.</p><p>They were in the college campus, where the communal recreation centre held their monthly board game tournament, and a board games champion title was awarded to the most wins of the night. Nicole was the honorary champion for the last five tournaments. Kyle was just here to support her, since she’s currently out of friends who appreciate her gaming skills, and Kyle was curious about the whole thing anyway. He’s never been to a board game tournament, and admits that hearing such a thing existed, just made him think of a giant dork convention. Not that he should really talk. But he was surprised to know Nicole was into it at first, at this level, because she’s the complete opposite to a stereotypical dork, being a pretty popular girl whose into sports. Whenever the nuggets were playing in Denver, Kyle made sure to save a ticket for him and Nicole to attend. It was basically a ritual with them now.</p><p>‘’So do you participate in every game set out, or just a select few or something?’’ Kyle asked as they were admitted entry, getting their hands stamped, Kyle as a guest, Nicole as a contestant.</p><p>‘’No, see, there’s a select few games set up for the championship, for challengers. I’ll be playing those ones. The others are for rookies just to try their luck against the general crowd. You’ve got to book in advance if you want to actually compete with the pros,’’ Nicole explained. Kyle nodded, already a little lost. He liked board games, but he would never be enthusiastic about it enough to attend something like this. He was just here for Nicole, and her obsession for something that should’ve been left behind in high school. Not that he was judging. Not really.</p><p>They walked inside, and the place was buzzing with people surrounding large tables with assorted board games, some Kyle had no idea what they were. He stuck by Nicole as she wandered to the biggest table, and proceeded to sign her name for the tournament. There were many people at the sign up desk, some giving Kyle and Nicole dirty looks. Kyle guessed they were competitors, threatened by Nicole. Kyle had seen her play, even played a few games with her in high school, and she was always good. He just enjoyed the company, really. So it was a real shock seeing these people so serious about this thing, and Kyle thought he was a nerd. He had nothing on some of these people. And Jesus, did he just see someone wearing a fucking dungeons and dragons costume? He tried not to stare, he could possibly run into them again at some point at college. Unlikely, but he didn’t want any more of these filthy glares like he was judging their lives. He was, certainly, but they didn’t need to know that every second Kyle spent here, he felt like one of the cool kids.</p><p>Another lie, in this place he was the fucking runt, and everyone knew it just by looking at him.</p><p>Kyle kept at Nicole’s heels, as she joined another large table and the players beamed at her.</p><p>‘’Nicole! We were actually relieved for a few minutes before you showed up!’’ One fat guy with small square glasses boomed to them, grinning impishly. Nicole laughed in response.</p><p>‘’Ha, never! I wouldn’t want to miss the fun of seeing me wipe the floor with you again!’’ Nicole said, giving glasses a slap of the hand.</p><p>‘’And who’s this? New boyfriend?’’ One small dark looking girl asked icily, flipping her black hair out of her face. Kyle’s face heated. Nicole gestured back at him with a chuckle.</p><p>‘’Nah, this is Kyle. We’re old friends. He’s gonna be watching me destroy you fools,’’ Nicole said. Kyle was just relieved she didn’t go into that awkward trap. Most of his friends were girls, and anyone who met them and saw him hanging out with one of them, they assumed they were dating. The idea was horrid, and having to explain that was even worse. There was nothing worse than having to explain to a stranger that you like cock. If he’s being frank.</p><p>‘’You may have your little fans, but that won’t save you from Raven this time,’’ The dark girl said. Nicole crossed her arms.</p><p>‘’If that pussy dares, we’ll go then,’’ Nicole said with a smirk. Glasses laughed loudly, dark girl gave Nicole a preening glare, and Kyle laughed nervously.</p><p>‘’Who’s Raven?’’ Kyle asked, feeling like he was in another realm from these apparent board game enthusiasts.</p><p>‘’He’s just some competitor who thinks he knows everything about board games. I’ve proven him wrong many times,’’ Nicole said proudly. Dark girl scoffed.</p><p>‘’Don’t forget the battle of saints, and victors. He’s wiped you around a fair few times,’’ the dark girl announced triumphantly. She must be one of his supporters, fans or something. Maybe girlfriend.</p><p>‘’True. This time though, I’m in to win,’’ Nicole countered, radiating confidence.</p><p>‘’We’ll see then,’’ dark girl replied, turning from them and going to another table without another word. Kyle watched after her in surprise. So this was real sport right here, rooting for certain people as though they were a team or side.</p><p>‘’Jeez, Helen needs to take a chill pill sometimes. We’re all just having fun, after all,’’ Glasses said, fiddling with some dice on the table in front of him. Nicole hummed.</p><p>‘’So Raven’s already entered this time?’’ Nicole asked. Glasses nodded.</p><p>‘’He’s a determined son of a bitch, got here early to scope the scene, and any newbies that might be a threat.’’</p><p>‘’Jesus, he is determined,’’ Nicole said, looking slightly surprised. Kyle was interested in this apparent rival of Nicole. He imagined a huge fat guy, pock marks, no life, and a savant with board games. Enough to compete with Nicole at least.</p><p>‘’You better get set up, the tournament starts in a few minutes,’’ Glasses said.</p><p>‘’Right. C’mon Kyle, I managed to get you a front row seat, so you can see me kicking ass,’’ Nicole said, taking Kyle’s arm.</p><p>‘’Nice to meet you, man,’’ Glasses said to Kyle. Kyle nodded kindly in response, feeling lost in this world of involved gaming. He followed Nicole to her position, where she took a seat at a large table with an array of set up games in the centre of the table. Surrounding the table, was also an array of people, all wearing determined expressions. They must be the competitors.</p><p>Kyle stared among them trying to scope out who this ‘Raven’ character was, trying to pinpoint people who looked skilled. It was harder, because everyone looked like they belonged competing in this league, and Kyle was suddenly worried about Nicole and her chances. She was one of the best though, so Kyle didn’t doubt her ability to destroy these guys.</p><p>Kyle was still standing up as more people approached the main playing table, trying to get the best view before the actual competition began. There were spectators buzzing around him, and Kyle felt their close proximity encroach his safe space, making him fidget slightly. Then he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder. Kyle panicked and jerked, turning around.</p><p>‘’Excuse me.’’ A tall handsome guy was standing before him, smiling at him with deep blue eyes. He brushed his black bangs out of his face, standing before Kyle while Kyle stared unabashedly. The guy blinked, continued to stare at Kyle, and Kyle stared back, wondering why this man was standing here, before him, of all people. The guy nodded his head behind Kyle, and in his current brainless state, Kyle was confused.</p><p>‘’Huh?’’ Kyle asked absently, raking his eyes down the man’s toned body. He was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans, fitting enough for Kyle to see definition.</p><p>‘’I need to get to the front,’’ the man said. It took Kyle a moment to understand what the fuck this hot dude was saying.</p><p>‘’Oh- <em>oh</em>! Shit, sorry,’’ Kyle said, stepping aside and letting the guy through, his face heating in embarrassment. The guy smirked at Kyle as he walked past, raising his eyebrows, and Kyle would say that’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen in his miserable isolated life, as proven by the blush on his face travelling down his ears to the back of his neck and the tips of his fingers. Once he’d passed, he turned back to Kyle.</p><p>‘’I haven’t seen you here before. Are you here to watch the main comp?’’ The guy asked. Kyle nodded.</p><p>‘’Supporting a friend,’’ Kyle said, a touch defensively, as though this guy would judge him as a nerd for being here, even though this guy was here too, and asking for room at the front of the area to probably watch too. The man smiled, brightening.</p><p>‘’Oh yeah? Which one?’’ The guy asked.</p><p>‘’Nicole Daniels.’’</p><p>‘’Oh Really? She’s one of the biggest competitors here, for like the last 6 tournaments at least.’’</p><p>‘’Do you come to these things often?’’ Kyle asked, curiously. The guy looked way too hot to be in a place like this, which was like nerd heaven. Though Kyle was just being a sceptical asshole, and so far the people have been very diverse, not fitting the fat dorky image Kyle created on the walk here.</p><p>‘’Every tournament,’’ he said seriously.</p><p>‘’Wow, you must really be into board games,’’ Kyle said, kind of impressed. The guy shrugged.</p><p>‘’You could say that,’’ he said with a sly grin. Kyle laughed under his breath nervously, continuing to stare.</p><p>Kyle was losing a battle, currently, with himself. He was not in the business of fantasising about strangers, or even friends for that matter. He wasn’t usually like this, but he couldn’t deny that this guy was so much his type that Kyle was daydreaming about this guy throwing Kyle onto his dorm bed and fucking his brains into a satisfied puddle. And of course in this fantasy he had a huge dream cock, because what kind of guy who was this attractive had a small one? Kyle couldn’t see any fault on him, and realised he was just standing in front of him staring. The fantasy was crushed, because what kind of guy would take another home after they’d made a complete jackass out of themselves by staring like a serial killer. He didn’t even fucking know his name.</p><p>‘’What’s your name?’’ Kyle asked, deciding, screw it. He could either completely blow this and have this hunk of hotness walk away from the weird serial killer, or he could actually put a name to the face that Kyle would be jerking off to tonight, regardless of the fact that he was a random person at a board game tournament.</p><p>‘’It’s Stan. Yours?’’ Stan asked, smiling still, eyes still glittering like sapphires. They probably weren’t, but Kyle was going to add a flowery description to every single feature of this motherfuckers body, whose name was Stan. Guess who Kyle was going to be thinking about under the covers of his dorm room tonight? Stan. The beautiful, sexy Stan. Kyle was reliably going completely insane, when he heard himself just then. He was blushing so bad, and he knew it was visible.</p><p>‘’I’m Kyle,’’ Kyle said, throwing that embarrassment away from his memory for now. Thank every fucking god that might be in the sky that people couldn’t hear thoughts. Though this guy was so physically perfect that Kyle could only assume that he’d been blessed with reading people’s minds too, and he probably had, being the specimen he was.</p><p>‘’Cool. The comp’s about to start, but maybe I’ll see you after, and we can talk some more. If you want,’’ Stan said, splitting a hopeful grin. So now it made sense that God had given Kyle so much hell as a kid; it was to pay for this absolute miracle blessing.</p><p>‘’Yeah!’’ Kyle said, way too goddamn enthusiastically. ‘’That would be cool, I’ll try and find you after.’’</p><p>Stan laughed, ‘’If anything, I’ll find you. Who could mistake this hair?’’ Stan said, giving a curl a flick. Kyle got hot, for multiple reasons. One being Stan’s hand so close to him, another being his hair was an embarrassing travesty of fluffy red ringlets. Stan probably noticed his beet red face, and smirked again, like it was a simple thing, and Kyle wasn’t risking a boner in public by staring at him make those suggestive faces. It probably wasn’t suggestive from Stan’s point of view, but everything this guy did was pulling Kyle further and further into a hole he knew he should try to escape from, but he let it drag him down anyway.</p><p>‘’I gotta go, but I’ll catch you later. It’s nice to meet you,’’ Stan said regretfully, backing away.</p><p>‘’You too,’’ Kyle said quickly, staring after him as he walked to the other side of the large table, back into the crowd. He knew he was screwed, but he didn’t stop himself from berating his mind and heart for being this way for a near complete stranger. The guy was his age, same as everyone else in the campus hall at this tournament, and if they weren’t, it was only an anomaly. But the most important thing to remember, which Kyle had to remind himself every few seconds when he started hoping, was that he had no clue whether this angel was gay. And that was a dealbreaker, obviously, because Kyle would not spend his time pining after straight dudes, he’s learnt that the hard way. No matter how goddamn beautiful they are.</p><p>In a matter of minutes later, the tournament began. Kyle was suddenly swarmed by spectators pushing their way in and getting a view to the front tables where the competitors now circled the game sets laid out in preparation. The was even an announcer, their voice booming above the crowd. Kyle was quickly overwhelmed by the sudden intensity and seriousness on everyone’s faces around him, and he felt quite out of place. He looked for Nicole at the main table, hoping they’d call out names so he could find out who this Raven opponent was.</p><p>He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be looking for, until an announcer picked up a microphone at the centre table, and everyone suddenly crowded closer, interested, and Kyle was squished between bodies, trying to escape their sweaty wrath, to no avail. Fucking great.</p><p>Nicole must have caught his distress, because she glanced in his direction and covered her laugh with her hand when she saw him. Kyle stuck his tongue out at her for enjoying his misery, and they were both quickly distracted by the booming deep voice of the announcer, turning towards them.</p><p>‘’Ladies and Gents, the pro tournament is beginning, please remain quiet in the peanut gallery for players to concentrate. No heckling, no booing and no cheering please.’’</p><p>The crowd‘s noise suddenly died, and Kyle was one of many spectators entranced into the main table full of the competitors, facing each other while the announcer called out the games being played in the comp. Kyle didn’t recognise a single one by its name, realising it had been years since he actually cared to know. He realised he’d probably be left in the dark this whole tournament. He decided to just focus on Nicole and cheer when she won, thinking about Stan while she played games he’d never heard of.</p><p>Kyle was pretty certain he’d just be doing that the whole time, that was, until he caught Stan amongst the competitors table.</p><p>Kyle choked on his own spit when he saw him there, and staring down Nicole from across the other side. Wait…</p><p>But Nicole was staring him down too. Oh fuck.</p><p>Stan was Raven.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>If there was ever as time Kyle was on the edge of his seat, it was right now, switching focus between Nicole and Stan as they played separate opponents and each won game after game, smashing out the competition separately and narrowing it down until only the very top, very best players remained.</p><p>Kyle had never been so full of anticipation about board games in his life. He knew it was more to do with Nicole and Stan’s <em>very</em> interesting rivalry, with a little selfish curiosity about Stan’s hotness, more than actual fucking board games.</p><p>Kyle was a little than more impressed at how into board games Stan was, especially as he decimated players like that, looking swick as hell all the same.</p><p>He felt a little guilty that he was paying more attention to Stan than Nicole, but he couldn’t help it. His eyes felt automatically compelled to stare at Stan as he suavely knocked out players and still looked so fucking sweet. Okay, no, he wasn’t doing this.</p><p>He forced himself to just watch Nicole for the rest of the time, just resisting glancing at Stan to every few minutes. He didn’t even realise how much time had passed, and how many different games had been tested and played. He could barely keep up, but he was just watching their victories really. He was surprised at how entrancing it was to watch, more than he expected it to be. He doesn’t recall looking at any other competitors the entire tournament.</p><p>When the semi-finals ended, with Stan and Nicole inevitably coming out on top, Kyle realised this was the take-all moment, the finals, and they were finally playing each other. Others must have been aware of their popular rivalry too, because the crowd got a bit unconstrained and louder when the announcer called out the final comp, and the top two competitors. Kyle cheered when Nicole was announced, then more quietly when Stan was. He was obviously loyal to Nicole, and wanted her to win, but a little part of him held a guilty little victory flag for Stan as well.</p><p>It was obvious the crowd wasn’t happy with either winning though, and it seemed like they had put their bets on their players very ferociously, cheering and booing despite the rules against it. Kyle felt very split down the middle, undecided on a champion. He’d be elated either way, really, so he didn’t care. He was quite surprised at himself to have gotten into this sport so much first meet, but he had some vested interests, he admits.</p><p>The game of the final match was called <em>Bloodrage</em>. Kyle had vaguely heard of it, but he knew virtually nothing about the game, or what went into it. This part, he would’ve actually liked to know what was going on, because it would’ve made the final game even more cutthroat and tense. At the moment, and Nichole and Stan shook hands, cutting each other sharp glances and stare downs, and took their places opposite each other. Everyone seemed to crowd in closer, pushing in at the most tense moment where the game started. Kyle felt the breath of the room chill and silent, all eagerly holding everything for the first move. Nichole made it.</p><p>The next hour felt like half the day went by. The room changed from chaotic chatter to yelling to brittle and antsy quiet within single moves, getting constant hush from the announcer. Kyle was quite surprised no one even heckled, but he was seriously realising by coming here that these people were not fucking around, and there was an unspoken respect for it, that Kyle was equally impressed and intimidated by.</p><p>The game was ruthless, and this time, unlike the previous games, there was central announcer narrating every move, making it even more intense for everyone. They referred to Nichole as Queen Dany, and Stan of course as Raven. Kyle had no idea Nichole had a board game name before now. Kyle watched every move with intrigue, having no idea what was going on, but knowing each move could be pivotal to winning or losing. It was amazing how involved he became for himself, his whole body was hyped up each turn Nichole and Stan made, making a wild pause within the audience every time.</p><p>Kyle had figured out watching that the theme of the game was strategy, and to win battles with the Norse armies, though obviously he’d need to actually study it to figure out more than that, or play it himself. He was more focused on the delivery of Stan and Nichole. They were found in the last stretch, Nichole’s army had taken significant damage, but Stan’s was struggling too, and now they had to rely on pure wits above advantage to get ahead.</p><p>‘’C’mon Raven!’’ someone called out, getting shushed by the announcer and the other players.</p><p>‘’Destory Dani!’’ the fat spectacled guy they met earlier shouted in response.</p><p>‘’Quiet in the peanut gallery,’’ the announcer sternly reminded. Kyle turned back the now crowded playing table, watching intently.</p><p>Stan and Nichole were staring at each other intently, awaiting Raven’s next move. Stan looked back and forth between the playing table and his cards intently, and Kyle was pulled up by his tiptoes with hope for him, even if he was betraying Nichole a little. It’s just Stan looked so fucking good when he was serious, it made Kyle swelter where he stood watching.</p><p>Stan finally made his move, getting growing chants and whispers from the audience in excitement. Apparently it was a good one, and the announcer detailed the damage to Nichole’s forces. Kyle was surprised by Nichole’s current stance, clicking her nails down at the table and frowning at her cards. He hoped she had a plan here, because the game seemed to be on its last leg.</p><p>Everyone seemed to hold their breath when she finally looked up at Stan, boring her eyes dangerously at him. Stan watched, as well as everyone in the entire place it felt like, as Nichole moved her hand forward, as though taking her move, then suddenly changed direction and suddenly moved pieces on the board, to the shock of everyone. Everything was silent as everyone took in the move, and studied the board with baited breath.</p><p>‘’Queen Dany does damage to Raven’s battalion, sending his troops back, and taking the game! Winner is Queen Dany!’’ The announcer called out excitedly, followed by mass cheers from everyone, like an eruption of shouting, filling the air with explosive energy.</p><p>Kyle cheered along with everyone as they crowded the table and swarmed around the two players in ecstatic cheers and chants, blocking Kyle from even seeing them. The energy of the room was like a nuclear bomb, dramatic and sudden, overloading Kyle’s senses as everyone screamed and hailed victory, as though they had won the battle themselves.</p><p>It took ages for the celebration to calm down before Kyle could even see Nichole, or at least he thought so, wanting to get out of touching distance of these sweaty overhyped nerds.</p><p>But he was surprised with himself, for he did not expect to enjoy that experience so much. He wondered if attending Nichole’s comps might become a regular thing. Thinking that Stan might be there, he wouldn’t mind that.</p><p>‘’Kyle!’’ Nichole shouted from over the slowly receding noise and people. Kyle found her waving him over, and he wade through the crowd slowly and carefully, not wanting to get stampeded by energized nerds.</p><p>‘’Oh my god,’’ Kyle said when he was in distance to her again, and gave her a big congratulatory hug. ‘’You were amazing! You actually won!’’ Kyle exclaimed excitedly.</p><p>Nichole was radiating proud glowing victory, sprucing her cheeks pink as she grinned, shrugging modestly. ‘’I’m so glad you could watch me, this is like the best part of college for me,’’ Nichole laughed. Kyle hugged her again, unable to resist, so very proud of her. He kept laughing as she clapped his back in return.</p><p>‘’Oh! Kyle!’’ Nichole exclaimed, pulling back to look at him. ‘’I’ve been dying for you to meet someone!’’</p><p>‘’Oh yeah?’’ Kyle asked, feeling Nichole’s contagious positive victory seeping through him, making him laugh giddily too.</p><p>‘’Yeah! Hey, Raven! Get your ass over here!’’ Nichole called from the distance where the rest of the people swarmed. Kyle felt his gut heat like a torch when Stan stood out from the crowd and smiled, walking towards them.</p><p>‘’Hey Dani, that was a great game,’’ Stan beamed, clapping Nichole’s hand when she raised it to him. He glanced at Kyle and smirked, and it pooled in Kyle’s gut like stirring soup with fire, making his knees weak.</p><p>‘’Ha, it was awesome! I hope you up your game to give me an actual challenge next time,’’ Nichole teased, punching Stan’s shoulder, keeping her other arm around Kyle. Kyle just stared at Stan like an embarrassed duck, red in the face and smiling at him like a dork from under Nichole’s arm.</p><p>‘’Haha, I’ll get you next time, that’s for sure,’’ Stan grinned, glancing at Kyle again.</p><p>‘’Oh, Stan! Sorry, this is Kyle, my old friend from school,’’ Nichole said, pushing Kyle forward. Kyle laughed nervously, and Stan followed.</p><p>‘’Ah, so this is Kyle. I’ve heard a lot about you,’’ Stan smiled, winking at him. Kyle’s legs turned into jelly. He was so embarrassed with himself, he’d never been a panicked gay before, never. The fuck. All Stan had to do was look at him and he was a mess.</p><p>‘’Ah, ha, yeah. We actually met earlier,’’ Kyle laughed, daring a glance at Stan, who didn’t fucking hold back on giving him those eyes. Those <em>fucking</em> eyes.</p><p>‘’Seriously? Well, what am I doing here then!’’ Nichole said. ‘’I’ve got people to catch up with over there, so you two just-‘’ Nichole glanced between the two of them, ‘’-yeah.’’</p><p>Nichole darted off quicker than a fox, and Kyle was left alone with his jelly legs and red face, trying not to smile too hard in Stan’s presence, who would think he’s a freak for it.</p><p>‘’So…you’re the infamous Raven,’’ Kyle finally summoned the bravery to say.</p><p>‘’Ha, yeah I guess so. Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Don’t be sorry!’’ Kyle exclaimed. ‘’Shit, I mean, it’s okay, to be fair I didn’t know you were Nichole’s rival until this afternoon anyway.’’</p><p>‘’Rival is a strong word for it,’’ Stan chuckled, while Kyle stared pathetically at his perfect face. ‘’It’s just for our gaming characters really, we’re cool in real life.’’</p><p>‘’Of course,’’ Kyle said, though he’d been dreading earlier that they hated each other, and Kyle would forever be shamed for wanting Stan so fucking bad forever.</p><p>‘’So what has Nichole actually said about me?’’ Kyle asked worriedly, hoping she wouldn’t be a bitch and talk shit about him, or be unflattering in any way. Surely she would know that he’d probably have the biggest boner for this glorious angel of a fucking human, she’s a psychic when it comes to that kind of shit.</p><p>‘’Oh nothing bad, don’t worry. She’s quite taken with you, actually,’’ Stan smirked. Kyle snorted at the phrasing.</p><p>‘’Uh huh, and did she mention I’d bed an elephant before I bed a girl?’’ Kyle said without thinking it through. Shit. Oh well. Stan just laughed anyway.</p><p>‘’She might have,’’ Stan teased.</p><p>‘’She’s such a bitch sometimes,’’ Kyle laughed, ignoring his irrational panic at Stan’s easy acceptance of it, not wanting to dig too deep into it.</p><p>‘’So you guys go to the same college?’’ Stan asked.</p><p>‘’Yeah, UCD, we’re both second years,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Cool, I’m the same, CSU.’’</p><p>‘’Cool,’’ Kyle said, cursing himself internally. Every time someone repeated ‘cool’, it meant the conversation had officially turned boring, and it was time to leave. He was not ready to stop talking to Stan, he wanted to hear his voice forever, and look at his face, and see his adorable little smile.</p><p>‘’So what are you doing after this?’’ Stan asked, breaking Kyle out of his panic.</p><p>‘’Oh, uh. I was just gonna go home,’’ Kyle said lamely, kicking himself. He was fucking done with himself, honestly. Never before has he failed this horribly before, fuck. <em>Fuck.</em></p><p>‘’Do you wanna hang out?’’ Stan asked hopefully, putting his hands in his jean pockets.</p><p>‘’Uh, <em>yes!</em>’’ Kyle said emphatically, causing a laugh out of Stan. He just grinned this time, pushing his humiliation with himself away. He can think about how much he’s fucked up later. Stan beamed at him again, his eyes shining, and Kyle subconsciously leaned closer to him, unable to rub a happy smirky smile off his face.</p><p>‘’Cool,’’ Stan said, and for the first time, Kyle noticed that he was nervous too, and the realisation that this perfection of a being was still human was the most relieving thing, and Kyle’s fear shrank dramatically for the first time since he’d gazed upon him. They both grinned, and Stan gestured Kyle forward.</p><p>‘’C’mon,’’ Stan said, walking ahead. Kyle skipped up to follow him, keeping in pace as they threaded through the now dispersing crowds of the tournaments, the comp ending for the night.</p><p>‘’So, you’re <em>really</em> into board games,’’ Kyle said as they walked.</p><p>‘’Totally, aren’t you?’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Well, honestly I gave up on board games in high school, I was just here to support Nichole tonight,’’ Kyle said a little guiltily. ‘’Although, You’ll probably be seeing me around more often after tonight.’’</p><p>‘’Mmm, that would be pretty good,’’ Stan said, wagging his eyebrows. Kyle laughed and nudged him with his elbow, weirdly comfortable around him, even after that previous gay panic moment.</p><p>‘’Did you come here with anyone?’’ Kyle asked. ‘’Are you with that Helen girl?’’ Kyle asked, remembering that small sombre goth.</p><p>‘’Helen? Nah, she just rallies for me cos she’s secretly got a crush on Dany, and gets all hateful and defensive about it, so far as to boo her game. It’s pretty stupid,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Yeah. I mean- wow. Nichole has lesbian crushes,’’ Kyle said, dumbstruck by that. He was <em>so</em> telling Nichole when he saw her later.</p><p>‘’I don’t think it’s the smartest thing to do with a crush, you know? The easiest way would be just to tell them you like them, and get it over with,’’ Stan said. Kyle nodded. He figured beautifully attractive guys like Stan could all the pussy they wanted with that kind of attitude, because of course it was easy for them. For guys like Kyle, there was a whole other degree, because he was not supermodel hot like Stan, and anyone would rather raincheck him than get involved just because he was upfront. And then there was looking in the whole other ball court of men, with the miniscule percentage who are actually gay too. Just- frustrating.</p><p>‘’Uh huh,’’ Kyle said anyway.</p><p>‘’Hey, there’s something over there we should check out,’’ Stan said, coughing halfway between speaking. Kyle just followed him curiously, a little flustered again. Mostly right now because Stan was being adorably dorky, and it was the best thing ever. They walked together to the side of the large recreation hall, and weirdly, Stan went to the side doors, opening them for Kyle. Kyle humoured him, eyeing him as he walked curiously into the dark unlit room he could barely see.</p><p>His eyes adjusted as Stan shut the heavy doors and flipped on one of the lights overhead at the front of the room. It was a storage room, full of sporting equipment and boxes full of shit Kyle couldn’t care less about. He wasn’t a fucking idiot.</p><p>Kyle walked further into the room, touching the dusty equipment on the shelves and wiping the dust off onto his jeans. His chest was pounding hard, but he weirdly radiated calm on the outside.</p><p>‘’Hey,’’ Stan said from behind him. Kyle turned just as Stan fell against him and pinned him against the wall beside the shelves.</p><p>‘’Oh!’’ Kyle breathed out, as Stan kissed him and framed his head between his hands on the wall. Kyle didn’t hesitate, kind of knowing something to this effect would happen. <em>Way</em> too much tension was evident before, it had to go somewhere. He slid his mouth open for Stan’s tongue, and Stan didn’t hesitate either, just slipped it in and licked his overly wet mouth hungrily.</p><p>They kept kissing against the wall of the dingy storage backroom in the semi-dark, pressing closer, hidden behind a big cupboard. Kyle felt like he was exploding with glee, actually fucking understanding that this miracle was happening to him, right now. He felt like a smiling moony doll about it, and couldn’t even kiss properly without smiling in between tonguing.</p><p>Then Stan released from his lips with a panting gasp, spit dribbling down both of their lips. He kept himself pressed down on Kyle, unmoving, just breathing against his cheek as Kyle tried to process it.</p><p>‘’Sorry,’’ Stan said, his eyes closed and breath heavy against Kyle’s.</p><p>‘’You’re just a fuckboy aren’t you?’’ Kyle said, letting himself be pinned.</p><p>‘’No, dude. I’ve been trying to talk to you, but you’re fucking intimidating,’’ Stan said. Kyle shot his eyes open at that.</p><p>‘’Are you kidding me? I’m a fucking mess, were you even seeing me earlier? You fucked me up, damn you fucking- hotness.’’</p><p>Stan grinned, pressing himself closer, sending Kyle a thrill of touch when he brushed against a growing hardness in Stan’s pants. He was so hard himself, and feeling horny enough to actually do something about it right now.</p><p>‘’Nichole has been wanting me to meet you for ages,’’ Stan said, surprising Kyle.</p><p>‘’Are you serious? She never even mentioned you exist to <em>me</em>,’’ Kyle said. If only she did, Kyle would have attended this tournament months ago.</p><p>‘’She said she had this awesome gay friend with red hair that needs to get laid,’’ Stan said with a grin. Kyle was going to kill Nichole.</p><p>‘’Red hair? Why the fuck does that matter?’’ Kyle asked.</p><p>‘’I love redheads,’’ Stan grinned. Kyle scoffed, but he went red anyway.</p><p>‘’Wait- you’re gay?’’ Kyle asked, blushing. Typically he’d never ask that question, even if he was sure, because what if they actually weren’t? It was fucking embarrassing.</p><p>‘’I’m like half-bi,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’What the fuck is that?’’ Kyle asked anxiously. Stan chuckled.</p><p>‘’It means gay. That was a joke,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Oh. Ah- dude, don’t fuck with me right now,’’ Kyle said, pushing Stan backwards before jumping up on him and kissing him feverishly. Stan grinned against his lips, and quickly opened his mouth as they exchanged tongues again. He turned Kyle as he wrapped himself around Stan, and pushed him back against the wall.</p><p>Kyle moaned when Stan pressed him up, pushing his now very evident boner against him. Kyle pushed his own hips back, trying to get a grip on him, and just failing, but not stopping. He felt pretty insane, but he felt reliably insane when he first even looked at Stan.</p><p>‘’Wait- did you know who I was when you first saw me?’’ Kyle asked, thinking about how Stan touched his shoulder.</p><p>‘’Like I said. Who could mistake this hair?’’ Stan said, now taking a literal bite of it, sucking of one of his curls. Kyle watched him and panted, wrapping his arms around his neck close.</p><p>‘’Usually my hair is a liability,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Criminal. This hair is perfect,’’ Stan said, moving his lips down to Kyle’s cheek, mouthing at him, then to his lips.</p><p>‘’I used to wear a ushanka that I kept it in all the time. Barely anyone saw me without it in high school,’’ Kyle said, pressing back kisses to Stan every few seconds.</p><p>‘’I would have fucked you a thousand times by now if we’d been in high school together,’’ Stan said. Kyle’s cock throbbed at the mere idea of it, that Stan actually have likely taken him by now. Just the idea that he was interested now was like a rejuvenation in his mind where he’d resolved once didn’t matter. He hadn’t dated or fucked anybody for literally a year, and he was keeping the idea in his mind that he didn’t even want a boyfriend.</p><p>Right now all he wanted was to hide Stan in his pocket and take him out of this place and back to his dorm for good.</p><p>Or maybe Stan would do that with him. Either one would be fantastic.</p><p>‘’You gonna fuck me now or what?’’ Kyle asked, whispering in Stan’s ear before biting it. He felt its effect on the boner pressed against him thicken even more. He pulled back to look at Stan, and grinned when Stan did, eyes twinkling deviously.</p><p>Kyle felt like a ravenous animal, not even using real lube aside from Stan’s precome and spit as Kyle sucked Stan’s fingers while they felt each other’s unzipped dicks tentatively, saving for when Stan withdrew them from Kyle’s mouth and probed his ass. When he did, Kyle was turned around, trying to clutch the flaky wall as he drooled into his arm and moaned encouragement while Stan’s deliciously amazingly fuckable fingers investigated him and lighted him up every touch.</p><p>They stood while they did this, and Kyle was sure they’d look ridiculous, and unsexy, but he had never been harder, or had never felt so fucking connected to anyone so much that he would probably say yes if Stan fucking proposed to him right now. He gave up control and pushed it all into Stan’s hands, who knew what to do so well with them that he felt his whole body tinged pink and throbbing with pleasure all over.</p><p>‘’Are you a pianist or something?’’ Kyle asked, giggling as Stan pushed a particular spot that lit him up like a match, followed by hazy drooling satisfaction. He could be content just doing this, but feeling Stan’s expert fingers just made him want the real thing, the big thing- he checked, and yes, Stan was the god he predicted.</p><p>‘’I dabble with guitar,’’ Stan said, licking his neck while he fingered him. Kyle hummed, figuring that made sense. He was starting to get a proper picture of Stan, and it only made him want to know more, everything, until there wasn’t a thing left hidden to discover.</p><p>‘’Hey, I forgot- what’s your major?’’ Kyle asked, laughing like a pothead under his breath, actually feeling a little high.</p><p>‘’You’re asking now?’’ Stan laughed, withdrawing his fingers slowly, and making Kyle groan, now wanting his big dream cock. ‘’Marine Studies.’’</p><p>‘’Really? Wow, that sounds cool. I’m doing computer programming,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Mmm, do you want this cock now? Or do you want keep delaying it?’’ Stan teased, bumping Kyle’s nose as Kyle turned back around to face him. Kyle huffed, grabbing Stan’s shirt and pulling him close. He grinned close to Stan’s own amused face.</p><p>‘’Lemme lick it a little first,’’ Kyle offered. Stan seemed surprised by the suggestion, so Kyle obviously just fell to the floor and took him in straight away, marvelling at the automatic breathy scent and taste that overtook him. Stan exclaimed surprise wordlessly, and stumbled a little before evening himself.</p><p>Kyle gloated internally, he’d always been good at blowjobs, and he just wanted to give Stan all the skill he knew how while he could, as if he’d ever let this be a one night stand. Technically, they weren’t in the comfort of a dorm room, just the dusty rec room storage, partially hidden by shelves. Kyle panicked for a second that someone could walk in here just as easily as they did and catch them, pants shoved down and everything. Guiltily, he sort of loved the idea that they could be caught, though in reality he’d sooner be mortified.</p><p>When Stan’s cock starting thickening on Kyle’s tongue, Kyle pulled out, not wanting to waste Stan’s orgasm in his mouth. He wanted it inside him, to keep a part of Stan with him as a promise until next time. He wasn’t letting this specimen escape so easily.</p><p>‘’Fuck,’’ Stan panted when Kyle crawled off the floor and back up to kiss him. Suddenly Kyle felt horribly empty, so he asked Stan if he could please fill him, watching Stan’s eyes fatten immediately at the request.</p><p>Kyle remembered how long it had been since he had a real dick inside him, because he felt every heavy inch of Stan’s dick scream inside him, followed by mild discomfort, followed by hazy tingles that felt pretty nice. And he’d never had so big as well, so he automatically felt it’s effect reshape him. He clutched at Stan’s back, latching his legs tightly around his hips as Stan easily held him up against the wall. He felt completely owned by him in this position, and never more has he wanted to be a slave, just to this, to Stan and this feeling.</p><p>The rest of the world was pretty forgotten by the time Stan started moving, pushing deeper into him, making Kyle pulse pleasurably and whine every thrust.</p><p>‘’So- so where’d you meet Nicole?’’ Stan asked, panting.</p><p>‘’Ahh- in, elementary school,’’ Kyle moaned, distracted enough to answer the obscure question without some sarcastic remark.</p><p>‘’Did you guys ever go out? Or are you just- just friends,’’ Stan asked, thrusting hard. Kyle shouted.</p><p>‘’Uh, in- um, fourth grade, I took her out to a clippers game- a-and she accepted ‘cause she thought I was gay, ‘cause this fat tard told her he was my lover. Totally untrue- by the way,’’ Kyle said, needing to make this clear, even if he hardly cared anymore. Cartman was fuck years away, and if Kyle was lucky, he’d never see him again.</p><p>‘’That’s a little contradictory in your current position,’’ Stan said, wiping his forehead and fucking him deeper, crushing their bodies together.</p><p>‘’S-shit! Shut up, just- <em>yeah</em>. Oh god!’’ Kyle threw his head back, panting up at the dark ceiling. There were cobwebs, which was kind of gross, but noticing mundane things like that were helping him here.</p><p>‘’Have you ever done something like this before?’’ Stan asked.</p><p>‘’Anal sex?’’ Kyle asked.</p><p>‘’Yes, no. I meant having sex in a recreation hall backroom,’’ Stan clarified. Kyle stuttered out a laugh, feeling delirious.</p><p>‘’F-fuck no, of course not. I’m a fucking nerd who does their homework on Friday instead of going to parties,’’ Kyle said, trying to grip the wall, failing, and just clinging to Stan instead.</p><p>‘’That’s a shame. Would you go to parties with me if I asked?’’ Stan asked.</p><p>‘’Are you asking me out right now?’’ Kyle asked, pausing.</p><p>‘’Well, my cock is currently up your ass, I doubt there’s any right time after this,’’ Stan said. Kyle laughed, bouncing on Stan’s dick. Stan moaned, and thrust in hard, making Kyle growl in encouragement.</p><p>‘’<em>Yeah</em>. Okay, yeah, I’ll fucking move in with you right now’’ Kyle said. His forehead felt like it was dripping, but he would not stop under any circumstances, even at the risk of someone walking in on them, he’d just yell at them to piss off.</p><p>‘’Who’s being presumptuous now?’’ Stan said, tightening his grip of Kyle’s hips. Kyle tilted his head closer to Stan, grinning as best he could without panting his mouth open like a dog. Stan leaned closer to him, their noses bumping together, and Kyle gratefully opened his mouth for Stan’s tongue when it swept over his lips. They kissed like that, going deeper in their mouths, Stan going deeper in Kyle’s ass. The angle was incredible, and Kyle loved it, wanted every part of his body to be handed over to Stan in a gift package, for him to do what he liked with it, knowing he would do everything right. He was doing everything right, fucking Kyle so hard he couldn’t manage a squeak, and preventing any embarrassing noises by kissing them out of him, wetly dragging his tongue through Kyle’s teeth, hungrily, eagerly. Kyle wanted to keep doing this forever, but that was presumptuous. They’d only just met tonight. But they were fucking one night of meeting, so maybe it wasn’t so presumptuous. Stan hit his prostate, and Kyle no longer cared.</p><p>Kyle was teetered on the edge, lost in thought and feelings about how crazy this day has been so far. He would never- ever, have imagined it would finish off like this. This morning he woke up considering selfish excuses not to go to this tournament, and <em>fuck </em>was he glad he didn’t follow through. What finally sent him over the edge was Stan’s teeth skinning past his lips, groaning and keeping his eyes locked on Kyle. Kyle came just like <em>that</em>, spurting onto Stan’s black shirt, unfortunately. In the moment, he was pleased, because it meant Stan would have a piece to remember as well, though also an annoyance with laundry.</p><p>Kyle was thoroughly fucked out when Stan finished inside him, holding him up and shaking as he pulled out. Kyle regained his footing on the ground, his legs jelly again, though embarrassment didn’t follow this time. Just pure, proud, satiated, gloating happiness. Stan kissed him quickly after they recovered their breath.</p><p>‘’You’re awesome,’’ Stan said, holding Kyle close.</p><p>‘’Thank you,’’ Kyle said, and they both laughed.</p><p>They tried to tidy themselves up as best they could, pulling their pants back up, but nothing could be done for Stan’s shirt, or Kyle’s ass for that matter. He didn’t mind so much though, knowing he’d be going straight into bed after this, after taking a hot shower. He almost forgot they weren’t in his dorm, but in the recreation hall. Kyle reddened at the deviousness that they just committed in here, with all those people out there still, they could vaguely here their voices. Kyle had a moment of panic when he realised they could have heard them making all those embarrassing noises too. They would have figured it out immediately, surely. Shit.</p><p>They should have left the place after that, but they just kept kissing against the wall, pink cheeked and giddily guilty, giggling between pressing lips together.</p><p>Kyle was pretty sure he was in love with Stan, who cares that they just met when they just fucked as well. Weirder things in his life have happened, and he didn’t mind being completely enslaved by Stan.</p><p>Just then, Kyle heard a noise, but couldn’t place it, and didn’t really care, just kept kissing him. They only stopped when a familiar voice broke them from the make-believe world.</p><p>‘’Oh my gosh!’’ Nichole exclaimed, making them both turn and jump apart. She covered her eyes, standing at the door. ‘’I’m so sorry! Oh shit.’’</p><p>‘’Nichole-‘’ Kyle finally realised where he was, burning in the face, looking wrecked over, along with Stan, and making the situation extremely obvious. Nichole backed against the door.</p><p>‘’Geez, I was not expecting that,’’ Nichole said, turning away and facing the door, still covering her face.</p><p>‘’Sorry- Dani-‘’ Stan started.</p><p>‘’Nope, you guys- don’t mind me, please. I planned this to happen, of course- but Jesus, I didn’t think it would happen so quickly!’’</p><p>‘’You planned this?’’ Kyle said. He would be angrier if he cared.</p><p>‘’Kyle, you’ve been single for a year, Stan was criminally available, why else would I drag you here when board games literally bore you?’’ Nichole said, peeking back at them.</p><p>‘’Shit- I thought. I thought you just wanted someone to come and cheer you on,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Kyle, I’ve got literally everyone in this place cheering me on, I’m not so desperate. You on the other hand, someone had to intervene.’’</p><p>‘’Why couldn’t we just organise to meet at a neutral location then?’’ Stan asked.</p><p>‘’Don’t you start with me Stan, you’ve been single as long as I’ve known you, it’s not right. You guys weren’t gonna step up, and it was starting to making you both look like freaks,’’ Nichole said.</p><p>‘’What?’’ To who?’’ Kyle glowered, his embarrassment fading into more bitterness.</p><p>‘’To everyone! Okay, this is not the time. Jesus, I’m so happy for you two- I’m also mortified, so I’m gonna go,’’ Nichole said, speeding out the door and closing it behind her.</p><p>Stan and Kyle were silent as she disappeared, red-faced as a coldness started overcoming the room.</p><p>‘’So…’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Nichole is such a bitch,’’ Kyle said, sort of fondly, kind of surprisingly proud of her for doing this. Fuck, he wasn’t complaining either way.</p><p>‘’Um, wanna date?’’ Stan asked awkwardly and tactlessly.</p><p>‘’Yes,’’ Kyle said immediately and automatically, falling on him and kissing him again. He was coming here every Thursday from now on.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Contagious Attraction (Stan x Kyle)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kyle was just an intern therapist, and he couldn’t stop staring. He never thought it would end up like this.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ayy, look at me being a dirtbag and posting year-old oneshots :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He never thought he would be in this situation, if he ever did anything anyway. It was so devious, and frankly unhygienic, that he wouldn’t have consented if the party didn’t knock him on his ass from the get-go. Or maybe he would’ve, he was pretty curious about trying it. It never compared to the act itself, and the waves of pleasure that coursed through his veins every thrust.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>Kyle was a junior therapist in the ward, working for the lead psychologist that focused on mental health in patients while they were admitted in the hospital. Kyle just followed their lead, collecting data and coffee runs from his boss, while trying to achieve a goal he was beginning to realise would probably take another 5 years. He didn’t often visit the hospital himself, keeping the private ward safe while his boss made sessions with the sickly and ill. He was usually glad for this, not remembering very pleasant experiences with hospitals himself. He just needed this start in his career, and hopefully one day he’d achieve his goal, become a proper therapist, and help people more than he was helped when he was young. He’d do anything to get there.</p><p>Well maybe not everything, since the next day, his boss asked the one thing of him he loathed most about this job. Working in hospitals. He was given a long-term project to manage, a patient in other words, which he was to directly assist the doctors and observe their assessments, making his own statement at the end of the trial. It was Kyle’s test, what he’d been waiting for to prove he had enough to be a therapist, even if his work was somewhat unorthodox this time around. He was determined to do well, and as a result, he felt like puking his guts out at the stress of something he’d made so important to himself. He would not quit though, for he was not a quitter. No way in fucking hell.</p><p>Kyle’s assignment began the following week, and he trekked up to the hospital from his car, already having applied hand sanitiser twice for safety. Germs were festering in this place. One wrong move, and he’d be the one strapped into a bed, having a know-it-all therapist talk down to him as though he was unimportant, and pitying. His immune system had proved that the common cold bested him every single time.</p><p>His first entrance into the hospital doors was not a flattering one, the waiting room filled with sickly beings, merely existing in a plane of snot and bugs, but still ever capable of dragging Kyle into their swarm of hive-minded beings, destroying his free will with a sneeze. Kyle hastily sauntered past them, keeping his distance. He was headed to a specific room, which he embarrassingly had to ask for directions a few times, otherwise made it fine, a few minutes before his task officially began.</p><p>Kyle stood at the centre of the empty patients room, anticipating the doctor to arrive. He imagined a tall, amazonian woman who took pride with her passion for medicine, and took pride in letting her admirers down easy when they were attracted to her. Kyle daydreamed about this, imagining a sitcom about the cliche but oddly desirable plot.</p><p>He was distracted, and didn’t notice that he’d spaced out until he was alerted by voices in his face. Kyle regained himself, apologising to the people in front of him, and wondering when they’d gotten there. He didn’t even notice them come in. Was he that mindless?</p><p>‘’Oh, hey, sorry. I’m Dr Broflovski,’’ Kyle said, shaking the doctor’s hand awkwardly. The doctor was not the Amazonian princess Kyle imagined, more like a middle aged man with greying hair and a thick jawline, his face obviously redone and pulled back like a much younger version of himself.</p><p>‘’I’m Dr Carter, I’ll be your supervisor for this assignment. And this is Mr Marsh. He’ll be acting as my assistant and nurse,’’ Dr Carter moved aside, referring to a young man standing behind him. Mr Marsh stood forward, shaking Kyle’s hand with a smile. Kyle stuttered in breath, his hands suddenly shaky. He looked at Mr Marsh, he was a devilishly handsome dude with parted black hair, his bangs swaying lightly over his forehead. Kyle moved his sight up to his eyes, shocked that they were so blue, like pure ocean. Or blueberry jello. Stan kept smiling, and Kyle kept staring, as his eyes finally scraped down Mr Marsh’s body. Tall hunk of decent muscle, towering above Kyle though. He, weirdly, wasn’t intimidated by his sheer height against him. He was flustered by his height, aroused even. If that was possible. Marsh was an assistant, and intern at best. Kyle was leading on to become a therapist, to achieve great things. Maybe he wasn’t threatened because he knew inside that he was better anyway.</p><p>‘’The patient should be arriving in an hour. This will give you time to review the task and get to know the place. Dr Sylvester informed me that you’re not familiar with the layout of the hospital. I suggest Mr Marsh show you around when you get a chance,’’ Dr Carter said, sifting back through his paperwork. Kyle nodded, feeling uneasy about that for some reason. He dismissed it, giving his new supervisor a smile.</p><p>‘’Thank you. I’ll be sure to get equipped with this place at the shortest opportunity,’’ Kyle said professionally, rehearsed. He may have been more nervous than he let on, and practised what he’d say beforehand.</p><p>‘’Well, good. I’ll leave you with assistant Marsh,’’ Dr Carter said, promptly leaving again. Kyle watched him go, then turned to Mr Marsh, who smiled at him.</p><p>‘’Hi, I’m Stan,’’ Stan said. Kyle nodded.</p><p>‘’Yeah,’’ Kyle said breathily, nodding his head again, shaking his hand again. Stan gave him an odd look, but shook his hand regardless. Kyle regained his mind after that embarrassing moment, burning red.</p><p>‘’Oh, shit. Sorry, I mean, I’m Kyle,’’ Kyle said. Stan smiled again, Kyle blushed harder.</p><p>‘’No worries. So have you been given the brief on the patient?’’ Stan asked.</p><p>‘’Uh, yeah, yeah I have,’’ Kyle said quickly, averting his eyes away from him. What the fuck was he doing?</p><p>‘’Well, good. You said you weren’t used to the layout of this hospital, right?’’ Stan asked. Why couldn’t Kyle do anything but nod?</p><p>‘’Why don’t I show you the basic layout, as a start. Eventually you’ll find your way around,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Sure, as long as it doesn’t last more than an hour. I’ll need to prepare before they arrive,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Naturally. Don’t worry, we’ll be quick,’’ Stan said, leading Kyle out the door of the room. Kyle couldn’t help think about double entendres of that statement, then felt horrified by himself. This was his co-worker now, and he wasn’t interested anyway. No way.</p><p>Maybe a little.</p><p>Kyle followed Stan through the hospital, nodding along as he introduced the parts he should be associating with his life for the next eight weeks. Staff cafeteria, the local medical supply closets, lounge areas for the night workers, meeting rooms. Kyle felt neutral about everything, slightly glum, because although these areas looked clean and sterilised, he could only imagine the germs festering in every crevice of the hospital building. He didn’t let on though, not wanting Stan to think he didn’t appreciate the tour. Stan was being very sweet and friendly, looking over his shoulder a lot to make sure Kyle was keeping up, and smiling when he did. Kyle was a flustered mess.</p><p>‘’So you work for a private place?’’ Stan asked as they walked through the halls back to the room.</p><p>‘’Yeah, I’m a junior working for a psychologist that comes up here sometimes,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’That’s lucky. It sounds nice to be in a small ward working like that. I’m a medical intern, but I don’t really get to meet many people. The hospital is too big to make many friends,’’ Stan said.</p><p>‘’Well you seem friendly enough. Can I assume that everyone who works here is just a dick, if they haven’t even seen how nice you are,’’ Kyle said foolishly. Stan grinned, and shrugged.</p><p>‘’Everyone’s nice, if a bit stern and serious. I like treating patients with a bit more fun, since they’re sick and all. I wouldn’t want some old dude with a scowl treating me, say if I had a disease or something,’’ Stan said. Kyle smiled, smitten by that answer.</p><p>‘’Yeah, me too. I was one of them, when I was young, so I know how it feels,’’ Kyle said, not meaning to have shared that. He just felt like telling everything about himself to Stan, who was listening and smiling attentively. Shit, what the fuck was going on. He was a professional, dammit!</p><p>As if saved by the bell, the head doctor of the task came back into the room, advising them to be ready, for the patient to arrive. Kyle stood at attention ready for this. He glanced at Stan, who smiled back at him warmly.  `</p><p>Yeah, he was ready.</p><p>**</p><p>Working alongside Stan had its fair share of advantages and disadvantages. On the upside, Stan was a proficient nurse, and he was very helpful, not to mention a nice converser. On the downside, Kyle was distracted and flustered all the time, and it affected his work in a way that infuriated him. His expertise was not being held at the highest standard he expected of himself, and it made him angry. Stan made him horny, and that made him angrier. He felt like a bursting time bomb, likely to explode at any moment if something wrong happened, and everyday it got worse. He knew Stan could tell, had been around him for about two weeks, enough to decipher when Kyle was upset, and when to just leave him be. Kyle was impressed, but Stan was just an impressive person, and he needed to stop being enamoured by that, for his job’s sake.</p><p>Every day, Kyle had to fill out a set of forms, recording his finds in a log, for his boss to review when he finished the task in a few weeks. He was doing this of an afternoon, when their patient was taking a nap, at the staff desk in the entrance of the care unit. He was scrolling through his papers when he felt eyes on him. Kyle’s face heated, but he ignored it and continued on. Stan stared at him a lot, but it was a kind of blank, vacant stare that could mean anything, and Kyle didn’t acknowledge it most of the time anyway. He figured it was just a weird habit, like most people. Kyle chewed his nails, a nervous tick he’d had since high school.</p><p>He glanced up after a while, and Stan was writing in his own log book across from him on the other end of the high bench of the desk. Kyle found himself unable to look away, taking in Stan’s dimensions, and blushing, pleased about them. Thinking this, he finally did look away, but he couldn’t concentrate on his paperwork, and reread the same words without taking anything in.</p><p>“Did you hear about Sampson’s family?” Stan spoke up. Sampson was the last name the staff referred to with this patient, as was the system with all patients.</p><p>“Huh? No,” Kyle said, darting a glance at Stan. He was still focused on his own paperwork.</p><p>‘’I heard that they want to take him out of the care unit and take care of him themselves. They believe in holistic medicine,” Stan said. Kyle raised his eyebrows.</p><p>‘’Well that’s bullshit,’’ Kyle said. Kyle looked up in embarrassment when Stan laughed. ‘’Oh, sorry, I know I should be professional. It’s just I never had a great experience in that kind of treatment,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Well, you’re not wrong. It is pretty dumb, I don’t have to be unbiased in my line of work,’’ Stan grinned, looking up at Kyle from his papers. Kyle smirked, taking a glance to his paperwork. He could do it later.</p><p>‘’You like being an intern?’’ Kyle asked, being a bit of a smartass, but he was curious too.</p><p>“Sure, I like helping out. It’s easier than being a doctor, and I don’t have to bear the burden of incorrectly diagnosing people, and stuff like that,” Stan said, shrugging.</p><p>“I don’t think I could handle doing all that meager care. I like to focus on the mind, rather than wiping people’s asses,’’ Kyle said. Stan laughed.</p><p>‘’You’re funny. Surely you know by now it’s not all wiping asses. There’s collecting blood, taking temperatures, recording vitals. Other meager shit like that,’’ Stan said. Kyle laughed, looking back at Stan. Stan was leaning against the table, facing Kyle with his arms crossed. It was a casual stance, he’d seen many people stand like that, but Kyle had never found it so hot before. He knew it was just Stan, and himself for liking it so much.</p><p>‘’Don’t forget about getting supplies from hardass doctors who don’t remember your name,’’ Kyle said, grinning along with him.</p><p>‘’Ha, yeah, I’m guessing you have experience with that,’’ Stan said. Kyle guffawed, because, yes he did.</p><p>‘’I’ve been working as an intern of the therapist world for like three years now, and I’ll probably need another five to become one. Such is my sad life of working,’’ Kyle said.</p><p> </p><p>‘’So I’m guessing you don’t get out and socialise in town much,’’ Stan surmised. Kyle went red, he wasn’t ashamed of his lack of friends or a social life, but Stan seemed like the kind of guy who did that stuff, and he wanted to impress him.</p><p>‘’Not really. I’m busy working all the time,’’ Kyle said. Stan nodded.</p><p>‘’You should go to this bar in town, they’ve got awesome food,’’ Stan suggested.</p><p>‘’I wouldn’t just go by myself, as hard as it is to believe that I just go to bars to eat,’’ Kyle said, rolling his eyes at himself. Stan smiled.</p><p>‘’Just an idea, but you could go with me, if your ideals don’t go against eating out with a co-worker,’’ Stan said. Kyle grinned, his face red, in delight this time.</p><p>‘’I’m free after my shift,’’ Kyle offered.</p><p>‘’Perfect, we’ll go then,’’ Stan smiled. Kyle’s heart accelerated, and he nodded in agreement. He tried not to think of it as anything but having dinner after a shift, not a date. It was not a date. If he knew that from the start, it would be fine. He was fine, it was not a date. Kyle glanced back down at his work, and suddenly didn’t want to do it at all.</p><p>“Marsh, we need more towels for the shower rooms,” A nurse called, coming up to the desk where they currently stood.</p><p>‘’How many do they need?’’ Stan asked, turning his gaze to the nurse. Kyle kept staring at him.</p><p>‘’At least a dozen. They need them there by four,’’ The nurse said. Stan nodded, and the nurse walked away from them back down the hall. He turned back to Kyle with a sheepish look.</p><p>‘’I guess I should go get that over with,’’ Stan said with an apologetic smile.</p><p>‘’I’ll come with, you could use another pair of hands to carry them,’’ Kyle offered, desperate to stay near him. Stan smiled.</p><p>‘’Thanks.’’</p><p>**</p><p>They walked through the hospital hallways to the supply room, passing other nurses and doctors, Stan saying hello to the ones who cared, and Kyle nodding along, not knowing anyone but the doctors from his assignment, and they were all middle aged grumps who didn’t care for banter.</p><p>‘’So were you thinking of being a therapist for the hospital, or running your own ward?’’ Stan asked as they walked, his hands in his pant pockets.</p><p>‘’I think I’d die If I had to be surrounded by these germs and sick patients all day,’’ Kyle admitted.</p><p>‘’Aww, do you hate us that much?’’ Stan teased. Kyle gave Stan an irritable, but fond look.</p><p>‘’It’s not the staff that bothers me. It’s every grimy, infested surface of this sickness box,’’ Kyle said, wrinkling his nose. Stan laughed.</p><p>‘’Why work in a career that focuses in that area, if you hate germs so much?’’ Stan asked.</p><p>‘’I was a sickly kid growing up. If you name a disease, chances are I’ve had it. I just wanted to give people a healthier state of mind than I had at that point, and I find there can never be too many therapists, since we’re all fucked up inside,’’ Kyle explained. Stan was silent, and when Kyle turned to him, he was smiling.</p><p>‘’What?’’ Kyle asked, a grin poised at the corner of his lips.</p><p>“Nothing, I just wish I could’ve seen you as a kid. I bet you were adorable,’’ Stan said. Kyle scowled, not appreciating being called adorable. Cuteness didn’t really emulate hotness, and Kyle wanted that, wanted Stan think of him as someone he wanted to fuck, not a stuffed bear to cuddle at a ten year old’s tea party.</p><p>‘’Whatever,’’ Kyle said, shrugging off his unintentionally cruel sentiment. Stan kept smiling, annoyingly, seeming to be amused by Kyle’s growing irritation. Kyle didn’t talk again until they made it to the supply room.</p><p>The room was large, filled with shelves with essential supplies, equipment, and stock. It was dark in the room, not very well lit form the shitty overhead lights that looked in need of renovation. Kyle followed Stan into the room, closing the door behind them, as per instruction of entry. Something to do with maintaining correct room temperature, Kyle didn’t read the sign properly. They headed around to the back of the room, where a wall of sterilised, white towels were stored.</p><p>‘’Wouldn’t it be easier if we got a trolley to transport the towels?’’ Kyle wondered, glancing at them and considering the risk two of them sharing the load of a dozen towels to the showers without catastrophe.</p><p>‘’Oh, right. That makes sense,’’ Stan said, walking over to the middle of the room to retrieve a trolley.</p><p>Kyle picked up some of the towels, hoisting them in his arms, and leaning down to dump them into the trolley when Stan returned. He glanced back up at Stan, still bent downwards, and blushed when he saw Stan’s face close to his own, leaning down against the basket trolley. He stared, finding Stan’s eyes unblinking straight at him, blue sparkles in the dense light of the supply room. It felt like an eternity, just staring at each other, trying to find something in each other’s eyes. Kyle could feel Stan’s breath, heavy on his top lip, and his own hitched from it. He didn’t realise what was happening, but his heart was a good indicator that it would most certainly explode his ribs right out of his chest. His fingertips were numb, and only realised why when he tensed them, and looked down. They were white, gripping the handles of the trolley tightly.</p><p>And before he looked back up, he felt lips hot against his own, just light of touching, his breath even hotter on Kyle’s upper lip. Kyle let out a stuttered breath of his own, feeling his legs wobble, and Stan leaned in fully, pressing his lips to Kyle’s. Kyle widened his eyes, but didn’t push away when Stan leaned in further still, then pull the trolley away from between them and move closer. He grabbed Kyle’s face with a cruel softness, and opened his mouth, licking into Kyle slowly. Kyle opened his lips with a suppressed gasp, and Stan licked into him, pushing him backwards as he kissed harder. Kyle stood up straight, pulling Stan up with him, and backing himself up against the storage shelf. He heard a clatter, something fell from behind them, but he didn’t care, just kept diving his tongue further into Stan’s mouth, holding his face, pulling him closer, whatever he could get. Stan grabbed his waist, squeezing him tightly and he closed the distance on their bodies.</p><p>They kissed against the storage shelf, Stan coursing his hands down Kyle’s body, while Kyle moaned into Stan’s mouth, holding him as close as he could get. The last thing on his mind was work, so it didn’t occur to them that this was probably the worst place to do anything, but then again. It was a dark, mostly deserted supply closet, one of the smaller ones of the hospital, just for quick pick ups of materials in a hurry. Hence why they came here. Did Stan lead Kyle here to do this on purpose? As if Stan could read Kyle’s thoughts, he broke away from Kyle’s lips with a gasp, still feeling him, getting dangerously close to Kyle’s throbbing erection that was certainly showing through his scrubs.</p><p>‘’Ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to just do it like this. I would’ve taken you out to dinner first or something,’’ Stan said, his eyes looking worried, his lips fat and red.</p><p>‘’So we’re doing things a little out of order, it’s okay,’’ Kyle said, distracted by Stan’s face, not really cognizant. He was gripping Stan’s shoulders, keeping him still, either at the risk of him moving closer, or moving away.</p><p>‘’I don’t usually do this kind of thing, I swear,’’ Stan said, looking serious. Kyle believed him, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to do it now, especially when he felt Stan’s own bulge brush against his, sending a curious jolt through his body.</p><p>‘’You mean with guys, or making out in a hospital supply closest while on shift?’’ Kyle asked, smiling in his eyes. Stan laughed under his breath, which was hot on Kyle’s lip.</p><p>‘’Supply closet. No, I’m usually good with intern therapists, I don’t break unless they directly screw up my self-control by virtue of being close, which you’ve done, big time,’’ Stan said. Kyle grinned, lingering closer to his lips again.</p><p>‘’So this is you breaking? So bad of you. I could write you up right now for disorderly conduct,’’ Kyle said, taunting him now, mostly to get pinned again. Stan smirked, licking his bottom lip, making Kyle stare.</p><p>‘’Or…’’ Stan said, leaning in close to Kyle’s ear, his hot breath making Kyle shiver.</p><p>‘<em>’I could fuck you right here, in this supply closet, until your screaming for it</em>,’’ Stan whispered, brushing his lips against Kyle’s ear. Kyle suppressed a nervous laugh that would’ve spoiled the moment, instead just breathing out, and regulating his heartbeat. Usually he was better than this, but Stan was making him a flustered mess, and all of his self-control was pouring out of him like a sweat, making him incapable of doing more than licking a wide swath up Stan’s neck, and holding him tighter, nodding, thereby giving his permission.</p><p>The supply closet was a surprisingly handy location, since all forms of lubrication could be located without struggle. They merely had to grab it from the shelf, some special hand cream for patients that used a cream base instead of disintegrating gel, and made an adequate substitute for Stan to slick over his cock and enter Kyle’s ass. Kyle was facing the shelf, gripping it in fists as he hissed at the initial intrusion of Stan’s overwhelmingly large dick, both in length and girth. To Kyle’s pleasure. Stan held his hips reverently, cruelly softly, given the intense pleasurable burn of his ass as Stan pushed into him, slowly, making him bite his bottom lip to stop a whimper escaping his person.</p><p>It had never been like this before, both in the sense of the slightly embarrassing location, and the feeling Kyle experienced as Stan fully intruded his walls, filling him entirely. Kyle stuttered in breath, adjusting to the feeling as Stan leaned down over him, licking and kissing his neck, whispering how good he felt. Kyle bounced with laughter, delirious that this was happening, right now, and here of all places.</p><p>‘’Did you ask me to dinner hoping for this?’’ Kyle asked, halfway between wanting to remain professional and wanting to throw himself onto Stan’s cock like it was his death wish.</p><p>‘’Maybe. But I wanted to get to know you too. We barely talk at work, other than obvious medical shit,’’ Stan said, moving his hips slightly. Kyle sighed at the movement, adjusting inside him like this horrible itch that was finally getting scratched to his great relief.</p><p>‘’I like to remain professional,’’ Kyle said, flushing when he considered his current position, which would be classified as the absolute opposite. Then he decided he didn’t care. He pushed his hips back, letting Stan know he could destroy him now, if he pleased. Stan thusly did so, and the first thrust made Kyle shout.</p><p>‘’Oh fuck,’’ Kyle moaned wetly, holding his head in the crook of his arm, a pleasant shock coursing down his arms and into his fingertips, like a firework sparkler that made popping noises. It was an odd thing to think about, but he didn’t berate himself when it happened again and felt exactly like that, in the greatest way possible.</p><p>Stan tightened his grip on Kyle’s hips as he went harder, and deeper. In a purely delirious way, Kyle thought of the Daft punk song while Stan fucked him; Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. The words felt so sculpted for this act, that he could only chant them to himself, moaning in appreciation when Stan seemed to read his mind and do exactly what he wanted, ironically making him weaker when he brushed over his prostate, and Kyle’s knees gave out. Stan held him up, both of their scrubs pants pushed down, connecting with that spot again, again, again, oh fucking hell, <em>yes</em>.</p><p>Kyle was babbling nonsense as he came all over the shelves in front of him, without having touched his dick at all yet. Kyle cried out again, as Stan pounded him deeper, enough that it felt like his back would snap from how much he was arching for his dick, just getting the right places and knowing exactly what to do. It’s been so fucking long, and Kyle’s never had it this good, he could barely handle how good Stan was.</p><p>‘’You’ll get someone in here if you keeping making noise,’’ Stan warned against the back of his neck, the feeling of the words making him shiver.</p><p>‘’Just gag me or something. Oh god, you asshole, why are you so perfect, <em>ahh</em>,’’ Kyle babbled, thrusting his hips back, getting his mouth covered by Stan’s hand. Kyle just grabbed it and started sucking his fingers, knowing they would be clean. Stan worked in a hospital. It was one of Kyle’s favourite things about the miserable place, hand hygiene was excessive and mandatory, and very much appreciated by him, if only for the opportunity to suck co-workers fingers in a lousy attempt to not scream their name as they pounded their ass in a supply closet.</p><p>Soon enough, they both started losing control, their movements more erratic and uncontrolled. Stan was drooling around Kyle’s neck, spasming his hips in a way that Kyle was struggling not to cry out from the feeling inside him. Stan was so fucking deep, Kyle was sweating and drooling around his fingers, trying to keep his focus, and just losing his mind. Stan ended up being the one to cry out when he came inside Kyle, making a noise that would be totally hilarious if Kyle wasn’t about to explode from it. His whole body was jittering badly, trying desperately to hold itself up, and mostly failing. He held on to the shelves for support, and Stan took deeps breaths, holding him close from behind as he pulled out. Kyle was too out of it to feel hurt at the gritting feeling of his massive dick leaving him, when usually he would grit his teeth and loathe that part, he just hummed and held Stan’s arms around him, so well-fucked that he couldn’t do more than that, even if it didn’t properly convey a bumbling love confession like they’d just survived tumbling off a cliff together, and the experience left Kyle wanting more, the other side of it, anything Stan was willing to give.</p><p>‘’Shit,’’ Kyle said softly, turning himself around to face Stan. They kissed before they properly regained their breath. Kyle knew he looked like a mess, his hair was probably so screwed that nothing in this supply closet could fix it. He just hoped people wouldn’t assume anything devious about it, even if the truth couldn’t be more devious if they fucked on top of a patients bed while they were showering or something. That was just stupid though, he would never have agreed to anything unless he knew their location wasn’t destined to be discovered. This closet was mostly unused.</p><p>‘’We should probably come out of the closet now,’’ Stan said, trying to neaten Kyle’s hair anyway.</p><p>‘’I did that when I was 16,’’ Kyle said.</p><p>‘’Really? Me too. But no, I meant this closet, right now,’’ Stan said with a grin.</p><p>‘’Right, I’m slow today,’’ Kyle said, rolling his eyes. They pulled their pants back up, and Kyle could feel the throbbing sting in his ass from being fucked so hard as he bent down.</p><p>‘’I’m not gonna be able to sit down for the rest of the day,’’ Kyle said, feigning complaint. It was a proud sting, like a badge of sorts where he could say to himself that a hot nurse wanted him enough that he risked fucking him in a hospital supply room. Though it would make driving home annoying. Though actually, Stan wanted to try that bar, so maybe he wouldn’t be going home tonight. He felt more hopeful of that idea now than an hour ago.</p><p>‘’Sorry,’’ Stan said, so genuinely that Kyle had to kiss him again to make up for it.</p><p>‘’We should get going,’’ Kyle suggested, looking around for other evidence of what they did. He reddened when he saw his come all over the supplies on the shelf he was up against.</p><p>‘’Crap, I need paper towels or something,’’ Kyle said, fretting until he realised where he was. He scouted around the room, finding a fresh roll of paper towels, like it was waiting for him. After mopping that mess up, he was certain they had no trace of themselves left.</p><p>‘’Alright, let’s go,’’ Kyle said. Stan followed him to the door, and they subtly exited with red faces, as though passer-by’s could guess their game as soon as they saw Kyle’s guilty, slightly smug face. No such thing happened, no one gave a crap as they left, walking back to the work stations to finish up their shifts. It was only halfway there that Kyle stopped, realising something. He held Stan’s chest, stopping him from walking further, and Stan turned to him with confusion.</p><p>‘’Fuck, we forgot the towels,’’ Kyle realised, widening his eyes at Stan.</p><p>‘’Shit, that’s why we were there,’’ Stan said, holding the bridge of his nose and chuckling under his breath.</p><p>‘’Let’s just finish quickly, we’ll be out of there in a few minutes,’’ Kyle suggested. They hurried back to the supply room, speeding past other doctors and nurses with embarrassment, trying to play it off casually. Kyle was kicking himself internally, all that time in there and they didn’t even finish the task that could’ve been completed half an hour ago. He just hoped the boss didn’t care enough to fire their asses over it.</p><p>They only used the closet for it’s intended use that time, packing the towels into the trolley quickly and hastily, and strolling it out, heading towards the showers.</p><p>‘’I’ll go deliver them, you should get back to work. Hopefully only one of us gets in trouble,’’ Stan offered.</p><p>‘’Will you be okay?’’ Kyle asked, worried about Stan’s job. Stan waved him off.</p><p>‘’I’m a medical intern, we get in trouble, we’re late all the time. They don’t fire us unless it’s really bad,’’ Stan said. Kyle was still unconvinced, but Stan was already leaving to deliver them, and there’s nothing Kyle could’ve done showing up with him. It wasn’t his job, he would’ve just gotten in trouble for it in the end.</p><p>Kyle headed back to the main desk of the ward, where his paperwork was waiting to be completed, and an annoyed looking Dr Carter glaring at him. Kyle sighed, put on his best poker face, and ignored the come leaking out his ass.</p><p>After a condescending scold from the Dr Carter for being late for his duties, Kyle spent the rest of his shift catching up on his work. He didn’t see Stan for the rest of the day, but he was busy, and assumed Stan was busy too, and didn’t worry about it anymore than time permitted.</p><p>Kyle was tired by the end of his shift, at five thirty, and he collected his jacket, wallet and keys from the staff lounge, ready to get out of this place. He was checking his phone for notices, when he shut his locker, he was confronted with Stan leaning against the lockers facing him with a grin. Kyle smirked down at his phone, not yet acknowledging his presence.</p><p>‘’Hello there, stranger. You do remember our prior arrangement?’’ Stan asked, crossing his arms.</p><p>‘’I thought you got your free fuck out of me already. The next one costs extra,’’ Kyle said, still looking down at his phone, playing it cool, despite a part of him wanting to jump on Stan and kiss his smug face right off. Stan chuckled, flicking a curl from Kyle’s forehead.</p><p>‘’Lucky for you I’m buying then. I figure it’s fair, since I suggested the place, and you let me have your ass earlier,’’ Stan said, as though those things were casual. Kyle finally looked up, raising his eyebrows at him. Stan was grinning, holding his own coat over his shoulder.</p><p>‘’You say that as though your huge cock wasn’t the gift of Moses to me,’’ Kyle said. Stan laughed, his eyes lighting up. ‘’Oh yeah, I didn’t tell you before, I’m Jewish,’’ Kyle added, frowning at that for it not coming up earlier.</p><p>‘’Cool. My parents raised me catholic, but I’m pretty agnostic for most things,’’ Stan said, shrugging. Kyle smiled, charmed by that.</p><p>‘’Why not, we’ll make it two for two,’’ Kyle said, deciding fuck it. Stan stole everything else, he may as well have his heart too. Kyle walked forward, bumping Stan’s shoulder as he passed him, telling him to follow along. Stan did so automatically, closer than usual as they walked out of the staff lounge and to the exit of the hospital. Once they were out of the hospital, heading towards the carpark, Stan took Kyle’s hand, and held it as they walked. Kyle blushed, smiling at Stan, and giddy now, for whatever next was to come.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I actually wanna know what you people want from me.</p><p>God knows I have no idea :)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Follow me for more crack:<br/><a href="https://www.instagram.com/lozislaw/">Instagram</a><br/>or<br/><a href="https://lozislaw.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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